Go Baby Grow

Chapter 29 – Shifting Expectations

Sunday, May 31st

After worship, milling around and chatting was expected. Adam made his rounds with Julie at his side. He burst with pride anytime he was able to share that she'd soon be enrolling in the Academy. Julie noticed that Ensign Larson never seemed to be too far away. His extended smiles and eye contact made her heart flutter until she convinced herself that she was imagining his interest. I need to get over myself. Why would a young newly-commissioned Navy officer be attracted to me? She scoffed internally.

Thirty minutes after worship, the crowd had waned and Adam wrapped his arm around his daughter. The young officer was at his side. "Julie, Ensign Larson is joining us for the afternoon and evening. Why don't you ride to our place with him and show him how to navigate Seattle's convoluted streets?" Although Adam appeared to be making a request, Julie knew he was issuing a command.

"Sure," Julie agreed readily. "Remember, Dad, we have a workout scheduled with Ryder at 3."

"At what time?" Adam teased, finding himself hilarious.

"Right," Julie responded as she blinked and quickly converted her answer to military time, "At 1500."

"Larson, how about you give your Captain a day off and run Julie and another future plebe through their workout today?"

"Of course, Sir," the Ensign readily concurred, even though he had pushed himself hard during his own morning workout. "I'll need to stop at my quarters."

"Julie's not in a hurry, right, Itsy?" Adam grinned.

"We have plenty of time," Julie forced a grin, wondering if her father was attempting to orchestrate a love match. Why is he so smiley and eager to throw us together? she wondered.

Nate and Julie walked to his small but pleasant house. As a junior officer, he was assigned a smaller and simpler space. Fresh out of school, Nate only needed about one-third of the space the house offered. He was thrilled with the place.

"Come in," he smiled, unconsciously leaving his door open 90 degrees as if Julie were entering his dorm room at the Academy. His house was sparsely furnished. A Craigslist sofa, a Goodwill coffee table, and an old, heavy TV the last tenant had left behind sat in the Living Room. A couple pictures in frames sat atop the TV. To the side, on an old side table, sat a fish tank and a few more framed pictures. In the corner, two car doors were leaning against the wall. Had she known Larson better, Julie would have made a snarky or curious comment about the doors. Instead, she pretended not to see them.

The dining room, empty, led to the kitchen. One lone barstool sat by the counter. On this visit, Julie did not see either of the bedrooms or the bathroom. Peeking through the sliding door in the Dining Room, she noticed a pleasant brick porch with a fire pit. Three lawn chairs, none matching another, sat scattered in the yard.

"Can I offer you a drink? Water? Juice?" Nate inquired almost immediately. "And, please, feel free to have a seat." As she sat, Julie turned down his offer of refreshments.

"I'll go gather my workout gear," he smirked, feeling deeply attracted to his CO's daughter yet trying to convince himself not to make a move. She waited and fumbled through her purse as if she was looking for something. Actually, she did so to avoid staring at the officer's scattered pictures and empty house.

Oh crap! Julie screamed to herself, Ryder's flask is in here.

Just as she began to panic, Nate returned. He'd changed out of his summer whites and into jeans and a snug t-shirt that enhanced the appearance of his muscles. He had a duffel bag in his left hand and a water bottle in his right. "Shall we… what was it the Captain said? 'Navigate Seattle's convoluted streets'?"

"Sure," Julie smiled, distracted by the flask she'd been carrying around all morning. Nate walked her to his recent impulse buy, a used Black Jeep Wrangler with 33" tires and without doors. With a shy chuckle, he admitted, "It's a little high. Can I help you up?"

Trying not to laugh at the thought of climbing into the Jeep in her mother's pristine dress, Julie teased, "Sure, where's the ladder?"

Nate lowered his chin and displayed a silly grin. He asked, "May I?"

Julie wasn't sure what he was planning, but she nodded as she moved her ear toward her shoulder. He grabbed Julie at the waist and lifted her up as if he was picking a coin up off the sidewalk. Her weight didn't faze his physique. He strutted to the driver's side, jumped in, and smiled widely.

Larson seemed like a great guy, but their interaction seemed to shift between light and fun to uncomfortable and awkward. Once he began driving, Julie provided directions but their conversation faded. After the silence was more than Julie could stand, she realized, "You must have been at the Academy when my brother, Sam, was there."

"Sam Caldwell's your brother?! Oh my… What a small world," Nate chuckled. "He's a SEAL now, isn't he?"

"Yes," Julie confirmed. "We… or at least I… never know where he is or what he's doing."

"Caldwell was Brigade Commander one semester," Nate laughed. "He handled the billet fantastically."

"The other semester was with the battalion leadership, I think," Julie attempted to recall.

"Oh, hell… that's right. He was Battalion Drill Officer during fall term. Nobody f %#d with him!" Nate spouted before he remembered his context. "I apologize. That was out of line. I'm very sorry for my language."

"Why?" Julie scoffed. "I wouldn't mess with Sam either. I'm not surprised."

Nate parked his Jeep outside the Captain's house and helped Julie onto the ground. She led him into the house, showed him to the porch where Adam was smoking a cigarette and chatting with the woman he'd been laughing with earlier.

"Good afternoon," Julie stated pleasantly but with surprise when she saw the woman. She extended her hand, "I'm Julie."

The woman stood and shook Julie's hand, "What a pleasure, Julie. I've heard so much about you. I'm Tessa. And your bracelet - I have one just like it."

"Nice to meet you, Ma'am," Julie smirked as she ignored the jewelry comment. Who the hell is this woman and why is she here?! Julie wondered. Her day was becoming progressively more strange as the hours went by. "Do you know Ensign Larson?" Julie asked as she turned to Nate.

Tessa nodded and smiled, "Ensign…"

"Ma'am," Nate nodded. With everyone out of uniform and relaxing on a back porch, salutes and more formal greetings were unnecessary.

"Tessa… Captain Rice," Adam explained, "and I used to be stationed together in DC, Julia. She's visiting the base over the next few weeks."

"Welcome to Seattle, Ma'am," Julie forced. Her gut felt heavy around this woman and she couldn't wait until 3pm when she could escape the surprise gathering in her home. "If you'll all excuse me," Julie smirked as she stepped back into the house to change clothes.

Holy Mother of God… my dad invited a lady Captain over and also asked a new jr ofcr to workout with us at 3. This gives me the creeps. WTF? She typed quickly to Ryder. As they sent texts back and forth, she threw on a t-shirt and shorts. She pulled her hair out of its tight bun and let it hang past her shoulders.

A response shot back immediately, Is she hot?

She's his age, RB, Julie responded. Her groan nearly accompanied her written words.

Old chicks can be hot…Ryder protested. What's up with the Dude?

Just graduated from USNA. Nice guy. Knows my bro, Julie explained. Come over early, k?

What? To save your ass from the military invasion? Nah… Ryder wrote back.

I hate you, she wrote.

You love me. You dream about me. You want me, Ryder teased.

Just to provoke him, Julie responded, Changed out of church clothes into something slutty. Gonna go hang with handsome young Navy officer. Buh-bye.

Laughing inside, Julie hopped down the stairs. She made her way to the kitchen and encountered Nate, who had just used the facilities and was heading back outside.

"Wow," he blinked and smiled, "I barely recognized you at first." Mumbling and leaning toward Julie, thinking she already knew the latest Base gossip, Nate added, "Shall we go interrupt the love birds?"

After a huge swallow, Julie sputtered, "Umm… yeah… uhh… sure."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Amelia's motherly instinct concluded fairly early in the day that Lissa was not simply resting. Nolan's tension alone, although well-controlled, cause Amelia to suspect trouble in Paradise. As everyone pitched in to clear the table at 11:30, Amelia stated, "I think I'll take Liss some leftovers."

Concentrating on his conversation with Ryder about his frustrations and stresses, Nolan nodded. He heard her but didn't think to text Lissa or suggest that Amelia call first.

When Amelia reached the Tremblay Hunt home, she attempted to walk in. Finding the door locked, she knocked. When an answer didn't come, she rang the bell.

Lissa's footsteps were loud, as if she was stomping, and she growled from behind the door, "What? Now you forgot your keys?" In her robe and with tangled hair, Lissa unlocked the door and pulled her head back when she realized Nolan wasn't at the door.

"Oh… Amma. Hey," she muttered as she opened the door wide.

With a broad smile, Amelia sang in a happy voice, "Hi, Lissa. Were you able to catch up on some sleep?" She hugged her daughter in law and added, "I brought over some food."

Lissa let out a brief, "Thanks." She glanced toward the kitchen to indicate she wasn't interested.

Amelia stepped into the kitchen. Dishes, pots, and glasses were piled high. The garbage can was overflowing, and the counters were in need of cleaning. Saying nothing, Amelia popped the food into the fridge. When she stood up and turned around, Lissa was nowhere to be seen.

"Liss?" Amelia called out.

"In here," she yelled from the bedroom.

As Amelia walked toward the bedroom, she noticed the rest of the house was in disarray as well. Carpets needed to be vacuumed, and miscellaneous papers and mail were strewn along the dining room table. When she entered the Master Bedroom, which had a heap of clean laundry in one corner and dirty clothes in another, Amelia paused and decided to sit on the edge of the bed. Lissa, unengaged, was sipping tea and gazing at her phone.

"You ok, Liss?" Amelia prodded.

"Nope," she popped out with perfect diction. "Not at all."

Licking her upper lip, Amelia leaned her head over. She hoped that Lissa would see the movement and make eye contact. "Can I help? Anything I can do?"

With simmering anger about to reach a boil, Lissa honed into Amelia's eyes and snapped, "Yes. Keep Nolan at your house as long as possible, please." She shot her eyes back down to the phone immediately.

This detached version of Lissa was unfamiliar. Rather than seeking consolation, Lissa seemed to be adding names to her list of bothersome people. "What's going on?" Amelia prodded.

Again, popping her head up for a momentary interaction, Lissa barked, "What's going on?! What's going on?! I'm exhausted, Amma. That's what's going on. I'm at the end of my rope with babies pulling on my breasts and Molly touching me with her sticky fingers. What's going on? My husband is never home. When he is, he shares his little 'suggestions' for how I could more effectively manage our home. What's going on? I have absolutely no privacy whatsoever. I can't even pee without a toddler following me into the bathroom. That's what's going on." Again, Lissa concluded by removing eye contact.

Amelia let the words sink in before responding. After a hearty dose of silence, Amelia softly offered, "I've been there."

"No you haven't," Lissa retorted with angry, lowered eyebrows and a scowl. Her eyes remained focused on her phone. "You had Lynne. You had Dads, who worked fewer hours and found ways to be home. Please don't dare tell me you feel my pain, Amma. That's simply nauseating."

Trying her best to not take Lissa's words of fury personally, Amelia pulled her lips in and slowly breathed. The energy in the room pulsated with intensity, and Amelia felt as if it did not contain enough oxygen.

Deciding to push her luck, Amelia inquired, "Have you and Nolan had sex since Emily's birth?"

"That is none of your f#$%ing business," Lissa yelled.

"I'm concerned, Lissa," Amelia commented.

"Did you and I have a therapy appointment I forgot to note?" Lissa sarcastically inquired.

"No, we didn't," Amelia responded calmly. She reached for Lissa's hand, but Lissa slid her hand away abruptly before the two made contact. "You need help, Lissa. You're trying to do way too much and it's exhausting you."

Lissa slid out of bed, her robe barely hanging from her shoulders. "I don't rate as a Mom, huh?" She proceeded to the bathroom and locked the door.

Silently, with the help of a bunched up towel, Lissa dissolved into a million tears as she sat in the empty shower and leaned against the tile. Ashamed, embarrassed, and confused, Lissa sunk into the emptiness in her body. Sitting in the shower didn't help her feel any better, but its cold, dark emptiness matched her brokenness.

Sitting on the sofa, Amelia pulled out her phone and sent a text to Nolan, Let Dad and Livie take care of the girls. You need to come home.

Why would I want to subject myself to that abuse? Nolan wrote back angrily.

It's not all about you, Nolan, Amelia pointed out. Let's talk – you and I.

He didn't respond, causing Amelia to wonder if he would heed her request. When he stepped onto the front walk, Amelia was sitting on the porch.

"Did she throw you out too?" he asked dryly.

"No," Amelia shook her head and replied softly.

Nolan sat down next to his mom and wrapped his arm around her. He slid down to the next stair and rested his head on Amelia's lap, breaking down in tears. As Amelia stroked his hair and rubbed his trembling shoulder, he cried, "I don't know what the hell is happening, Mom. She's angry all the time. Full of venom. Everything I do or say is wrong. Then I react and turn into a jerk and everything snowballs. What's happened to us?"

Tenderly, Amelia shared, "Most couples struggle with the transition from being a couple to becoming parents of a single baby. You two have faced far more transition. You need to hire someone to help."

Nolan's head rested against her baby bump and the baby kicked where he made contact. He sat up and turned to the bump, sharing with teary laughter, "The kid just kicked me!"

"Maybe he or she is backing me up," Amelia grinned. She grasped Nolan's hand and repeated, "You can afford a nanny, Nolan. Let me help you find one."

"Stay here," he directed gently as he stood up and entered the house.

Nolan walked inside, noting immediately how the disarray of their home was like the chaos of his life. Even more, it was like the tornado of Lissa's exhaustion. He walked to the bathroom door and knocked softly. With generous tenderness, he said, "Larissa… can I please come in?" After receiving no response, he added gently, "I want to see you, Liss. I promise, I'll leave right away if you want me to."

She unlocked the door and opened it, falling into Nolan's arms and sobbing. The skin under her eyes was puffy and pink. Her upper lids were swollen and red, and her eyes were bloodshot. Her weight hung heavy in Nolan's grip as if she surrendered any last remaining shreds of strength.

"I can't do this anymore," she cried.

Nolan bent down and scooped her up so her back rested on one of his arms and her knees above the other. "What, Liss… what can't you do anymore, Babe?" He sat down in an overstuffed chair by the window and set Lissa on his lap.

"All I've ever wanted to be is your wife and the mom to our kids. I thought I knew how to be a Mom, but I suck at it," she added.

"No, you don't," Nolan chuckled with compassion. "You're an amazing woman. You put up with my ridiculous hours and occasional arrogance. You love me and adore our daughters. Larissa Lorraine, I love you. Let's take this one step at a time and figure out a new normal."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

Ryder arrived at the Caldwell's at 2:40 and rang the bell. Nobody answered. After knocking and still not receiving a response, Ryder tentatively let himself in. He heard laughter on the back porch and followed the sounds.

As he stepped through the back door, he and Adam spotted one another, "Hello, Sir. I tried knocking…"

"No worries, Ryder. We wouldn't have been able to hear you all the way back here. Let me introduce you to some folks," Adam suggested as he stood. "Captain Rice and Ensign Larson, this is Ryder Hunt. He's also headed to the Academy. He and Julie met last summer at camp."

Both officers stood and shook Ryder's hand. As Nate gripped Ryder's hand with a crisp grip, he asked, "Ready for a workout?"

"Absolutely, Sir," Ryder smiled eagerly. Larson seemed like a great guy. In addition to his charisma, Ryder was impressed by the fabulous car parked outside the house. "Is that your Jeep by the curb? Looks like a blast."

"It is," Nate grinned proudly.

"Someday, I'll talk him into a more officer-appropriate vehicle," Adam joked.

Combining gentle admonishment with some flirting, Tessa offered, "Adam…. He's young. Let him live a little before expecting him to be stodgy." Although Ryder and Nate missed it, Julie saw Adam wink at Tessa and gaze at her with care.

The three headed to the nearby park, running there at a fast clip. Nate ran them through a dripping, challenging, and intense workout. As they stopped to catch their breath, Julie puffed, "Crunches and pushups are what's left, right?"

"Yes, ma'am," Larson grinned with interest. "Drop and show me what you've got, guys."

Both hit the ground and began. Ryder began and counted aloud. Counting in her head, Julie moved slower and with more anxiety. Nate could see it on her face. He studied the two for some time. "Hunt, keep going. Keep that pace," he bellowed. "Caldwell… you're psyching yourself out. Start again at one."

"Huh?" she sighed with disappointment as she reached her knees.

"That's one, keep moving. Do it," Nate urged sternly. He turned to Ryder and checked in, "Number?"

"80," Ryder spat out breathlessly.

"Stop at 105," Nate snapped.

"Yes, Sir…83," Ryder answered.

"Caldwell?" Nate pressed.

Using her original count plus the additional crunches she'd completed, Julie answered, "30."

"Bullshit," Nate growled. "Stand up!" Julie searched her new friend's face, attempting to discern his personality change. "Don't think. Do!" he yelled. "Run the perimeter of the park. Go."

After half a step of hesitation, Julie took off. "Eyes in the boat, Hunt," Nate instructed when he noticed Ryder watching Julie with concern. "Number?"

"94, Sir," Ryder reported.

"Keep going," Nate growled as he stood directly over Ryder and scowled.

Ryder huffed and began to slow.

"Who said you could slow down?!" Nate quizzed.

"Sorry, Sir," Ryder responded.

"No excuses," Nate corrected.

"No excuses, Sir, 99," Ryder reported as he winced.

"Nope. That's 90," Nate insisted. "Bitch and you're back to 80."

"Speed up," Nate yelled toward Julie. Her pace increased as her mind began to grumble.

A few minutes later, when she made her way back, Julie stopped and rested her hands on her knees.

"Drop and go," Nate nodded as he ordered her to begin again.

Julie took a deep breath and began crunches. Nate's yelling urged her to speed up and count aloud. Bending down, he leaned right into her face and insisted, "Your shoulders are uneven. Put equal stress on each side."

She kept going and Nate pushed, "I can't hear you." By this time, Ryder was finished. Nate told him to hold Julie's feet and motivate her.

Gasping, Julie responded, "40."

"You're not stopping until 70, even if it takes all night," Nate pointed out. "Keep it up."

At 47, tears started sliding out of the corner of her eyes. "C'mon, JJ. C'mon. Look at me. I'll count. 48," Ryder encouraged.

Nate watched with folded arms, pleased that Ryder was naturally responding as he was. Being the bad guy, Nate commented seemingly without care, "All night, Caldwell… I've got all night."

"53," Ryder counted. "54… 55… that's it. You're breaking your record. Keep it up," he smiled.

When she reached 70, Nate corrected, "Nope, that's not 70, it's 65. Keep going." The expression of defeat in Julie's face was exactly what he was hoping to see. Shrugging, Nate insisted, "Go."

"Five more is nothing, JJ. One… C'mon… Two, there you go. C'mon. Don't stop now," Ryder urged.

Nate called out loudly, "68… Go! 69…. Don't wimp out now, Caldwell. 70. Fall back."

Julie wilted onto the grass, her torso aching and cramping. She held her stomach as she breathed deeply and moaned.

"Stop the sound effects," Nate growled.

"Yes, Sir," she sputtered between gasps.

"Bravo Zulu, Hunt. You exceeded all your numbers, didn't you?" Nate beamed.

"I did," Ryder smiled.

"Same numbers tomorrow, then," Larson decided. "Walk a loop to cool down." After Ryder left, Nate gazed down at Julie and challenged her, "Are you planning to lay down all evening?"

"No, Sir," Julie continued to gasp. When she tried to sit up, her stomach muscles cramped. She controlled any audible response, but her face betrayed her.

"Roll onto your side first, then pull up using one arm," Nate advised. He knelt and was eye-to-eye with her, "You're limiting yourself. Your body can do more than your mind will let it. Figure that out." He stood and grasped her hand, pulling her up. He bent down and handed her the water bottle she'd brought along, ordering, "Drink up. You'll get there."

When Nate drove them back to the Caldwell's, he told Julie to let Adam know that he wasn't going to stay for dinner after all. Then he told Ryder to head right home. Without question – without consciously realizing – both Ryder and Julie complied without question.