Brittany woke up the next morning to find Santana sitting up in bed nursing Collin. She watched for a few minutes before speaking, "Morning to my two favorite people in the whole world." Santana turned and gave Brittany that smile that makes her feel warm all over her body. "Morning Britt."
"Why didn't you wake me up when you got up to nurse Collin?" Brittany yawned as she sat up in bed leaning over and kissing Collin on the forehead and Santana on the cheek.
"You looked so peaceful sleeping and I knew that you were exhausted after the barbecue yesterday."
"I wasn't the only one who was exhausted San and you don't sleep more than three hours at a time because you have to get up to nurse Collin. I don't want you to get run down so you get sick or anything. How long do you think Collin with be waking up every three hours to nurse?" Brittany laid her head on Santana's shoulder as she watched Collin nurse.
"At the hospital the doctor told me because Collin was born four weeks early that he needed to nurse every three hours. Tomorrow is his first check up with the pediatrician so we should ask her and it probably would be a good idea to write down any other questions we have for her. You know how it is you always think of questions but when get somewhere you forget them." Santana carefully switched Collin to the other breast and when he started to suckle Brittany noticed Santana winced in pain.
"Are you ok San?" Brittany lifted her head off from Santana's head with a concerned look on her face.
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just my nipples are getting sore from all of this nursing." Santana looked away from Brittany when she said it.
"Hey, what's going on? Look at me babe." Santana turned to face Brittany and she had tears starting to form in her eyes.
"What if it hurts because I'm doing it all wrong Britt? What if I'm not breastfeeding him right and he isn't getting enough milk to grow?" The tears finally followed over and down Santana's cheek.
Brittany put her arm around Santana. "Aw sweetie you are doing great and look at him. You can tell he's getting enough milk because if he wasn't he would be fussy all of the time and crying. Plus I can tell that he's gain a little weight since his was born. I think your post pregnancy hormones are kicking in and they have you feeling all emotional." Brittany kissed Santana's temple. "Tell me about the pain sweetie. Do you feel pain the whole time he is nursing?"
Santana sniffled through her last tears, "No just for a few seconds when Collin first starts nursing then it's goes away."
"I think we should add this is the list of things to talk to the doctor about tomorrow. After you finish nursing Collin I want you to go back to bed and get a few more hours sleep. I'll take care of him." Brittany still had her arm around Santana.
"I can't go back to sleep Britt I've got to call my lawyer today about your guardianship papers and about me having a will. I've got too much to do and it can't wait."
Brittany knew there was no persuading Santana differently. "Ok but this afternoon you are taking a least three hour nap between Collin's feedings and I don't want to hear any argument about it."
Santana gave Brittany a little smile and nodded her head. She knew she was slowly getting to the point where she was overtired and that wasn't good so she decided an afternoon nap sounded wonderful. Collin was done nursing so Santana gave him to Brittany so she could burp him. "I'm going to take a shower and then make the phone calls to my lawyer." Before getting out of bed Santana kissed Brittany on the lips and it wasn't long before the kiss turned heated and passionate. "Britt, I want you so much."
Brittany pulled away from the kiss breathing heavily. "First of all wow your kisses lately have been mind blowing and second I want you too it's so hard to not just jump you when you're sleeping." Collin let out a little burp which made the women giggle. "San, maybe we shouldn't kiss like that in front of him. I mean we don't really know how much a baby remembers."
"I think he will be fine Britt. Besides I want him to grow up knowing how much we love each other and love him too." Santana gave Brittany a quick peck on the lips before going to take her shower.
Santana got out of the shower and stopped in her tracks. Brittany was by the bathroom sink holding Collins gently washing him. She was washing his face with a baby washcloth while she spoke to him in a soft, low tone. Santana couldn't hear what she was saying to him but she could see the reflection of his face in the bathroom mirror. His blue eyes were big as he studied Brittany's face. Santana stood there watching when she suddenly realized Brittany was looking at her reflection in the mirror. The two just stood there for a few minutes staring at one another. Santana was naked and dripping wet from her shower. It was the first time Brittany had seen Santana completely naked. She had seen her breasts before when she was pregnant and she had Brittany massage them when they were sore and of course when she was nursing Collin.
Brittany quickly dropped her eyes from looking at Santana and concentrated on Collin. Santana grabbed a towel, dried her body and hair, and then wrapped herself in a dry towel. She walked over to Brittany and kissed her bare shoulder that was showing from her tank top and then looked at Brittany's reflection in the mirror. When Brittany didn't look up to meet her look Santana softly whispered in her ear, "What's wrong baby?"
Having Santana that close to her and whispering like that sent a shiver through her entire body. Brittany ignored the feeling and kept washing Collin as she held him in her arms. "When do you think Collin's belly button cord will fall off?"
Santana realized Brittany was trying to change the subject so for she decided to go along with it not wanting to make Brittany tell her what was wrong until she was ready to. "It should be falling off in the next few days and I'm sure the doctor will check it out tomorrow."
Brittany still hadn't looked at Santana, "I can't wait for it to fall off so we can give him his first bath in little bathtub. His little winky is healing from his circumcision which is good. I'm sorry I should've been there when he had that done before he came home from the hospital."
Santana had chuckled to herself when she heard Brittany call Collin's penis his winky but her mood changed quickly when Brittany apologized for not being there for Collin's circumcision. "Britt, you don't have to apologize for not being there. I wasn't even there when they circumcised Collin. You've apologized enough for not being there after he was born. I have forgiven you and you need to find in your heart to forgive yourself. You remind me of my father. He apologized to me on my sweet 16 birthday for missing by first birthday. I of course didn't even remember he wasn't there but he remembered and had felt guilty about it for years. He forgave himself for missing my first birthday and you have to forgive yourself for not being there after Collin was born. He's not going to remember you weren't there but he is going to remember all of the memories you make with him as he grows just like I remembered all of the memories with my father."
Collin had fallen asleep and Brittany was looking at him sleeping so peacefully in her arms as she still stood in front of the bathroom sink. "Your father told me about missing your first birthday and how guilty he felt. He told me to not to let the mistakes I make today stop myself from enjoying and living the future. I'm really trying to do that for not only my sake but for you and Collin. I think that's why I need to talk to Dr. Gomez too."
Santana loved how her father and Brittany had bonded because for him to share that story with her meant he truly cared about Brittany because he wouldn't tell just anyone about missing his daughter's first birthday. "Britt, calling Dr. Gomez to make an appointment for myself is on my list of calls to make this morning. Do you want me to make one for you too?"
"Yes, please. I'm going to get Collin dressed and put him in his crib." Brittany turned away and walked out of the bathroom without looking at Santana. Santana wondered why Brittany hadn't looked at her after she had seen her getting out of the shower naked. She decided to get dressed, make her phone calls, and then talk to Brittany.
Santana finished her calls, checked on Collin who was still sleeping, and then went to find Brittany. She found her folding clothes in the laundry room. Santana hugged Brittany from behind and then kissed the back of her neck. "I finished my calls. My lawyer is going to write up the guardianship papers for Collin and have them delivered in couple of days for you to sign. He is going to start the preliminary writing of my will and then I have appointment to see him next week. And I set up individual appointments for us to see Dr. Gomez. I hope the appointment I made for you is ok because I wasn't sure when you were going back to work at the dance studio."
"Thanks for making my appointment with Dr. Gomez and I plan on taking a couple of more weeks off to be here with you and Collin." Brittany continued to fold laundry while Santana still had her arms around her waist from behind.
"Britt, you've missed so much work over the past several months because of me, you can go back to work now you don't need to take more time off."
Brittany nodded her head, "Ok, if that's what you want I'll go back to work tomorrow then."
Brittany walked out of Santana's hug to get more clothes out of the dryer. Santana could tell something was really wrong with Brittany. "I didn't mean I wanted you to go back to work because I love having you here to help me with Collin it's just that you've already sacrificed so much for me. Plus my parents are staying for another week so they'll be here."
"Like I said I'll go back to work tomorrow no problem." Brittany's tone was sad.
Santana walked over to Brittany and took the clothes she had in her hands and laid them on top of the dryer. She grabbed Brittany's hands and held onto them. "What's wrong Britt and don't tell me nothing because you haven't been able to look me in the eye since you saw naked when I got out of the shower. I could start getting a complex thinking you didn't like what you saw or something. I mean I know I'm not a vision of beauty with my stretched out, flabby stomach and stretch marks." Santana all of the sudden felt self-conscious of the way her body looked.
Brittany finally quickly looked into Santana's eyes and then looked away again. She spoke softly, "Your body is beautiful."
Santana blushed because she needed to hear that from Brittany and she knew Brittany was telling her she truly felt. "Thanks Britt. Please look at me and tell what's going on in your head. Remember we promised to be honest with one another."
Brittany didn't look at Santana, "You'll think I'm being silly."
"Whatever it is that has you feeling the way you are right now isn't silly. Please tell me sweetie so I can help."
Brittany looked at Santana, "When you got out of the shower and I saw your body I had only one thing on my mind, making love to you. I looked at your breasts and I thought about how I wanted to massage and kiss them. Then I thought about how much I wanted to touch and kiss your lips and I'm not talking about the ones your face. Then it hit me. You are Collin's mom and he gets his milk from your breasts and he grew in your body and came out of you. I felt like I was a pervert or something for thinking those things about you. See I told you it was silly."
Santana couldn't help but smile, "You know you are so cute and adorable. It's not silly Britt. I am Collin's mother and my boobs have gotten more attention from him in the past week than they have from a woman in a very long time but that doesn't mean I don't want you to touch and kiss them. I think I've made it clear the past couple of days how much I can't wait for us to make love. My boobs aren't going to be Collin's forever but they will yours forever."
Santana leaned in and kissed Brittany and immediately the kiss involved tongues and moaning. Brittany pulled away a few minutes later when she felt something wet on her shirt. She looked down and noticed Santana's left breast had leaked a little bit through her shirt. Santana looked down and when she saw what had happened she was embarrassed. Brittany hugged her tight, "It's ok baby just the one of the joys of motherhood."
It wasn't the first time one of Santana's breasts had leaked because it only natural for it to happen but it was first time it happened when they were kissing. Brittany just held onto Santana and both of them loved being so close to one another. Santana pulled away just enough so she could look Brittany in the eyes, "Just so you know I really don't want you to go back to work yet."
Brittany kissed Santana's forehead and held her tight once again while rubbing her back.
TBC
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