Lying Helpless in Her Arms
Chapter 28 - No Julian & Brooke Pt I
"Auntie Brooke!!!!" the little boy hugged her legs.
"Hey buddy" she answered with as much excitement.
"Are you going to wait for Santa with me?" he whispered in her ear, with his hands around his mouth.
She copied his motions and said in his ears "Santa is very smart. If we wait he doesn't come. He has to surprise us"
"Mom can we make a trap?" he asked innocently
His parents laughed and nodded their hands as he ran to think about a possible trap he could make to get Santa.
"Are you sure he won't be hurt if I am not here tomorrow morning?" Brooke asked Haley for the hundredth time that day. She had once again tried to buy Julian the perfect Christmas gift but like the other seven times she had spend the whole day from mall to mall, she was yet to find the present that would represent everything she felt. Now she would be traveling to Wilmington in less than twenty-four hours and no gift in hand.
"Don't worry Brooke, he is absolutely excited that you are staying for Christmas dinner in the new house" Nathan assured the brunette as they heard the doorbell. "I guess our guesses are here!" he announced as he walked to where Brooke had just entered by.
"Are you sure you are okay with this?" Haley also repeated the question she had been making for the past week.
"Positive, Tutor Mom. I got over what happened between Lucas, Peyton and I a long time ago" Brooke moved her hand to the shoulder of her friend with a sweet smile as she led their way to the kitchen.
"Really? I thought that the pain they caused you was the reason why you can't be with this amazing man that loves you more than life, the man that isn't here today because you thought you couldn't handle him and Lucas at once" Haley sounded apologetically and challenging altogether in a very Hales way to call Brooke in her denial.
"What I mean is I have no problem seeing Lucas. I miss Karen and Lily and it isn't fair that the whole family can't be here for Christmas just because I had a problem with Lucas so many years ago. I am over what happened, no hurt feelings. If I can't open my heart to love again is a total different thing" Brooke explained and only this explanation was already to let her tired. All she wanted was this to be simple, as much as she wanted things to be simple with Julian.
But she knew neither was. She hadn't see Lucas in almost five years. The couple of times she had visited Tree Hill ever since she left she made sure he wasn't around. First he was in LA with Peyton and later he was promoting his book around the country.
She had no idea of how she was going to react and as she could hear his voice coming from the living room she wished she had invited Julian to be there with her tonight. It wasn't like she didn't trust her feeling for the raven haired guy, she knew she loved him and seeing Lucas would never change that but it didn't mean it wouldn't make her insecurities even bigger.
She hadn't lied to Julian; she was incapable of making the same mistake again. She had told him she was going to spend Christmas with her family and that included Lucas. She didn't give many details about what happened between Lucas and her, especially because he told her he had read Lucas' book. The book was about Lucas' view and feelings in the love triangle of hell and just as the writer whoever read it was clueless of how hard it had been for Brooke to break up with him after his betrayal and then again because of his lie and Peyton's feelings.
To anyone else it was only about a couple of teenagers that made a couple of mistakes but for Brooke was the last prove that she wasn't enough. That she hadn't been enough for her parents; hadn't been enough for her boyfriend and hadn't been enough for her best friend. It proved the obvious and hurtful truth that she was a failure to anyone and couldn't be loved. While her growing and lately definitive friendship with Haley and Karen proved her that she could be loved as a friend and a daughter she was yet to be convinced that she could be loved as a woman.
Becoming a celebrity had only made it worse to her. There were so many guys that only approached her because of publicity stunts or her money. She couldn't trust anyone around her and she definitely couldn't trust her heart to any of these people. Until Julian came.
It wasn't only about who Julian was but also how everything happened. How they met absolutely by chance. How he had been there for her when he didn't have a clue of who she was. She knew she was a beautiful woman but how many even more beautiful women wouldn't be throwing themselves at his feet? Julian was a man that didn't need to go after any woman. They were naturally attracted by him. She had been a bitch to him and he had let her drink as much as she needed and had taken care of her in their way home.
He tried to avoid having sex with her until she made it impossible for him to resist and if there was something Brooke was confident about herself was her flirting skills. She knew she was not only attractive but also sexy and seducing.
Everything about Julian was different and everything he did only reassured her that she could trust him. But she was damaged. She was damaged by the man whose laughs she could listen coming from the living room.
She knew she couldn't avoid seeing him for the rest of her life. Actually she couldn't avoid seeing him for the rest of night and Haley had probably already informed him and Karen that she was in the kitchen. She knew Lucas was harmless and she thought that he had been over her for years then and because of this she was sure that he wouldn't try to do anything to hurt her again but still she was afraid of seeing him again. She was afraid of what would resurface. While she was sure love wasn't among the feelings his presence would cause she was afraid of her fears and memories become even stronger and more present in her life. He was a distant and painful memory that broken her heart apparently beyond repair and in that moment he would be a ghost that came to life.
She was still preparing herself to go meet the rest of Naley's family when his voice echoed from behind here. It was then or never and she didn't have anywhere to run so she slowly turned to answer.
"Hi, Luke" she plastered the best smile she could. Her voice cracking.
"Long time no see" he shoved his hands into his pockets as he leaned his side in the doorway.
"I guess we can say that" she cracked her knuckles nervously.
He took the first step to walk towards her and she unconsciously took a tiny small step back. Lucas surely had realized the small movement but he wouldn't stop midway now. He wanted to hold her again and to feel the smell he knew only Brooke had.
When he was only a couple of steps away of her and her back had already reached for the counter behind her, her cell phone came off and she was forever thankful for whoever was calling. It was only then that she paid attention to the music playing and she realized it was Julian. Even when he wasn't close he saved her. And more than ever she just wished she could forget the damage the blond man in front of her had caused.
"I really need to take this. I guess I meet you in the living room in a few?" she said as she took her cell phone hitting the answer button and turning her back to him. She greeted the man she loved and reading his name in the screen of her cell phone was enough to calm her down.
"Hi" she softly said as she heard Lucas' footsteps. Her voice was unsure and it was filled of fear and nervousness and surely Julian had caught it with only a syllable. Brooke never answered her phone like that. The vulnerability was never evident like it was then and it made him uneasy.
"Is everything okay?" he asked straight to the point.
"No" she whispered as the tears started to be shimmer in her eyes.
"What happened, Brooklyn?" his voice was filled of concern because of her quick admission.
He had read the book again ever since he left New York only two days ago. Nathalie as expected appeared in the same day he had had breakfast with Brooke but he wasn't ready to leave the brunette behind him, so he let his sister go and spent five more days in New York. In one of their last conversations, before he traveled to Wilmington she had finally mentioned Lucas Scott. The infamous writer that had broken her heart during high school. It wasn't clear in Lucas' book that he had hurt Brooke that much. Surely he acknowledged that he had broken her heart and that he thought it had been one of the biggest mistakes of his life. He didn't regret being with Peyton in the end but he regretted hurting Brooke in the process.
Brooke had told him how Peyton had been her rock for so many years and how she had loved Lucas. She told him she used to live like Nathalie until the day she met him and fell in love. Julian had been mad and he knew then that the writer had been the reason why she was so damaged so many years later. He was the man that he wanted to hit after their afternoon in the roof of Clothes over Bros even if Brooke didn't associate any of her current pain to the one she felt back then. She told him she just wanted him to know that she was going to meet Lucas and she wanted him to know someway who Lucas Scott was in her life.
"He is here" her tone had lowered more if that was even possible.
Julian didn't know how to answer to the vulnerability in her voice. While Brooke was absolutely confident that seeing Lucas wouldn't change her feelings towards Julian, the producer wasn't this certain. Actually he had realized that she kept most of the story from him because he could clearly see how painful it was for her to talk about her past and that man. She had never sounded so frail like she did saying those words over the phone and he could catch how deeply this Lucas guy affected Brooke. His Brooklyn.
"Did he say or do something?" was the best he could come with and there was as much insecurity in his voice and it broke her inside.
"No, you called me just as he was walking towards me" she breathed out.
"Didn't you exchange any word with him?" he asked incredulous that only the sight of this man affected her that deeply.
"A couple of greetings" she admitted feeling so bad about what she doing to him. She didn't need to see him or to listen to his defeated voice to know that she was hurting him. Of course it would hurt him to know that the woman he loved so much and that had assured that she loved him just as much was barely breathing because she exchanged a few words with the man that broken her heart more than five years ago.
"What happened between you too, Brooke?" he queried for the first time ever since she mentioned the heartbreak she had in high school.
"Nothing" she misunderstood his question. He didn't mean by then because he didn't have the courage to ask about the present time.
"Of course something happened otherwise you wouldn't be still hurt after so many years. if I remember correctly you told me you haven't seen this guy ever since your graduation so I guess something happened back then" his voice was calm but also resigned.
"Oh, back then… it is the same old silly story. Girl falls in love with boy, he cheats on her with her best friend and they break up. Girl doesn't forget the boy and when he says he made a mistake, he asks for a new chance and she decides to try again. But surely she breaks up with him again because he still loves her best friend and while he has his happily ever after love, the girl has her heart shattered into a million of pieces and it seems like literally millions of pieces as after more than five years she is yet to put all pieces together" she sarcastically explained and a couple of tears rolled down her face though she hoped her voice hadn't changed that much for him to show that she was crying.
"It is not the same old silly story if after five years you still suffer because of this. Nobody carries on their teenager disappointments for the rest of their lives unless they are more than simply their teenage heartbreaks" he tried to sound more positive and less hurt but it wasn't really possible. How could he compete with a love that clearly hadn't change after so much pain and years? He didn't doubt she loved him but in that moment it was becoming clear to him why it was so hard for her to give them a chance. No matter how much she loved him he knew it couldn't be compared to the guy that had been the owner of her heart for so long.
"It is just I've be fighting against these memories and pain for as long as I remember and it hadn't been easy. It seems like it is impossible for me to let it go and now it is not memories anymore. It is a living reminder playing with my godson in the next room. Our godson…" she opened up to him in a way she was yet to open up to someone, even Haley.
Her words had been like a knife being stabbed in his chest. It had just confirmed to him that she indeed couldn't let her teenage love go because it had been much more than just a teenage love. He couldn't find anything to say to her. There wasn't anything to be said, so he silently also let his tears fall. He had no idea that Lucas meant that much to Brooke and he realized that he had been naive about it. Of course the boy of her teen years had to mean this much to her otherwise she would have let it go just like everybody else did. Maybe they were a sort of Isabella-Dylan, except with a lot of drama and pain. He knew his sister and her husband had been meant to be together. They had loved each other ever since they were old enough to understand what loving a girl or a boy meant. There wasn't much drama in their story but it was clear to anyone around them that nothing would avoid what was their fate and Julian thought Brooke had the same. Only with someone else. Only with the boy that she had never got over.
"Julian?" she called after some minutes of silence
"Yeah" the snuffled voice showed her that he was crying.
"I need you Baby. I need you more than ever and now there is nothing I wanted more than for you to be here. I wish I had asked you to be here with me because I don't know if I can do it without you. I don't know if I will be able to be in one piece if you are not by my side to pull myself together" she pleaded and it was as if her soul was actually saying those words. It was the deepest and most absolutely truth in that moment.
"You will be okay, Honey. You will be okay. Don't let him hurt you again. Whatever you do just make sure he won't hurt you again, okay?" he breathed out but his voice was still snuffled and he just couldn't pretend he wasn't crying for losing the woman he loved so much.
"What are you talking about?" she asked confused. She had no idea of what Julian was saying and to be honest it really didn't help her in that moment.
It was a good thing that he had decided to call her from his bedroom instead of the living room as he initially thought. He had told the kids that she was going to come tomorrow morning but that her gifts were already under the tree. Julia got crazy to talk to Brooke over the phone and so did Austin. Julian was already planning to call to his almost girlfriend but had preferred to have a few moments with her in private before passing the phone to kids. He had let them know that he would talk to Brooke and then he would call them to talk to her. Such decision had saved the kids from seeing him devastated again and he was thankful for that. He could cry in the loneliness of his dark room without letting his family uneasy again.
Julian collected all the strength he had in his life and finally showed clearly what thoughts were crossing his mind in that moment "If you think that you want to try again, if he is really the man who you are meant to be with, just make sure he won't hurt you again. You deserve better than to be hurt, Brooke Davis. You deserve to be the happiest girl in the world. Don't settle for any less" and while the first part was painful and hard for him to say the last part was just natural. Brooke deserved to be happy. There was nothing that would make him happier than her happiness. And nothing that would make him more miserable than losing her but it wasn't his decision to make.
Brooke had been shocked to listen to the words he was saying. Was he giving up? Was he thinking that the battle she had was about love? Did he think she still loved Lucas? But before she got hurt by his lack of trust she had realized that she had never been really clear to him about the mess that her love life was.
"Julls. Listen to me, Baby. I need you because I love you. I need you because you are my strength. When you are standing by my side I feel like I am strong. I feel like nothing can break me again. I need you because you are my reassurance, you are my hope, you are my faith and you are my love. I need you so I can let it go. Let the pain go, let the fears go, I need you to make me forget, to give me a new heart. A brand new heart that will beat for nothing more but you. This one I have is broken into these pieces that I can't put together but I know you can give me a new one. I need you to have enough strength to face my painful past. To show me that my future will be nothing like my past. I need you because you are the man for me, Julian" the few tears that had silently rolled her eyes before had now turned into rivers that made her voice more snuffled than his but that also showed him that her words were absolutely true and that he indeed was the man she wanted by her side.
"What?" he incredulously uttered.
"You are the man for me, Julian and I don't want to keep denying me to you" she explained and this line alone was able to put a smile in her crying face.
"I am going to take a plane. Wait for me, don't go anywhere, tell Haley that you are not feeling well and that you will sleep a couple of hours to see if you feel better. I promise I will be there before the dinner" he immediately offered as he realized he had won. He had won the heart of Brooke Davis and if he beat the guy that she couldn't let go for so many years it really had to mean that he was the guy for her.
"No Baby, you don't need to come. I won't deny Uncle Ully to his kids on Christmas. I will be there with you tomorrow morning I just need to listen to your voice. I just need you to reassure me as you always do. I had always been so independent but with you I am not and I don't want to be. Just be here for me, Baby. Your voice is enough for now. I just need my Juker" she sighed confessing her most deep need. Also she wouldn't deprive the children of their beloved uncle. She could have Julian whenever she wanted and they only had him on holidays and smalls breaks in his tight schedule.
"I love you Brooke. I love you for trusting me your heart and for letting yourself need me when you don't need anyone. I am honored to be this man and I assure you Honey that I won't hurt you and I won't let anyone hurt you like that. You know sometimes I am a bit stupid and inexperienced and I do stupid things that I am sure will hurt you a bit but I won't ever break your heart. I can only thank you for letting me be your knight shining armor and I wish I was there to hold you against my chest and feel you snuggling in my chest until you find your spot. I wish I could be there holding your hand during the dinner and then after it, taking you home and sleeping at the sound of your endearing and sweet snoring. And I know I am not and maybe it doesn't help that much but my heart is and all while I am here you'll be in my mind and I will think about all those things and maybe if you think the same we could actually feel each other" he enthusiastically told her. He felt the excitement and ecstasy consuming his being because of her confession. She had confessed her love a couple of times before but this one was special. This one swept his insecurities away. The insecurities caused by a certain blond guy that wasn't that far of the brunette that both of them loved.
"See? You always know the right words to say to make everything be alright. You just make me believe in everything that I dreamed of a long time ago. You got through me Baby and that's all I need. It doesn't matter how far we are and if we talk it over the phone. You get a way with me and that's one of the reasons why I will be teenager Brooke again. For a long time I could only remember of the slut that was fooled by the idea of love only to have her heart broken but I keep forgetting of beautiful, brilliant and brave Brooke and I want to be her again. I want this to be the Brooke you have by your side. And I just wish I was looking into your beautiful chocolate eyes now instead of holding my phone"
"It doesn't really matter Honey. I can repeat all these words looking into your even more beautiful hazel eyes tomorrow and for the rest of my life if you want me to" the goofy smile in his face had long ago replaced the tears.
"Thanks, Julls, for everything" she breathed out and a smile also cracked in her face.
"I only do this because you are special Brooke, the special Auntie that has a row of lovely kids outside of my door waiting to talk to her" he said as he opened his door to see the kids but Jayden anxiously waiting to talk to Auntie Brooke. He had heard Julia sneezing and he knew they were there probably thinking that he had forgotten to give them the phone. Given the intensity of their conversation if the children had indeed had this thought they were absolutely right.
"I love you, Baby" she confessed before he handled the phone to kids to each he answered with the very same words.
Brooke had spent almost half an hour talking to the kids as they wanted to describe to her everything about the days she missed and how they knew Santa would give his gifts but that hers would be cooler. Brooke was again teary. Isabella and Dylan had made a great job with the kids that were so lovely and caring. She hang up and as she raised her chin to finally face all the demons of her past the main one was standing just in front of her and he didn't look very happy.
AN: I am happy I ended up updating this fic twice this week :D You guys definitely deserve two updates by week.
I want to thank to Syrine, Artemi, Sab, Kayla, sb1218, Love me some Julian, kaos2405, FriendlyGirl333 and SouthernBellBrooke. I've got less reviews that I've been getting in this fic but I hope my missing reviewers stop by this chapter.
Next: No Julian and no Brooke volume ends :P
Have a nice week
Babi
