Octavian's P.O.V.

He didn't want to send her on a fit of disapproving so he took the non-chivalrous route and ate the gummy bears by himself, studying her. Her eyes were closed, there were bags under them, under his, too, he knew. And his clothes were water stained from desperate attempts to wake up. He hated coffee but his breath reeked of a mixture of it and toothpaste because he'd been so insistent on being sharp when he went out to Rachel, planning on completing the quest and nothing more.

"good morning." He mumbled, startling her.

"Oh, you heard that." He cringed when she glanced down at his new set of knives, almost afraid.

"Yeah. I talk to him too, no biggie." He muttered. He wanted to tell her that she wasn't isolated, that he was there, but didn't know if she wanted him to be there anymore. She'd said she didn't know if she could do things better on her own, but that didn't mean that he was the missing piece. He, at least in his mind and probably in hers, was more like a lego you stepped on barefoot, really, just a pain. He sighed.

"Should we get going?" She was staring at him. He kind of wanted to snap at her, but her eyes, there was fear, and that drained his anger and just made him sad, and tired. He had loved her eyes so much before they looked at him as a murderer.

"Yeah." They left the hotel. He regretted not sharing his gummy bears, and was, for the most part terribly exhausted. She hadn't offered him Augustus, and he wasn't sure how he could possibly react given the slim chance that she tried to keep it.

Oh whatever. It shouldn't matter... Why was he so angry?

Had to be the coffee.

She just kept glancing at him, like she was expecting an attack. He harrumphed.

"What was that?" Rachel asked.

"We can't finish this quest if you don't trust me."

"You said it yourself that your dagger could end up in my back."

"Do you really want to start a fight again with that line? I'm not going to kill you, I never had any intention of it. I wasn't just here for the Sybilline books, but that doesn't really matter anymore." He stalked off a few feet ahead.

She kept pace.

"What do you mean not just here for the books?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

"What do you mean that doesn't matter anymore?" Could he hear it in her voice? The wavering hope that maybe it still would matter, what had mattered so much just a day before? No, couldn't be, he was just tired and stupid.

"I'm sorry Rachel," And he truly meant at least those words, as he turned his blue eyes toward her,

"It's hard to love someone who sees you as a murderer." Her mouth opened. She hugged the stuffed raccoon close to her. Good, Augustus gave her comfort. Glad one of them had that.

"Octavian I didn't-"

"You meant exactly what you said." He shot back coldly. This wasn't working, he was supposed to be rebuilding, their friendship at least. Their best friendship

"Did you?"

"Couldn't if I tried." The hardest thing was her eyes had confirmed she meant what she'd said, now maybe she wanted to retract it, was reconsidering, but she had meant what she said. He shuddered. It was cold suddenly, and his eyes were watery. No, the hardest thing was that one of the things she'd said and meant was that she had considered us, Octavian had never had an us, a possibility, and now she didn't. He shuddered again.

She touched his shoulder, had to be hard for her to do, since his knives were in grabbing reach and she very well knew that.

"We're both in the wrong Ian-" Was this the first time she'd called him that? Sounded like a pet name, he flinched her hand off of him.

"I know that. I want to fix it but I can't. You were right before, about us not being meant to go on this quest together."

"No..." She murmured.

"You heard me talk to Augustus. I've been wrong a good many times lately."

He couldn't meet her eyes, he felt sick and uneasy.

"You meant what you said..." He mumbled again, now the one looking at the other with scared eyes.

And she held his gaze, not glancing at his new knives. Hopefully glancing instead straight into his soul, at his new life.

Or at least, what it could be, given the right path was taken when a choice was given between the monster he'd been and Rachel Elizabeth Dare.

She just had to offer the choice.