"Three shots please." I croaked, sitting at the bar. The bartender obeyed and three small glasses of liquor were given to me. I downed them and put my head against the cool metal of the counter.
I was a monster. The look on her face was burned into my mind. My hand burned from the ferocity of the blow. I still heard her cry echoing in my ears.
"Murdoc you bastard." I said to myself. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I lifted my head up to see a pretty blonde woman, curvy and full breasted, smiling at me.
"You're Murdoc Niccals!" she squealed. I nodded slowly, rubbing my face.
"Yeah, why?" I asked, tired.
"Well me and my friends have a room if you'd like to meet up and maybe play your bass for us." She said, giving me a naughty smile. I blinked, raising an eyebrow.
"Sorry doll, I go' a girlfriend, an' she's waitin' fer me teh go back." I said, standing up, wobbling slightly and leaving her to pout.
I didn't want to go back to the room so I went out onto the deck, to look down at the ocean. The cold breeze hit my face like a slap but I persisted and leaned against the railing. I spat over the side and searched my pockets for a cigarette. I didn't have any.
"Fuck." I said under my breath. Looking up at the stars I squinted at the moon. She had told me she loved me, she had meant it, I knew it. I had overreacted due to a misunderstanding and I had hurt her, and in turn, hurt myself. My heart ached. I dug my hands into my armpits in an attempt to stay warm, walking to a door and opening it.
It was a club and a bunch of older couples were dancing to a vaguely Irish song. I stopped to listen for a moment.
"It was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?" the singer crooned into the microphone while playing his guitar. I cursed the universe before leaving. Great, apparently everyone wanted me to feel horrible.
After hours of wandering I finally was left with no choice but to go back to the room. I felt like I was violating her privacy as I cracked the door open. I slipped inside and shut it, encasing me in darkness. The bathroom light was on and by the light of toilet I could see her outline in the bed, she was asleep. I went to climb into bed next to her but I was stopped by the sound of paper crunching underneath me. It was a letter. I took it and went to put it in the light's way so I could read her neat little letters.
Dear Muds,
I am sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I do love you and it wasn't my place to question your actions. I hope you can forgive me, please come back tonight.
Love,
Hinti Himisami (Noodle)
I was surprised by her writing her real name, she had never told any of us it, claiming she was done with that part of her life and she wanted to be known by the name her family had given her, Noodle. I looked at the sleeping woman's form before pulling my pants and shirt off and climbing into bed next to her, lacing my arms around her small body.
She stirred, being lifted out of her light slumber. Her eyes fluttered open and as soon as she saw me she began to cry.
"Murdoc." She sniffled, embracing me.
"Sh… I'm 'ere luv." I whispered. "It's my fault, it's my fault. I wasn't meself fer a moment, I will never do it again, never. I would rather die than 'urt you." I stated firmly, her tears stopped as I clutched her closer, murmuring promises and visions of the future.
"Murdoc, I never meant it like that, I didn't want to upset you. It wasn't my intention." She said. I looked at her and shook my head.
"It's okay. And I have something to tell you." I replied, she waited as I gathered up my emotional strength for those small words. "I… I… I love you Noodle." I said, watching her eyes close and a smile play on her lips.
She said nothing but the sigh of contentment was all I needed, knowing that amends had been made and our small fragile world was at peace. For now.
Author's Note: The song that the "Vaguely Irish" band was singing was "Little Lion Man" and it's by Mumford and Sons
