Chapter 28
Dreams
"Get out while you can, Carlos. Find someone. Start a life. Be happy. And don't look back. You still have a chance before Karma catches up with you."
Blade's face looked blank and tired. His voice, as usual, was calm and soft. He never claimed to be a patriot. He never wanted to be a hero. He was just doing his job. He had 2 ex-wives, no pets, and no kids. He was a Navy Seal. He was one of the few people who called Ranger Carlos. He did what he did because he was good at it. It might sound strange but he didn't believe in war and killing. He was always composed and collected. He had a lot of acquaintances but didn't have too many friends. In some ways he was like Ranger's best friend, big brother, and second mentor. And they both knew he was not going to make it. He had lost too much blood. When the helicopter finally came back for them it would be too late. Blade was not afraid of death. He had updated his will the last time he went home to celebrate the holiday with his siblings and aging parents. He'd known all along this day would come. And he couldn't say he had no regrets. He could have chosen a different path. He could have gone after a different dream. He could have been a better husband. He could have adopted a cat from the shelter. But he'd made his decision a long time ago and he'd also made peace with all his longings. And now he was ready to let go and move on. He didn't believe the concept of Heaven. He believed it was only fair if everyone paid the price for what they did. Sometimes when he looked into Ranger's eyes, he saw the young man's angst and anger. And that worried him.
You can't walk away from wars without being traumatized. You can't smile and live a normal life after seeing and experiencing all the darkness and cruelty. A part of you will always remember. A part of you will always feel the pain and smell the scent of blood and death and gunpowder. A part of you will always resent the cold-blooded merciless beast lurking inside you. Because deep down within you know nobody is innocent and blood revenge is no answer. Because deep down within you are just another average human beings and you, as well as the nameless strangers you've just killed, have hopes and dreams and fears. Blade almost smiled his sad small smile as he thought of all the strangers/foreigners/enemies he had killed in the name of justice and peace. He recalled all the lies told by all the politicians at home around the world. He recalled all the crimes committed by selfishness and greed over the centuries in human history. He saw the faces of all the friends he'd lost in battles. He saw the face of the beautiful girl he'd wanted to date back in high school. Live by the sword, die by the sword. Yes, Karma does exist.
"Keep my cap as a souvenir." Blade locked eyes with Ranger and said. His voice had become weaker. He knew he didn't have much strength or time left. He felt like rolling his eyes as Jaguar, the other member of their team, turned away to wipe away a tear. "Keep my watch, too." He felt cold and numb. He didn't really feel the piercing pain. He hoped his mother wouldn't cry too hard. He knew how his always strict and proud father would feel. He thought of the young village girl who had given him a cup of greyish drinking water. He thought of the little boy who had politely thanked him for the too sweet chocolate bar. He thought of all the stars he'd seen on the top of the cold mountains. He thought of the blazing wind coming from the desert. He felt so tired. He closed his clear green eyes. He took a shallow breath and then said as clearly as he could:
"Get out while you can, Carlos."
It was the very last advice Thomas "Blade" Erickson gave Ranger. 11 months after Blade's funeral, his young friend left the Army and didn't look back. And now as Ranger helps a blushing and misty-eyed Stephanie out of his sleek black truck, he feels something tugging at his heart and he almost sighs. Yes, he knows he's in love.
