A/N: Once again I apologise for my lack of updates, life is a bit crazy for me at the minute. I hope this was worth the wait.
Please review, it really really helps
I do not own Pitch Perfect or any of its characters
"I'll be right over there, okay? Just a few tables away," Chloe said, giving Beca's hand a squeeze before she moved to an empty table in the cafe.
Beca had spent five days convincing herself that she didn't want to meet her mother. Five days convincing herself she didn't need her. She'd made it this long without her, why would she need her now?
Just when she'd made her decision to throw the email address in the trash and never think of her again, Beca received a Facebook message.
Lauren Burns: Just meet me for coffee.
Beca Mitchell: Why?
They went back and forward for hours until Beca finally agreed to meet her for a coffee.
Now, however, as she watched her mother enter the cafe, she was starting to regret that decision.
Chloe squeezed her hand and moved away. Beca saw her Mom's eyes follow Chloe across the room.
"Friend of yours?" She asked, taking a seat opposite.
"Girlfriend," Beca replied, watching her warily, as if she was about to transform into something else.
Her Mom's eyebrows raised slightly but she didn't comment.
Beca just kept staring, her hands gripping the mug in front of her. Her knuckles were still slightly bruised.
Chloe had been beside herself when they'd woken up the morning after she'd gotten home and she'd seen them.
"What if you'd broken your hands?!"
"So are you just going to sit there staring at me?" She asked, with a nervous laugh. She ran a hand through her hair the way Beca sometimes did when she was stressed.
"I figured I'd leave all the hard work to you," Beca said.
"Wow, you're really not gonna make this easy on me, huh?"
"Can you blame me?" Beca asked. "Why are you even here anyway?"
"I just… I wanted to see you. I want to get to know you. I want to at least try and make up for the last twelve years," her Mom said.
"Well, you can't. You can't make up for that kind of thing. And you've had twelve years to get to know me, why now?"
"My… um… my therapist thought it was a good idea. My husband agrees," she said, looking awkward.
Beca shouldn't have been surprised that her Mom had remarried, but she was.
"Do you have kids?"
"No," she said. "I meant it when I said I wasn't the Mom type."
They were silent again, and Beca drank some of her now cold coffee.
"How did you find me on Facebook?" Beca asked, feeling the need to break the silence.
"You were the only Beca who spelled their name with one C," her Mom said. "Do you want another coffee?"
"No thanks," Beca said.
More silence followed.
All the questions Beca had wanted to ask over the years were sitting on the tip of her tongue but she couldn't bring herself to ask.
"So," her Mom said, looking around for something to say, "your dad said you make music?"
"Yeah," Beca said. "Mash-ups mostly. But I wanna be a music producer one day."
"Oh, that's really great! Are you gonna go to college for that?"
"I'm not going to college," Beca said, with a huff of annoyance.
"You aren't? Why not? You've got to go to college Becs, you'll love-"
"You don't get to lecture me about this," Beca said, cutting her off. "My dad can get on my case about college, but not you. And don't call me Becs."
"You don't like it? I used to call you it when you were a little girl."
"I don't like it when you call me it," Beca said.
"Okay," her Mom said with a sigh. "No college talk, and no nicknames. So I guess I should call you Rebeca then?"
Beca winced, and her Mom chuckled softly. "I'll take that as a no. So... come on, give me something to work with here. What can we talk about?"
"We can talk about you walking out," Beca said.
Her Mom sighed again. "Okay. If that's what you want."
"It is," Beca said.
"So… Um… I guess the first thing to understand is how young I was. I was 18 when you were born. The same age you are now. I'd never… Never planned on having kids. Your dad always wanted them, and he was a little older than me. A little more mature maybe. He wanted-"
"A big family," Beca said, cutting her off. "I know this part. I know I wasn't planned, and I know you didn't… want me." Beca cleared her throat. "You can skip ahead."
"You were wanted," her Mom said. She sounded sad. "If I didn't want you, I wouldn't have had you. You weren't planned but you were wanted. And then when you were born I felt this overwhelming… fear. And love. They were always battling each other. I loved you so, so much, but I was terrified. I kept thinking I'd accidentally hurt you. I didn't know what I was doing and you looked at me with these big blue eyes and it was like you knew." Her Mom ran a hand through her hair again.
"So why did you wait until I was six before you left? Why not just go straight away? Why wait until I was old enough to remember you?" Beca asked, clutching the empty mug in front of her.
"I never planned on leaving," her Mom said, tears sparkling in her eyes now. "But I had all these plans. All these things I wanted to do. And then one day I got a call from a friend who was living in Paris. She invited me to come and stay. I'd always wanted to go, and your dad and I were basically over at this point. So… I said yes. I thought I'd only be gone for a few weeks. But I just… couldn't come back."
"So you left me because you wanted to go to Paris? And that couldn't have waited until I was older? I grew up without a Mom because you wanted a vacation?" Tears burned Beca's eyes, but she refused to look away from the woman in front of her.
"I wasn't a good Mom," she said. "I told myself you'd be better off without me. But you're right, it was selfish and childish. But I was practically a child-"
"You were twenty-four. You aren't a child at twenty-four. I was a child. I was six," Beca said, furious. "I get you were young when you had me, and you had all these dreams, but I… I needed you and you just," her voice cracked but she carried on, "you left and you didn't come back."
"I'm sorry Becs, I never meant-"
"Don't," Beca said, her voice harsh. "Don't give me sorry. You know I used to stay up all night and beg and pray for you to come home? I used to promise God, or whoever, that I'd be a good girl if you came back. I used to think about what an awful kid I must have been for you to leave. The other kids used to say my Mom didn't love me, and I used to fight them, but deep down I knew they were right. I mean… You didn't even write to me! You just vanished." Beca was fighting to keep it together. Her Mom reached across the table to take her hand and Beca jerked it back as if she'd been burned, nearly knocking her mug from the table.
"You weren't a bad kid, Beca," her Mom said. "I promise you, you weren't the reason I left. I loved you with every bit of my heart. And I thought about you everyday."
"What good is that to me now? I can't go back and tell that little girl that her Mom really did love her. You can't just come back into my life now that I don't need you."
"I can't change what happened," her Mom said. "I can't fix what I've done. And I wish I'd done things differently. I should have kept in touch, but I thought it would be easier if I didn't."
"Easier for you," Beca said. "I just don't know what you want from me now."
"I want to get to know my daughter," she said, looking desperate. "Please, Beca. I know I fucked up. I know you hate me, and you have every right to. But I want a relationship with you. I've wanted this for so long, but I've been too afraid to take that leap."
"I thought you didn't want to be a Mom," Beca said.
"I don't. I don't want anymore kids. But I want to be your Mom."
"For how long this time? A week? A month? A couple of years? When will you decide you can't do it and run away?" Beca asked. She was so close to breaking, she didn't think she'd be able to sit there any longer.
"Just give me a chance, Beca. I go back to Maine next week, but I want us to keep in touch. Just say you'll think about it," she added when Beca didn't say anything. "Give me something here."
"Fine, I'll think about it," Beca said. "But if I decide I don't want to, then you need to accept that. Don't message me or turn up at my house."
"Sure, that's fair. For the record, I am sorry for just turning up at your home like that. That was wrong of me. And asking you for a hug like that was… It was stupid. I was just so nervous," she said. "Anyway, just… let me know when you decide."
"Okay," Beca said. She glanced over at Chloe's table who was reading. As if she'd been waiting for her, Chloe looked up from her book and gave her a smile. Beca couldn't help but smile back.
"Okay?" Chloe mouthed.
Beca started nodding but then shook her head. She wasn't okay.
Chloe frowned and closed her book. She could see tears in Beca's eyes and it broke her heart. She had overheard a few heated things Beca had said, but she hadn't wanted to eavesdrop.
She wanted to go over there. To put an arm around Beca and let her cry. But she didn't want to interrupt, so she waited.
"You can invite her over here you know?" Beca's Mom said, smiling at the way Beca and Chloe were looking at each other. "If she's your girlfriend, I'd like to meet her."
Beca hesitated. She wasn't sure she wanted her Mom to meet Chloe. She hadn't decided if she wanted a relationship with her Mom yet, but introducing her to Chloe would be taking a step in that direction. On the other hand, she wanted Chloe. And in the end, that won out.
She gestured for Chloe to come over and the redhead was at her side in seconds.
"Chloe, this is… my Mom Lauren," Beca said. "Mom, this is my girlfriend Chloe." It had taken a lot for her to call Lauren Mom. It felt strange coming out of her mouth. It felt alien. She hadn't called her that in twelve years.
"Nice to meet you Chloe," her Mom said.
"You too," Chloe said, her smile slightly forced. It was hard to sit in front of the woman who'd abandoned Beca at the age of six, and say it was nice to meet her.
Beca took her hand and squeezed it, holding onto her as if Chloe was her life line.
Beca's Mom checked her watch.
"I have to go," she said. "It was really great to see you Beca. I hope we can talk again soon."
"Yeah, I'll, uh, think about it," Beca said.
"It's probably too soon for me to ask for a hug, right?"
"Um… Yeah, I think so. Sorry," she said.
"You don't have to say sorry," her Mom said. "You don't owe me anything. I just thought I'd ask since I don't know if I'll see you again. And that sounded like a guilt trip but I promise it wasn't."
"It's okay," she said. "I'll message you when I've thought it over."
"Okay Becs. Sorry. Beca," she said, correcting herself. She stood up and gave them both an awkward wave goodbye.
Watching her walk out of the cafe, Beca felt something tugging at her chest.
What if she didn't see her again?
Her Mom said it was her decision, but what if she did decide she wanted a relationship with her, but her Mom abandoned her again?
Or what if she thought it over and decided she didn't want her Mom in her life?
This could be her last chance.
So why wasn't she doing anything about it?
"Becs, take a breath," Chloe said, softly. "What's going on?"
Beca just shook her head, the tightness in her chest getting worse.
Without warning she stood up from the table and ran out of the cafe into the parking lot.
She looked for her Mom's car but, of course, didn't know what it looked like.
I should have hugged her. She's going to leave again.
Chloe was at her side in seconds. "Becs, look at me," she said. "Talk to me."
"She's going to leave again," Beca said, running a hand through her hair and pacing back and forth. "I shouldn't have met with her. I shouldn't have done any of this. She's going to leave me again and I'm gonna get hurt."
Chloe put her hands on Beca's shoulders and stopped her pacing.
"Hey," she said. "Stop. Just breathe for now, okay?"
Beca nodded and tried to slow her breathing.
"I know you're freaked out. But you're in control of what's happening right now. If you want to see her again, you can see her again. If you don't, you don't," Chloe said, in a calm voice. "I can't promise she won't leave again, but from what I saw she seems pretty eager to be in your life. Just remember that you're in control."
Beca nodded again and Chloe pulled her into a hug.
"I don't want her to hurt me again," Beca said, her voice strained.
"I know," Chloe said, kissing the top of her head.
