A/N: Hey Team!

Ye be warned for angry yet incredibly emotional CaptainHart sex. =D

Also, this is the longest chapter of this story! Could've split it, but the flow of the chapter would've sucked. Literally, I would've had to cut the smut in half and that would've been awks...

Thank you for the reviews guys! I love hearing your comments on my chapters. And I just got past a hundred which is more than I got for When One Day, but then again, this one is longer. I've taken some time, and decided what I want to do with this fic (ergo, I'm just going to write it how I initially planned because I simply cannot please everybody - but I'll try to in a roundabout sort of way =P).

And, my goodness, I'm going to die tomorrow. I cannot, for the life of me, wait for the mid-season final. Yet, at the same time, I don't want to see it. Because I don't want to say goodbye to Pan. =[

Anyway, enjoy this chapter! xx


Feel

Ella had taken to peeling Pan's clothes off of him since he wasn't exactly helping the situation along. But she didn't want his cuts getting infected, and with days of grime built up on him, it would happen very quickly if he didn't start taking care of himself. With his lack of movement and care, it was evident he was in no fit state to look after himself.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before," she scoffed as he tried to move back into the shadows once more. But that only seemed to make him retreat further into himself.

"Pan," Ella began in a clear voice. "I know you're regretting what you almost did the other night. But the fact is, you didn't. And you're here now, and I don't…" No. She couldn't admit to not hating him because it simply wasn't true. Part of her would always hate him, but at the moment, sympathy was overriding it. "Just let me help you because, quite plainly, you don't want to help yourself."

She pulled him off the hammock and began to undo his pants. There was nothing sexual about Pan's marred body as he slipped into the bath, hissing as the cold water met his cuts. The cuts across his body seemed worse today, even fresh, as though he'd dug his nails in once again. Ella snatched his hand out of the water and glanced at his nails which she began to scrub first.

She worked in silence to remove the blood and grime from Pan's body. Noticing as she did that majority of the nail marks were on his chest.

"What were you trying to get off?"

"The feelings."

But judging by the whereabouts of his injuries, he was tearing at something more than feelings. He was tearing at his heart; trying to get it out.

"Everyone has a heart Ella," Pan murmured before he hissed in pain, Ella touching the cuts on the back of his neck. "Some people just choose not to listen to it. Or forget that they have one. I didn't think…"

He took in a deep breath to both stifle the pain and calm himself before continuing, "I didn't think it would hurt so much. When I set you free, I kept acting like it wasn't affecting me. I kept going on like I had. And then I…"

He shut up again, the memories of last night still fresh in his mind. To Ella, it marked how much he had changed, that he would regret something he had no qualms doing many years ago. Ella reached out her other hand to his face and Pan flinched away from her, but she continued, placing her hand on his cheek and stroking it softly as her other continued to cleanse his wounds.

"You're changing Pan."

"Is that a good thing Ella?"

"Yes," she nodded softly, giving her hand a rest as she placed her forehead on his, not taking her eyes away from his tortured ones as she finished genuinely, "Yes it is."

xxx

Ella went back upstairs when she was done with Pan, passing Wendy on her way young girl stopped her and said, "I heard that Pan's on the ship. He…followed us here?"

"He did, Wendy." Ella looked at her apologetically. She looked really worried by that fact, and Ella said, "If you want, I'll stay with you tonight."

"You…aren't staying with Hook?"

"You're more important." Ella gave her a small smile, not letting on that she was avoiding the Captain at all costs. Going up on deck, she was glad that he wasn't there. Grabbing some food, she began to walk back downstairs to Pan, before a cough alerted her to Hook's presence. With a grimace, she turned around slowly. "Hello Hook."

"Is he still alive?"

"Yes."

"I guess it just disconcerts me that after spending last night in my bed, you'd then be bathing another man."

"It's just Pan, Hook."

"He still has a hold on you Hart," he said as he walked down to her level. "You still act like his slave even if you aren't."

"Just because I choose to help him-"

"You need to take control of your own life Hart. Be the soldier."

Ella eyed him curiously, "You really don't like that I'm anywhere near Pan do you?"

"Pan who also happens to be the only other person who's had you."

Ella's eyes narrowed at that, "Had me?" Poor choice of words there, Killian – and he knew it, frowning when he realised what he'd said. "Like I'm some kind of whore?" Ella almost laughed, "You know that's what he called me when he had me pinned that boatshed. What does that make you Killian?"

She didn't wait for his response before going back downstairs, fuming at the man. She knew that he was angry at her for helping Pan, but that didn't give him the right to act like he owned her. After all, Ella didn't go around shooting her mouth off at Hook because of his history with Tinkerbell.

Walking back into Pan's room, she saw him sitting absently on his hammock and handed him the bread asking, "Please eat it."

He hesitated before Ella groaned, "I'm really not in the mood Pan, so just fucking eat it."

He took a small bite, and another bite pretty soon after, soon almost half of the bun was gone.

Ella found it an opportune time to voice her feelings, or lack thereof, to someone. Pan was silently eating, and she needed to vent, even if what she vented wasn't something she'd ever said aloud to anyone except the Echo Caves. She felt a similarity between her and Pan at that moment...even though they were worlds apart. Him realising he had a heart...and Ella questioning her own...

"Why can't I feel, Pan?" she asked suddenly. "I want to feel."

"That's not my fault," Pan answered quietly after a moment's silence, "At least not in the magical sense. But I've done so much damage to you…I don't understand how you could still be here. I understand that it might have..."

"I just need to get it all out of my system Pan," she vented in frustration. "You…Hook…I need to move on with my life. You guys need to move on with your lives." She didn't want it drawn out anymore.

"That would be best." Pan didn't look at her when he muttered that.

With a sigh, Ella stood up and opened the door, turning back as she did and saying, "Please don't hurt yourself again. I don't want you to."

And he nodded almost imperceptibly as she closed the door and left. She heard Wendy's gently snoring which signified her sleep, before heading back to Hook's cabin which was thankfully empty. She rid herself of her weapons, dress and shoes and was leaning against the door when Hook came inside.

"Hook," Ella said calmly.

"I thought we were on a first name basis now, love," Killian commented smoothly and a little too coolly, eyeing her as he walked in and hiding his lust at her state of undress. His eyes were dark however, as she walked over and leant past him, brushing him tantalisingly as she clicked the door shut, locking them in.

"You said I needed to take some control," Ella began, looking up at him, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips. She was taking control all right. One last night with the captain to get him out of her system. "I can think of how to do that. And you're going to listen. And you aren't going to argue. Okay?"

"Getting in touch with your pirate side?" Hook felt her hands curl around his coat lapel and pull him forward before spinning them so that he was leaning on his desk. All that he wanted to do was reach for her and touch her, but he restrained himself. Barely. He had no idea what was going through her mind. Only ten minutes ago they'd been at each other's throats.

"Stop talking," she began. Ella looked him up and down before settling on his eyes. "Kiss me."

Killian hesitated momentarily before seeing the firm resolution in her eyes. And seeing that, he twined his hand around the back of Ella's neck and pulled her to him, crushing her lips. There was no gentleness in his kiss, and none in hers returning - they were both too angry for that. She met him with equal fervour, pushing him backward into his desk as she forced her tongue into his mouth. He tasted just as she remembered. Rum and the sea. And pirate. It definitely had its own flavour. And maybe she didn't like rum normally, but on Killian Jones it was positively sinful.

She kissed her way along his jaw and taking his earlobe into her teeth, earring and all, she heard his breath hitch. She brought her lips back to his as she untucked his shirt and began to push it up his torso. With a quick raise of his arms, the material was thrown to the ground, and Ella began to kiss lower. Pulling his necklace over his head, Ella saw him move to take off his hook-

"No," she ordered, looking him in the eyes, glistening with lust. Just as she had last time, she wanted all of him. "Leave it on. I'm sure we can find other uses for it, Captain."

Her words had him hardening quickly beneath his leather pants, and his arousal wasn't lost upon her. In fact, with a smirk, she looked up at him through her darkened eyelashes and ordered, "Undress me Captain."

"I'm honestly not sure what I think about you giving your superior orders Soldier," Hook grinned darkly as his hands came up to her corset and began to undo the clasps nimbly. Within a few seconds he had it off, revealing her creamy white flesh to him. His fingertips began to trace up her stomach but Ella slapped his hand away.

"I said undress me Captain," Ella repeated harshly. "Not touch me."

It was then that Hook realised what this was. This was what she wanted – sex without the feelings. Hook could play to that…if it was really what she wanted. He gave her a small pout and she took pity on him.

"Yet," she added for clarification. And his hand went to her pants. Pulling at the strings he had them undone and began to bend to pull them off her legs. It took all he had not to touch the soft skin revealed to him as he did, but Ella quickly pulled him back up as she stepped out of them, pushing him around and to the side of the desk.

"Sit," she said, and he jumped up on the wood as she stalked forward. "Now on your back." He shivered at the tone of her voice. It was insanely erotic to hear her dominating orders, but he knew that soon enough he'd be back in control, so he let her take from him what she wanted for the time being. In the next moment, Ella had come around to the side of the desk and swung her leg over him so that she was straddling his throbbing erection that desperately needed to be released from his pants.

"You're going to take me on my desk?" Killian smirked, the irony of the situation not lost on him. He'd been in her position many times before, but he had to admit this angle was amazing. He'd have to show it to her sometime. That is, if she gave him another time. If this wasn't just a last fuck to get him out of her mind.

But thoughts of the future were lost on Hook as Ella began to press her centre into his, grinding down through the layers making him impossibly hard. He couldn't help the groan that started deep in his throat.

"What's the matter Hook?" Ella was looking at his face curiously. "Aren't you satisfied?"

"I swear to God woman, if I don't get these fucking pants off I'll-"

Her hand was palming him through the material, "You'll what Captain?"

"Just…c'mon Hart."

"You're going to come on me?" Ella's eyes widened with a smirk. "Well that doesn't sound too bad Captain. But I'd prefer it in other places."

He shivered at her words as her hand began to pull at his strings and she pushed his pants down easily, stopping momentarily to pull his boots off. The next minute, he was lying bare before her. Ella stared him up and down before involuntarily licking her lower lip and watching him shudder.

Tracing her fingernails up his legs, she watched him carefully, never taking his eyes off him, even as she grasped his generous length in her hand and began to slide it back and forth along his shaft. Ella lowered her tongue to lick the salty liquid on his tip before devouring as much of him as she could.

Hook groaned loudly as his hand came down to thread through Ella's dark hair. His hips began to involuntarily buck into her mouth, and knowing she could take him deeper, she did, feeling him hit the back of her throat as he began to use his hand and hips to build a rhythm. She continued to lick at him as he thrusted shallowly into her throat, his breathing becoming uneven.

"Hart," he warned, but she didn't need the warning. She could feel it coming, and come he did, his seed pouring into her mouth and down her throat as she glanced back up at him and swallowed.

That motion alone had him staring at her in wonder, arousal filling him once again, not helped by what she muttered as she came crawling up his body.

"I told you I preferred it in other places," Ella smirked, her violet eyes positively glowing.

Hook pulled her down for a kiss, tasting himself on her. His hand and hook began to trace up her body simultaneously.

"When did I say you could touch me Captain?" Ella muttered into his lips.

"You don't seem to be objecting, love."

She continued kissing him as she murmured, "That's because I'm so fucking wet that anything feels like relief at this point." She took a few centimetres back and looked at him, "Do you have any idea what you look like when you're being blown?"

That was an odd question. He didn't exactly stand in front of a mirror. But the mere question sent shivers down his spine and he felt himself rising again.

"You throw your head back, and your hips arch forward. Your eyes shut tightly and you let out a deep groan, but it's not entirely relief even though your face seems so. Because you want more."

Hook was already thrusting involuntarily back into Ella who was nipping at his collarbone as she spoke, licking and sucking. She was grinding her wetness against his stomach as he played with her nipples. She almost didn't feel his hook sliding down to rid her of her panties, but they were gone before she could object. And a smile played at Ella's lips as she watched the ascent of the hook back to her nipple.

Swiftly, she got off Hook's lap and jumped back to the carpeted floor. He groaned in protest.

"Where are you going minx?"

"Come and find out Hook," she answered from across the room. He spun around and saw her lying on his bed, her nakedness simply accentuating her natural beauty. For a moment he was gobsmacked, but the next he was on her, kissing her forcefully as he finally had the upper hand – which he used to drag lower towards where her need was greatest.

"No," she stopped him looking at him with shining eyes as she smiled darkly, "Use the hook."

Hook's eyes widened as he looked from the curved metal to her wanton face, with a dark smirk, he began to trace it down her body. When the cool surface hit her heat, she moaned in pleasure. And that was all Killian needed to delve the blunted curve of his hook into her warmth. She didn't move too much, letting him take control, after all, he was the one pleasuring her with a weapon. But Hook wasn't going to let her come that easily, because seeing her with his hook buried in her quim had Killian rock hard.

"Enough foreplay love," he murmured, withdrawing his hook as she let out a whimper of loss. "You're going to see just what more is."

Ella's eyes were glistening in excitement as the pirate tweaked at her nipples, lined himself up with her entrance, and sheathed himself inside her entirely.

"Oh God, Hook," she groaned, feeling him fill every inch of her. "Please."

"Please what, darling," he smiled, his blue eyes shining mischievously. "I thought you wanted something from me when you came here tonight."

"Hook," she moaned once more as he began to move, pulling himself out before thrusting in entirely once more. He kept a slow pace as Ella pushed back against him muttering, "Please just-"

"But I thought you were giving the orders Hart?" he smirked down at her. She returned with a dark smile then, grasping his shoulders and looking him directly in the eye.

"Fuck me, Captain," she groaned, stating exactly what she'd gone to him for. "Take me...hard and fast."

He heeded her words, speeding up his thrusts. It was rough and it was dirty and it was everything Ella needed. Hook pounded into her muttering filthy words in her ear that she'd never expected to hear from his mouth. But God, they were only making it that much better. Waves of pleasure rolled over Ella with each movement and she found her sense of dominance gone. At that moment, all she could feel was the warmth of Hook's body on hers as he nipped at her neck, leaving kisses and love bites. Her moans grew louder, cursing mixed in with all of Hook's various names.

"Come for me Ella," he whispered tightly into her ear as she felt the telltale signs of her release. He could feel his own pressure building.

With a loud cry of his name she came, exploding around him as she clutched at his skin. He gave a few more thrusts before he released himself into her, riding out their orgasms until the two of them were completely drained of all they had and Killian collapsed on the bed beside her.

Ella was already pulling on her breeches as Hook caught his breath. It took him a moment to regain his senses before he realised what she was doing.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm hungry," she answered indifferently as she pulled on one of her old singlet tops that she saw sticking out from the clothing bag. Following suit, he crossed the room to find his pants, his fists clenching as he pulled them on angrily.

"Fuck Ella!" Hook groaned finally, walking across the room, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "I don't want to be this with you. I don't want to just take from you and have you run out on me in the morning. Or, straight after."

"So you want to do me like you did the first time?" Ella replied angrily as he turned to face her. "You think I didn't feel that? Your tenderness as you made love to me? You make me sick Killian."

"I make you feel," he replied earnestly, coming down to bend in front of her. "Why is that such a hard concept for you to believe? Can't you just take it at face value that I actually care for you?"

"Why can't you just leave me be?" Ella said back to him in aggravation. "I'm fine the way I am."

"But you aren't happy." He was looking up at her with such apprehension and – dare she say it – love. She almost couldn't take it.

Almost.

Because, as always, Killian Jones saw straight through her.

"Fuck off Killian."

But it lacked the force she wanted, and Killian reached up, his hands taking in her face, winding around her hair as he gazed up at her in adoration.

"I'm falling in love with you Ella."

There was silence between them for a few moments, Hook tracing patterns on her skin as Ella thought. But with her thoughts came emotion. True – honest to God – emotion.

Sadness.

"Why?" she breathed, a tear forming in her eye. "Why would you even bother?"

Killian looked at her almost incredulously, leaning up towards her as he placed a kiss on her lips.

"You are beautiful."

He placed a kiss on her collarbone of fading bruises.

"You are strong."

Another, feather light on the scar across her stomach.

"You are selfless."

And a final one on her wrist.

"You're a survivor."

His cerulean blue eyes locked on her tearful purple ones and her hands were shaking. She was locked on the spot; unable to move.

"Killian," she finally managed, "I…"

"You don't have to say anything," he replied softly, "I just needed to get that out."

"No," Ella continued, wiping away her tears away on her arm. "I need to say – no one has ever said words like that to me before. Not…not meaning so much."

"Every word's true, love," he answered, touching his lips to her knuckles before standing up and backing away. Ella let his words mull over her before tiredness overcame her and she sank into his bed, staring at the ceiling for a few moments before her eyes closed. Gone was the sudden need to walk out on him, the need to forget all about him. Because she saw it in his eyes that he was honest in his words...

And in that place between sleeping and awake, Ella said something she knew she couldn't take back. And still, she said it anyway.

"I want to, you know," she murmured. "If I can, someday, I'll love you."

And that was all the confirmation that Killian needed to climb into bed beside her and take her into her arms, falling asleep beside her. Knowing then, no matter what, that he would never let her go.