All fourteen of us were sitting at the table as Xaldin stood in front of us with an apron on over his black jeans and grey v-neck. "Thank you Audri for bringing everyone here today, as I wanted to talk about-"
Xaldin was cut off as Xigbar and Axel started to boo him. "We were promised Earth girl titties!" They hollered as Xemnas punched both of them in the back of the head.
"Thank you Superior. As sleasy Audri might have been in getting you all here, I wanted to give everyone the chance to obtain the rights to cook in the kitchen," He explained as he summoned his lances holding it like a staff.
"This is for the fact that without my gourmet cooking, we'd all starve until you turned on each other," He grumbled as a few Nobodies rolled their eyes.
"So, who's willing to learn how to not burn the Castle down and cook a decent meal?"
"Well, I mean he's not wrong. I'm tired of just having milk and cereal," Roxas said shrugging as some of the younger Nobodies agreed.
"What's the plan?" I asked as Xaldin smiled summoning a piece of paper on the table. "Here's everyone's tasks for today."
Xemnas: Cut the tomatoes and cabbage for the salad. Lexaeus: Use the salad spinner to dry vegetables. Marluxia: Plating the salad in good presentation.
Saix: Go slaughter the cow outside. Luxord and Roxas: Prepare the cut into equal portions for each member. Audri and Rauxdi: Cook the meat to a medium rare.
Xigbar: Core the apples and pears for the tart. Vexen: Crush frozen berries to make the base. Axel: Bake the tart to an even golden brown on the crust.
Zexion: Prepare the dish settings for the dining area. Demyx: Compose some entertainment for the table. Larxene: Adjust the lighting for the dining 'mood'.
"Xaldin, what the hell are these tasks?" Larxene snarled as she slapped her hand onto the table.
"There are some people I assume need to work on different sets of skill. Mostly different types of control, and not overdoing it. I have to be honest, I have no doubt that Axel will destroy the kitchen before the Vipers do," Xaldin said gesturing over to Rauxdi and I.
"It doesn't matter, we will all do our best to make Xaldin let us come back into the kitchen," Xemnas said as he stood up with a determined look in his eye to be the best veggie cutter ever.
Oh boy, don't have a stroke Xaldin. You're better than this, Xaldin thought to himself as he clapped his hands. "Everyone, let's get to work!"
"So, how is Team Salad Fingers going?" Xaldin asked walking over to the south side of the kitchen seeing Xemnas dumping a batch of mashed tomatoes into a bowl. He glanced back and gave him a shaky thumbs up. "Doing great Number III, I think we're going to win those privileges easily," Xemnas said as Xaldin laughed nervously.
"I... I see, Superior... Lexaeus! What about-" Xaldin dodged a bowl of cabbage flying past his head as Lexaeus was holding his tomahawk in hand looking at him with slight fear in his eyes.
"It slipped," Lexaeus muttered as Xaldin shook his head glancing over at Marluxia who was reading a book and had a ton of tools laid before him."Marluxia, what in the blazes is th-"
"Don't touch that!" Marluxia swiped a pair of tongs from the older Nobodies hands as he laid it down perfectly, "They're to help me place each piece of cabbage and vegetables on the platter. I will make a masterpiece."
"Oh Kingdom Hearts, this is probably not a good idea." Xaldin groaned as he put his head into his hands crouching to the ground. He took a deep breath before he got back to his feet and dusted himself off, "Who's next... Team Barbie! What do you got for me?"
"I think you just put us together on the same team just to make that joke," Rauxdi scowled as Xaldin grinned poking a finger on her nose. "Maybe, but what's shaking ladies?"
"Well, we realized that Saix might be a softie as he still hasn't killed the damn cow you have outside," I gestured to the kitchen window as the three of us can see that Saix is just cuddling with the big dumb cow outside of the castle.
Xaldin opened the kitchen window and shouted down at the Berserker, "Why can't you kill the cow?!"
"Because this cow understands me better than all your mother fuckers!" Saix shouted back as the cow started to nibble on the end of his trench coat.
"That itself is cannibalism, right?" I asked gesturing to the fact that the trench coat is probably made as leather as Xaldin crosses his arms as he sniffs the air, "Well if the cow is still breathing outside, what's on the grill?"
Rauxdi and I glanced away from Xaldin's curious gaze as he suddenly looked around realizing the kitchen was down two blondes. "Holy fucking shit, hang on!" He shouted as he ran over, ripping the door off seeing Roxas and Luxord hogtied with apples in their mouth.
He yanked the two Nobodies out as he shouted at us, "Totally rejected at this point!" "We tried," I said as Rauxdi shrugged going over to go bother Marluxia.
"Team Crusty, please tell me you are having better luck..." Xaldin said glancing over at Xigbar, Vexen and Axel as they had their backs turned away from him. "Feast your eyes on this bad boy Lancer!" Vexen said as he turned out with a perfectly cooked fruit tartlet dusted with sugar and topped with a variety of fruit on top in bright colors.
Xaldin looked back between the crust and the team with his jaw dropped. "How...?" "Vexen said if we fucked this up, he'd obliterate us," Axel said with a shudder running down his sides as Xigbar laughed nervously.
"I mean... I can't be mad, I'm honestly impressed that Axel didn't fuck up," Xaldin said throwing his arms into the air before giving the group a thumbs up.
The three of them let out a sigh of relief as Xaldin walked away to go check out the dining room.
"If you fuckers tell him we bought that tart, you're going to regret it," Vexen hissed under his breath as Xigbar and Axel nodded nervously.
"What the hell happened?!" Xaldin said with a surprise as he saw that Zexion was muttering in the corner trying to figure out which fork was on which side of the plate, Demyx was strapped to the ceiling, dressed in drag, and Larxene was nowhere in sight.
"I... No, fuck this nonsense. Why am I teaching etiquette? That's Luxord's field," Xaldin said shaking his head as he heard a small explosion in the kitchen behind him.
He slowly turned around as the fire alarms started going off as smoke escaped from the swinging door.
"Guess we're doing take out tonight."
