Chapter Twenty-Nine
November 2006
"Finished!" Watson declared.
She entered the living room triumphantly with her little stack of tools and declared the bathroom door officially fixed. It had been on a dodgy hinge since the three girls had moved in and finally tired of the landlord not arranging for it to be fixed; Watson had taken matters into her own hands.
"You look ever so butch," Charlie teased from where she was lounging on the sofa watching television.
Joey was curled up on the other side, ignoring the TV and entirely engrossed in a latest Harry Potter book. Watson frowned at her clothes. Maybe Charlie was a little bit right but still, she firmly denied it. Charlie just laughed.
"I'm sure Joey would take a side but I think we've lost her to Hogwarts."
"Huh?" Joey said, snapping to attention.
"Nothing!" Charlie and Watson replied at the same time.
Joey shrugged and returned to her reading. Charlie decided to take advantage of her distraction and stretch on the sofa, planting her legs in Joey's lap. Joey patted them to acknowledge they were there but didn't look up. Watson smirked. She felt like she had been living with a couple ever since they'd all moved in. Charlie noticed and chose to ignore her expression. She returned to her television programme.
Half an hour later, Charlie's programme was over and she was bored. Joey was still deeply invested in her book. Charlie nudged it with her toe.
"Hey!" Joey protested.
"Pay attention to me," Charlie complained.
Joey patted her leg.
"There, there," she said before returning to her book.
Charlie pouted and nudged the book again. Joey looked up.
"What?" she asked.
"Pay attention to me," Charlie begged, throwing in a pout for good measure.
"Can I finish my chapter first?" Joey asked. "Then I'll do whatever you want."
Fleeting naughty thoughts crossed both their minds. They pushed them away. Charlie watched her friend reading and sighed heavily. Then she sat up and switched position so that her head was in Joey's lap instead. Knowing that Joey could just about see her beneath the book, she began to pull faces. Despite herself, Joey giggled. She repositioned the book so that she couldn't see her anymore but it only prompted Charlie to begin singing loudly and out of tune. Finally Joey shut the book and looked down at her.
"You are like a child!" she scolded.
"Says the girl reading Harry Potter," Charlie remarked.
"Harry Potter is for all ages, I'll have you know."
"Uh huh."
"It is!"
Charlie gazed into Joey's face, momentarily losing herself in her eyes which were always so expressive. She took in the curve of her chest and thought that she was very lucky to be a good enough friend to be allowed to curl herself into her lap and take liberties.
"I'm going to finish my chapter," Joey told her firmly.
She opened her book again and felt Charlie shifting in her lap, fidgeting and sighing far too loudly. She was very tempted to give up the book and pay her any kind of attention she desired. She watched Charlie sit up out of the corner of her eye and reach for the packet of sweets that was lying on the table.
"Oh, can you pass me one please?" Joey asked.
"Nope."
Joey looked at her and frowned.
"Why not?"
"You haven't earned them."
"I made a financial contribution."
"But you're ignoring me."
"I'm just trying to read!" Joey said, utterly exasperated.
"If you want them, you can come and get them," Charlie said.
With that, she shot up off the sofa with the packet still clutched in her hand. Taking the bait, Joey closed her book and jumped up too, chasing Charlie through the apartment. Both were shrieking with laughter. Joey just about managed to catch Charlie, wrapping her arms around her waist.
"Gotcha!" she declared.
"Not for long!" Charlie said, breaking free and shooting off down the hall.
She bounded into the bathroom, attempting to close the door. Joey gave chase but was unable to stop herself as the door closed. She bounded through it, knocking the folding frame off its bracket. Both girls stopped quickly and looked up at the door that Watson had just spent five hours fixing.
"Oops," Joey said.
"Yeah, oops."
"In my defence, that was totally your fault."
"How? You barged through the thing!"
"You provoked me!"
"You shouldn't give in to temptation!"
"What's all the noise about?" Watson asked, appearing from her bedroom.
She looked in horror at the door.
"We're sorry," Charlie and Joey told her sincerely in unison.
Charlie offered out the packet of sweets as a peace offering. Watson just stared.
"Really, really sorry," Charlie added.
"We love you," said Joey.
"I spent five hours fixing that damn thing!" Watson said, defeated. "And it gets broken in a second because you two can't keep your hormones under control."
Charlie and Joey both blanched and dared not look at each other. Watson shook her head.
"You owe me dinner tonight," she said, heading back into her room to get her tools again.
"Sorry!" Joey called after her.
"We really do love you!" Charlie hollered.
The following morning, Joey headed out to work with the same level of unhappiness she always did. It was strange. Being out on the water had always been her favourite place in the world. It had been something she had shared with her father, even when she was tiny and they didn't get along. It had been the place of happy holidays with her family and her first ever kiss with Charlie and that near kiss a few years later. It was sad that she hated being out here now. She hated that Robbo was destroying something that she loved. But he was. Not a day went past without a comment or a threat. If she was being really honest with herself, she would admit that she was becoming afraid. But she was choosing not to be honest with herself. As far as she was concerned, Robbo was a jerk but he would not chase her out of her job and he would not dictate her life. She refused to be afraid of him.
That afternoon, Charlie finished her shift and headed straight over to her mother's house. As the months had progressed, Elsie had become more and more unwell although she always made the effort to look and behave as healthy as possible. As upset as both women were that Ruby wasn't around much, they couldn't help but feel privately that it was for the best. At least away from home, Ruby didn't have to watch her own mother's demise. Hearing her voice on the phone when Elsie made an effort to be positive and cheerful was hopefully reassuring to the recently turned thirteen year-old. For Charlie, seeing how frail her Mum was becoming was heartbreaking. She had never been much of a crier but in the privacy of her room or in Joey's arms sometimes, she let herself weep for the parent she was losing. Her love for her Mum was overwhelming and her grief at the thought of how much time was passing, how much they were losing, destroyed her.
"Hi, Mum," she said softly when she entered the house.
Elsie was sorting through some papers at the dining room table. She looked up and beamed at her daughter when she realised she was there. She couldn't help but feel touched that Charlie was always around, even though she had now moved out. Charlie still loved her and cared for her. She wanted to take care of her. It meant the world.
The following evening, Charlie found herself in town at the opening night of a gay bar with Watson, Carol and Joey. At first she had been a little hesitant to go but she had eventually agreed. She wasn't sure what she was so anxious about. Looking at the bar, she suddenly realised. Joey, who had gone up to get the next round of drinks, was talking to some girl. Charlie tried to turn her face into a mask and pretend that she didn't care, but jealousy stabbed through her heart. The girl, a petite brunette, was leaning into Joey, her Joey. Charlie watched the girl touch Joey's arm and saw them both enjoying a joke. Glancing beside her, Charlie frowned at Watson and Carol who were making out and didn't even know she was there. The last thing she needed now was for Joey to get with some girl right in front of her. She downed the rest of her drink very quickly.
Ruby sat up in her dorm room with her three roommates. They were huddled in blankets by candle light, telling each other ghost stories. Ruby was unnerved but she was enjoying herself. It had taken a while but she was fairly happy at boarding school. She had a lot of friends, was very popular and she wasn't doing too badly at actual school work either. She missed home desperately and she was very much looking forward to the Christmas holidays. For the first time in her life, she had managed to save some of her pocket money and at the weekend, she and her friends were going out to buy gifts for their families. Even at her age, she knew that it was logical to buy things early before the prices went up and the rushes began. Going home would be wonderful. She spoke to her mother every day and it was reassuring to think that she was coping well. And Charlie had promised that she and Joey would take her out and do fun things with her while she was back. Her Dad was still affectionate, although the stress on his face and in his voice was unmistakable. She worried about him.
Towards the end of the night, Joey nudged Charlie who seemed unhappy.
"What's up?" she asked.
Charlie looked surprised.
"Nothing," she lied. "I'm just tired."
What was 'up' was the fact that Joey had brought the girl, Tina, over and Charlie had been forced to engage in conversation with them both all night. Now, Tina had gone to the bathroom, leaving Charlie and Joey alone.
"Oh, well we can head home if you want," Joey said.
She didn't want Charlie to be unhappy and if she was being really honest, she wanted to go home herself.
"Will we have company?" Charlie asked.
Joey looked surprised.
"I don't think so," she said.
"She likes you."
"She's nice."
"So...?"
"So, that's it," Joey said with a shrug. "Maybe I'll take her number or something. I don't know. I'm not really in a dating mood these days."
Charlie nodded. They both looked up when Tina arrived back at the table.
"Hey, we're going to head home," Joey said.
Tina looked disappointed. Charlie stood up to prise Watson and Carol apart for long enough for them to get back to their apartment. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tina and Joey exchange phone numbers and Tina planted one, delicate kiss on Joey's cheek. Joey looked startled but not unhappy. Charlie sighed heavily, flashing forward and picturing this new girl hanging around all the time, making out with Joey at every opportunity. She wasn't sure she could bear it and wondered if she had really thought it through when she decided to live with the girl she had fallen so deeply in love with.
That night, Elsie lay in bed in excruciating pain. Ross was sound asleep beside her. She closed her eyes to her own tears and thought about Clara. She had thought about Clara every day since they first met as kids. She missed her terribly now and wondered constantly if this was the kind of pain her best friend had suffered during her own illness. She wished that she could talk to her, even for a little while. It would give her comfort; it would give her peace. But it wasn't possible. She hoped that when her time came, they would be reunited.
In her own bed, Joey lay away looking at her glow in the dark stars. Joey had always been fascinated by Charlie's glow in the dark constellations so when they had moved in, one day while Joey was at work, Charlie had decorated Joey's ceiling with the same thing. Joey had been thrilled and now when she looked at the stars, she pretended that she was far away on a boat in Charlie's arms. It was a strange situation. That much was undeniable, especially after tonight. Tina had been perfectly nice. She was pretty and she was funny but Joey hadn't been interested. Even if it was platonic, all she wanted to do was be with Charlie. To be with someone else almost felt like cheating, even though she told herself that that was crazy. But one thing that she was almost sure she had seen tonight was Charlie being jealous. However, she couldn't even begin to try and fathom what that meant.
Charlie woke up the next morning feeling unhappy. As usual, Joey had already got up and headed out early to work. Charlie worried about her every morning, knowing that she had to face Robbo. It was Charlie's day off and as usual, she planned on spending it with her mother. But she couldn't get the prospect of Joey and Tina out of her head.
Elsie smiled when she heard Charlie calling her name. After a bad night, she felt rough and was curled up on the couch, not even having managed to get dressed yet. Ross had already gone to work.
"Hi, sweetheart," she greeted. "How are you?"
"I'm fine. Are you okay? You don't look well," Charlie said, her voice full of concern.
"I'm alright," Elsie told her. "I'm just having a high pain day."
Work was worse than normal. Robbo had been following her around like a shadow all day. His comments were relentless and she was very close to quitting and storming away. It was only Aden's reassuring presence that kept her going.
"Hey, do you want to go for lunch together today?" he asked.
Joey nodded. She needed a friend.
"So, did you have a nice evening last night?" Elsie asked.
Charlie shrugged.
"It was okay," she said vaguely.
Elsie noted the unhappy look on her face.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"It was just... it wasn't really my scene, that's all," Charlie replied.
"How come?"
"Well, Watson and Carol were all over each and Joey... well, she met some girl. They talked to each other the whole night and exchanged numbers and even kissed... kind of. Not really. But there was lip to cheek contact and I was left having to watch some girl hit on my..."
She trailed off and blanched.
"On your...?" Elsie probed.
Charlie turned back to her mother and took a breath. It was now or never.
"On my Joey," she said.
Elsie tried not to smile. This was the closest Charlie had ever come to even possibly admitting that she had feelings for her best friend.
"And why would a girl hitting on your best friend be a problem?" Elsie asked.
They looked into each other's eyes, reading their expressions. Suddenly the truth came rushing to Charlie like an oncoming train. Startled, she realised that her mother knew everything already and was giving her the opportunity to admit it. She took another breath and wrung her hands together.
"Because I'm in love with her," she revealed, never breaking eye contact.
Joey froze when Robbo stepped behind her, far too close. She felt his breath on her neck.
"What?" she asked through clenched teeth.
"Nothing," he replied. "I was just checking you out."
He ran his fingers up and down her sides for the briefest moment and then moment away as silently as he had arrived.
"You have no idea how long I've waited for you to say those words," Elsie said softly.
Charlie continued to stare at her. She could hardly believe that she had said them herself.
"How long?" she squeaked.
"Clara and I started talking about it when you were barely teenagers," Elsie admitted.
Charlie swallowed.
"You've known all this time and you never said anything?" she asked.
"It was never my place to open my mouth, Charlie."
"So you and Aunt Clara knew? Do you think Joey knows? What about Dad? Anyone else?" Charlie asked fretfully.
"Stop panicking. We only saw it because we worried about the two of you making our mistakes."
Charlie looked utterly confused.
"Sweetheart, there are some things I need to tell you."
Joey gratefully sat down in a chair at Crumble while Aden ordered their lunch. She had been desperate to get away from Robbo. Her heart sank when she saw him enter the restaurant. He seated himself at the nearest table and let his eyes rove all over her. Joey felt her skin crawl.
Charlie settled back down on the sofa with her mother and two cups of tea.
"Please don't hate me," Elsie ventured. "But Clara and I... we loved each other."
"Like best friends?" Charlie asked.
Her mother's eyes confirmed that it was more than that.
"Like... like lovers?"
"We were never lovers."
"Well, what were you?"
Charlie tried not to panic but she felt bad for her Dad if he had been married to a woman who had loved another. But then, she knew better than anyone that you couldn't help who you fell for.
"We were soul mates. We were in love with each other for all our lives. But we never really did anything about it."
"What about Dad?"
"I love your father. And he loves me. But we were never the besotted couple we should have been. He fell in love with another woman a long time ago and Clara... I loved her more than life itself."
"Does he know?"
"Yes, he does. He's always known."
"And he doesn't mind?"
"We understand each other."
"So... I mean, I don't really know what to say," Charlie admitted. "This is... I had no idea."
"We always tried to keep it a secret. But watching you and Joey as you've grown up together... it's been like watching our own youth."
Charlie looked down at her hands.
"You think Joey and I are soul mates?" she asked.
"You complete each other."
"I don't even know how she feels about me," Charlie protested.
"She's in love with you," Elsie confirmed.
"How do you...? Has she said anything?"
"She hasn't needed to. The way she looks at you, the way you look at her; it's obvious. She's said a couple of things, never naming names but certainly describing a powerful and overwhelming feelings for someone who she believes only thinks the world of her as a friend," Elsie said.
"She could have been talking about Zoe..."
"She wasn't. She was explaining that she could never love Zoe the way she felt she deserved because she'd already given her heart to another, someone that she would always love the best."
"Well, maybe it's..."
"It's you."
Charlie bit her lip, trying to process all this information.
"I don't know what to do," she admitted. "I... I'm meant to be straight, Mum. I can't be gay."
"Why not?"
"Because... because."
"It's a lot more acceptable now, Charlie."
"I know but..."
"But what?"
"I'm not brave like Joey is. I can't stand up and say that I like girls. I just can't do that..."
"Maybe you don't have to do that," Elsie suggested. "Maybe you just need to stand up and say that you love Joey."
"I... I can't. It was hard enough telling you," Charlie said, growing tearful.
"Charlie, the reason I told you about Clara and I was to try and show you what you need to do. We never allowed ourselves to be together. We were too afraid to come out and upset our lives. We settled for friendship, crossing the line with a kiss or two but mostly, we were platonically in love, if that makes any kind of sense."
"It makes perfect sense," Charlie said.
"It was a wonderful friendship. But it should have been more. We let ourselves down by living the way we were 'supposed' to live instead of the way we wanted to. I can't bear for you and Joey to go the same way. I've seen you with boyfriends that you haven't really cared about. I've seen you pretend that you don't want anybody. But the thing is Charlie, that you always go back to Joey. She's always the one who makes you feel alive, makes you feel complete. She's the person who makes you happy," Elsie told her.
"You really think she loves me?" Charlie asked.
"I know she does."
Joey was desperate to finish her shift and get off the boat. She just had one more task to do. She saw Aden jump off, wave goodbye and disappear hand in hand with Belle. Gibsy also jumped off board and she hurried on with putting boxes away below deck. She turned around quickly when she heard a creaking step. Robbo stood in front of her, turning her blood cold.
"I think it's time for my revenge now," he said.
"And you're really okay with this?" Charlie asked, looking bewildered.
"Of course I am. I'm proud of you for talking to me about this, Charlie. I was worried that you never would. Please, please don't make the same mistakes that I have."
Charlie nodded and clutched her mother's hand. As unconventional a situation it may be, with her mother confessing to loving someone other than her father; Charlie was comforted. But looking back now, Elsie and Clara being in love made perfect sense. She thought back to all those innocent words and touches they had shared and wondered how she could have been so blind.
"How do you think Dad would react?"
"He'll get over it."
"And Ruby?"
"Ruby loves Joey as much as she loves you. She'll get her head around it."
"But this would change my life."
"Not really," Elsie said. "You're practically an item anyway. It just means admitting it."
"It's funny, you know," Charlie ventured. "All these years that we've ended up kissing at various points, we've always dismissed it."
"You've kissed?"
Charlie nodded.
"The first time was on the boat trip we all took when we were kids for Joey's birthday," Charlie explained. "I freaked out and that's when I started dating Brett. The year after, we kissed again. We kissed at New Year and the New Year before that. We seem to find any excuse."
"And you didn't know that she loved you?" Elsie asked incredulously.
"I don't know what I know," Charlie replied.
"Well, what I know is that you've taken a huge step today by telling me about all this. Now, I really believe you need to take the next step and tell Joey how you feel."
"You're right," Charlie agreed. "I do."
She smiled, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off her. Her mother was like a guardian angel. She had never felt so loved, protected and accepted in all her life.
"Well, she'll be home from work now, won't she?" Elsie said, glancing at her watch.
Charlie nodded. Her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool.
"Then go, go, go!" Elsie beamed.
Charlie squeezed her mother's hand gently, stood up and hurried out the door.
