THE LONGEST CHAPTER EVER!!

Is it long enough for you yet B?!

Chapter 29:

I watched with bored eyes as everyone around me pushed and shoved past, practically running through the long hallway of Los Angeles International Airport. It was easy to see they were all excited to be here. Probably eager to reunite with friends and family, have a wonderful holiday in the glamorous city of lights.

I alone knew the truth., how cold this place truly was. It deceitfully hid it's nature behind a blazing sun, but it's heart was ice. It cared nothing for you. It would take steal your soul before it grew satisfied.

It already had mine.

My feet dragged almost ridiculously slow. I was in no rush to be farther from Edward then I already was. When at last I reached the gateway that met the buzzing terminal I was alone. The last passenger from my flight even though I was one of the first to exit the plane.

I immediately spotted Renee. How could anyone miss her? She was wearing a hot pink sun dress, the bright color burned my eyes. It was the dead of winter in Forks, I was used to drabber shades. I knew at once I would have to quickly adjust. It was a balmy eighty seven degrees here, a palm tree Christmas.

I sighed and hitched the carry-on more securely over my parka covered shoulder. Before I started towards Renee I concentrated on forcing my facial muscles into a convincing smile. I couldn't forget the whole reason for this miserable trip, I had to convince her there was nothing wrong.

Lighthearted appearance in place I began to approach my mother. Her smiling eyes floated right over me and continued looking at the crowds of people dispersing from my flight. My face twitched with disbelief and confusion. Did my own mother forget what I look like in only four months time? Was she that distracted with her new life? I waved an offended hand around dramatically to grab her flakey attention.

I smiled with relief as she stood up from her metal chair. My heart dropped when she turned her head still in search of her seemingly absent daughter. I huffed in agitation and stomped across the busy terminal.

"Hi, Mom!" I shouted loudly finally grabbing her attention. She smiled at my voice before her eyes met mine. When her head turned down to look at me in she gasped in horror, I obviously wasn't what she had been expecting.

My stomach churned aggressively warning me to run, to get out of this situation before I no longer had the option. I peered over my shoulder at the gate I just came through…

It was too late. I was already trapped with no where to hide. My heart speed in fear as head clouded over.

Renee grabbed my shoulders so hard it hurt, "Bella, what happened to you, Sweetie?!" I turned back to her worried face with no answer. She ran her warm hand over my cheek and her face fell even deeper. Her fingers lingered on the sharp angle of my protruding cheekbone.

Her concerned touch made me sick. I felt the panic curdling my cold blood numb over instinctively in response. My face relaxed into a blank expression as I stepped out from my mothers grasp.

"I was sick." I explained casually, "Really sick. I lost some weight." I pulled the unnecessary hood of Jacob's parka over my head to conceal the evidence. No one had the right to look at me like this, judging me. Who was she anyway? She was not without fault, far from it. She caught my hand before the hood was all the way up. She traced the stringy tendons that flexed boldly on the back of my hand whenever I moved my fingers. I smiled warmly at them while a she looked outright disgusted. I pulled my hand back in and marched off to find my luggage.

--

It took the entire car ride plus a half hour of unpacking to throw Renee even slightly off my trail. By the time I was settled back into my original home I had finally gotten her to stop ex-raying me with her eyes, but I would still catch her sneaking disbelieving glimpses of me every couple of minutes. We sat on the couch in front of a blank television not saying a word. Her face was tense. I wouldn't let myself worry about what her thoughts might entail, that would exhaust me too quickly. I was relaxed and about to doze off when a loud noise snapped me out of my daydreams.

Renee jumped up, her expression finally shifted to one of joy and brightness. "Phil!"

I rolled my eyes and remained in my lax position. His round face popped into the hallway connecting the living room to the kitchen, shortly followed by his body. Renee skipped over to him as if she couldn't bear to wait the three seconds it would have taken for him to walk to up to her.

"Hi, Baby." He kissed my mother on the cheek as his eyes fell on me.

"Hey, Bella! Long time no see, eh?" He dropped his gym bag on the floor and practically pulled my arm out from it's socket as he yanked me into a standing position.

"Sure, Sure." I mumbled as I rubbed my now throbbing joint.

"Well it's good to see you! Are you excited to be back in glorious L.A. for the holidays?! It's a lot more exciting then dead old Forks ain't it?" He beamed at me then Renee. I stared at him in with no more enthusiasm then hardly detectable raised eyebrows.

He looked me up and down quickly. "Something's different about you, Sport. You look changed somehow. Did you dye your hair or something?" I sensed Renee stiffen in his arms and forced my eyes to remain on Phil's red face. I shook my head quickly eager to change the subject.

"Ahh, well, you look good anyway! I guess the rain agrees with you." His pinched the fabric of Jacob's parka that still draped over me and chuckled. "We don't have winter here, you could have left the Eskimo gear back home." I allowed my un-amused lips to turn up.

"Right." I unzipped the jacket and let it fall down my back without ever letting go of the precious material. I hugged it tightly to my chest, it had become more of a security blanket. The parka reminded me I always had a safety, I would always have somewhere I could hide.

"I'm really tired, guys. I think I need to catch up on some sleep." I waved my hand flamboyantly in the direction of my old room. The minute I said the words I could feel the truth in them. My head was heavy and my energy was running out. I would have to sit in the next couple of minutes and I would rather it be on a nice warm bed.

"Are you sure? We were going to go out tonight, celebrate your arrival." Phil's face saddened only slightly. "I guess we can go tomorrow if you're really that tired."

"Oh, no. You guys go. I'll be fine. I'm just going to sleep the whole time anyway. We can all go out some other time, I will be here for a while."

Renee looked at me appraisingly. "You sure, Sweetie? I don't want to leave you all alone on your first night back."

I laughed genuinely. "Mom, I only moved away like four months ago. It's not like this is my first time in L.A.. I think I can handle it." I added sarcastically, sounding too much like the cliché of a teenage girl.

"She's right, Babe. Sport here is old enough to be let alone." I smiled at Phil's confidence in me. Maybe he wasn't as bad as I thought.

Though I wouldn't mind him dropping the whole Sport nickname.

I turned and walked lazily to my bedroom. It was odd to see it after so long. It was if my memories of the room had suddenly materialized. Everything sat exactly the same as I left it, nothing moved even fractionally out of place.

I stopped in front of my dresser curious to see what resided in the drawers. I closed my eyes trying to remember what I'd left behind. It had been less then half a year, but the gap felt like a lifetime. I gave up and pulled on the dark wood handle.

My face lit as I found a small stack of neatly folded t-shirts resting next to a pile of neatly folded cut offs. Of course… a light laugh escaped me. The second I saw my old clothes I remembered leaving my warm weather wardrobe here for visits. I knew I wouldn't need them in Forks, but I could always use an extra t-shirt in L.A..

I picked the first T up and pressed it to my face. The smell surrounded me and my heart ached. I hated L.A., that would never change, but I couldn't ignore the flood of happy childhood memories this familiar scent sent upon me. The feeling of safety and security that comforted me so long ago now tore at my soul. Tears welled up in my eyes then fell freely down my face.

I would trade anything I had, everything I had for that long forgotten freedom. The capability of surrendering to the slightest of whims. I felt heavy all of a sudden, like I was being weighed down by something I couldn't carry alone. I was loosing control. My soul was being overpowered, I was becoming lost into a darkness impossible to penetrate.

A darkness I had ignorantly mistaken for light.

I had no defense from this invincible force, I would lose.

Soon I would be buried.

I let my knees give way and slid down onto the hard floor. I crawled into a tight ball, my hands clenching both Jacob's parka and the old shirt tightly to my chest.

I lay mourning over my own life.

I saw the shadow of a girl smiling, truly smiling. She was simple but pretty all the same. Her cheeks glowed with the radiance only a child could produce. The girl skipped contently down a familiar dirt path and into the delightfully cool water of a small lake.

"Careful, Sweetie!", called her mother.

The little girl giggled and waved before diving fully into the water's depths. She splashed and played for hours, only trudging away after the sun set in obedience to her mother's pleading. She laughed and twirled around as she led the way back, her sundress fanning out around her making her beam. The simplest things brought her such immense pleasure. Before long the girl grew tired and was scooped up. Her eyes closed with ease in her mother's warm embrace. Her thoughts were uninhibited. Nothing scary loomed in the corners of dreams. No darkness seeped from deep inside. She was pure, innocent, and lovely.

She was dead.

--

My head throbbed as my eyes opened to find daylight so bright my corneas singed in pain. I sucked in a sharp breath and snapped my eyes shut. I grimacing with the unpleasant sensation of hangover I hadn't earned. I grabbed my tender head and sat up slowly, trying not to cause anymore damage. I could feel the impression left on the skin of the side of my face by the wood's grain. I opened my eyes slowly this time allowing them to adjust to the blazing L.A. sun.

It took a minute to take in my surroundings. I was still huddled up in front of the dresser. My bed taunted me across the room undisturbed and perfect. I sighed at the sore muscles in my back and neck as I stood up carefully. After stretching out the worst of the knots I walked over to the night stand and grabbed my old alarm clock. It's tiny hands indicated it was already early afternoon.

Normally I would have been upset at myself for sleeping away so much of the day, but I was on vacation. I had loads of free time to waist. I grabbed up a t-shirt and a pair of cut offs from my dresser and headed toward the bathroom to take a much needed shower.

--

After I was clean and dry I slipped on my old clothes and laughed when the once fitted shirt hung loose and the shorts simply fell down my legs. I pulled them up for the second time and held them at my waist long enough to make it back to my room. I dug up a pair of cotton shorts from years ago that looked closer to my size and yanked them on.

"Did you sleep well, Sweetie?" Renee's voice sounded from my doorway. I turned my head in her direction and smiled.

"Yeah, just like old times." I lied. She was leaning against the far wall casually with her arms crossed over her chest. The same way I stood while at perfect ease. Her eyes, however, kept darting toward my legs, her expression dancing between pseudo relaxation and intense disturbance.

I sighed dramatically and waved my arm in the air as if to call off her stupid worried thoughts. "What do you want, Renee?", I breathed in a distracted fashion. I pretended to dig for something in the mess of clothes filling my suitcase.

I wasn't really looking for anything, I wasn't really distracted. I was completely focused on her observant eyes, her dead on accusations. My heart pounded in my ears. For a split second I almost looked up into her loving eyes and begged my mom for help, for protection.

I bit my tongue until bleed punishing myself with revolting disgust.

"I just wanted to see if you had any plans today." She added timidly. I sighed regretting my rudeness. I forced a fake smiled and walked over to her.

"No, not really. I wouldn't mind doing something outside. I really miss the sun." She beamed and stood up straight.

"We can go to the pier! Do you remember how much fun we used to have on all those kiddy rides? Maybe we can lay out too… if you want to. " Her eyes gleamed with excitement that almost carried over to me.

"Sure, Renee. I'd love a day on the boardwalk. Let me get my suit on."

--

We spent a couple of hours at the pier laughing at ourselves as we squished into too-small airplanes rides and rode pink unicorns on the carousel. It felt good to laugh in the sunshine. I was reminded of my old self, it was like a breath of refreshment. Renee insisted we eat at the pavilion. I didn't let the possible arguments torment me. I wanted this day to be relaxed so we sat at our usual table outside in the now suffocating heat.

When it was time to order I made a show of getting a burger, fries, and a side salad. This made Renee's already jubilant mood lift. Little did she know of the deception I had mastered in her absence. This would be all too easy. There was no reason for anything to disturb our fun.

We ate and Renee buzzed about her new life with Phil. How she has never been so happy, and everyday is like a dream, etc. There were definitely points where I wanted to roll my eyes, but mostly I was happy for her.

It was like clockwork, Renee would always grin and look up at the sky in a daydream whenever she started to describe something "cute" Phil does. As soon as I saw her eyes drifted up I grabbed handfuls of fries or torn parts of my burger and shove them into my tote that rested on my lap. In between these power plays I nibbled on lettuce and gulped down glasses of water.

After our plates were more then halfway empty and I had downed my forth glass Renee laughed, "Thirsty, Sweetie?" I smiled innocently at my easily distracted mother.

"Yeah, it's just so hot. It's probably around sixteen degrees in Forks right now!" I laughed thinking about poor Jacob in his dinky garage.

"Well what do you say we get some color on you? You look like you've been dead two weeks you're so pale!" She laughed at her little joke as my heart withered. I missed Edward desperately. I would gladly glow in the dark for the rest of my life as long as he was there to hold my hand.

We paid then took our time walking the two sections of boardwalk until we reached the public beach. She handed me a seasonal badge to clip on my bag letting the lifeguards know we paid and then hurried down the steps to meet the sand.

The breeze hit me first, the salty air was thick with moisture. It made my skin sticky and wind swept sand clung onto my lower calves. Seconds later I whined as my feet burned unbearably on the dry hot sand. I tried to use only my tip-toes and spare the rest but this was of no help. I had no choice but to yelp as I sprinted the whole way down to where the ocean's water cooled the scorching ground.

Renee laughed at my display, "You've forgotten the way of the beach so quickly?" I made a pretend face at her as I eased my feet with the lukewarm water and she laughed again. We set ourselves up a couple feet away from the wet sand line. Renee sat in a large beach chair and I spread out a giant towel to lay on. I almost took my shirt off but thought better of it, instead pulling out my new MP3 and slipped the buds into my ears.

I could feel unknown tension rolling off me in waves. The pressure of finals, the sick of Edward's fight, the terror from the Christmas party, it all dissolved allowing pleasing serenity to fill me. The hot sand burned my back through the thick towel, but it felt nice. My front covered in sweat from the city's heat, but it was soothing. I knew I could belong here too. It was nice to know I could always visit this place.

A loud ringing snapped me out from my trance. I pulled the ear buds out and turned my sweaty face over to Renee. She looked serious as she questioned whoever was on the other line. She agreed to something and then hung up abruptly.

"Sweetie, would you mind terribly if I left you here? I could take you home instead if you want. It's just that Phil seems to think this game he's coaching is going to be important for some reason. He wants me there. You could come too…"

"NO! No, it's ok, Mom. You go, have fun. I'm enjoying this way too much. I'll stay." She folded up her chair and kissed my forehead before trudging awkwardly to the boardwalk.

I waited until she was completely out of sight before I moved. When I was in the clear I stood and ripped off my soaked shirt and shorts. The conflicting coolness from the breeze off the ocean made my wet skin litter with goose bumps. I looked down and smiled at the black bathing suit, I was filled with thoughts of Alice.

I tried to clear my head as I dumped the greasy burger bits and mashed up fries out of my bag and into a nearby garbage can. As I was made my way back down to where my towel lay a shrill scream caught my attention. I automatically looked up, then relaxed a second later. It was nothing more then a girl playing around in the water. I threw my bag down next to the towel and folded my arms to my chest as I stood and observed the girl.

She was beautiful, her looks could easily rival Rosalie's. Her tan skin and the obvious fact she was lacked severely in the sparkling department however, were strong indicators she was indeed fully alive. Her white bandeau bikini set off her dark skin just as mine did in reverse. Her long sun bleached hair danced around in the breeze.

Something about her captivated me. Her smile radiated just as the small girl's from my memory. She galloped around with such freedom and whimsy that my stomach knotted in jealousy. I watched as she ran back and forth in the surf trying to get away from her equally gorgeous red headed friend. At one point her face looked up at me and I smiled. She hardly took notice turning back to her friend.

A couple minutes later they headed back to wherever they had set up. I plopped down and spread out over the towel for another round of sun. Shortly after my eyes closed a sudden shadow covered my body. I looked up to find the two beauties standing directly in front of me. They caught me by surprise and I jumped up in a defensive position.

"Where do you come from?" The tall blond asked casually through a thick accent. My face twisted with total loss.

"Forks." I answered honestly, not understanding why that was at all relevant. Both girls smiled at me like I was stupid.

The red haired girl shook her head, "No what agency do you come from?" Her words also twisted and emphasized in the wrong places, but her accent was different from the first girl's. I recognized it.

They both stared expectantly. My mind raced to uncover the meaning of their questions but I found nothing. I stared back with an open mouth.

"I…. I, I don't think I understand." The words were a mouthful.

The blonde smiled widely and grabbed my shoulder gently. "What modeling agency do you represent?" She asked slowly. I burst out laughing at the seriously mistaken set.

"I'm not a model!" I choked out through fits of giggles. They looked at me and frowned.

"You're not?" The red head asked almost angrily. "You should be. You have the body." I looked down at her words taking in my bare stomach. It was similar to these girls standing before me. Were they like me? Did they understand?…

"We're sorry. You see, there is a very large campaign sighing this week and every agency in the country has flown clients over to try and get them booked. We just assumed that you were one of us." I smiled awkwardly at the blonde and nodded my head. "My name is Myrun and this is my good friend Cleona."

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Bella. Both your names are lovely." I added without thinking. I've never heard anyone with names so pretty. They matched their owners and it only made sense these girls were models. Cleona tucked a strand of curly thick strawberry hair behind a delicate ear and her bright green eyes smiled on me.

"Myrun is from Norweigh and I am form Ireland. We get moved all around the world." She laughed and the it's chime reminded me once again of Alice. "And I think Bella is a gorgeous name."

"Thank you." My face burned red. "I'm sorry, but I should really get home." I lied. I liked these girls immediate acceptance of my body almost less then everyone else's outrage. Their complimentary seizing up make me feel awkward, like I was naked. I pulled my towel up and shoved it deep into my bag.

"It was nice to meet you Cleona and Myrun." I waved and they returned it as I turned and burnt my feet on the baking sand.

--

I was soaking wet by the time I reached the house. The sun was beginning to deepen in the sky but it brought no relief from the heat. I ripped my shirt off halfway through the trip only because I knew Renee was far gone. I yanked the front door open and sighed in relief at the heavenly refrigerated air that poured over me. It took me a short three seconds to get to the kitchen and fill a tall glass with water.

I inhaled the first glass, then drank the second down slower as my body began to cool. By the time I was finished I was covered in goose bumps again. I decided to take another shower as I noticed sand still clinging to my legs.

I climbed out of the chair and headed upstairs.

--

It took me twice the time of a usual shower to completely rid my hair from the bucket load of sand. When I was finally satisfied I stepped out and my eye caught on my body's reflection in the full mirror opposite me. My skin had become two toned in the single afternoon of sun exposure. I ran my finger along the edge of my pale skin taking the precise shape of Alice's bikini where it met a warmer tone. Years of sun had trained my skin to darken instantly. How much darker would I be after two weeks?

I looked past my skin's color and studied the way my hip bones jutted out foremost on my body. I slid my index fingers along the sharp edges and their prominence soothed me greater then any tranquilizer ever could. The pockets of fat were still clearly visible especially on my stomach and arms, but they were growing smaller more quickly as of recent.

I laughed to myself remembering the two girls from the beach. They had mistaken me for a model solely on the sight of my body. I used to think models were perfect. No fat, completely flawless and in shape. Now I could see more clearly that they too were human. Even the two girls could greatly benefit from a little weight loss. Their arms were cushioned with a visible layer of fat, as were their legs and stomachs.

I felt proud knowing I had a one up on these supposed icons of beauty. No one could touch me here, not on my lonely pedestal. I was the relentless sole judge of myself and right now I was being pleased.

I dried lightheartedly and threw on a white tank top and a pair of navy Sophie shorts. My bare feet slapped against the hard wood floors as I made my way across the hall and into the bedroom. After throwing my dirty clothes into a laundry basket I hopped into bed and smiled at the familiar squishiness of the mattress. I hadn't been aware I missed my bed. The one in Forks was fine, but this was my bed. The bed I had slept in my entire life.

The room glowed with an odd purple-orange tinge. It cast distortedly exaggerated shadows all along the far wall, this could have been quite eerie if I hadn't known it so well. The L.A. twilight, it's peacefulness only added to my tranquility. I breathed in deeply and picked up an old book I had read at lest five times.

After a couple of pages I was completely absorbed with the memorized story.

When a cold hand grabbed my ankle I threw the book away in terror and yelled helplessly as my heart exploded in my chest.

"Shhh…. It's only me, Bella."

--

AN - oh yeah… that appears to be a cliffy... Sorry, hehe!

Ok this chapter was super long (more then twice my usual length!), but I didn't want to break it up. So lucky you! What do you guys think? Bella's return is one of bitter sweetness. She is reminded of life before her sicknesses, and the little things that Forks can never give her.

The song for this chapter is Crawling, by Linkin Park. It's creepy how the lyrics are exactly how Bella is feeling… like EXACTLY… weird… are these guys anorexic too?!

Disturbia, by Riana… I mean come on. A song about going crazy in the city of wonder?… how could I not use this?! Besides, in the end she begs for help… just like Bella wishes she could.

Also - Under The Sun, by Sugar Ray. This song is special because it's captures so much of Bella's conflicting emotions - Her longing for her childish innocence, her memories of life in L.A. with her mother when she was happy, and her constant thoughts of Edward.

I really urge you all to go to my profile and listen. - They really let you in to Bella's confusion in a weirdly accurate way… Val listen to these songs when you get a chance, I wanna' know what you think.

Last chapter's song is Better, by Regina Spektor ( I know there are a lot of Regina fans out there, lol) It shows how Edward is always trying to comfort Bella and hear her (even when he has no idea what he's dealing with). He only wants to make everything better for her.

So what do you guys think?…

REVIEW!!