Sorry this took so long coming! I've been working on my own book. Just finished and can pick up life where I left off…back to the hunger games
Peeta is sitting on the hospital bed and I hold his hand as we wait for the Doctor to arrive.
I feel I should say something comforting but I'm not very good at that and anyway, Peeta said he wasn't in any pain. If anything he's just impatient to get back to normal, whatever normal is. I stroke his hand with my thumb and hope he knows what I mean by it.
When the Doctor finally comes he fits Peeta's leg back on and runs a series of tests. At first Peeta can't move it properly and even a simple thing like moving his toes makes him frown in concentration as his leg jerks about erratically. The Doctor makes him do exercises for half an hour or so before telling him to take a break and leaving us.
'Thank you' Peeta says to me. 'What for?' I ask, puzzled. I am not being particularly supportive. Mostly I am now just sitting with him wondering how soon I can go and get lunch as I'm getting hungry. 'For being here. Last time this was really scary but this time I don't mind it so much.'
'That's just because you've done it all before. You know you can do it. You're not all "oh my god, where's the rest of my leg" every time you look down.' Peeta laughs at this. 'I think you freaked out most when you saw it' he says, smiling at me. I think back. I did. 'Well it was a shock. We were on television and you were all styled and perfect and I didn't expect it. Plus I felt guilty.'
'What for?' Peeta asks incredulous. 'Guilty that I hadn't protected you. I was supposed to be the healer and I failed. As you said, I only got five sixths of you out.'
'So you only a sixth failed. That's not bad. If that was a school test you'd still have got an A.' I can't help but laugh. Peeta always knows the right thing to say to make people feel better. That's how I first knew that despite Snow's best efforts I hadn't lost him completely. When we were in the sewers beneath us here now and he told Pollox he was the most important of us, or when he made Tigris blush under all her cat tattoos by calling her an excellent stylist. However many fits he had only the old Peeta, my Peeta could slip out a compliment so naturally.
The Doctor returns to do more exercises with him and I slip out to get some food, promising to bring some back. The Doctors and nurses ignore me but in the canteen all the patients gawk at me as I queue up and select limp looking sandwiches. I hate it and keep my head down. I wish they'd just leave me alone. I'm not entertainment anymore, at least I'm not supposed to be. I can't even tell here if they are Capitol people or from the districts. A few have tattoos that give them away but most are pale and unmade up sitting in hospital gowns.
As I pay for the food the woman who takes my money says kindly 'I hope Peeta feels better soon. We're all still rooting for you both.' 'Thank you' I say stiffly, not quite sure what to make of that. If I had my way no one would be thinking about us at all, but I suppose support is better than hatred. Especially from people who used to have every luxury at the expense of others and now don't because of us.
I take Peeta his sandwich and he thanks me politely but frowns at it. 'I know' I say. 'I miss home too.'
He seems to be getting the hang of controlling his leg though and the doctor wheels him down the corridor to a room with a set of parallel bars. Peeta stands up, rests his arms on the bars and starts trying to walk, using his arms for support when his leg gives way. I just watch, guilty enjoying when his leg buckles as his arms look so sexy when they take his whole weight. I am not a good wife.
The Doctor tells me to say something encouraging. My mind goes blank. This really isn't my area. 'Good job Peeta, you're doing really well' I try. Peeta actually laughs and has to stop for a moment. 'What?' I ask, annoyed. 'You, trying to be supportive. It just sounds, I don't know wrong.' Great, I think, scowling. Peeta takes pity on me. 'Just stand at the end and keep scowling so I have something to aim for' he says. I follow his instructions and he keeps his eyes locked on mine as he attempts step after step. By the time he reaches the end of the rails I realise I am smiling and offering encouragement without sounding like a twit. I kiss his forehead when he reaches me.
'See, that wasn't so hard was it?' he says and I scowl again this time playfully.
We do this for as long as Peeta can then ask if we can return to the hotel. The Doctor nods. 'That's the physical therapy done for the day. I can send your psychotherapist to your hotel if you'd be more comfortable having your session there.' Peeta nods and asks me to push him back. 'Psychotherapist?' I ask annoyed as I ram his knees into a door to open it. 'Yeah, standard for people with bits missing' he jokes. 'It shouldn't take long. It didn't last time' he pauses. 'But then last time around all that was missing was a bit of leg. This time my brain is already messed up.'
We get back to our room and I settle Peeta in an armchair and order some tea to be brought up. We are drinking it when there is a knock at the door. I open it and see a familiar face. 'Dr Aurelius?' I say surprised. He nods. 'It seemed to make sense given that I'm already familiar with Peeta's case' he says smiling. 'Though I should warn you Peeta, I have no experience in counselling limb loss patients. Well, excepting you and we've never actually talked about your leg.'
Peeta laughs. 'No need. It's gone, sometimes it hurts. It's not a problem when my prosthesis works. That's about it.'
Dr Aurelius turns to me. 'And how does it make you feel, Katniss?' I shrug. 'A little guilty sometimes that he lost it because of my tourniquet, but then he'd be dead if I hadn't done that so not too bad. Mostly I don't even remember about it until he takes it off to go to bed.'
The Doctor looks interested by this. 'So you don't sleep with it on?' he asks Peeta. 'No, it's more comfortable to take it off' he says, bemused. 'Plus the metal bits are cold on my legs' I add. The Doctor smiles. 'Well, I think we're done on that topic then. Any chance of a cup of tea for me too?'
Peeta nods and gestures to me to order one. I frown. 'If we're done, why are you staying for tea?' I question. He smiles. 'Because you don't answer the phone enough and I thought while you were here I'd actually earn my keep for a change.' Great, shrink time.
It isn't too bad though. Mostly he just asks how we're doing and as we're doing ok it isn't too painful. The only hard bit is when he asks me how I'm dealing with Prim's death here in the Capitol. 'I'm not' I say. 'I can't go anywhere near where it happened and even thinking about it makes me see the flames again.' 'You were ok at the memorial though' interjects Peeta. I nod. 'I was glad she was listed as a medic. She would have liked that. It made me proud of her.' 'What else would Prim have liked?' asks Dr Aurelius gently. 'Oh, lots of things' I say. 'She would like that Peeta and I are married, she would like that our house is full of plants and paintings, she would like how well we eat. She would like Haymitch's geese and that Rory works at the bakery. She would love that her stupid cat and I get along. She would like that our mother is working at a hospital, she would like that Ella's book could help other people learn about healing. She would like that there are no more games and reapings and…' I find that I am crying and can't go on. 'Dammit' says Peeta and I hear a thud but can't see through the tears what is going on. 'I can't get my leg to work again. If you want me to comfort you you'll have to come here' he says. I laugh and hiccup and cry and walk the couple of steps to Peeta and sink down in his lap. He puts his strong arms around me and holds me tight until I calm down.
I forget the Doctor is even there until he coughs slightly and we jump. 'Well, I think if you can find that many positive things about your life and the two of you are able to comfort each other like this, then I can feel pretty smug in my ability as therapist.'
'Yeah, it's all you' I mutter ungraciously but deep down I know he has helped. He's helped me by knowing when to leave me alone and he's helped Peeta so much in sorting out his memories. 'Thanks' I add sincerely as a token gesture.
There is a knock at the door and Dr Aurelius gets it as I am still sitting on Peeta.
'Ah, Ms Fletcher' he says. 'I believe we are due to meet tomorrow but come in.'
'Um, what?' asks Ella, coming in hesitantly and taking my chair.
'Ella, this is Dr Aurelius. He's our shrink'. Peeta does the introductions. 'Dr Aurelius, Ella is our neighbour and as you can see we are used to just barging in to each other's personal space'
'Knocked' says Ella, smiling. Peeta acknowledges this with a tilt of his head. She turns to the Doctor. 'Don't need shrink.'
He smiles. 'I'm sure, but given what you have been though a bit of a chat can't hurt.'
'Ok' says Ella raising her eyebrows. 'Let's chat.'
'I'm not sure that's appropriate with others around' Dr Aurelius says carefully. Ella shrugs. 'Seen me at my worst' she says gesturing to us. I laugh and everyone stares at me. 'If that's true' I say. 'Then she really doesn't need a shrink. The worst I've seen her is sad because sad things have happened. I'd say on the scale of normal to well, us, that she's pretty normal.' Peeta nods. 'She doesn't always sound it because she was alone for so long and she still gets a bit, well ungrammatical when she's tired or upset, but basically she's the only sane one in our little neighbourhood.'
Ella laughs. 'Thanks.'
Dr Aurelius smiles. 'What sad things have happened Ella?' She sighs. 'Lost parents, Reaped, Games, Raped, Threatened, Ran away, Lonely, get back find out lots of friends dead but country better place.' She shrugs. 'Was sad, but things better now.'
'What things are better now?' he gently probes. 'No games, no threats, except Plutarch and interviews but ok. Haymitch still loves me. Messed up but getting his shit together. Johanna still alive and bit crankier but ok, getting her shit together. Made new friends' she waves at us again 'And they're getting their shit together. All of Panem getting its shit together. Good.'
Dr Aurelius laughs. 'I think Peeta's right. You sound a little odd but you seem grounded in reality well enough.' Ella smiles. 'Will see you tomorrow anyway' she says as the Doctor gets up to leave. 'You seem ok and time away from Plutarch better for my mental health than anything else'.
When he's gone Peeta asks Ella how her day was. 'Exhausting again. Met so many people. Shake hands shake hands shake hands. Boring'
We switch the television on for a while, mostly so we can all switch our brains off for a bit. The news says that parliament will be sitting for two weeks starting tomorrow and I remember Gale is here just as there is a knock at the door. Speak of the devil.
