A numbness that consumed him, frozen even the blood in his veins covered him from head to toe. He could hear the low hiss of pressure being released from a hose as the lights came on in his chamber. The thick Russian accents of the voices outside were a reminder he was about to become their weapon again. The familiar pain of his rebirth started as a searing flesh burning agony and ended with the dull pain of the too bright lights in his eyes.

"Hello, asset," the voiced called out to him and he did his best to focus on it. He was soon taken from the chamber to the chair that was his torture. "Time to prep him." Those words sent a real fear through him that made his heart beat harder and his breaths to come quickly.

"Bucky…" the voice calling out to him now was softer, with a gentleness to it.

He woke from his nightmare with Kara standing on the other side of the room, his t-shirt hanging over her small frame and her green eyes rimmed with concern. "Come here," he raised his metal hand, motioning for her to join him back in the bed.

"Are you sure?" she asked as her feet moved slowly towards him. Bucky's heart began to race again, only this time it wasn't because of a nightmare, but a waking fear that he had harmed her again.

He scooted up in the bed, his eyes scanning her body for any signs of physical harm. "What did I do?"

She sat on the edge of the bed, letting her palm glide into the cool vibranium of his. Kara was precocious and after the last PTSD event Bucky experienced she was leery. There was a doubt in her eyes that make his heart sore. He hoped to never see that look again and the memory of his hands around her throat sent a cold chill down his spine.

"You woke me thrashing in your sleep and I knew what it was. I'm sorry…" her hands covered her mouth as if she was about to be sick and Bucky lowered his eyes from her face. Her hand went to his chin, lifting his face back up. With a tenderness, she kissed him and tried to wipe away all his self-loathing.

"If I ever hurt you… again, I'd never forgive myself," Bucky kissed her back, letting his arm wrap around her waist loosely.

"I want to take all your pain, all your fears and push all your demons away. I'm so sorry you have to face them when you close your eyes. I know how hard you fight to keep them at bay. The serum made you a stronger man, but it didn't heal all your wounds. The things they did to you to make you their puppet left scars that go so deep, I'm not sure I'm enough to help you heal them," Kara slipped down in the bed with him, her body snuggling into his arms.

Bucky rested his chin on the top of her head, hearing her words resonate in his head. He knew exactly what she meant about not being enough. He needed those that loved him, around him to push the darkness from his heart if he stood a chance of surviving this. James Barnes was a distant memory and the Winter Solider was a nightmare he had to face, but this man that lay here with this beauty was something new. Part of him was James with he was with Kara. She made him feel good and right, like all the brutally of his life never happened. The Russian assassin looked back at him when his demons clutched him in his sleep, that man not really a man at all. Those two halves of him had mingled into a new being that had one purpose, to have a real life. He wanted that so badly, a real life were Kara and Steve didn't have to take chances or put their lives in danger to be by his side.

They lay there until the warm glow of the sunrise filled the small bedroom. Kara lifted her eyes to him, the green orbs nearly smiling. "Stay here," she said as the smile spread across her lips and she bound from the bed. Bucky sat up, watching her as the giddiness that surrounded her outshined the sun.

"Kara… what are you doing?" his curiosity was getting the better of him as he grabbed his pants from the floor. He could hear her in the living room, tossing through her duffle as she mumbled under her breath. She was never as sexy to him as when she tried so hard to hold back a curse word and fail at it miserably. The sounds from the living room got quiet as he pulled his pants on and tossed on his button up shirt that was hanging on the bed post.

With her surprise in her hand, Kara returned to the bedroom and was struck dumb upon the sight of Bucky with his shirt hanging open and his pants barley zipped up. As beautiful as he was completely naked, there was just something alluring and downright yummy half dressed. He looked like a present that was open just enough to give you a peek at the prize inside. "I want to share something with you."

She took his flesh hand and lead him over to the bed. He sat down, letting her kneel down in front of him. As he stared back into her angelic face, he never wanted this moment to end. "Does this something require less clothing?"

Kara swatted his thigh, feeling the blush rush across her cheeks. She had thought about having her way with him first. His current state of dress wasn't making those carnal thought easy to push away, but she had something a little more pressing in mind first. "I'm going to tell you a story and I want you to listen."

Bucky offered her his hand and she took it, sitting on the bed beside him. His cool blue eyes held her gaze like a lover's embrace and her heart sighed in contentment. "I'm all yours," he whispered to her as he kissed her cheek and rested his hand on her knee. He had this insatiable need to touch her, all the time. If he wasn't touching her, it was like he wasn't whole.

"My visions were a bit much to take at first. I don't blame you… I never have, but I was only ten. If not for my journal, I'm not sure I could have accepted and understood them like I do. This book isn't just a bunch of gibberish or drabble, it's my life… your life… the things Hydra took from you and what they will never take again, because I won't let you ever forget. But I can see how hard you fight with that demon that devours your happy memories in your sleep and I can't stand how numb he leaves you. Write it down, get it out. All of it, Bucky. Don't ever live in fear of that monster taking away from you what we have, what you and Steve have or all those things that make you… you. I haven't written in my journal in so long and I think that's because I have you now. You fill the hole in me that writing in the journal used to fill. You can read it if you want, but I need you to write in it," Kara pressed her journal in his hand, letting Bucky have a glimpse into her mind.

"No. This is your journal and you should keep it and you should still write in it. I'll get some notebooks to write in, that's just more my style. This is a good idea, Kara and you're right. I don't ever want to forget again and if someday you're not there to remind me," he closed his eyes, praying that day never came. Somewhere deep in heart he felt this thing with Kara, while beautiful, would never last. Things of beauty often tarnished in his touch, crumbled under his clutch and he feared that would be Kara's fate. So, when that day came and the monster took his memories again, he'd have these scribbled pages to lead him back to the man Kara made him.

Kara's lips were on his in a flash. She needed to silence his words, to calm that turmoil in his heart and bring him back to a place where their happily ever after existed. "Yes, you needed something that is all your own, but there will never be a day I won't be yours."

They lay in the bed, holding each other, kissing each other until hunger got the best of them. Bucky whipped up some scrambled eggs and bacon while Kara rifled through the desk in the living room until she found a notebook. The red cover and wire binding had seen better days and a few pages had been ripped from it, but this would be a good start for Bucky. She opened the notebook and tucked a pen in the spiral binding as she sat down to eat. "You can multitask… right?"

"Multitask?" Bucky cocked his head sideways at her as he took a bite of bacon. "You want me to write over breakfast? Where do I start?"

Kara placed the last of the bacon in his plate before pouring them both a cup of coffee. "From the beginning. What do you remember about growing up with Steve?"

~~OO~~

It had been a week since Kara had given Bucky the notebook and true to her word, she went into town and bought him several more. Each notebook was color coded for his memories and each one held a pen just in case he couldn't find one. He had been writing at all hours of the day and night, jotting down all the memories as they came to him. He stored his memories in the black backpack Kara had brought with them, along with her own journal. She had begun writing again herself, mostly writing down her hopes for the man she loved. The vision of Steve with bloody hands and tears in his eyes still haunted her and she couldn't seem to shake it. As in the past, she wrote it all down in hopes of finding some answers.

Late one evening as she sat in the small living room, reading her journal, she looked up to see Bucky had fallen asleep on the couch with his journal on his chest. The pen rested just on the edge of his perfect lips as he slumbered so peacefully. She laid her journal on the side table and inched her way over to him. Picking up the notebook gently, she retrieved it and the pen and pulled the throw over him. Kara was about to sit back down to write about this simple, sweet moment when she saw the words on the page Bucky had been scribbling on.

Kara. Green eyes. Hair as red the sky at sunset. A smile so bright it outshines the stars. Her love saved me. Saves me. Kara Bennett and Jenny Bennett are sisters. Jenny is a friend and she works for Stark. Don't forget you have friends and people that care. They care. You love Kara. She gives you a purpose. She gives you hope. She is your hope. Kara and Steve are your hope.

When the tears began to fall, Kara tucked the notebook into his backpack on the floor and picked up her journal. With Bucky's pen, she wrote just five little words.

Someday you will marry Bucky.

It was more of a wish than a declaration, but there was a real hope in those words. It would be her mantra to get her through the days. Even if the government found them, she would hold to this believe that all the bad Bucky had done as a Hydra assassin would be put in check by all the good he has and would continue to do. She was about to turn the lights off for the night and wake Bucky for bed when she heard a knock on the door.

Bucky sprang up from the couch, his body in a defense stand. He took the handgun from the side table and watched as Kara pulled the curtain back from the door window. "It's the little old woman from down the hill."

"What does she want?" Bucky didn't look too happy for the interruption from their neighbor. Bucky's training told him something was off; he could feel it in his gut.

"Hello," Kara said as she opened the door, the little woman about a foot shorter than her. The elderly woman gave her a brief smile before she began to point a shaky finger at her house.

"Can you help me? My dog darted out of the house and I can't find him. He's all I have… please," Kara looked back at Bucky who was studying the old woman, his eyes nearly squinting.

"Okay. I'm… Ginger and this is my husband John. What' your dog's name?" Kara slipped on her sneakers as she tossed on Bucky's jacket. He slowly shook his head at her, wanting her to stay put in the cabin. She furrowed her eyebrows, wondering what harm there could be with helping a little old lady find her dog.

"Thank you. I'm Unis and my dog is Butch. He was a gift from my granddaughter. I think he's in the woods behind my house," Unis turned back towards the pathway down the hill, walking slowly off as Kara tried to plead with Bucky to come.

Bucky gritted his teeth and tuck the handgun in the back of his jeans. They had been at Clint's place without anyone bothering them and now, they have a neighbor at their door. The government was looking for them, Steve was looking for them and those that he had wronged as The Winter Soldier was looking for them. Who's to say the neighbor wasn't some decoy to lure them out in the open. All his mistrust was well placed; he'd been burned before in the past. He didn't want Kara to get burned this time, for her trust and big heart to be crushed. "Kar… Ginger, wait."

Kara gave him a wink as she giggled at him calling her Ginger. "What is it?"

"Are you sure about this?" he took her hand, doing his best to keep the metal hand in his jean pocket. Unis gave him a smile as she led them down the path to a gazebo at the back of her house. A pillow and blanket with the name Butch embroidered on them rested inside as well as a dog bowl. Kara picked up a chew toy resting on the steps, giving Bucky a smirk.

"Unis, can you get us a picture of your dog so we'll know him when we see him?" Kara rubbed the little woman's back, trying to give her comfort. Bucky still didn't like it; he just couldn't shake that something was off.

They walked around the back of the property, looking for any sign of the dog. Unis came back out with the picture as daylight was beginning to fade. They only have maybe thirty minutes of sunlight left before it would be pitch dark.

The dog was a midsize, full stock English bulldog what looked like he was very pampered. Bucky took the picture and began to follow a path that lead out towards the woods. Kara told Unis to go back inside and she'd be back if they found him. Unis gave her a quick hug and disappeared inside. Bucky saw something that seemed odd to him, so he followed it up the hill. There were drag marks in the dirt, as if something or someone had been drug off this way. He felt for the gun at his back when Kara yelled back to him she was going down to the lake. She tensed for a moment when she saw a shadow off in the distant.

"Buck?" she said to herself as she headed off towards the towering figure. Kara knew Bucky hadn't doubled back and got to the lake before her, but there was something in the way the man was standing.

"Who are you?" she yelled at the stranger and he turned with the missing dog in his arms. The dog looked like he'd gotten in a fight with a cat or another dog from the patches of missing fur. Kara reached for the dog, only to have the stranger pull away.

"So… this is where Barton sent you. He's not as smart as I thought he was," the man had his face concealed from him, his accent reminding her of the German teacher she had in high school.

Kara looked back behind her to find Bucky, but he was nowhere in sight. Why hadn't she stayed with him? Why had she let her curiosity get the better of her? If this was the government she'd find a way out of it, but if this was Hydra, she was screwed. She took a deep breath and steadied her knocking knees. "What?"

"Looks like you are the key to unlocking Sergeant Barnes. I know things. You know things. A chat between us is long overdue, Ms. Bennett," the man smiled at her as Kara walked backwards towards Unis's house.

"Who are you?" Kara asked again, feeling her heart fall to her stomach.

"You can call me… Zemo," a sickly feeling fell over Kara as the man sat the dog down and tossed a gray ball on the ground. A cloud of smoke plumped out, causing her eyes to sting and her lungs to burn. It only took a few seconds for the chemicals in the smoke to bombard her senses and knock her out.


Thanks for all the support