Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT. Also, there is a very long and probably very boring author's note at the end.
When Donnie emerged from the dojo, he found all three of his brothers waiting expectantly, while pretending to be busy with mundane tasks. A huge smile split his face. "Hi guys!"
"So, did you get into trouble?" Mikey asked with a smirk.
"Yes, I grounded him. He is never to leave the lair again," Splinter replied from beneath Donnie's shoulder.
"Seems fitting," said Raphael.
Donnie laughed, and it was music to his family's ears. "You'll get no argument from me," he conceded.
"Uh, so what next?" The question was on everybody's mind, but it was Mikey who voiced it. Out of habit, the brothers looked to Leo, who just shrugged. Donnie spoke up before the silence grew awkward.
"Well, I've been dreaming of a long, hot shower. I've got about four years of filth and bad memories to wash away." Donnie was still covered in grime from the dozens of falls he'd taken in the sewer on his way home. It was a wonder that they had let him sleep and eat, rather than dumping his sorry shell directly into the tub. He made a mental note to thank them for that later.
"About that," Raphael started. "We lost the hot water in the shower over a year ago."
Donatello's legendary curiosity was piqued. "Just in the shower? It works everywhere else?"
"Yeah," Mikey replied. "It's just out in the shower and tub. Hot water pipe must've broken or something. We never found a leak, though."
"Sounds like the mixing valve. I'll take a look at it."
"Heck no you won't," Leo cut in.
Donnie shrunk back as though he had been physically struck. "What?!" he asked, defensively.
Leonardo was chagrined at starling his poor brother. He softened his demeanor, realizing yet again that Donatello had been utterly traumatized and needed to be handled with kid-gloves. "You just came back from the dead. You should kick back and relax for a while. You don't need to worry about cleaning up our messes."
"It's me that wants the shower. If it's the mixing valve it should be an easy fix. It's really not a big deal."
"It is to me," Leonardo insisted. "Would a hot bath be okay? I'll just fill the tub using the sink."
"Yeah, that sounds nice, actually. Thanks, Leo." Donnie wasn't backing down just to avoid a fight. After all the freezing cold hose downs, a hot bath sounded much better than a shower.
Leonardo disappeared into the bathroom and began filling the tub using some flexible rubber hosing that he connected to the sink. He even dumped some of Master Splinter's therapeutic oils into the tub.
Back in the main room, Donnie looked to his other two brothers. "You've really gone a year without a hot shower?"
"Leo and Master Splinter said that cold showers build character and help with conditioning," Michelangelo responded. "I think they were just trying to keep us from whining about it."
"I don't mind a cold shower," Raphael boasted. "Anyway, Casey and I both tried to fix it when it first happened, but we couldn't figure it out. Nobody was complaining, so we just let the matter drop."
"I was complaining!" Mikey whined.
"You know you don't count!" Raphael said as he gave Mikey's head a condescending pat.
Donnie grinned at Raphael and Michelangelo's banter. His teeth were sparkling white, and still perfect. It did his brothers' hearts good to see that at least one bit of him was unharmed.
"I'm on your side, Mikey," Donnie mused. "Cold showers sound just awful. You and I are gonna fix this together, as soon as things settle down a little."
Donnie had been expecting some form of energetic response from Mikey, but he wasn't prepared for what he was met with. Michelangelo burst into tears and grabbed onto his wayward brother like a drowning man clinging to a life preserver. "Oh Shell, Donnie! I've missed you so much! Never leave again!"
"I won't, Mikey, I won't." Donnie tried to hug Michelangelo back, but his arms were pinned against his sides. "I never wanted to leave, to begin with." Donnie semi-successfully hid his tears. As far as he was concerned, he was never leaving home again.
"Bath's ready," Leonardo called. Raphael told a sobbing Michelangelo to take a breather and assisted Donnie to the bathroom himself.
They found Leonardo sitting on the edge of the tub. "Why don't I take it from here?" Leo prodded.
"Uh, okay," Raphael shrugged. He lowered Donnie to the edge of the tub next to Leo. "Just holler if you need anything."
Once Raphael left, Donnie turned to Leo. He tried to speak gently and lovingly. "I don't need help bathing myself, Leo."
"What about washing your shell, and getting this brace off?" Leonardo argued, wanting desperately to be able to help with something. He knew he could never make up for what happened, but he had to start somewhere.
Donnie sensed this, but he also didn't want to allow the others to view him as some pathetic, lost soul. It was bad enough that he couldn't walk around easily, and he wouldn't be able to train or patrol with them. As is often the case, balance was needed. "I can do it, but when you put it that way, a little help does sound nice."
Leo smiled. "Stay here. I'll go get a razor blade for all of this duct tape."
Donnie sat and waited patiently for Leo, drumming his fingers thoughtfully along the edge of the tub. He really didn't want Leo to see his leg, or anybody for that matter. Leonardo returned and began slicing away. "Jeez, Donnie, did you use enough of this stuff?"
"Well, you know me. I've always loved duct tape."
"Some things never change, huh?"
"No. Some things never do. So, listen, about my leg...You're not going to like what you see, and I'd rather not have to talk about it right now."
"I get it. I've been holding my tongue, haven't I?"
"Yeah, you all have, and I really appreciate it. I promise I'll tell you guys everything, whatever you want to know. I'd just like to enjoy a few days of happiness first, before I start having to relive everything."
"I get it. I'm not pushing you, Don. I haven't even said anything!"
"I know. I just wanted to get that out there."
"Okay. I think that you'll find that we're all going to do whatever we can to make you happy." It's not like Leo wanted to see Donnie's maimed leg. Admittedly a little part of him was curious, but a bigger part of him was scared and hesitant. He really didn't want to know what was beneath the brace. It was bad enough seeing his brother's battered shell and the deep marks on his wrists and ankles that graphically indicated how long and how mercilessly he had been restrained. Leonardo finished slicing through the tape and began carefully peeling it back from Donnie's leg. He pretended not to notice how awful it looked.
"We're going to need something to strip away the tackiness. Do you guys have any baby oil or rubbing alcohol?" Donnie asked.
Leo was a little annoyed that Donnie posed the question as though he was a guest in this home. "Yes, we do," Leo responded, heavily emphasizing the 'we' and hoping that Donnie got the point. "Hold on."
Donnie winced as Leonardo pulled the splint away. Leo then soaked a face cloth with rubbing alcohol and got to work. To his credit, Leo didn't outwardly react to Donnie's injury at all, but internally, he was horrified. Once all the stickiness was gone, he rinsed Donnie's leg off and assisted him into the tub. Donnie sighed and closed his eyes as the warm water overtook him.
Leo let Donnie soak for a few minutes to loosen up the filth that was caked into the divots in his shell. From his seat on the side of the tub, Leo inspected his brother with dismay. Instinctively, he reached down and began to rub Donnie's shoulders. Not expecting the touch, Donnie tensed up for a moment. This wasn't the sort of thing that the turtles had ever done for one another, but he supposed that special treatment would be par for the course in the coming days. After he had a minute to process what was happening, Donnie began to relax, sinking further into the tub. He let out a long sigh, and thanked Leonardo, allowing himself to be pampered a bit. The warm water and massage was so soothing, Donnie began to grow tired again. He didn't know how that was possible after 16 hours of sleep, but he didn't much feel like fighting it.
Realizing that Donnie was on the verge of dozing off, Leo tapped his brother's shoulder and maneuvered him forward. For the next fifteen minutes, he gently worked at cleaning off Donnie's shell with a facecloth and a scrubbing brush. Much to Leo's horror, the steady flow of dirt was tinged with blood. Leo felt the need to talk, if only to distract himself from the sight, and fill the awkward silence that was stretching between them. He whispered when he spoke. It just felt more appropriate somehow.
"Donnie, I know you don't want to talk about anything just yet, but I just need to be sure that you know, I would've done anything to save you. I wish it was me in your place. I really do. I hope that you can forgive me someday."
For several long moments, the only answer was the peaceful sloshing of water. "Forgive you for what?" Donnie finally asked.
To Leo the answer should have been obvious. "For not saving you."
"This morning you said you thought I was dead," Donnie responded with a mechanical voice.
"I did," Leo confirmed.
"Why would you have tried to save me if you thought I was dead?"
Leo didn't have a direct answer. "I don't know, but clearly I shouldn't have given up on you."
"You had no way of knowing and you couldn't have taken my place. I was the only one they were interested in, and they would have gotten me one way or another. Please don't beat yourself up."
"But-"
Donnie cut Leo off. "Please don't beat yourself up," he repeated. "Please. There was nothing you could have done."
Leo could hear that Donnie was getting upset, so he let the matter drop, and refocused himself on scrubbing. After he was satisfied with the cleanliness of Donnie's shell, Leo drained the tub and refilled it with fresh hot water and oils. At Donnie's behest, Leonardo then left his brother to finish up and relax in privacy.
Even though he had asked for it, Donnie felt a little strange once he was left alone. As much as he didn't want to be separated from his brothers, he also recognized that it was good for him to process things quietly for a bit. Yesterday at this time, he wasn't even sure if they were alive or dead. So much had happened since then. It still felt like some wonderful dream.
Half an hour later, the oily, soothing water had Donnie almost dozing off again, when a knock came at the door. "It's just me," Michelangelo called.
Donnie smiled to himself, feeling mellow and so much better. "Come on in," he replied.
Mikey entered backwards, carrying a platter. "I've got your snack," he announced as he swung around. "It's a banana chocolate-chip muffin with a fruit cup on the side."
Donnie lit up. "Tub-side service? I could get used to this. Thanks, Mikey."
"Yeah, you're gonna get so spoiled, bro," Michelangelo exclaimed.
Donnie chuckled. "Feels like I should deny that, but Leo just massaged my shoulders and then insisted on washing my shell, so…"
"Speaking of spoiling you, do you want some more hot water?" Michelangelo offered.
Donatello realized he had no reason to get out of the tub anytime soon. He had no schedule, no responsibilities, no obligations. "Sure. Why not, right?"
After Mikey finished catering to him, Donnie soaked a while longer. Just when he was contemplating getting out, another knock on the door came. This time, it was Raphael, who was weighed down by a pile of miscellaneous items. He unceremoniously dumped them all on the bathroom floor, causing Donnie to cringe at the clatter that arose. "What's all this? he asked, when the ringing in his ears died down."
"Options," Raphael answered, "for your new splint."
Donnie and Raph always did enjoy working on projects together. "I guess the dynamic duo is back together," Donatello happily declared.
"You know it. And, I think that we can do better than your duct tape and plastic pipe design."
"Cut me a break, Raph. I was in a hurry." Donatello pulled himself out of the water and allowed Raphael to wrap him in a fluffy towel before lowering himself to the floor. "So, did you become the family medic in my absence?" he asked.
"We're all on even footing with regard to that. I just thought that this could be where I helped you out. Mikey's feeding you and Leo cleaned you up. Figured this could be our thing."
Donnie brightly smiled his consent, showing off his perfect teeth. The two then turned their attention to the pile and set to work on constructing a more suitable brace and patching up Donnie's many small scrapes. When they emerged from the bathroom just before lunch, Donnie looked much cleaner and a lot less ragged.
Lunch was far less tense than breakfast had been, but it was clear that it was going to take time for things to feel normal again. It didn't help that Donnie hadn't said word one about whatever had happened to him, and everyone else was afraid to broach the subject. Fortunately, they had Michelangelo, and this was exactly the sort of social situation that he was designed for.
"Sooo, Donnie. I don't mean to upset you or anything, and you totally don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but maybe you could at least tell us about how you escaped? I mean, you don't need to tell us any of the bad stuff until you're ready, but the getaway part has got to be good, right?"
"Yeah, it's a good story. I can tell it," Donnie said between bites of his sandwich. Everyone grew quiet and turned to him with interest. He lowered the sandwich and gathered his thoughts. "Well, I was held in one place for pretty much the whole time, and it was completely inescapable. Then, a few weeks ago, I was supposedly liberated by the FBI. But, I figured out that it was really the same group of people that I'd been with all along, trying to trick me. They'd been trying to get me to work for them ever since they took me, and I'd been resisting." Donnie wasn't ready to talk about the coercion attempts, the brainwashing, the drug testing, or the mental torture. That part could come out later.
"Once I figured out that it wasn't really the FBI, I blew up a part of the building and jumped into a nearby river. Turns out that I was still in New York, so I just started walking. Now, here I am," Donnie finished proudly.
"You blew up their facility?" Raphael asked. He was clearly impressed.
"Part of it, anyways. I didn't exactly stick around to see how destructive the chain reaction was. Did you guys happen to see anything on the news about an explosion on Long Island?" Donnie asked.
"There was a hydrogen explosion at a material testing facility out there, but that was a couple of weeks ago," Leo said thoughtfully.
"I bet that was me!" Donnie cheerfully replied. "They were probably working under the guise of a lab in order to cover up their chemical usage."
"But Leo said that was two weeks ago," Mikey pondered. "You haven't been free for two weeks. Have you?"
Donnie reddened in the face a bit. "I had to make sure that I wasn't being tracked. And, I was sick. I wasn't sure if they infected me with something, so I couldn't risk spreading it around the city, or transmitting it to you guys. I had to stay isolated until I was sure I was healthy."
"You were sick?" Michelangelo cringed sympathetically. The thought of Donnie sick and alone broke his heart all over again. He must have wanted to come home so badly, but he resisted and suffered by himself for the greater good. Mikey hadn't had time to process the true implications of Donnie having been alive all this time. He didn't even want to think about what his brother had been through. Just this small glimpse of the past few weeks was bad enough.
Rather than responding to Mikey, Donnie fixed his eyes on his plate and picked at the corner of his sandwich. This conversation was beginning to venture down a path he wasn't ready for. Turns out he didn't need to respond, as Mikey's arms closed in around him. "It's all behind us, now," Michelangelo soothed. "You're home to stay."
"Thanks, Mikey," Donnie said in a shaky voice.
"You did good blowing the place up, Brainiac," Raph praised.
"And getting back to us," Leo added. "We're proud of you, Donatello."
"Thanks, guys," Donnie said, fighting back tears. "Let's stick to happier topics for now, though. How are all of our friends?"
"Oh man, our friends! They're going to be so jazzed to hear that you're alive!" Mikey rejoiced, squeezing his brother tighter.
"Leatherhead and Professor Hunnicutt are on the Utrom home world," Leo supplied. "And the Daimyo and his son are doing well. So are Usagi and Jin. Renet sees Mikey pretty regularly, so she's crazy, but otherwise fine. The professor got himself a job at the library and is living in an apartment with his friends now. Angel got into UCLA, so we've all become Bruins fans. Karai is keeping busy but doing okay" Leo drummed his fingers. "Who else, who else?" he trailed off with a knowing smile.
Mikey felt the need to fill in the obvious blank, "April and Casey."
"They've been busy," Raphael stated. "They'll want to see you as soon as we talk to them, so they can just fill you in on everything themselves."
Donnie smiled knowingly. He suspected they'd had a kid or two in the time he'd been gone.
"Oh, and there's Sydney," Mikey remembered. "She came looking for you a few years back. We'll have to get in touch with her for sure."
"She was looking for me?" Donnie asked, feeling strange that he would have been singled out by their old friend. She had pretty much kept to herself after her rescue from the underground.
"Yeah," Mikey answered. "She wanted to thank you again for everything. She was pretty upset when we told her what happened."
"Everyone was upset," Leo provided. "It's a miracle that you're still alive, Donnie."
"Is it? I don't really know what happened on that night. My alleged death must have been pretty convincing, huh?"
The brothers looked at each other somewhat guiltily. Looking back, maybe it hadn't been all that convincing after all. "The dumpster you were in exploded, along with the loading dock, the truck, and half the building." Raphael disclosed all that he was comfortable with at the moment.
"Oh," Donnie said a little glumly. "I suppose that would do it."
"Let's just change the subject," Mikey suggested. "What should we do with the rest of the day?" When no one spoke up right away, he continued. "We could make a bunch of calls. Let everyone know that Donnie's alive."
"I don't know, Mikey," Donnie hesitated. "I think I'd like to spend a quiet day or two with you guys first. Not sure I'm ready to face anyone else yet."
Seeing Donnie beginning to get distressed, Leo jumped to his defense. "I agree. Let's just chill out here. It's been four years. What's a few more days?"
"Wise idea," Splinter added. "We have all earned some rest and relaxation. Might I suggest a movie marathon?"
"No training or meditation?" Mikey said hopefully.
"No," Splinter confirmed. "Take the day off."
"No patrol?" Mikey checked with Leo.
Leo grinned and shook his head no. "Of course not."
Mikey was practically jittering with excitement and grabbed a hold of Donatello again. "Can I help you pick the movies? There are so many good ones that you've missed! We've got a whole collection! Come on, let me show you!"
It wasn't long before they were all settled in. Donnie tried to steer clear of anything with too much violence. He wasn't sure how he would react to that, given all the trauma he had endured over the past few years. Given the occupants of this home, that didn't leave a lot to choose from. Donnie figured that realistic violence was more of a concern than cartoon violence, so they settled for the newest Star Wars and superhero movies.
Donnie settled himself in the middle of the sofa, his bad leg elevated on the coffee table, secure in its brand new splint. Soon, he found himself wedged between Mikey and Raph with a big bowl of popcorn on his lap, squeezed in so tight he could hardly breath. Naturally, he loved it. There was nothing that could disturb the intense happiness he felt sitting there between his brothers again. They all stayed planted on the sofa for hours. Leo eventually snuck out to pick up some pizza for dinner, and when he returned they had a pizza party for five right there in the living room. A few hours later, when Donnie got tired, he simply slunk down a bit and rested his head on Raph's shoulder. Raph put an arm around him and pulled him in closer. Donnie happily drifted off to sleep for the night. When he woke up, Raphael still had that protective arm around him, and Michelangelo was snoring in his lap.
Throughout this fic, I have worried that I have depicted Donnie as being too strong. I hope that I haven't stretched the bounds of reality too much, where that's concerned. I'd like to think that I offered some plausible reasons as to how he was able to hold himself together. His captors were intentionally trying to keep him at least somewhat sane, after all. And, while he was very brave and capable in finding his way home, he's definitely going to fall apart at some point. The 2003 version of Donnie seemed pretty good at suppressing emotion and putting blinders on, but that will only get him so far. He's in a well-deserved honeymoon period now that he's home, but at a certain point everything will catch up with him. Fortunately, he will have his family there to support him when that time comes.
On a related note, I hope that this part of the story isn't too boring. I've read a lot of great hurt/comfort fics, but I feel as though sometimes the comfort part gets rushed. When I set out to write this, my plan was to really focus on how Donnie gets put back together again. Naturally, there will be action as well, but it's not really the main focus. I'm sure that will be boring for some people, but it's the stuff that I most enjoy writing.
What's unique about the turtles is how much they depend upon each other. They don't have a society to turn to - no doctors, psychiatrists or support groups are available. They just do their best with what they have. I love that about them! They found a way to move on when they thought Donnie was dead, now they are going to put those skills to good use in helping Donnie move on from his own demons.
I suppose I've droned on for long enough now. As always, thanks for reading!
