PART 20: THE VENGEANCE APPLE

Dart groaned and rolled around as the cold winter-daylight flowed through the window and hit his face. "Is it morning already?"he thought or said. He closed his eyes, hiding himself from the harsh light of day, ruining the velvet smoothness, tenderness and peace of the night.

He saw the girl lying next to him, sunlight making her eyelids glow and brightening the face framed by long, loose hair, making her look like some sort of madonna. Dart looked at Raja in full awe. She was… spectacular. How come he didn't notice it before? How could he have been so unfair, well, so shitty to her?

Well, never mind. She was with him now, and that was all that mattered. His girl, the one that enlightened him. She wouldn't go away, or take advantage of his moments of weakness. Would she?

*

Zion yawned at the arrival of a new day, not feeling very rested after yesterday's events at all. He was very worried about Jax, hardly able to close his eyes tonight. Trojan had promised to keep an eye on Jax during the night… but even with that thought in the back of his head it was hard for Zion to go to sleep. He wandered in a No man's land, somewhere between slumber and waking, grey and motionless.

Then, when the sky started to light up, he figured it was no use and just got out of bed. He shivered when he felt the cold air in the room. There was no doubt about it; the winter had begun. Zion would've really taken delight in some electrical heating… there was nothing wrong with this natural life, as long as it was summer, that is.

He opened his eyes, wiping the sleep from them, and felt next to him, expecting to feel Iz's lush curves, but there was nothing there. Zion looked amazed, a bit sleepy, at the empty space next to him. Had she already left bed? Or hadn't she been here at all?

Zion gasped when he remembered he hardly saw Iz yesterday. His mind was completely focused on yesterday's terrible events, trying to save Jax from himself. How could he have completely forgotten about Iz; surely she too was suffering from all of this.

Zion shook his head as to get the sleep out of it, and got out of bed, shivering as his feet touched the linoleum floor that seemed nearly frozen. "I-iiiiz,"Zion hummed in a playful tone, not even knowing why. Maybe because the sound of her name just comforted him. Such a simple word, such a pleasure to say. He still couldn't believe it, how they had gotten together. He could still remember that stupid fight. What was about again? Something about Kita… But all worked out, with Kita as well as Zion and Iz. More… more than that, it didn't just work out, he found his… soulmate? Man, that sounded corny. But it was definitely true, if anyone was his soulmate, it was Iz. He had never felt this close to anyone, not even his parents or siblings. He wouldn't know what to do if he would lose her. Sometimes when he woke up, he just felt so light when he felt her next to him, and he wished he could stay with her like that forever, just laying around, always in touch with her, away from the dangers and the responsibilities of the normal world. He just didn't want to get up anymore. Just stay with her, feel her curled up against his chest, feeling as if they were both in a protective cocoon. Being with Iz made him believe that it was all possible; love, a better world, maybe even a God. He believed in their unity, he believed in her love and devotion. And he just couldn't believe how happy he was.

With all of this in the back in his head, he left his room with a smile, completely ignoring the cold. He knew terrible things had being on, and god, as the leader of the tribe he should have been taking care of those matters… he should feel guilty about feeling this good right now… but he couldn't help it. He wanted to find her, make breakfast for her, make her happy too. Make her forget her cares, because she didn't deserve to be sad.

Walking over the hallway, he saw Aaron playing with a toy-car. The kid had never seen any cars drive, ofcourse, and he had gotten the wrong impression about them, as he made the car skip up and down and made horse-noises with it.

Zion saw Raja jump from her room, light as a fairy. She nearly skipped down the hallway, similar to a schoolgirl, and her hair, that should've been in pigtails, bounced up and down. She picked her son of the ground and held him high above her. "Wanna go make some breakfast, my little man?"she asked playfully.

"Me hungry!"Aaron said in all-out-excitement.

Zion smiled when he saw that little scene and thought: Well, at least I'm not the only one who can't resist being happy.

The next door he passed was that of Jax's room. This is where his heart sank into his shoes again, remembering what took place yesterday. He hoped Trojan had made Jax feel at least a little less bad… It really surprised him that Trojan had wanted to watch Jax for the night, as Trojan didn't seem the kind of person for those things.

Zion was about to knock on the door to see how Jax was doing today, but that same door was already opened and Jax came out. If Zion would've been a cartoon-character, his jaw would've fallen to the ground and his eyes would've hit the ceiling when he saw Jax's face. The change was so obvious. Everything about Jax seemed lighter all of the sudden. He nearly seemed happy. A smile was about to break through on his face, and it was a sincere smile, not a faked one.

"Goodmorning Zion. What's up?"Jax said. It was a miracle he spoke like this what so ever, and his tone seemed so different… it had lost that monotonous, slightly doomy, 'who still gives a fuck'-ring. Zion shook his head, hardly able to believe this radical change.

"Hey… Jax. You're looking better,"Zion said, not really knowing what else to say.

"I feel better,"Jax said. Zion was unpleasantly reminded of the conversation he and Jax had yesterday, which was nearly a clone of this one, just in the negative way. Jax yawned and stretched. "A little tired though,"he said. "I've been up for… well, all night basically. Not because I couldn't sleep, but… because I didn't want to sleep. That's something new, isn't it?"

"Why… didn't you want to sleep?"Zion asked, still a bit confused and searching for the proper things to say.

Jax looked at him intensely, with serious eyes. "I've spend all night talking. To Trojan. And that took all night. I never expected I'd have so much to say. I didn't want to at  first, but Trojan convinced me that it was better to talk, and he told me stuff about his past too. And… I guess he's right. It is better to talk. I was just never able to really talk to someone the way I wanted too. Not to those shrinks. And well, to be honest, not even to you. I was so convinced no one would understand me, or would think of me as a freak, that I nearly forgot how to talk. But Trojan understands. I told him everything."

"What you told me yesterday?"Zion asked.

Jax looked away, pondering. "Among other things. More than that. Like I just said, everything. And he understands. I was scared at first, but not anymore. He doesn't think of me as a freak. Not. At all…"

Zion felt a bit dazed. "I don't understand,"he said.

Jax smiled kindly. "You will. I'll tell you when I'll feel like it. But right now, I'm very hungry, so I'll go see what Raja is making for breakfast,"Jax said, and gone he was again. Zion shook his head. That was plain… unbelievable. What did Trojan say… what did Jax tell Trojan… to accomplish such a change? It could nearly be called a miracle.

"Better. I feel much better." Jax's words ringed through Zion's head and the leader breathed a sigh of relief. Better. Everything was going to go better now. Something told him that. Deep down inside…

Suddenly, he picked up on a strange sound. Sounded like someone was… throwing up? Zion went to check it ou, and saw Iz coming out of the bedroom, pale and teary-eyed.

"Izzy? Are you okay? I heard…,"he began, but he was quickly interrupted.

"I'm fine. How's Jax?"Iz asked.

"Listen, Izzy, I'm terribly sorry, but yesterday so many bad things were-"

"Erm, I just… asked how Jax was doing,"Iz said. She looked at him with big, clear eyes. Zion realized there had been nothing vicious in her voice when she asked about Jax, it had not been directed at him as an insult for not spending any time on her yesterday.

"Well, er… Jax is… Fine. Jax is doing fine. Surprisingly good even, he seems a lot… er, happier,"Zion said in a soft voice. "But I asked you how you were doing."

"I already told you, I'm fine,"Iz said, still a bit shaky.

"You don't look fine. And I heard you throwing up. Iz, lately something has been going on with you. I'm worried about you, you know? I want to know what's up,"Zion said, and his tone told her 'no backing out.'

Iz looked up at him with big, dark eyes, losing herself in her gaze, letting her mind become a chaos. Maybe then she wouldn't have to come up with an answer… She didn't want to come up with an answer. What would she tell him? Oh dear God, he looks so happy, how could I just…

"Zion…,"she started, her voice broken and insecure.

Zion's eyebrows raised slightly, his expression urged her to keep talking.

"I have to tell you something. This is a pretty big thing, and it might be tough for you to accept, but… I don't know how to say it, except for… No. I'll just say it: I'm pregnant,"Iz said. Was that what she had meant to say…? Her mind didn't provide her with an answer to that question, just jumbled letters flashing through her head: I… am nature's puppet.

Zion just stared at her with open mouth. His eyes were unnaturally big, looking like they were about to pop out of his head. He looked nearly comical like that, frozen in amazement. "That… I… You're pregnant?"he managed to get out.

She bit her lip and smiled. "Yep."

"You sure?"

She nodded.

Zion looked like he didn't know what response would be most fitting, but he had to think of something before his mind would explode. He scratched his eyebrow, then all of the sudden yelled inarticulately and pulled Iz into a hug that made her feet disconnect with the ground.

"Oh my God… Oh my God… Oh my God… Oh my God,"Zion said. He opened his mouth again, gasping as he tried to think of a better phrase than 'Oh my God.'

"That's unbelievable. Izzy! Izzy! T-that means… I'm gonna be a dad. I mean, that means… Oh fuck, I've never been a dad before, I've never even done any babysitting, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do,"Zion said. He walked a few nervous, very small circles before freezing and looking at her. A huge grin made his face split.

"Wait… I gotta go and tell this to the others,"Zion said. He raced through the hallway and went down the staircase in two big jumps. He nearly ran the door down, entering the cafeteria, where half of the tribe was already assembled.

"Hey, guess what?"Zion said, nearly bouncing off the walls. The tribemembers looked at eachother. It wasn't often they saw Zion excited –this was the first time they witnessed something like this, actually- and they figured this had to be somewhat pretty good.

"My girlfriend is pregnant!" Zion nearly screamed the words out.

In the silence that fell you could have heard a needle drop. The tribemembers looked at eachother with eyes as big as baseballs, mouths hanging open. Randy looked at Zion, blinking. "Dude. Your inflatable doll can't get pregnant. Just… let the air out."

"Cunt off, I am not like you, I don't have an inflatable doll,"Zion said, rolling his eyes. "I am talking about Izzy."

"Oh God, Iz is pregnant?"Justine asked in a high squealy voice that hardly seemed to suit her. "Oh, I don't believe this. Wow, I never pictured her as a mommy. Oh, this is so cool, where gonna have another baby here. Hey, Aaron would have a playmate."

Justine smiled at Raja, who just laughed like she had a bad tooth-ache. Nobody was telling her anything new, just rubbing those facts in her face, shattering last night's happiness. Yeah, Iz was pregnant. But, and the darkhaired girl had obviously forgot to mention the other fact, Zion would never see his son or daughter grown up… Chances were he wouldn't even be around anymore when the child would be born.

*

Breakfast was completed in quite a hurry. Everybody was too excited to eat, after news like that. A baby! And it was Iz of all people who was pregnant. Half of the tribe went to check up on Iz after breakfast (something she undoubtly didn't need, but that was a whole different story), others had important business to attend to, and eventually it was just Scott and Kita staying behind. It was their turn to do the dishes. It was done pretty quickly, laughter and kissing in between.

Scott put the last clean plate in the cabinet and threw his towel down carelessly.

"So, what do you want to do now? It's a beautiful day, we could do a bit of Christmas-shopping,"Scott said with a playful smile.

"Christmas? Here?"Kita asked, eyebrows twisted.

"Why not? We could cut down some tree from the park and put it here in the cafeteria… It would look quite nice against that boring wall, I bet. And I'm sure the Christmas-decorations are the last things the kids took when they plundered,"Scott said.

"You are nuts,"Kita said, taking an apple from a platter.

"It would be nice to have a little party. It would help us feel our unity, as a tribe, and stuff like that."

"I think the tribe is doing quite well. Jax looked a lot better,"Kita said, and took a bite from her apple. "Ah, last fruit of the winter. Soon we'll have to rely on canned goods and stuff like that again…"

Scott looked at her, serious now. "How are you doing?"he asked.

Kita furrowed her brow; as usual, not in the mood for talking. "Don't ruin the moment now, Scott,"she said, annoyed.

"I just want to know. You had another nightmare last night…"

"And?"

"And… I just want to know if you're okay?"

"Look, I don't remember, okay? I don't remember anything of the damned time I spent with whatever sick fuck that took me away. And maybe it's for the best. Now shut up about it,"Kita said and she turned her back to him. Suddenly, the scene changed. The colour and light seemed to drip of the walls, and everything seemed to go dark. Voices she heard, dark and muffled… One of a girl, scared and broken, the other one of a man, low and threatening, another one… her own?

Kita gasped. This place… This place, I remember this place! Oh God…

The man came to her, a shadow leaning over her. She tried to crawl away, but hit the wall with her back. He grabbed her wrists, so hard that they would be covered in bruises in the morning. Oh, god, go away… He caused her pain, fear, and left her for dead… No, no, that last thing was wrong. He had come to her with a knife, standing in that doorway, his dark silhouette framed by light… and she could see the knife shining… And she had gathered all her strength, bravery and willpower, made a run to him, and bashed him down… And she ran and ran and ran and ran… Until she finally reached the strange, tall building that somehow seemed most like home, ready to collapse on the cold ground.

"Kita…,"Scott said, insecure, and his fingers brushed her arm.

"Don't touch me,"she shrieked, and backed away with tears in her eyes. The apple dropped from her hand and rolled over the floor. She sank down against the wall, her whole body shivering.

"What's wrong? Baby, what's wrong?"Scott asked, panicking.

"I remember!"Kita said, her voice breaking as she started to sob. "I remember where I was, I remember who took me, I remember what he did to me! I remember it, I remember it… Oh god,"Kita groaned, tears streaking her face.

"It's alright, sweetie, you're safe now, it's okay. It's okay, don't worry. J-just tell me what you want, okay?"Scott said, his voice shivering. He was doing his best… he was never really good with these kind of situations, but he was really worried about Kita.

"I want…,"Kita whispered, her voice hoarse.

"…?"

"Revenge,"Kita said harshly, her eyes shooting fire. She get up, clenched fists trembling, and Scott followed her out of the cafeteria.

The apple that had fallen from her hand, came to a stop in a shadowy corner of the cafeteria. There it lay, forgotten, and there it would slowly rot and wither away.

*

Summer or winter. For you, I can be both. Warmth or frost. Sun or snow. Right now I am Sun, the cold ashes and coal of my eyes ignited for and by you. Light in the black pools, I see everything in a brighter shade all of the sudden. The world isn't cold, it just sparkles because of the frost. The skies have cleared up.

"I'm cold,"the boy said. Who are you? You're like a book you simply have to read in one night, because you can't wait to unveal the mystery. Gorgeous… I'd loved to unveal your mystery, treat emotions as carefully as the thin, ever-fragile paper. But leave parts covered my mist… because I would only love you more because of it. Is that even possible? How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Words spark back to memory, a schoolplay, words that are meaningless until…

"I'm not,"the other says, playing with a strand of black, his face, fragile and coloured like porcelain, revealed, adorned by a nearly childish smile. Innocence floats of his face, forming such a great contrast with the world outside it would make you cry. He is oblivious to the cold stream invading the poorly-isolated room.

"Ofcourse not,"the one with the silver eyes says, reaching over slowly… Why can't live be a movie? Why can't you fast-forward the things that are bad, or play the things you love over and over again? I would play this into eternity, until it would be hardly much more than a soothing, velvet echo. He touches the hand of the boy with nightcoloured hair, and indeed, he doesn't feel the cold that's tormenting his own hands. He makes connection with both, silently persuading the other one to let him share in that heat.

Pale hands. Thin, slightly crooked fingers, spread and tapping elegantly, to a tune only he knows. He would like to bite those fingers, that rosey flesh with the little stars. Would he go that far? 'People won't understand that',a voice not unlike that of his mother says. 'They'll think you're angry or mean, while you're only trying to be nice.'

Little star. Star-eyes, star-hands. Tiny bumps where the fingers connect with the rest of the hand. Four stars on each hand.

"I don't have those,"he says. "Pretty."

He waits for the other one's modesty; your hands look nicer. Luckily, no such comment comes. The blackhaired boy is silent, closes his eyes with a serene smile. Then disconnect hands and says: "Yeah. My hands were… my mother's pride."

Silver eyes rest on the little star, a pillow is rearranged; get comfortable. An enthusiastic request; tell me about your mother. Jax smiles, happy to answer to it, and tells about his mother, the way she looked like madre Dio in her white robe, the sincerity of her smile, all her little songs. A beautiful elf-princess, the Titiana of a little house in the middle of the city, frail and in the possession of endless black silk for hair. Not blessed with any Oberon, suppressed by the lord of the house, until black silk just went colourless, and she only had two options left: escape or die. Jax remembered precious moments: laying in bed, his mother's warm hand against his face, listening carefully as her beautiful voice lifted a simple lullaby out of its averageness. He devoured the stories about her youth, her parents, the Old Country. She proudly said all roads lead to Rome- the ancient city, once the crown of an empire, where she was born. Later she moved back to Siena, where her parents originally came from. Her name had everything to do with the roots of her parents. Catharina had been, in the Middle Ages and nowadays still, Siena's most beloved saint. Catherina of modern days was Jax's own favourite saint, a Madonna with an angelic smile; his mother. He talked Italian with her (even though his father hated it), listened to her rants about horrendous discoveries –pineapple pizza's, for one- lovingly. And then she just vanished, without a trace. He couldn't believe Mama would leave him like that. He figured she would come back to him someday; she wouldn't leave him with that man he had to call his father… but she never returned. In the end, all hope lost, Jax figured that because of Catherina's beautiful voice, God had wanted her to sing in His heavenly choir. And so, He called her to Him.

"Your mother sounds like a great person. Unlike mine. She was a bitch. Enough said. I hated both of them, cold and stuck-up, bloodless freaks. Though I did feel bad when they died… But not because I missed them. Because I didn't. What do you think, doesn't that make me sick. Doesn't it make you sick…?"

"No,"Jax said, shaking his head to put an emphasis on that one words. Big eyes, halo's of night, with a sphere of daylight in them. Oozing innocence and naivety. God, is there any way for me to love you more?

Trojan smiled, thanks. Jax smiled at the simple word, feeling a warmth he only felt around his mother, melting away the glacier inside of him that had grown ever since her disappearance. "You didn't reject me. You don't hate me. I don't make you sick. What could you possibly do bad enough to make me hate you? You accepted me… and it still feels strange. Nice though. I don't feel so empty anymore. You dared me to express my feelings to you. For that… grazie."

"You should teach me Italian some time, it sounds like a great language."

Jax nodded, feeling so light on the inside, he'd think he could easily float away. He holds on to the bed carefully, smiling as broadly as possible. "I would love to." To exchange those words again… to exchange experiences, to feel alive, to forgive, to love, is divine. This couldn't possibly pass… Please God, don't let it be too good to be true.

"You have a nice voice. In only heard it once, that time you were playing the guitar?"Jax asked and wrinkles his nose, not in disgust, but of pure joy. Trojan nods slowly, and Jax lays down against him, curling up like a puppy.

"Then sing something for me,"he demanded, leaving no room for objection.

Trojan was silent for a second and looked a bit amazed, but smiled and gave in eventually. The words ringed through the room, some sort of heavenly echo that lifted his conscience. The only thing that kept him in contact what the earth, were the simple, light words, that touched him so deeply he could cry. "Little star…", vibrating tones healing the soul, while touching Jax's hands and letting fingers smoothly run through the raven hair. A bright star. My star.

*

"Kita! Kita!"Scott yelled, running down one of the various hallways. There were so many of them, the problem was that they all looked alike. God, it was like a damn maze here, and he couldn't find her… Scott bit his lip and his vision blurred, as he thought of Kita, and that look of pure horror and pain she had on her face… Whatever she remembered, it must've been awful beyond compare.

Scott tasted blood –he had bit his lip too hard. But he was oblivious to that, all that mattered to him was Kita. She had looked so frail and helpless, so scared and tormented, when she sat in her corner… Her eyes glazed over as if she saw things he couldn't say, and she probably did. Felt and heard things he couldn't see. Things from that horrible time, that grey area in time, the two weeks she had spend away from her tribe, God knows where.

Scott had never felt a stronger love for her. His compassion for her was so big, that he shivered at the thought of what might have happened to her. The image was burned in his mind; the girl he loved, crying in a corner, terrified. He could hardly stand it, and the idea that she was alone while being in a state of mind like that, made him call out her name again. Where did she run off to? Ten seconds ago she had still been in his sight.

Where was she?

His mind had just brought forth that question, or she shot into eyesight, so suddenly it made Scott gasp. She stood in front of him, her muscles trembling with pure fury, and her eyes were filled with an all-consuming fire. And… she was a knife.

She seemed like a woman possessed, and the hate in her eyes would've send everybody run screaming. She looked down at him, from under heavy eyebrows, her eyes dark water, polluted pools. A breach had occurred, rage flowed like water pouring from a spigot, and Kita was obviously going after the poisonous source.

She looked very determined, and even calm in a way, like people are when they're going mad. Scott was, to say in the least, slightly taken aback why her gaze that shot fire, and staggered back a little. "Kita…,"he said shocked.

Her dark eyes trailed over the hallway and rested on him. She looked at him viciously, her mouth a thin line, and she was eerily quiet.

"Kita… what… what the hell are you doing?"Scott asked in a voice that wasn't much more than a whisper. Silence at first. Then: "I'm going to… pay someone a visit." She carved air with her knife. Such hate in her eyes… What could've happened to her, what horrible thing, for her to become so angry? Scott hardly dared wonder.

"Kita, sweety, listen to me. I know you're angry…,"he started, but it was vain. She snapped at him. "No, you don't!"she yelled. "You don't know anything! You… don't… know… shit!" Tears welled up in her eyes.

"I was trapped there. I was fucking trapped in this hole, in the dark, with that… that… I thought I was going to die, I knew for sure! And the things he did to me, I can't… It was so fucking awful…! I never… Just, don't tell me you know, because you don't know anything; you don't know what it was like!! I was stuck there, I hardly knew anything but pain, I was scared all the time! Scared of him, scared I would lose myself, it was goddamn torture! And you could never imagine…" Her voice broke, jumbled words, and tears streaked her cheeks.

Scott felt all feeling disappear from his body. He was standing uncertain on his feet. Now, how could he possibly know what it was like, what she went through? What could he do to help her? But God, he wanted to help her so bad, she looked so forlorn, so sad, so filled with hate… Tormented. And he didn't know what she had been through, but he was empathic enough to become weak in the knees, feeling the total devastation that radiated off her. Her eyes would kill him. He had to do something, something, anything, as long as he could make things right again, take away her pain… Beautiful Kita, you don't deserve to be in pain.

Scott looked up at her, shaking his head slowly, dumbfounded. His head felt like it was stuffed with cottonballs. "Kita, baby, ofcourse I don't know, but I care. And all I want to do is just… help you."

She looked him straight in the eye. "Good."

*

Zion continued to grin at her. "And if it's a girl, we could call her Kathleen, that was my mother's name; I love that name! Or something from Lord of the Rings, I read that book ten times when I was a teenager. We could call her Galadriel, that's easily cut short to Gala. Or Arwen! You know Lord of the Rings? Arwen was this Elfen-princess, she was darkhaired and beautiful, and I could just picture a daughter of you looking like that; yeah, an exact copy of you,"Zion went on and on, the smile never leaving his face, his eyes sparkling as if he was a toddler released in a candystore… it was hard for Iz to hold back her tears. She, sitting opposite of him, did her very best to smile back, but she felt her heart pound heavily and painfully, and with every throb, she felt her eyes got wetter. Soon he would notice it, and then she would have to tell him what was wrong. She couldn't lie to him, she could never lie to him. But how could she possibly tell him what was wrong, shatter his happiness? It would be inhuman. But then again, keeping this thing as a secret… even more inhuman?

She didn't know what to do, and it was driving her crazy. If only she felt nothing, it would've been so easy for her, but know she couldn't make an objective choice. She had never felt such emotion weighing her down, making every limb feel so heavy, her eyes wet and her chest like it was being crushed… Every morning she woke up, wishing she didn't, because there was the chance she would look at Zion, and see the features she loved frozen in time. She would go insane if she was faced with his death, she knew it for sure. She would go insane and maybe that would be better, because she didn't know what to do with those feelings… How she wished to be emotionless at a time like this, an ice-queen, a robot, like she once was. But those days were over; Zion changed her for the best and the worst. She was going to pay back her happiness with a greater sadness than she ever knew, she would be frozen, broken beyond repair. He made her want to feel like glass. Frail she became. Wished she was still cold metal, like once, something that wouldn't break when life tried to shatter it.

'I could just picture a daughter of you looking like that; yeah, an exact copy of you,'Zion had said. Or an exact copy of you, Zion, Iz whispered in her head, words dry and carrying the last precious bit of comfort last for her. Her last hope, she thought, as she laid a pale hand on her belly.

"And if it's a boy… Er, well, then… you can think of the name! How's that?"he asked childishly enthusiastic, expecting to see his mood reflected in her. But she just sat there, looking out of the window with dead eyes, legs pressed together and hands folded on her lap, vision of a creature from the mist.

"If it's the boy, I'd call him… Zion,"she whispered without thought, her eyes focused on the snow-covered world outside. Her voice broke, she couldn't help it, she was only made of glass… The slightest crystal tear dropped to the ground in silence.

"Izzy, what's wrong?"Zion asked, sitting down next to her.

Iz looked him straight in the face, lost in the green eyes that, in spite of his arisen concern for her, still shimmered with happiness. Make a choice… Make a choice… One thing or the other, and whatever you choose, it'll all be fucked in the end anyway. There is no escape. We are not in control.

Iz opened her mouth and was hardly able to utter more than a broken groan at first, but found her voice back. An eerie silence took over her mind, a mist grabbed her heart and made it shrink as she plastered on a smile and said: "There is nothing wrong with me, I just can't believe we're having a child. It's so strange…" Bitch. Liar. Look at you, with your serene smile. What will you do when he collapses, say it's just a bug. The bubble will burst eventually, oh yes girly, no one can keep a surade like this up.

Zion's smile, if it were possible, grew even bigger. "You've got nothing to worry about, Izzy. I'll take care of you and this baby. I know I haven't been around for you a lot lately, what with all the troubles in the tribe, and my health causing problems. But it's known that as soon as the frost melts, it all gets better. I mean, that has even got to be a saying, right? The tribe will be a lot happier once we get back to our beloved wilderness again. I can smell it already. The trees, the fresh flowers, the pure soil, the wild scent… You liked it too, didn't you?"

"Y-yes…"

"I'm so sorry we had to leave. It only cost us a whole lot of trouble, but if we stayed there, we would've probably frozen to death, y'know. That would be a pity too."

Please, Iz thought, please stop talking to me like that. Please don't look so hopeful and happy…

"We'll be back soon, though,"Zion went on, his happiness making him oblivious to anything bad going on. "Back to our hippy-lifestyle and all, and our child will be born… You know, I liked the name Kathleen better. Like my mom was called. Or Zion, yeah, it could be a boy though, but I'm really hoping for a girl, what about you?"

"It doesn't matter to me…,"Iz said in a toneless voice, her eyes glazed over, looking like her soul had left her body.

"Hm, you're right, it's our kid and I'll love it anyway, what does it matter if it's a boy or a girl. Heh, you know, don't give your Fearless Leader any weird looks, but I'm actually pretty good with kids, if I say so myself. I came from a big family… Hm, didn't I already told you about that once? About my younger brothers and sisters? I really wonder what they are doing now, I miss them… But knowing them, they're doing okay; they're survivors, I thought them that. And I'll teach this baby everything it needs to know too, I'll make sure it will grow up happy and feel loved." Zion giggled, looking a tad manic. "I can't believe it, Izzy." A tight hug. "We're going to be parents. Hey, you know what an occasion like this needs? A party. And a nice meal! I mean, it's in the middle of the winter, so we're not exactly talking cornea-copia-situation here, but I'm sure we'll manage to do okay. How about it; a party? It will bring this tribe closer together, it needs a bit of teamspirit and cheering up. Yeah. Yeah? Okay! Iz, it'll be good for us, it'll be sweet… I'll make sure. It only gets better from now on." Zion got up and left, probably to prepare that feast he was talking about.

Iz shivered and inhaled sharply. No. She'd rather be dead, if it meant not having to go through this. Float down the Styx, emotionless and grey… What was this fucked-up thing called love –something she never had to deal with before- and why did it have to tear her apart like this? What was she doing her? Why did whoever spins and cuts the threads up there, had to make me fall in love with you and then play this sick joke; taking you away from me again?

A groan turned into a sob and she buried her face in her hands.