I own no one but my own people. Elliot's POV
A/N Sorry for it being so short and for waiting so long for the update. Spoilers for Shaken.
As always thanks to my beta Jo :)
"Olivia, I'm sorry, Olivia, I'm very, very sorry," I think to myself trying to come up with the right words to say how sorry I am as I walk down the hallway looking for her. How could I have said that to her? How could I have brought up the fact that she gave her only child up for adoption, knowing she hated being reminded of it? I didn't mean it, I was just angry. I mean Dickie is MY son, not hers. Yeah I know she cares about him a lot, but he is my child. I'm the one who should decide whether or not he gets yelled at, not Olivia.
Oh God, I'm starting to sound like my father. Whenever he would begin to get violent with me, my mom would try to tell him to knock it off and he would say that I was his kid, and since he was the father he had the right to say or do whatever he wanted to me.
I stop for a moment and lean up against the wall, letting my mind drift to a time when-
Come on, Elliot, focus, you gotta find Liv and apologize, not sit here and dwell on things your bastard father did to you.
I sigh then go to the elevator and press the down button and ride down to the lobby. I look around and don't see her there. I spot one of our neighbors and go over to him.
"Randall, have you seen Olivia anywhere?"
"She went outside a few minutes ago, seemed pretty upset too. Asked her what's wrong and she just ignored me." I sigh then give him a small smile and went outside. Terrific, she's pissed at me because she interfered with my son's problems and I told her not to. Stop it, Elliot, don't blame her for you bringing up things that you know she hates to be reminded of it.
I open the door and Olivia's leaning up against the wall, looking like she's just been crying. Ahh man, she's only cried a handful of times in the almost nine years we've known each other. She looks over at me then turns her back to me. Um, can we say bitchy?
"Look Olivia I'm-" I begin quickly, but she just turns angrily towards me and puts a hand up to my face.
"Don't," she snaps at me, "don't you dare say you're sorry."
"But I am. Look, Olivia, I was just-"
"Angry," she interrupts coldly, "and upset, and you're having a rough day, and you promise never to yell or insult me again, and we're best friends and partners so we shouldn't be fighting, and you didn't mean it. Save it, Elliot, I've heard the exact same bull shit speech way to many times."
Wow, am I really that predictable? She turns away from me and I sigh.
"Look, Olivia, I'm sorry I brought up you giving your son up for adoption, but I was angry and-"
"You? Angry? Never!" she says rolling her eyes. Okay, we can do without the sarcasm.
"Look, Olivia, I'm trying to apologize. I mean my son is gonna be a father and you're trying to tell me how I should handle that. Not to mention the fact that he got high and passed out, and you didn't even have the decency to tell me when it happened."
"And have you what?" she asks. "Leave work just to come here and yell and abuse him?" Hey! Let's get one thing straight! I never abused him!!
"I never abused my son," I growl fuming at her. Yeah I probably would have yelled at him till I was red in the face, but I never would have abused him! How dare she accuse me of something like that!
"Oh, okay," she says madly rolling her eyes and crossing her arms "And grabbing him and shaking him was what exactly?" I, oh crap she's right. But I just found out he smoked pot and almost died. I think I have a little reason to be mad at him.
"I was pissed off, Olivia. I mean, I just found out that my son got high and could have been killed. What'd you expect me to do?" I say a little more furious with her then I should have been.
"Not shake the life out of him!" Olivia yells back. Bull shit! I in no way 'shook the life' out of him! Hell I hardly even touched him!
"You're exaggerating, Olivia," I say rolling my eyes.
"No I'm not, you grabbed and shook him and if I hadn't stepped in, then who knows what you could have done to him." Okay that is crossing the line! I hate when she does this! She makes me out to be some horrible, raging, monster who has no control over my emotions. But thank God, Saint Olivia was there to control horrible Elliot Stabler! And hell, maybe Dickie does need a good slap. You don't go out in the middle of the night, in New York City, on Halloween, and get high.
"I would have done nothing!" I practically yell at her. "I love him, and I would never go over the line with him!"
"Just like you never went over the line with Maureen?" she asks crossing her arms.
What the hell is she talking about? I never hurt Maureen!
"I never went over the line with her, or Lizzie, or Kathleen!"
"Then what about almost killing her over some carpet when she was three? Admit it, Elliot, you have an anger problem!" How, in the name of hell, does she know about that?
"I, well, how the hell do you know that?"
"Cragen told me," she says a lot calmer.
"He what?!" But I told him not to tell anyone about that!"
"I'm sorry, but you seemed so depressed after the Evelyn Prichard case you seemed so upset, and I asked Cragen why you were so down. He told me that the case hit a little to close to home for you, and I asked why. That's when he told me about what you said in the bar. I was gonna talk to you about it, but then Andy came back, and I got taken hostage , and I guess I just stored it in the back of my mind."
I sigh then slide down the wall.
Maybe she's right, maybe I do have a bit of an anger problem, but I would never hurt my children on purpose. I just, I just get so angry sometimes.
"Elliot," Olivia says softly sitting next to me. "I didn't mean to insult you, but I-"
"No, you're right," I say downheartedly. "I was just." I pause, I don't want to let my partner know I was afraid that I almost lost my only son. I mean I'm Elliot Stabler! Strong, tough, and not afraid of anything. Including the fact my son is gonna be a father and almost died last night, and when she called telling me that he was lost, I went into the bathroom and started crying, not knowing if I'd ever see him again.
"You were just what, Elliot?" she asks softly, taking my hand.
I look down and then look back into her eyes.
"Nothing," I tell her, forcing myself to turn away from her so she doesn't see right through the lie. "It's just nothing. I was angry and there's no excuse for what I did." I quickly stand up, along with Olivia.
"Elliot, wait, you need to talk about-" but she is interrupted when her phone rings.
"Benson," she says a little sadly looking over at me, but I can see her trying to hide a smile.
"Hi, Andy. I'm a little busy right now. Can I call you back?"
"Don't bother," I say letting go of her hand. "I'm done talking about this," I say entering the building.
"Elliot, wait!" she cries out, hanging up her cell phone and running after me. I sigh then turn around and her face is filled with worry and concern.
"Elliot," she says gently. "I know that you're going through a really shitty time right now, but you can't keep what you're feeling inside you. You need to talk to somebody. If not me then Huang, or Cragen, or hell even Munch. But you need to talk about it. Otherwise it'll all come exploding out of you at once." We look into each others eyes for a quick second before I just shake my head and walk away, leaving her standing there alone.
Is this an EO in the making? Review and find out!
