Hey guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews! You guys are the best! Thank you all so much for the support and well wishes-you all are amazing!
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DanyJay, HikariMelody, Intoxic, ASLSHANKS, you guys are awesome!
fictionfairytalesfantasy4921: No Raphael and Damien are not dating. They're both straight. Sorry!
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S/O to ny amazing Beta Mandirulez for getting this chapter back to me SUPERFAST. Show her some love you guys!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the fabulous characters I write about (besides Brad and Damien lol). All credit goes to Cassandra Clare.
Magnus stared at the door in disbelief. He had to have misheard. There was no way Alec would be pounding on his door.
The pounding stopped for a moment and Magnus wondered if he had imagined it. He was definitely hung over enough for that to be a possibility. Tessa had forced him to come back to school the same time she did and he had been too drunk to fight her, which Tessa was surely livid about. She never liked it when he drank, and he had to admit, he was starting to regret the amount of alcohol he had consumed in the past two days…
"Magnus, answer the door!" Alec shouted through the door, jolting Magnus back to the present. He had almost forgotten Alec was outside his door. He dragged himself out of his bed and trudged toward the door, trying his best to ignore the throbbing pain in his head.
"I know you're here," Alec continued. His voice sounded strained and he was panting. What did he do, run here?
"I need to talk to—"
Magnus swung the door open, cutting Alec off mid-sentence. "What are you doing?"
The lights in the hallway were assaulting Magnus' eyes in an extremely unpleasant fashion and he had to take a step back into the darkness of his room so he could see Alec properly. He looked like he had, in fact, been running, which was odd. It also surprised Magnus that he wasn't wearing a jacket, considering how cold it was outside.
Alec's mouth opened and closed a few times, which would have made Magnus laugh in a different situation. "I was—I need to talk to you."
Magnus clenched his jaw and tried to keep his expression neutral. Alec couldn't do this to him. It wasn't fair to break up with him and then come back and demand to talk about it. There was nothing to talk about. Magnus knew everything he needed to know.
But as he stood there, staring at Alec, he couldn't send him away. He loved him too much to hurt him, no matter how much he was hurting himself in the process. He only wished Alec felt the same way.
Magnus opened his door wider and walked back into his room, letting Alec know it was okay to come in. When he reached his bed, he realized that he was on the brink of breaking down. He couldn't do this. He couldn't face Alec.
But he had to.
"Magnus, I'm sorry." Alec began, unaware of Magnus' inner struggle. Magnus' back was still turned toward Alec, and he didn't know if he would be able to change that. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I just—"
"It's fine." Magnus said quietly. He slowly sat down on his bed and forced himself to meet Alec's eyes. "I didn't understand at the time, but I do now. It wouldn't have worked anyway."
"What? No—that's not what I'm saying at all!" Alec said, his eyes growing wide. "I want you, Magnus. I should have made that clearer, I'll admit—"
"Just stop." Magnus said, squeezing his eyes shut. He looked back up at Alec with a pleading expression. "Can we just forget this ever happened?"
"I'd love nothing more," Alec said.
Magnus felt his heart break all over again. He continued as if Alec hadn't spoken. "Because you would be a lot better off without me, just as I'm sure I would without you."
He knew he was lying, but he had to. There was no other option at this point.
Alec's brow furrowed in confusion at Magnus' words. "What? No, I wouldn't. Is that what you meant by—Magnus, no!"
"It wouldn't work, Alec. We just need to forget about all of it."
"I can't do that," Alec protested.
"You have to." Magnus said. The look in Alec's eyes was almost enough to make him believe that maybe he was wrong; maybe Alec really did love him… But no, he was just fooling himself. He knew the truth and it wouldn't benefit anyone to try to convince himself otherwise.
"You can't mean that." Alec said, his voice shaking. "Tessa told me what you said to her and you're wrong. I love you, Magnus. I do. You have to believe that."
Magnus shook his head slowly, trying his damnedest to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. "You're just saying that. You don't mean it."
Alec's breathing was speeding up. "I mean it with all of my heart. There's no one I love more. I know I haven't done everything right and I've probably hurt you more than helped you, but you have to know that I love you."
Magnus shook his head. "You're fooling yourself."
"No—"
"Even if you did, it wouldn't matter. How could I be with someone that's willing to give up everything at the first sign of trouble?"
"Magnus," Alec's voice broke. His breathing was coming in intervals and it was starting to make Magus feel nervous.
"There's nothing to talk about, Alec. Just go."
"Please," Alec begged, almost huffing the word through his heavy breathing. "I'll try harder, I promise. It was just one mistake. Please, Magnus."
Every word that came out of Alec's mouth was like a dagger to the heart. Magnus didn't know how he was supposed to handle this, but he felt like he wasn't doing it right. He wanted to believe Alec so badly, but he knew he couldn't. If Alec really loved him then he wouldn't have hurt him like this. "Alec, you can't fix this. Just go."
Alec's legs were shaking and Magnus was suddenly concerned that he was going to fall. His breathing had turned to gasps now and Magnus didn't know what he was supposed to do. Nothing like this had ever happened before.
"Alec?" he said cautiously.
"Magnus," Alec repeated, his voice breaking and clenching his teeth. He wasn't listening to Magnus anymore. He seemed to be trying to calm himself down. Magnus just stared at him silently, not sure what the hell was going on. He had never seen Alec this way. It reminded him of how his mother used to get sometimes when his father told her something horrible.
"I'm sorry." Alec finally said, looking back up at Magnus, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears. "I'm so sorry."
Those words. The same words Alec had used last time, only this time Alec was the one walking out.
Magnus had subconsciously gotten up from the bed to try to calm Alec, but he stopped in his tracks when Alec spoke. Before he had a chance to ask him what the hell had just happened, Alec was gone.
Magnus stood there, in the middle of his room, for a very long time, staring at the door. Alec was gone. Everything would be different now. There was no going back this time. Alec had walked out, and Magnus wasn't going to go after him.
He felt tears spilling down his cheeks as he stared at the door, trying to push away every train of thought that was swirling through his mind. He grabbed the flask that he had left on his bedside table and took a few gulps. He had to forget. The only problem was the only time he could really forget was when he was unconscious. But this time, he didn't know if he would be able to forget, because this time it was real. This time, his problem wouldn't go away.
This time, Alec was gone. And there was no chance of him ever coming back.
(LINE BREAK)
Alec woke the next morning to a quiet knock on his door. Usually only Isabelle bothered him this early in the morning, but she had a key, so there wouldn't be a reason for her to knock.
At first, he didn't think he would answer the door. Whoever was at the door could surely wait until later to talk to him. After all, he only had a week after this one and he would be off to London for the rest of the month. Maybe then he could get his mind off of all of this. Maybe when he was in London, things could be like they used to, before he had to deal with relationships and heart breaks.
The knocking picked up once again and Alec had no choice but to answer the door if he wanted to avoid being irritated to death.
"Tessa?" he asked when he opened the door. Tessa was the last person he had expected to pay him a visit. Especially after the way he had run out on her earlier.
"Um, Alec…" Tessa said, taking a step back and peering at the door. Alec looked over at it and his heart sank.
The top half of the door was painted with rainbow stripes with the words 'sparkle city' scrawled sloppily across it. Alec clenched his teeth. It wasn't hard to guess who had done this.
"What are you doing here?" Alec asked dejectedly. Usually he would at least try to pretend he was happy, or at least fine, but he just didn't have the energy today.
"Magnus won't tell me what happened." She paused for a moment and her face clouded with distress. "He won't let me into his room."
Alec took a shaky breath and walked over to his bed. He didn't want to be awake right now, and he definitely wasn't going to stand in the doorway and talk about Magnus. This was just too much.
"I'm not surprised. He barely even let me in." Alec said, falling backward onto his bed, resting his head on his hands.
"He was mad at you, of course he didn't want to let you in. But he's never locked me out before, Alec. Never."
The worried tone of Tessa's voice was concerning. Alec didn't know what she wanted him to say. He didn't know what was going through Magnus' mind any better than she did.
"But that's not the point." Tessa continued. "What happened yesterday? I asked Clary and she had no idea what I was talking about."
"That's because I haven't told anyone." Alec said.
"Why not?"
"What am I supposed to say, Tessa? That Magnus doesn't want anything to do with me? Excuse me for wanting to keep my pride."
"Well, Alec, whatever you said yesterday obviously didn't help him at all." Tessa said.
"What about me?" Alec said, sitting up. "Who's going to help me, Tessa? I made one stupid mistake and I ruined everything. There's nothing I can do to take it back and he doesn't even want me to try. What am I supposed to do?"
"I don't know." Tessa said, sitting down carefully next to Alec. "This is a mess."
"Yeah, it is." Alec said. Nothing seemed to be going right anymore. At least when he would be able to leave school soon, and hopefully escape this for a while.
"And I have a feeling it's only going to get worse once Magnus starts going to class again." Tessa said. "Because I'm sure everyone at school will be expecting you two to be together."
"I didn't think of that…" Alec said quietly. It scared Alec to think of how bad Val would be when Magnus was around.
"Just remember to stick close to your friends, okay?" Tessa said. Alec looked at her for a moment, unsure how he was supposed to take that. "And yes, I still consider myself to be your friend."
"You do?"
"Of course. I'm not going to stop being your friend just because you and Magnus got in a fight. I might not be able to talk to you very much, but I'll always be here if you need me." Tessa said, giving Alec's hand a light squeeze. "You've got lots of people rooting for you."
"I've also got a rainbow door." Alec added, frowning.
"Which is totally cool!" Tessa said with a smile.
Alec raised his eyebrows. "I'm not Magnus."
"You don't have to be Magnus to enjoy rainbows and sparkles." Tessa said, her eyes shining. "Give me an hour to mess with it and I promise you'll like it."
"Go for it. It's not like I have time to sand it down right now anyway."
Tessa nodded and got up from Alec's bed. "When all your classes are done, come back here and look at it."
Alec nodded, barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes. Tessa could say whatever she wanted, but Alec knew he would never like having 'sparkle city' painted on his door.
Tessa left without another word, leaving Alec alone to get ready for school. Alec showered quickly and pulled his uniform on, trying to figure out a way that he could stop Jace from seeing his door. It wasn't necessarily that he wanted to hide the new paint job from Jace, he just didn't want to deal with Jace's anger this early in the morning. He managed to get Jace down the hall without him noticing, which was a relief, but he knew he was only putting it off. Alec's brief moments of relief ended quickly when he made his way to his first class, remembering that Magnus was in this class as well. Clary greeted him at the door and walked him in, obviously aware of the situation with Magnus. Alec frowned. Of course Jace would tell her.
Magnus was already seated and Alec felt his breath hitch when he realized Magnus was staring at him. Clary gave him a firm push from behind and guided him toward his seat, breaking his contact with Magnus.
"Staring at him longingly from a distance is not going to help you." Clary whispered once they had both say down.
"And ignoring him will?" Alec snapped. He instantly regretted it when he saw the defensive front Clary immediately put on.
"Maybe. You're sure as hell not going to move on by mooning over him."
"I am not—" Alec started, feeling his face heat up. Thankfully, Professor Garroway thought it was time to start teaching, despite the fact that class wasn't supposed to start for five more minutes. Everything they went over was review in preparations for finals next week and Alec was having a hard time focusing. Usually Magnus would have sent him a cute text, or maybe even stopped by his room at this point, and the lack of contact was killing Alec. All he wanted to do right now was yank Magnus out of the classroom and kiss him until he changed his mind and took Alec back.
The bell rang loudly, interrupting Alec's daydream. It seemed that he was not the only one who wasn't paying attention. Most of the class seemed to be waking from some sort of daze as they stumbled out of the classroom. Professor Garroway just rolled his eyes as he watched them leave.
"Lightwood, Bane, could I talk to you two for a moment?" Professor Garroway called.
A few people who hadn't left the room yet glanced back with nervous looks and Alec couldn't help but feel the same way.
Clary squeezed Alec's arm gently before stepping out of the room with the rest of the class, leaving Magnus, Alec, and Professor Garroway alone in the classroom. Magnus walked up to the front of the room wearily, not meeting Alec's eyes. Alec couldn't fight the pang of loss that stabbed at his heart. So this was the way it was going to be.
"I was at the game, along with probably every other student at Alicante," Professor Garroway started, "so you can probably guess what I'm going to say."
"Not really." Magnus said, looking him with a raised brow.
"I just wanted to let you boys know that if anyone, I mean anyone, is or starts harassing you about what happened or anything that was revealed because of it," he looked at Alec, "You can come to me. I know it doesn't seem like a very appealing offer, but please remember that I am practically Clary's father and I just want you to know that any friend of Clary's is a friend of mine."
"Good to know." Magnus said, still raising an eyebrow.
"I'll keep that in mind," Alec said, not really meaning it but hoping it sounded like he did.
"Good to know," Professor Garroway said, throwing Magnus' sarcasm back in his face. Alec almost smiled. "Now go on, before you're late for your next class."
Magnus walked out quickly, not bothering to look back. Alec followed him with a frown. It seemed to him that things were only going to get worse as time progressed, rather than better, which he had been hoping for.
The rest of the day passed quickly and uneventfully, and before Alec knew it, he was sitting in his last class of the day, staring at the wall. Professor Seelie was saying something about finals, but Alec couldn't bring himself to listen. He was too exhausted to pay attention to anything.
He didn't look back at Val, who he was sure was staring daggers into the back of his head. Instead, he stared ahead of him, wishing the ground would swallow him up as the girl behind him whispered about how he and Magnus were keeping their relationship private so the press didn't get any pictures. Alec gritted his teeth and forced himself not to turn around and correct her. There was no reason to. What would it help, besides his sanity?
Finally the bell went off and Alec was the first one out of the class. Unfortunately, this was a bad day to be first out of the classroom.
Alec felt someone grab the back of his shirt and yank him around the corner of the hall. He spun around, prepared to punch Val in the face, when he realized it was Brad.
Then, as if karma for his previous thoughts, Brad punched him in the face. Hard.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" he demanded, pushing Alec up against the wall.
Alec shoved him off, a little harder than necessary, and wiped the blood from his lip. "What the hell, Brad?"
"I told you the video wasn't my fault!" Brad shouted, shoving Alec against the wall once again.
"What," Alec seethed, trying desperately to keep his cool. "are you talking about?"
"Those girls, you ASSHOLE!" Brad shouted. Alec could see a couple people rounding the corner in his peripheral vision, just before Brad came at him again, throwing another punch, hitting him square in the jaw. Alec ducked when Brad went in for a third punch, going under his arm so that he was behind Brad. Alec realized that this was a mistake when he felt Brad's elbow sail into his cheekbone, knocking him backward. Alec clenched his teeth, tasting blood and hurled himself at Brad, hitting him in the jaw and the stomach before backing away. He glanced up to see Professor Seelie staring them with a shocked expression, surrounded by students from multiple different classes.
"What girls?" he asked Brad, backing away from him. Brad looked torn between attacking Alec again and bursting into tears.
"Why would you tell them?" he asked, clenching his jaw and taking a step toward Alec. "Why?"
"Stop it this INSTANT!" Professor Seelie roared, running toward them. She stepped in between Alec and Brad as if she was trying to stop them from fighting again, which was kind of funny when you took into account that she was smaller than most of the freshman girls.
"What is wrong with you two?" Professor Seelie demanded, grabbing hold of both of their wrists and jerking them down the hall. "Go to the Dean's office. Now."
She glanced back at the crowd of students that had gathered and Alec winced when he saw Isabelle standing there.
"Damien," Professor Seelie called. "Take them. The rest of you… go to your rooms or something."
Alec was still staring at Isabelle, who looked sorrier than he had ever seen her look in her entire life, when Damien tapped his shoulder lightly. Alec blinked a few times, frowning when he noticed how many students had actually been watching the fight and followed Damien. Brad didn't say anything, which Alec was actually grateful for. He still had no idea what Brad had been talking about, but he knew it wasn't something he could bring up in front of Damien. Damien left them alone once they reached the principal's office, warning them that he would personally knee them both in the balls if they tried to fight while he was gone.
Alec knocked on the door and was answered by a woman he didn't know, who told them to wait for a few minutes. Alec couldn't help but groan. The woman went back into the dean's office once again, leaving the two boys alone in the hallway.
"Brad," Alec began. "I really don't know—"
"Shut up, Alec. Just… shut up."
"What did I do? I don't understand." Alec said. Brad was leaning up against the wall refusing to look at Alec and rubbing his temples like he had a headache.
"You told those girls." Brad whispered. "About that day on the soccer field."
"When you kissed me?" Alec asked incredulously. "No, I didn't. I didn't tell anyone besides my family."
"That's bullshit and you know it." Brad fired back.
"Why would I lie at this point?" Alec asked. "It's not like I would be trying to conserve our friendship."
Brad's head snapped up at Alec quickly, his eyes burning into Alec's. "You know what, Alec? After all of this, whether or not you care, I actually do care."
"How can you say that you care?" Alec demanded. "You're running around school telling people that I've been sexually harassing you."
Brad just shook his head and turned away from Alec once again. "I haven't been."
"Then why are people vandalizing my door? Why are people talking about it in the hallways, trying to decide what they should believe? If you have a better explanation, I'd be glad to hear it, Brad." Alec tried to keep his voice steady, but it was difficult. He hadn't realized how angry he was at Brad.
Brad was one of the only people Alec had been friends with for more than a year and it was difficult to deal with his betrayal. Brad and Alec had always been the closest friends on the soccer team, even freshman year, and Alec couldn't believe Brad had thrown it away just because he was a little hurt that Alec lied to him. Alec hadn't known Brad had been gay any more than Brad had known Alec was gay, but it didn't bother Alec… not that he could say the same for Brad.
More powerful than his anger though, was hurt. Alec was hurt. Brad had hurt him. Not physically, (although technically he had now) but in the most personal, painful ways possible. And honestly Alec wasn't sure if he would ever be able to forgive him.
"I don't have a good reason for what I did, Alec. I'll be the first one to admit that. But you have to realize that I am sorry. I know that doesn't mean very much to you right now, but it's true."
Alec stared at Brad for a moment, thinking about the look of absolute desperation that had crossed his face when he had kissed Alec on the soccer field. He had been scared, that much was clear. Maybe Brad was just that much braver than Alec, or maybe he was just stupid. Alec wasn't sure. What he did know, however, was that he wouldn't forgive Brad until he proved he was sorry.
Before he had a chance to tell Brad this, the door swung open and Brad and Alec were led into the Dean's office. Hodge was sitting in his usual seat behind his big desk. Alec and Brad both took seats quickly.
"Why were you fighting?" Hodge asked, skipping the pleasantries and jumping right into the real reason they were in the office.
"We weren't." Brad said firmly. "Alec never touched me. It was all me."
"You started the fight?" Hodge asked Brad, a curious expression on his face while Alec stared at Brad in confusion. What was Brad doing?
"It was stupid. Alec didn't even fight me back. I don't know what I was thinking." Brad said, ignoring Alec's attempts at eye contact.
"Is that true, Alec?" Hodge asked. Brad looked startled at Dean Hodge's use of Alec's first name, but he didn't say anything about it.
"I—uh—yeah," Alec stuttered. Brad pressed his lips together and rolled his eyes. Alec couldn't help but blush. He just couldn't help making a fool of himself sometimes.
"I obviously don't believe you," Hodge started, "but I'm going to let you both off with a warning anyway."
"You are?" Alec asked, struck by the generosity of the offer.
"I sure am. As long as it was only Brad that was fighting, I can't really get you into any trouble, Alec. If it had been you, however, taking your prior misdemeanors into account, you could be getting into a whole lot of trouble. Do you understand that?"
"Yes." Alec said quietly.
"Brad, I don't want to hear about you fighting again. Are we clear?"
"Crystal."
"Now both of you, get out of my office. I don't want to see you two back here again, got it?" Hodge asked, looking seriously at both of the boys.
Alec nodded seriously and Brad saluted Hodge and got up from his chair, slipping out of the room quickly before Alec had the chance to. Hodge raised an eyebrow but said nothing as Alec scurried after Brad.
Brad was gone by the time Alec got out of the office. Alec walked slowly back to his room more confused than he had been about anything in the past few weeks. He had been sure that Brad hated him and it really confused him to learn that he was wrong. Brad was just hurt… a lot like Alec himself. It was odd to see this side of Brad.
When he reached his room, he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his door.
The rainbow stripes were now colored in dark green and black, with the words fuck you painted beautifully in white cursive across the center of the door. Alec couldn't help but laugh.
Oh, Tessa.
Alec walked into his room, pausing at the bathroom. He remembered his throbbing face and decided he should probably look at it. It had been bruised when Val had hit him, but that was nothing compared to what he looked like right now.
His bottom lip was split with some dried blood running down his chin, and his cheekbone was already turning purple. Thankfully he didn't think he would get a black eye this time, but he didn't know if that was good or bad when he had a split lip.
Alec cleaned the blood off his face and was relieved to see how much better he looked without the blood. Alec was sure Brad's cheekbone would be a little swollen, but he probably wouldn't have too many injuries after that. Alec hadn't hit him very hard.
It was way too early to go to bed and Alec didn't exactly want to spend any quality time with his family while he looked like this, so he settled for going to Clary's room. He hadn't spent very much time with Clary in the past two weeks, but he was determined to change that. With Magnus ignoring him, he needed someone to distract him and Isabelle, Jace, and Max just weren't going to cut it this time.
The walk to Clary's room was long, or so it seemed, and by the time he reached her room, he almost immediately regretted coming in the first place.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Camille demanded, peering up from her bed as Alec walked into the room.
Well, shit.
soooooooooooooooo what do you think? My beta just pointed out to me that Alec showers like ever five minutes... hahaha I didn't notice that. anywaaaayyy... I'm sorry for all the emotional pain I seem to be causing you guys. Dont kill me!
If you liked his chapter, or if you didn't, let me know in the reviews! Love you guys! *heart*
-Hannah
