This is the last Tonks/Lupin angst for a while i promise. :) hope you enjoy the chapter :) see disclaimer on previous chapter.
When she entered the Three Broomsticks Tonks didn't see the people she was meeting right away it was so packed. It wasn't until she heard someone call her name that she found them.
Sirius was sitting at a table in the very back accompanied by Lily whom Tonks was surprised to see. She had thought Sirius was bringing Peter.
"Wotcher." She said as she sat down, although it lacked her usual conviction. Sirius pushed a pint glass toward her right away.
"Drink up coz. Don't worry its only Butter beer. I know how high dosages of alcohol effect you."
"It was only the one time, I was 14 years old. I think I can handle it now thanks." She said shortly. "What are you doing here?" she asked Lily, hoping she didn't sound as rude as she thought she did. "Sorry, it's not that I'm not glad to see you two, it's just that…" she sighed. "Never mind."
"I didn't have to work today, at either of my jobs." Lily said significantly.
"What can I say, my mother always said I was only fit to lead a dogs life. I guess she was right." Sirius quipped.
Tonks snorted into her Butter Beer. "Your mum is a hag. Why'd you want to meet?"
Sirius laughed, but quickly sobered. "Feeling charitable today eh? I just wanted to see you, isn't that enough?"
Tonks rolled her eyes, but she smiled slightly.
"We wanted to see how you were." Lily added. "Your mum and dad told Sirius that they were worried, they haven't heard much from you."
Again Tonks rolled her eyes. "I'm 17, do I really still need to report in? I've been busy, working a lot you know? I have to do really well on my NEWTs if I want to be considered for an Auror. I can't stop now."
Sirius shrugged. "I told Andy that you were probably busy, but she didn't seem to believe it. Seems to think your pining."
Lily shot Sirius an annoyed look. Clearly she hadn't wanted to go into the subject like that.
"I'm not pining." Tonks said almost heatedly. She didn't want to talk about this; she didn't want to talk about him. "Why should I be? He's the one that's being the bloody idiot. Honestly I try not to think about it." It was a lie. It had been five months since Remus had broken up with her and while she tried to focus on school and listen to Cally's schemes to make the Hufflepuff Quidditch team winners, she thought about him a lot, and what he could be doing. It didn't take away from her work though; if anything she was pushing herself harder. She wasn't about to give up just because he was being a prat.
"You didn't even go home for Christmas though." Lily said gently. She herself was rather annoyed with Remus, but agreeing with Tonks wouldn't help anything, only fuel the fire. "I know he's being a prat about it, refuses to talk about it actually, but…"
Tonks looked at the two of them sharply. "You've seen him?"
Sirius for once looked guilty as if they weren't supposed to let this out. "Yeah, we saw him. A few times actually. He was at the last get-together."
Order Meeting, she thought. "So how is he?" she asked without emotion.
Sirius snorted derisively, "He's a bloody mess. Like Lily said he refuses to talk about you, he pretends that he doesn't want to know how you are, says he's better off that way. And half the time he comes back looking like a bag of bones instead of a man."
Again Tonks felt her curiosity being piqued. "What?" she asked sharply. "What d' you mean? What's going on?"
Lily aiming for Sirius apparently ended up kicking Tonks instead. "Sorry," she said as she glared at Sirius who looked back at her innocently. He leaned closer to Tonks conspiratorially; ignoring the pointed look Lily was giving him, and spoke in low tones.
"Dumbledore's got him on a mission, an on going one. He's been working on it since June."
"June?" she was surprised. She hadn't caught a hint that anything was up; he had even managed to spend more time with her that summer, before breaking up with her at the end of August.
Sirius nodded. "He looks like shit every time he comes home."
"What's he doing?" she asked in low tones of her own.
"Sirius, don't." Lily warned. "No one is supposed to know. How you found out is a mystery, although it's not surprising, but he wouldn't want you to tell her."
"Moony doesn't know what he wants Lily. He's been messed up as long as I've known him, buying in to some moral code that his father laid down for him. That's why he's doing this. Tonks deserves to know. If it was James you would want to know wouldn't you?" he asked shrewdly.
Lily didn't say anything, so he continued. "I don't understand why it's supposed to be a big secret, all keeping it hidden will do is lead to trouble." He looked at Tonks to make sure she was listening. "Like I said Dumbledore has him on a mission, one only he can do if you understand my meaning."
Tonks repressed the urge to gasp. He wouldn't, not even Dumbledore would subject someone to something like that, would he?
"He's… with others like him?"
Sirius nodded and she felt her heart clench. "He's not living with them is he?"
This time he shook his head and she felt a wave of relief. Imagining Remus with the other werewolves, the ones like Greyback was horrifying.
"He's meeting with some of them though, has to do it on the sly so Greyback doesn't figure out what he's doing. He looks at Remus as his personal property." Sirius said bitterly. "If he knew, then he'd go after Remus for sure. As it is Greyback holds too much power with the werewolves."
"Remus thinks he might be catching on to him." Lily added quietly. "He's run into him a few times and he's always pressuring him to join the pack. They had a fight not to long ago, on the full moon." She shuddered. "He has a scar on his side now that reaches almost to his hip."
Tonks clutched her tankard although it was now empty. "Does he have to change with them?"
They both nodded. "He says its one of the only ways to gain their trust. Short of actually joining the pack and Dumbledore doesn't want him to do that."
Tonks shook her head as if to clear it. She was feeling a cacophony of emotions.
"We shouldn't have told you." Lily said softly. "But Sirius is right, for once," she said smiling slightly at his offended look, "You have the right to know."
Tonks stared down at her hands for a moment, not really seeing them. "No, I'm glad you told me. I've wanted to know what he meant when he said he had to leave, I" she paused and looked at the two of them. "Thank you. I appreciate it. So," she asked lightly, even though she felt like throwing up, "What's new with your lot?"
She talked with Sirius and Lily for another hour, in which time she found out that Lily and James were expecting a baby, sometime in July, Peter had finally moved out of his mother's and Sirius had met, gotten together with and dumped a Romanian witch.
"She was a little too crazy for me. I mean there's crazy, and then there is just plain nuts you know?"
They did not speak of Remus again, for which she was grateful. As she trugged up to the castle, watching the lights from the windows becoming brighter, Tonks was finally able to get a hold of the emotions that had been storming through her since sitting down in the Broom Sticks. She hoped that Remus knew what he was doing. In some ways it was better to know what was happening to him, but it would also cause more worry. I don't want you to have to go through that, he had said. Was this what he had meant?
Tonks continued to immerse herself in her studies, to listen and try to show the interest she would have had before when Cally went on about the improvements she was making as the Hufflepuff captain, and to give the overall appearance that all was well. She didn't want to see anymore pitying looks from Cally, jut because her long distance relationship was working out and Tonks was apparently still battling heartache. Cally had even taken to trying to set her up with all the eligible males in their year, something that gave her a real laugh at first, these boys were really just that; boys who cared about Quidditch not stopping madness from taking over the world. She compared them all to Remus, which really wasn't fair she knew, so they were all found lacking.
In May, just after her 18th birthday, Professor Sprout informed her that Professor Dumbledore wished to see her in his office at her earliest convenience. That night found her frustratedly trying to get the statue to let her in.
"Cockroach Cluster!" she practically screamed at it, her usual patience running thin. To her surprise and partial glee it moved to let her by.
"About time." She grumbled as the stairs brought her up to the door of Dumbledore's office. She had hardly knocked when a voice called, "Enter."
Tonks pushed the door open and was greeted by Dumbledore's warm smile and twinkling gaze.
"Nymphadora, please come in and have a seat. I daresay I wasn't expecting to see you so soon."
She didn't bother to correct him on her name, it seemed disrespectful, but did wonder when she had gone from being Miss Tonks to Nymphadora.
"Toffee?" he offered as she sat down.
"No thank you professor."
Dumbledore nodded and tented his hands holding her gaze for what seemed a long time. She got the impression he was reading her mind, which really wouldn't have surprised her.
"Am I right in assuming that Remus has informed you of the Order of the Phoenix?" he finally asked. He didn't sound particularly angry that Remus would have told her, and his eyes still retained a twinkle so she nodded.
"Yes sir he has."
Dumbledore seemed pleased for some reason. "I thought as much. He has expressed to me your interest in joining and I must say that I would like nothing better. That is if you still wish to join?"
"Yes," she said quickly. "I do."
"It will be hard for you if you do indeed join the ministry as an Auror, which is your plan yes?"
Again she nodded.
"Yes, I did not think you would change your mind. Once you set your mind to something you are unfailing in seeing it through I have noticed. A good quality to have in these times. You will have to lie to the ministry, they are more in favour of covering things up then anything else I'm afraid. Do you think you can do this?"
"Yes, I know that it's right, so yes I can lie if I have to."
Dumbledore beamed. "Then welcome to the Order of the Phoenix Nymphadora."
Tonks smiled slightly back at him and if he noticed her reaction wasn't at its usual voltage he said nothing of it.
Just as they were parting and Tonks was heading out the door Dumbledore stopped her.
"One more thing. I may call upon you soon to assist in a small matter."
Tonks nodded, her curiosity piqued and departed the room.
It was the second week in June, one week before Tonks would graduate when Dumbledore called upon her. She had just completed her final exam, Defense against the Dark arts, and when she went to exit the great hall with the other students Professor McGonagall who had been over seeing called her back.
"Professor Dumbledore wishes to see you. The password is Sherbet Lemon."
Tonks hastened right away, only stopping briefly to dump her bag in her dormitory.
"Ah, Nymphadora come in, quickly."
Tonks did as she was told and quickly sat in front of his desk.
"You wanted to see me?"
"Yes." He looked at her somewhat critically she thought.
"I have need of your particular skills. It seems that Remus has gotten himself for lack of a better word sucked in by the Werewolves. His mission, which I am sure you are aware of as it was supposed to be a secret so naturally, the whole order knows, has come upon an impasse. He has become unresponsive to my summons and I fear that his prolonged exposure to the others with his condition has caused him to despair. You have every right to refuse what I am about to ask of you, but you may very well be the only one who can accomplish this."
"You want me to go and convince him to come home? To give up his mission?"
Dumbledore beamed. "Yes exactly! I cannot go myself, I would be far too recognizable and I do not wish to endanger him by having him associated with me. We need someone who would not be memorable, that is where you come in."
"Where is he?" she asked already planning out how she would morph.
"Inverness."
***
The thirsty cleric, which really rang true Remus thougt; all the clerics he had met had indeed had a drinking problem, was a dinghy hole in the wall pub. The werewolves had taken a liking to it because the proprietor had no problem in serving them as long as they paid, and so he could be found there most nights with the others in the "pack".
That particular evening he was sitting at the bar, drowning himself slowly in beer and whisky. He had started out with a butter beer, which his new "friend" Erin had laughed at, but soon he had moved on to harder liquor. He was now on his fifth shot of Firewhisky and after that planned on moving on to that Muggle ale that Erin seemed so fond of.
What's the point, he thought to himself as he watched the reflection of the others in the pub, of trying to keep going. When he had first started his mission a year ago now he had had his doubts that it would succeed, had tried to convince Dumbledore that the only way was to actually join the pack out right, but Dumbledore had been adamant. He was only to talk to those werewolves who were outside the pack or lower down the pecking order. Greyback's hold was too strong to try and convince them all that there was a better way.
He even doubted that now. Is it really better? He mused foggily. To live on the fringes in a society that won't accept me? To try and pretend everything is normal, even when you're starving and living in a run down shack because you can't get a job? Lately he had begun to think that was where his life was leading. Dumbledore wouldn't be able to protect him forever and his friends, he would just bring them down if they were associated with him. He had come to realize that quickly after staring to associate with his fellows. Was how they chose to live so bad really? At least they had each other; they even seemed to have formed relationships amongst themselves. It was a close society really and they had welcomed him only a little warily. Now Erin was trying to persuade him to join officially and leave everything behind. He had thought about it, giving everything up and living like them. Hadn't his father always said that that was what would probably be awaiting him?
What did he have to go back to anyway? No they would be better off without him, James had Lily and a baby on the way after all and he and Sirius were like two peas in a pod. Inseparable. And Peter, well Peter would get on fine, he always had. And Dora...
He sighed and took another pull from his bottle, not even noticing the taste. He had been thinking about her a lot, especially recently when he had begun to despair. He missed her more than words could describe. Her uninhibited laugh, the look she would give him when she saw through his pretenses, her smile, the way her eyes lit up whenever she saw him. He had found himself looking back and examining every moment they had spent together since they had first met that day in the library. He thought about that day a lot. If he hadn't gone to her and tried to comfort her they probably wouldn't have met, she would just be Sirius's cousin that he ran into on occasion and nothing more. Still, as much as he longed to be with her, his resolve was stronger. She didn't need him; he would just ruin her life. No, he was doing the right thing.
"You sure you need another one?" a deep masculine voice asked when Remus beckoned for the bar tender again. He looked at the man beside him, Erin, groggily and nodded. Erin shook his head.
"You young lads think you can handle everything. No one ever tells ya about alcohol poisoning anymore. That's what got me mate John, he drunk himself under the table every night. We found him one night, dead in the corner there." He pointed to a corner by the door.
Remus nodded, but he wasn't really listening. Erin must have sensed this, because he clapped Remus on the shoulder with one big hand. A long scar ran across his hand and up his arm from where he had been bitten as a teenager. He had told Remus the story a dozen times at least. Erin was around 30 Remus estimated although it was hard to tell with werewolves. They all looked older then they were. He was a gruff man, although he had taken a real liking to Remus after he had had his back when a brawl broke out in the pub one night almost a year ago.
So far he and two others were the only ones Remus had been able to convince to side against Voldemort.
"Your too young to drink your self into a stupor. Leave that to the older wolves, they aint got much left to live for anymore any how."
Remus pushed his ale away, although reluctantly and Erin clapped him on the shoulder again. "That's a lad. Sides that bird over there has been eyeing you for a bit, you don't want to pass out fore you get a chance do ya?"
Remus glanced to where Erin had indicated. The woman at the table was indeed looking at him. She was thin, with long brown hair that was somewhat lank. Her nose turned up a bit and her blue eyes were a little too far apart. It was not a memorable face, more like one you would glance at a grocery and forget a minute later. Yet as he looked at her he felt a pang of recognition. Blaming it on the excessive amount of alcohol he had consumed, Remus turned away.
"She's probably just wondering how I got the scar on the back of my neck or something."
Erin shrugged and went back to his beer. A moment later the woman appeared on the stool to Remus's left.
"Do you mind if I sit here?" her voice was a little chirpy, but the way she pronounced her rs seemed familiar. Again he shook it off.
"No, go ahead. It's a free country, or rather a free stool in this case." Merlin's beard, I really must be drunk to have just said that, he thought in amusement. Maybe not drunk enough though.
The woman giggled and moved closer to him. "Can I buy you a drink? I noticed you looked kind of lonely over here."
Beside him Erin snorted into his drink and Remus resisted the urge to laugh, although in his drunken state it was a near thing.
"He's had enough for one night luv." Erin told her.
"Thank you though." Remus added. The woman smiled, her teeth were a little crooked but not that bad.
"Oh it's no problem," she paused for a moment. "I'm Bree." She introduced, "And you are?"
"Remus." He said, somewhat distracted. Again his brain was telling him that this woman was familiar. "I'm sorry, but have we met before?"
He was sure he saw a hint of panic in Bree's eyes, or was it irritation? Before she giggled again and laid a hand on his arm. "No I don't believe so. People are always mistaking me for someone else." She smiled at him again. "You seem like a nice bloke, would you care to walk me home? I'm staying with my aunt and I'm afraid I don't know the area too well. I'd feel much safer walking in the dark if you were with me."
Remus was about to say no, he wasn't about to give this girl the wrong idea, but Erin elbowed him as if sensing his thoughts and hissed in his ear. "Go for it lad. It's not often that lass's take interest in us. Sides it is getting pretty dark out there. Wouldn't want anything to get her."
"I suppose I could walk you home," he conceded. "I should be getting home myself. How I don't know, I'm no even fit to chuck powder in a fire."
Bree was already standing waiting for him. "You can use my aunts floo." She said quickly as she led him out of the pub. "I'll through the powder in."
Once outside they began walking in an eastward direction. He noticed that Bree kept glancing around warily and this action, the way her eyes would scan their surroundings quickly then flick back again, again seemed very familiar to him.
The cool night air was beginning to wake him up a bit and so his brain started working through the alcohol fog. He was coming to a conclusion, but it seemed ridiculous. There is no way, he told himself impatiently. It can't be. Yet he found himself wanting to believe it.
"Nymphadora." It came out involuntarily, and at first he thought he had only thought it. But before he had uttered the last syllable she had grabbed him by the front of his jumper and pulled him into a side alley between two buildings.
Once she was sure they were out of sight she began changing back to herself. He watched as her hair shrunk upward until it was just below her ears, as her figure filled out and her eyes changed back to their usual stormy grey. "Wotcher." She said softly.
Remus was stunned to say the least. "Dora?! What are you... why are you here?"
She looked at him severely and wafted a hand in front of her. "Your breath stinks. Dumbledore sent me."
Remus tried to process this but it just made his headache. "What?"
She sighed impatiently. "Dumbledore sent me." She said slowly.
"Yes, I got that thank you." He said irritably. "Why?"
She was now looking away from him, presumably watching to see if anyone was coming.
"Because you're acting like a bloody prick and ignoring him. He was worried, said your mission was a bust and he wanted you to give it up."
Remus leaned against the wall of the alley tiredly. "He said that. Wait, how do you know about my mission? Why did he send you?"
She rolled her eyes exasperatedly. "I just told you. I know your drunk but do try to keep up yeah? As to how I know, I joined the order a month ago. And Sirius told me back in January. So I've known for a while."
"You joined…" he sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. "Never mind that, you always said you would. It was me that recommended you to Dumbledore anyway. But why did he send you specifically?" Why not someone else, he thought but didn't say.
If she was offended that he didn't seem to want her there she didn't show it. "Cause I'm the only one that could do it. He needed someone that wouldn't be remembered once they disappeared and here I am just full of disguise."
Remus shook his head, but regretted it instantly as the whole alley began to spin. "Well you came for nothing because I'm not going."
She didn't say anything just stared at him incredulously her arms crossed.
"So you can tell Dumbledore that you tried, but I'm not going. This is were I belong with my fellows, there is no place for me in wizarding society, you're all better off without me."
Again she didn't say anything, just stared at him impassively.
"Go then." She finally said shortly. "If you really believe that. That you don't have people who care about you. Go back in that pub and get shitfaced and spend your days with the other Dark creatures." She said the last part bitterly. "If that's what you really want."
He stood up straight, angry now, the first time he could ever really remember getting angry with her. "I don't know what I want anymore! I didn't ask for this, it was put upon me by my father's actions. I can't just go back and live a "normal" life after what I've seen here! This is what my life will be reduced to one day anyway, why prolong the inevitable. That's something that you never seemed to understand Dora. It doesn't matter if people care about me or love me, it will all end the same way. Being with me, being my friend, it will just cause trouble."
He turned away then and went to the mouth of the alley.
"You really think they feel like that? You're the one that doesn't understand." She said softly.
He heard her sigh, "I'm sorry about this Remus."
Then he was hit from behind and slumped to the ground unconscious.
"I'm so so sorry love." She whispered kneeling beside him and gently making sure he hadn't hurt himself when she had stunned him. She then struggled to get him back up before dissaparating them both away and hoping that she didn't splinch them in the process.
