Part Twenty-Nine
Before
He was discharged from the hospital on Tuesday afternoon with strict instructions to take it easy. Normal donors were free to return to work four or five weeks after surgery, but with Elliot's job, he was looking at a solid eight off. He couldn't exercise or even drive and so begrudgingly asked Kathy for a ride. The relationship with his wife was about as up in the air as the one with Olivia. He hadn't moved out, but Kathy had made her feelings on the subject clear and Elliot's decisions had said plenty as well.
But the paperwork said heavy lifting was restricted for six weeks, therefore moving was out. That didn't mean he couldn't find a place to live though. He already had a mental list of calls to make. He'd have a new place before he went back to work.
Kathy arrived at the hospital a good half hour after they'd arranged to meet, offering neither an excuse nor a smile. "Are you ready to go?"
Elliot was sitting on the bed he'd had enough of to last the rest of his natural life, a paper shopping bag full of random papers and shit he'd accumulated during the four day stay dangling from his fingers. Munch had brought him a book on the Kennedy assassination; Cragen had brought some kind of fern. He was tempted to leave both behind, but instead had shoved them into the bag with his instructions and follow up doctors' appointment cards. Fin had smuggled in hamburgers and if Elliot ever had the occasion to stay in a hospital again, he was going to request the same from everyone. Hamburgers were infinitely more useful than plants and books.
"Yeah, I'm ready." Realizing Kathy wasn't going to extend the courtesy of volunteering to carry the small bag, he slipped off the bed and onto his feet. Again he contemplated leaving the bag there, but wound up gripping the handles tightly, trying to channel his irritation with Kathy away from his vocal cords. He was sore, but not really in any pain. It was more like he'd pulled a muscle than had his insides scrambled. The only real discomfort came from the healing incisions that itched until he scratched and then hurt like a mother.
An uncomfortable silence fell over the pair as they walked to the car. It was obvious that Kathy felt she was owed an apology, likely an apology she wouldn't even accept, but Elliot didn't think there was anything to be sorry for. The only regret Elliot had, and it was a big one, was that he hadn't tried to visit Olivia again. He'd tried to respect her wishes and promised to leave her alone, but she still hadn't asked for him yet. Nevertheless, he believed she would. She was sick, she'd been through a lot and it had only been a few days. Crowding her wasn't going to get him anywhere.
As Kathy pulled out of the parking garage, she glanced over at him. "Do you need to stop anywhere?"
He had about a hundred prescriptions – pain killers, muscle relaxants, anti-depressants – but he didn't intend on taking any of them. His pain wasn't that bad, and when something occasionally hurt particularly badly, it only served to remind him of what he'd done. Saving Olivia's life was all the anti-depressant he needed.
Kathy saw the small smile that had formed on his lips, but she said nothing.
When they reached the house, Elliot saw she'd made him a spot in the living room, more likely to remind him that they weren't on good terms than out of concern with his recuperation. There was a pile consisting of a blanket, sheet, and pillow lying on the couch. The remote was sitting on the coffee table. Next to the couch sat his suitcase, open to display the packed contents. She might as well have hung a sign on the door that said "Elliot Stabler is not welcome here."
He tried not to resent it, since he'd been planning on moving out even before Kathy had made her silent decree that he was expected to do so, but he still found it irritating. He'd paid way more than half the mortgage payments; the down payment on the house had come from his mother. The twins were about to start college. He could have argued for the house. He could have insisted on selling it and splitting the cash. But it wasn't worth it. Kathy's cold heart toward Olivia's illness had been it for him; Elliot could never forgive or forget it. He wanted done with the marriage as soon as possible and disputing ownership of the house was only going to increase any contact they'd have.
He settled down on the couch, unexpectedly winded from coming home after having been restricted to bed for so long. Clicking on the TV he wasn't the least bit interested in watching, he listened for Kathy to go up the steps or to announce she was going back to work or something. He wanted to call Huang and get an update on how Olivia was doing, but he had enough sense not to do with when Kathy might overhear. He felt like he was too far away from his partner, like he wouldn't be close enough to get to her if she asked to see him.
Rather than going upstairs though, Kathy came into the living room and perched on the chair adjacent to the couch. Her face was apprehensive, leading Elliot to switch off the TV. He knew she had something to say, but she said nothing.
Elliot stared at her, tempted to scream "spit it out already." Finally, he sighed and resigned himself to breaking the silence. "What's up?"
Kathy bit her lip, took a breath, and then shrugged. "This is going to be so uncomfortable for both of us and it's clear what your feelings are." She shifted around, her eyes landing anywhere but on his. "I've got some things packed already. I'm going to stay with a friend for a few days until you're able to find some place."
He felt like she'd thrown a bowling ball at his stomach. Yeah, he'd given his kidney to the woman he'd fallen in love with, but his wife of over twenty years refusing to sleep under the same roof with him still hurt. It took him a moment to get his breath back and he swallowed hard, unexpectedly angered by Kathy's attitude.
"You'll need to find a place too. We'll have to put the house on the market." He didn't know why he wanted to be rotten; he just did. Elliot wasn't the sort to lie down and avoid an argument. He liked to spread around the misery, so everyone could experience how he was feeling.
Kathy's mouth dropped open, revealing her shock that Elliot wasn't just going to give her the house.
Which, really, was why he'd said it. Simply because she'd decided it belonged to her despite him breaking his back to pay for it.
Kathy, however, wasn't in the mood to fight about it. She simply stood up and stepped toward the door. "Ok, we'll have to do that then. The kids know where I am and I'll have Eli with me, of course."
Elliot's mood had soured and he felt like fighting. He couldn't argue about the kids. The twins didn't need much parenting really and Elliot was in no shape to care for a three-year-old. "So this friend you're moving in with is a guy?"
Kathy's head cocked to the side as she glared, her expression answering his question in a way words couldn't. "I'm not the one who walked away, Elliot. Try to remember that."
"It sure looks like you're walking away."
"You're awfully fucking concrete sometimes." She didn't say another word, just pulled the door closed behind her.
Frustrated by the thwarted attempt to fight and by Olivia's continued rejection, Elliot sighed and slumped back against the couch. He couldn't accept that saving Olivia's life had been a mistake, and yet, it appeared to have ruined everything in his life, including his relationship with Olivia. His head dropped back and he stared at the ceiling in the eerie silence, not bothering to wipe at the tears that streaked down his cheeks. There was no one there to see them.
