AN: Ok, this is a little filler chapter, mainly to give myself a chance to do a little planning but also to give you all an insight into Sirius' past, to explain why he is like he is and to fill out some of the hints I have given in previous chapters as to the type of abuse he suffered. There is also a little joy in there, but not much. Thank everyone for your time and I am so happy that you're enjoying this story. This humble author is pleased by your wonderful reviews. Ps, I really, really enjoyed writing the tutor scene (below) I don't know why but I see Sirius as having had a very strict Victorian style pre-schooling in his own home...it just struck me as appropriate. :) As usual enjoy and I always love hearing from you, my eternal thanks.
What is past is prologue.
- William Shakespeare
The drawing room was hot and silent as nine year old Sirius sat behind his desk, as usual his tutor stood before him holding his cane and gazing down at him through rounded spectacles. His dark grey hair was neatly oiled back from his face to reveal his rather pointed nose, he pursed his lips as he watched Sirius write carefully, his quill flicking as he concentrated on forming his letters.
"Good, now add a tail..." Sirius finished his fifth line of a's and looked up for instruction. His tutor took the parchment and inspected the still wet ink shrewdly. "Another twenty lines." He said and handed the parchment back. "Then we will begin our Pureblood History lesson."
"Yes sir." Sirius bent his head again and poked his tongue through his teeth as he tried to straighten his writing. After what seemed like forever he finished his last line and proudly put his quill back into the ink, he looked up at his tutor who once again inspected his students work.
"You could still use a lot more work on your cursive, young man. But that must wait, your parents insist you need instruction on the history of the Purebloods." He cleared his throat. "Clear away your paper and pens and we will begin."
Sirius completed that task with little fuss before reseating himself and folding his hands on his desk, he gazed up at his tutor with those wide silver eyes and waited in silence.
"Long ago, in the days of the founders of Hogwarts, your great family came into existence. These were times of great unrest, the Muggles and filth contaminating our purity were trying to destroy us and the wizards of pure lineage were slowly being driven underground. We were hunted and cursed, all because Merlin, heralded as the greatest of our kind, brought in laws which outlawed retaliation from Wizards against muggles. We were forced into hiding, forcing the four founders to found their school beyond the knowledge of all those who would wish us harm. They managed this endeavour as friends, but eventually uncertainty began to wheedle its way deep into their friendships, breaking what had once been a great bond. The greatest wizard of them all, Salazar Slytherin, came to dislike Godric Gryffindor's insistence that they should teach all magical children rather than just those of the pure bloodlines. This division eventually degenerated into a duel, which ended in the outcast of Slytherin and his eventual estrangement from those whom he had once called friends." Sirius frowned slightly and raised his hand. "You have a question?"
"Yes sir, um...why was Slytherin against teaching Muggle born children?" He asked, only innocent curiosity in his eyes.
His tutor frowned disapprovingly. "Why do you think, Mr. Black?"
"B-because...because he didn't like them..."
"Wrong, boy." The tutor slammed his cane down onto the desk, making Sirius jump and flinch. "He had no wish to further dilute our blood, he did not wish these...thieves of magical knowledge to destroy our way of life. Imagine, being forced to..." He sneered. "Breed with these impure creatures...it is frankly unthinkable."
"But surely if someone is born with the ability to perform magic, they can't be responsible. How can one's birth affect their personality? I would have thought that it wouldn't matter what someone was born but more what they were like when they were grown up..."
"You would be wrong, yet again." The tutor frowned. "You see, there is a belief amongst our kind that there were certain Muggles who stole our knowledge and began to use it for their own gain, these people hunted us, they feared us and became jealous of our powers, coveting them for their own. Muggles, boy, are evil, jealous creatures who lack a soul." He turned to a large stack of books and picked a heavy tomb from the pile, he put it down before Sirius who gazed at it. "This is a book written by one of your revered ancestors, it gives an accurate description of all the atrocities that Muggle's have committed against us. Read it all by the time we see each other again."
"Yes sir..." Sirius peered curiously at the title; Deformis mundo Muggle scriptor, compositum per Cepheus Black. Sirius frowned at the title and looked back up at his tutor. "Sir, I can't read Latin very well..."
"You will have to learn then, I have been teaching you the classics..."
"Ancient Greek, Latin and French sir."
"Indeed. You should be competent enough to read this, if I discover that you have been slacking I will inform your parents and you will receive thirty lashes across the wrists."
"Yes sir, I'm sorry sir." Sirius lowered his head.
"Tell me what the title says."
"The u-ugly world of muggle's composed by Cepheus Black."
"And who, exactly, was Cephus Black?" His tutor walked back and forth, his grey robes flowing behind him as he paced.
"Cepheus is my great-great uncle on my mother's side, twice removed." Sirius said in a dull monotone, as if chanting something off by heart. "He was brought to fame by his outspoken views on muggle rights and how, in his opinion, they should have been tagged and made slaves to us."
"Excellent, boy, excellent. And why was he eventually hung?"
"For doing such. He enslaved several Muggle women, he mutilated several of their men and used them for labour, while the women became his whores. If one became pregnant he would despatch the woman while she was still carrying the unborn infant."
"Very well put indeed, child."
"Thank you sir." Sirius muttered.
"And what did his sons do after his death?"
"They went into hiding sir, as many of our kind were hunting them for the suspected murders of several muggle children."
"Very good. I must say that I am impressed with your memory, your mother will be sure to hear about this."
Sirius couldn't help but feel a little glow of pride at the thought and he found himself sitting a little straighter...
XXX
"Mother! Mother look! I received top grades in my final exams this year!" Sirius exclaimed excitedly as he thrust the parchment with the Hogwarts seal beneath her nose.
Walburga took the paper from his hand and gazed at it with narrowed eyes, finally she shoved it back at him. "Your brother has done better and he is a year younger than you."
"But...But Regulus is in his first year, those exams are easy. McGonagall asked me to do an OWL practice paper just to see if I could and I managed to get an Exceeds Expectations!"
Walburga looked at him over her tea cup. "And what does this prove, child?"
"That I...That I..." Sirius saw her cold eyes and lowered his head, his result papers crumpled in his fist. "That I will endeavour to do better next time." He said in a whisper.
"You will, your father and I will not have you disgrace us by getting worse grades than those Mudblood's at that infernal school...if only your father had listened to me and sent you to Durmstrang we never would have this whole Gryffindor issue."
"I..." Sirius bit his lip and hid his face behind his hair.
"I wish that we could get you re-sorted, this is frankly disgusting that a member of our family has managed to get themselves into the wrong house..." She sighed and Sirius heard the tinkle of her tea cup against the saucer. "Sirius, get me some sugar."
"Yes mother." Sirius removed his wand from his pocket and closed his eyes, concentrating with all his might. Maybe he could impress her with silent spell work. He summoned the sugar cubes...
"Sirius!"
His eyes flew open and he saw that she had a lap full of sugar cubes. He bit his lip and stepped backwards. "I-I...I'm sorry..."
"What in Merlin's name were you thinking, child?" She shouted, rising to her feet and towering over him. "Clean this up, this very instant!"
Sirius did as he was asked, he waved his wand and the sugar rose, staking itself neatly on a nearby plate. When he had finished she grabbed him by the scruff of his robes and dragged him from the room, he found himself stood before the door to the pantry. "You will stay in here as punishment, you will not get any food until I deem you ready to leave, understand?"
"B-But..."
"No excuses! You are little more than a filthy, useless squib! I am ashamed to have birthed you! Get in there and think about what you have done!"
Sirius was pushed roughly into the pantry, his wand was taken from him and the door slammed shut. He heard the iron bar slam down, locking him in the darkness for an unknowable amount of time. He took a shuddery breath and sat down on an overturned bucket, he curled in on himself and buried his head in his knees as he felt a violent upsurge of grief and terror. Tears poured down his cheeks and he fought the urge to sob, if his mother heard she would lock him up for even longer and he despised the dark.
XXX
The Great Hall was bedecked in bright orange and black hangings, it was all hallows eve and Sirius was dressed in his smartest dress robes. They were a deep emerald green, almost black with silver accents on the sleeves, covering half his face was a mask of beautiful peacock feathers and he stood with a golden goblet in one hand as he leaned against the wall and watched the dancers. The band stood on a low platform where the teacher's table usually stood and they played with flutes, fiddles, pipes and bodhrán.
Sirius watched James dancing with a girl, he was feeling happily tipsy from the firewhisky they had managed to spike the punch with. He smiled as he watched James spin a girl around, his black and gold dress robes flaring around his feet. He was a very good dancer, his feet were light and he moved with more grace than he exhibited while walking. A woman's voice floated above the music, it was light and made Sirius think of blazing fire's and girls spinning around it in dresses of green and yellow. He smiled to himself, humming absently along with the tune. Finally James bowed to the girl and walked back to Sirius, he snatched his drink from his hand, breathing heavily and grinning happily as he adjusted his golden mask with his free hand. "So, anyone asked you to dance yet?" He said breathlessly.
"A few..." Sirius replied, taking his drink back. "You dance well for a bloodtraitor." He said with a smirk.
"Say's the guy who defied tradition by getting sorted into Gryffindor..." James replied, nudging him gently in the ribs. "Why haven't you been dancing?"
Sirius shrugged. "I just don't want to."
James raised an eyebrow. "Why ever not? Dancing is fun."
"Yes, unless you were forced into it by parents who think that your social status resides solely on whether you can do estampie or waltz."
"You impress me sometimes, Mr. Black...go dance, show off your skills." James grinned and gazed around the hall. "There, she's looking at you, go ask her to dance." He pushed Sirius forward after once again relieving him of his drink. He stumbled slightly but regained his composure, he decided that he would show James up for doing this so he bowed and took the girls hand.
"Would you like to dance?" He asked smoothly.
"Oh! Yes...I would love to." The girl smiled as she let herself be led onto the dance floor. The music was rhythmic, Sirius moved through the steps smoothly, guiding the girl through the medieval dance steps and he felt himself smiling.
James watched with a grin as he downed Sirius' drink and grabbed another, Sirius' feet moved with a skill and elegance no one else seemed to be able to match, the dance was old fashioned but a crowd had come over to watch. Sirius kept one hand behind his back, the other he lifted to touch the girls as they passed each other, they turned and moved back towards each other again. The dance steps were precise, it was if it had been invented purely to retain the dancer's chastity and James found that hilarious, he giggled as Sirius once again barely touched the girl's hand. In the background a man was playing a lute and another kept beat with a drum.
Finally the dance ended and Sirius bowed again, kissing the girls hand before moving through the applauding crowd back to James' side. He grinned. "Embarrassed, Potter?"
"Not at all, I concede graciously to your obvious skills. You can dance, Black, but do you have any other hidden talents that I should be made aware of?"
"Ah, I have many, many talents, my friend." Sirius smiled mysteriously and took James' drink from him. "I may be only fourteen but I know many things that your parents neglected to teach you."
"I would like to see some of them sometime."
Sirius only smiled, it was a sad expression but James was suddenly distracted by a girl in white, he missed the softening of Sirius' eyes as he gaped at Lily Evan's who stood across the hall speaking to Remus.
XXX
"You don't understand..." Sirius muttered into his pillow, he could see his Uncle's shadow against the wall.
"Very well, explain then." Alphard said softly, sitting beside the young teenager and looking intently at his back.
"It's her fault! She hates me."
"I doubt that..."
"She does! How do you explain this?" He sat up and showed his uncle the huge curse wound on his shoulder, it was a livid pink mark and had horrible bruising surrounding it.
"She was angry, Siri...apologise and she will forgive you."
"Apologise?" Those lovely silver eyes narrowed furiously. "Apologise for what? For accidently dropping my knife? Never! She will die before I ever apologise for that."
"Sirius, calm yourself...this isn't helping anyone. Here..." He lifted his wand and pointed it at the wound, it healed in an instant but there was a scar on his perfect skin. Sirius was topless, his slim chest exposed to the candle light and his hair hanging into his eyes. Alpahrd ran his hand gently over his shoulder and down his chest, Sirius shuddered, his eeys darkening slightly as he watched his uncle's face intently. "Now then, is that better?"
"Kiss me and I'll see." Sirius whispered softly.
Alphard chuckled and leaned forward. "Such a cheeky child, perhaps you deserved your mother's wrath after all..."
"Maybe I did call her a cow and throw my mashed potato at her face." Sirius smirked. "But she called me a squib."
"Ah, I see...Now I understand why you were punished. If you stopped insisting on winding her up I am sure she would warm up to you."
"That's the biggest lie you've ever told me...but...if you kiss me I might apologise."
"Very well then." Alphard leaned in and pressed his lips to his nephews, who opened his mouth to receive his tongue. He slid his arm around that skinny waist and dragged him closer, he moaned softly before pulling away before he took things too far again. "Now, go to her and apologise like a good little boy."
"I'm not a little boy anymore, Oncle. I'm eleven and I'll be going to Hogwarts this September."
"I know you will, but just do as I ask."
"Alright." Sirius slid off the bed and gazed at his uncle intently. "Do you love me, Oncle?" He asked in a soft whisper.
"Of course I do! Sirius, you're my precious little nephew, how could I not love you?" He smiled as he stroked hair from Sirius' eyes gently.
Sirius smiled. "I love you too, Oncle." He skipped out the room leaving Alphard alone, he bowed his head and pushed fingers into his hair. His self control became weaker each time he saw his nephew, he was growing into a beautiful young man and it tore at his heart that one day his parents would marry him off to some girl to have children and start a family of his own. It hurt him to have see him grow up, yet the older Sirius got the harder Alphard found it to stop his kisses from becoming more heated, it was hard to prevent that terrible flush of desire from searing his skin as he kissed his nephew. He knew that Sirius could not understand that they should not be kissing like that, but he neglected to explain that. He had been working on him since he was small, and so Sirius now believed that their relationship was normal. Guilt weighed him down heavily, he hated it. He despised what he was becoming, what he was doing, and yet he could not stop.
Sirius returned and crawled into his uncle's lap where he closed his eyes, resting his head on his thigh and smiled happily like a kitten with cream. "She hit me again." He said and almost purred as Alphard ran his hand down his bruised ribs. "Her nails need to be cut...they're too long." He closed his eyes and smiled as he felt sleep reaching up to claim him. "...Mmm...I like that..." He muttered sleepily as he shifted, causing his Uncle to hiss air through his teeth as he put slight pressure on his groin.
Alphard closed his eyes and tipped his head back, praying for strength...but his prayer's went unanswered and he lost control of his hands. He ran his fingers lightly down Sirius' side, slowly slipping into his pyjama bottoms. Sirius half opened his eyes but didn't move as his uncle whispered soft, gentle things into his ear.
XXX
He was lost. Totally lost. Abandoned in the middle of a muggle dominated city, he felt a stab of brutal terror as he spotted men walking about, eyeing him hungrily. He looked back at the spot his mother had disappeared and felt the vicious sting of tears, he had no choice, he was unarmed and had no way of returning home except by Muggle means...slowly he turned to the old, disused toilet where several men were hanging around by the doors, he swallowed his fear, he swallowed his pride and walked up to them...
It hurt. He felt as if flames were racing through his body as freezing hands gripped his hips, all he could taste was semen and he gritted his teeth as the man behind him moved his hips. He lowered his head, hands gripping the toilet stall tightly as agony lanced into his abdomen, he uttered a strangled moan but managed to keep from screaming. He only knew he was crying because sometimes his tears would blind him and fall to the tiled floor. He could hear other's gasping and moaning around him, the man fucking him was rough and his breath stank of alcohol, Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and began wishing it was over.
His next customer was gentler than the first, he had a nice smile but he was older than Sirius had expected, he also wanted to kiss, which was fine so long as Sirius could delay the eventual act...but it happened eventually and it wasn't long before he got down on his hands and knees and choked on a sob as the man hushed him with gentle hands and words. "Have you done this before?"
"I-I...There was a man...e-earilier...I..."
The man's hand stopped and Sirius couldn't picture his face. "Are you trying to tell me that you were a virgin?" He said in a shaky whisper.
Sirius nodded. "Yes sir."
The man released him and turned him over, he looked into his tear filled eyes and brushed hair from his face. "What on earth are you doing here of all places?"
"I n-need money...to get home."
"You're lost?" When Sirius nodded the man sighed heavily and shook his head.
"I do not have a lot, but what I do have I will give you." He rummaged in his pocket and withdrew a small wad of Muggle money, Sirius looked at it in confusion. "Take it, I don't expect you to give me anything..."Sirius reached a shaking hand out but withdrew it quickly, eyeing the man suspiciously. "What happened to make you so sad?" He muttered and eventually placed the money on the floor, he stood and backed away with a soft smile. "Find your way home, Puppy, and I hope I never see you here again...for your sake."
After he had gone Sirius felt as if a scolding weight had been dropped into his chest, he gritted his teeth as tears spilled down his cheeks and he gazed at the money. Slowly he curled in on himself and leaned against the stall, his chest heaved as he sobbed into his arms.
XXX
The letter lay on the table. Sirius gazed at it with wide eyes. "No." He muttered, he could feel his mother's eyes on him, burning like brimstone. "No...i-it can't be true!"
"It is true. He killed himself last night, Sirius. He left you this."
Sirius gazed at the open envelope and took it with a shaking hand, tears spilled down his cheeks as he saw his uncle in his mind's eye. He gazed down at the letter, written in his neat hand;
Sirius,
By the time you read this I will be dead. I know, it must be devastating for you, my sweet, innocent little nephew, but we all must die eventually...it is only that I chose the manner of my death. I promise you, with every last breath I breathe I am thinking of you and I am so, so sorry for everything that I did to you. I should never have begun what I knew would turn into something so dark and terrible...I am sorry for all that pain I caused you, I am sorry for everything...
I have ruined you. I knew that I would...yet I could not control it. You are so beautiful, so perfect, all I wanted was to see you smile. But I shattered that smile when I took it too far. And so, I leave you with only what I can; my entire fortune. It isn't much, but I hope it will help you gain independence. Sirius, Please, please, leave. Get away from this twisted, sick family before it corrupts you as well. I hope you get this and I have only ever wanted one thing...for you to be happy.
I love you, Farewell.
Alphard.
Sirius felt his chest constrict, he couldn't breathe as the letter fell from numb fingers and he stumbled backwards into the wall before slipping down it slowly.
"What did he mean, boy? What did he do? Tell me!" Walburga was screaming but Sirius couldn't hear her. He sat on the floor and cried until a sharp, stinging slap brought him back to his senses. He gazed up with uncomprehending eyes. "Boy! What did my brother mean?"
"N-Nothing..." Sirius managed to croak but his mother slapped him again.
"Tell me!" She screamed, her face white as milk and her eyes full of mad grief.
"N-Nothing...M-Mother...please..."
"You! This is your fault! It is your fault he died! You seduced him, didn't you? You wanted his money so you seduced him into giving it to you! Do not deny it! I know you, you are no son of mine! You may as well have murdered him, Sirius, because it is your fault!"
Sirius hitched in a breath and nodded. "Yes...yes mother...I-I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't want him...t-to die! Please! Please don't..." He was cut off by a flash of light as he was slammed into the wall, all the breath was knocked out of him and he collapsed again, clutching his chest and desperately trying to draw in a whole breath.
"You filthy, sick little boy!" Walburga screamed, she looked positively deranged with her hair falling out of its tight bun and he wand in one shaking hand. Sirius coughed into his hand, when he drew it away he saw blood and whimpered as his mother shot yet another curse at him. It hit the wall above his head as he tried to scramble away, sure that this time she would kill him. He felt a hand in his hair as he was yanked back again, he was thrown into the bureau and there was a resounding crack as it shattered.
As her shadow fell across him once again he was seeing big black flowers bloom across his vision, he was hardly conscious as he saw a flash of crimson and screamed...
