NELLY CARTER

Leigh's dress is a work of art; he sent me a picture. It's made of a beautiful lace with capped sleeves and an empire waistline tied with a black ribbon, perfectly tailored to the mannequin with a slightly flared hem and a small train. It was gorgeous, and my heart leapt when I saw it. Then I started thinking. I looked at the dress, and then I looked at the ring. I looked at the bed where I sleep with Castiel, and I look around at the home we've been sharing. That's when I realized that this is real. This is all happening. I'm really going to marry him, and we're really going to leave Amoris and go to the Big Apple, and we're really going to have to start our own lives. He's going to get a job. I'm going to get a job. As much as I try to convince myself otherwise, one of these days we're probably going to want a family, and I'll bear his children. It's all real and it's all so close, and I'm not ready.

I'm can't do it.

I'm not good enough for all that. What kind of job am I going to get? How am I supposed to make myself useful? I refuse to be a burden on him, but I can't do anything! I've never been able to do anything that means anything, and as the rest of my life draws closer and closer, I don't know if I ever will. Castiel deserves so much better. He deserves someone who's equal to him, who isn't a weak, stupid girl. Someone like Debrah, who has more money than I'll make in a lifetime.

So I tell him that I'm leaving. At first, he doesn't know how to respond.

"Nel…w-what?" he sputters.

"I'm leaving," I say again. "Now." I run outside barefooted in my pajama shorts and t-shirt, not exactly sure what I'm doing but knowing that once I find someone they can take me home. And then I can apologize and cry and hide in my room for the rest of my life.

"Nelly!" Castiel rushes out after me and grabs me, scooping me up bridal style to keep me from leaving.

"Put me down!" I shriek, thrashing in his arms.

"Fine," Castiel grunts, struggling to keep ahold of me. "If you want to leave, fine, but at least tell me why."

"I'm not good enough!" I scream. I wrangle myself out of his arms and collapse onto the pavement at the end of his driveway. "I'm not good enough for this! I'm not smart, I'm not talented, I'm not even nice most of the time!" I start sobbing hysterically on the ground, and Castiel bends down to drag me up onto his lap, forming a cage around me with his arms. I sob into his shirt, apologizing over and over.

"Nelly," he says firmly, "I thought we went over this several weeks ago. Neither of us can do anything. And ask anyone; you're a helluva lot nicer than me." I have to laugh a little at that, but it's not enough.

"But how are we supposed to live on our own, Cas?" I manage. "At eighteen, too! I'm just going to be a burden on you, and I'm not gonna do that!"

"This is ridiculous," he laughs absurdly. "Where'd all this come from?"

"Leigh's dress!" I shout, smacking his arm repeatedly to vent my anger. "His stupid, stupid dress!"

"Do you not like it?"

"I like it too much."

"Okay, Nel, I'm a guy, not a psychic."

"I-I got an email from him when you were outside…and it's finished…and there's only a month or two left of school and then it'll really be happening, Castiel, and-"

"You don't want to do it anymore?" Castiel asks softly. Almost subconsciously, he releases his grasp on me and leans away, hurt by his own suggestion.

"No!" I say quickly. "No, no, no! No, I love you, Cas, I love you so much, and I don't want you to throw away your life for me because I'm worthless in the real world, and Castiel what you don't understand is that you have the potential to really be someone! You could go to college! You're so smart, and you don't realize it. What am I supposed to do while you're out living your life? Sit around in the house like I do now?"

"I don't understand why you think I'm going to be living my life without you!" Castiel roars, grabbing my shoulders and shaking them. "Nelly, you could be a waitress for all I care! I'm not marrying you because you're going to be the next Albert Einstein or Steven Spielberg or Lady Gaga! What you don't understand is that you and me getting out of this hellhole is so much more important to me than going to college and becoming a Nathaniel clone! I don't want that!"

"What do you want, then? Really?" I challenge. I've never been able to get him to tell me what he really wants, but I know he knows. Castiel takes a deep breath and closes his eyes while he answers.

"I want you and me in a little apartment right outside the city. The apartment would have two bedrooms; one for a baby someday. I want my dog and my car, with both of us graduated from high school and earning steady paychecks. I want normal work schedules so that our jobs don't mess us up. I want a real life with real friends, where we don't have to deal with the band or our parents, and I never want that ring off your finger, Nelly!"

His words take me aback. I probably knew all that beforehand, but just like seeing the dress, hearing him say it makes it just that much more real. He really means it. I let out a single sob, and he holds my head against his chest.

"Oh, stop crying," he huffs. I smile in spite of myself and look up at him, only to see his eyes filled with tears as well.

"I'm sorry," I make out. I'm actually really embarrassed for crying. I shouldn't cry; that's the sign of a weakling. But Castiel's crying too, so I guess that makes us both weaklings. Oh yes, we're going to go conquer the world, aren't we?

"Castiel!" a man's voice calls from behind us. "Castiel!"

"Mr. Jefferson!" Castiel gasps. He scrambles to his feet and holds me against him, hiding my face from the man. "Something wrong?"

"Yes," the man called Mr. Jefferson answers gruffly. "My wife and I were eating breakfast when she caught sight of this girl trying to run away from you." The man grabs my shoulders and pulls me out of Castiel's grasp. He notices my tear-streaked face and shakes his head in dismay. "My dear, forgive me for being the intrusive neighbor, and I'm probably taking this too far, but I simply must ask, why were you trying to run away? Did he do something to you?" I shake my head furiously.

"No, I was just being a moron."

"I'm sorry?" The man seems flustered by my response.

"Everything's fine, Mr. Jefferson," I reassure him. "I just needed some fresh air, that's all."

"And you're not just saying that to protect your boyfriend?"

"I promise." My heart is beating so fast; what if he decides to take me? And then what if Mom and Simon find out where I've been…? I exchange a worried glance with Castiel, hoping that Mr. Jefferson doesn't sense our fear. Thank goodness he remains oblivious, and falls for my lie.

"Okay. But if anything-"

"I'll tell someone," I reassure him. Mr. Jefferson nods and says goodbye before setting off down towards his house.

"What's up with him?" I ask Castiel.

"He's the nosy neighbor," Castiel sighs. "But…you're okay now?" he adds, caution lining his voice. I…I guess I'm pretty high maintenance when I'm upset.

"I'm okay," I say softly. "As long as I'm not…you know…as long as you're sure you won't hate me in three years…"

"Nel, I love you. Love is supposed to be forever, right?"

"Is it really forever?" I wonder aloud, recalling my opinions on love in the beginning of the year. "I mean, think about forever, Cas. Can you even wrap your head around it? Say we were immortal and lived forever; you don't think that you'd eventually get bored of dealing with my meltdowns and pretending to laugh at my jokes?"

"Nelly, are you going hate me in three years?" Castiel asks, ignoring my speculations about forever.

"No," I say with absolute certainty. "No, I love you." Well, now I feel stupid. I know what he's going to say. How does he always manage to make me feel like an idiot?

"What you're not getting is that I feel the exact same way, okay? Just trust me."

"Okay," I say shakily. "I trust you."

"Good. Now come on. I'm late and you have work to do."

"Castiel, I am not doing schoolwork today," I complain. "I'm too stressed out."

"You're doing your work."

"No! How about I research…waitress jobs?"

"You can do that afterwards instead of watching Phineas and Ferb." I scowl.

"You're awful," I grumble. Castiel chuckles and cups my face in his hands, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

"Eh, I'm not that awful," he smirks. I punch his chiseled stomach playfully and dash back inside, grinning like an idiot. He chases me and picks me up around my waist from behind. I scream as he spins me around and kiss him again, hard. Maybe we kiss too much, but that fiery feeling I feel inside my chest every time we touch is more addictive than any drug I could ever take. He slings my entire body over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carries me inside; I seem to vaguely remember my father carrying me in a similar way. He dumps me on the couch and I start laughing uncontrollably. It's amazing how I was sobbing a minute ago and now I can't breathe because I'm laughing so hard.

"Go do your school, princess," Castiel orders, pointing upstairs.

"Fine," I grumble. I flick his forehead harder than necessary and bounce upstairs, letting my inexplicable happiness put a spring in my step. "See you tonight, hotshot," I call down the stairs. He winks suggestively and I roll my eyes. I can't do it near as well as him, though, and end up cracking up again. He rolls his eyes at me, picks up his backpack, and stalks outside.

Five seconds after he's gone, I decide to be disobedient and not do my school. And because I'm already living on the edge, I figure why not take it a step farther? Castiel's laptop has been tormenting me for days, hidden under his bed. He's been making me use his dad's extra one because his is, well, his. And I know I'm going to regret it, but I feel like snooping. It was bound to happen sometime or another.

His password is a little hard to guess, because there are lots of things that are important to Castiel, but I eventually figures it out: cmajorprincess. I failed several times, so the computer gave me a hint which was "chord nelly." From there it was easy. I'm kind of sort of very flattered that he used me as his password. I'll admit though, my name was the first thing I tried.

and quickly scrolling through it, everything is what it contains. There are lyrics for songs, tiny little paragraphs about his random thoughts; most of them complaints about school and people, and lots and lots of pictures of Demon. There's one of Leigh and Lysander and Rosalya as well, and up towards the top there are some pictures of him and Debrah. I'm not particularly fond of those, so I don't linger in that section. The very last thing, though, is a picture of me and him; a selfie we took with his iPhone last week. It was actually a good picture, compared the the average selfie, and right below it is a list. My hand flies to my mouth as I start to read it.

Top Ten Reasons I 3 Nel

She's BEAUTIFUL

She likes telling people off

She doesn't try to do things unless they're important

She can't walk in heels, but is SO sexy when she tries

She can laugh at herself

She tells me when I'm being stupid (which is more often than I care to admit)

She came back when I was being a bitch

She has ABSOLUTELY NO regard for the rules

She doesn't tell me to stop smoking even though I'm pretty sure she wants me to

For some odd, inexplicable reason, she loves me with all my imperfections

Oh my God, that boy. He actually made a list. That's the single most hysterical and endearing and, well, amazing thing I've ever seen, second only to Iron Man. No, no actually it trumps Iron Man. As romantic as number ten is, I have to say number four is my favorite. He literally gets mad at me when I wear heels; who knew he's just trying to hide how turned on he is? Ha, I'm going to use that against him someday.

Following the list are some more pictures of us, interspersed with tiny reviews of movies we've watched, random notes to self, a very long complaint about Nathaniel, and an even longer one about Stars from Nightmares. The review thing for Phineas and Ferb is priceless:

Phineas and Ferb- a thoroughly juvenile show with no substance whatsoever. HOW MANY THINGS CAN THEY POSSIBLY DO WITH "I know what we're going to do today!" and "Where's Perry?" and "Oh, there you are, Perry!" There HAS to be a limit. And I'm sorry, but if that rollercoaster was properly rooted to the ground, it would not have been able to have been picked up by the giant magnet thing. So I guess that's what makes it a thoroughly juvenile show with no substance whatsoever. I have to admit, though, the platypus is pretty badass.

I read it over and over again, smiling wider with every read through. I know what I'm getting him for Christmas, I guess. I scroll all the way down to the bottom, finding more of the same. This is a really huge document, nearing 150 pages in length. All the way at the bottom is, of all things, a note for me. I smile to myself; he knew I would get on here.

Nel, I'm gonna kill you for looking at this. Not nice. Not nice at all.

There are times when I love him so much I hate him. This is one of those times.

But since you're already reading, I might as well give you something to read. So, I know it's usually the girl who suggests this, but I think that deep down we both know I'm more sentimental than you. If you ever bring that up, by the way, I'm denying it on pain of death. But I've been thinking, do you want to do the wedding pictures? I mean, I really don't, but I was complaining to Lysander the other day and he made the comment that when we're eighty and using up all of our remaining energy fighting about what kind of bacon to get, we're going to wish we could sit down and look at pictures of us and laugh about our ridiculous haircuts and out of style clothes and be sad about how amazing our bodies were then as compared to our eighty-year-old ones, and then our kids will want to see and we'll probably want to brag about everything we went through to be together (which is pretty dramatic, I think), and pull the whole 'kids these days have it so easy' line on them.

By the way, do you want kids? Again, this is usually a topic started by the girl, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I kind of feel like regardless of whether or not we want kids right now, we're going to end up with them. At least one. If it's a boy, can we name him Stone? Stone Mason, you know? Anyways, if we end up like that I feel like we're going to have a hard time. Can you even imagine the kids we'd have? They'd all be rebellious, sarcastic smartasses with no regard for the rules and the 'no caffeine after 6' rule. Damn, writing this, I would feel bad for my parents if they'd actually tried.

After reading it for the umpteenth time, I begin my reply.

Then I do my schoolwork.

That afternoon, Castiel comes home late with Lysander and a skinny girl who must be Ella. He's scowling furiously, and the girl looks extremely uncomfortable. Lysander wears an indifferent expression, as always, but as I watch them from the windows, I see a kind of apprehension in his eyes. He's carrying a white box. Castiel is carrying a large box as well, which must be the amp, but I don't know why Lysander and Ella are here. Am I supposed to be hiding from the girl?

Castiel's gaze flickers up to the window, and he locks eyes with me. He jerks his head to the side, silently telling me to come downstairs. I guess I'm not hiding, but I look like a disaster… Nevertheless, I creep down the stairs just as the trio walks through the front doors. Castiel sets his amp down by the door and folds his arms, scanning me up and down.

"I still don't understand what the big deal is," he drawls. Lysander shrugs nonchalantly. I shift my weight uncomfortably at his comment.

"Leigh's orders, not mine. Although in truth, I am in favor of the tradition."

"Uh, hey…" I say awkwardly, approaching them. Castiel turns around to stand by me, and I hold onto his arm for security. "What's going on?"

"Nelly, I'd like you to meet Ella Bennett," Lysander begins, referring to the girl at his side. "Ella, this is Nelly."

"Nice to meet you," Ella says softly, only daring to make eye contact for a split second. She smiles, mostly to herself, and adds, "I've heard a lot about you."

"Have you, now?" I say, letting go of Castiel and crossing my arms. "All bad, I presume?"

"Uh, well, mostly," Ella admits, still staring at the ground. "Not from Castiel, though," she adds quickly, glancing up. "Just, uh, that band and, um, that blonde boy. Nathaniel?"

"Hmm. Good," I say approvingly, unable to contain a smirk at her clarification. Nathaniel says bad things about me. I almost feel honored. "What are they doing here, Cas?" I ask my boyfriend.

"Apparently Leigh has finished your dress," Castiel drawls. "He gave it to Lysander to give to me to give to you, but he needs you to try it on and there seems to be a 'no boys allowed' rule when it comes to seeing the bride in her dress."

"So that's what you're for?" I ask Ella. "To help with the dress?" Ella's nod is barely discernible. "Well, that's fine I guess, but why not Rosalya or Kim? And how did Leigh know I was here?"

"Rosalya and Kim are incapable of keeping secrets, and the matter of your location does need to be kept secret," Lysander says stiffly. "As for Leigh, he was upset that you wouldn't get to try the dress and see if it needed alterations, so I took the liberty of telling him. He won't say anything; I trust him. He actually didn't even seem surprised."

"So now you, Ella, and Leigh all know," I sigh. "It's not much of a secret anymore, is it?"

"Sorry," Ella squeaks. "But I- I wanted to meet you and I overheard their conversation and I thought I could help."

"Am I famous?" I smirk.

"Well, yes. As a matter of fact, my very first day started with me listening to an argument between the English teacher and-"

"Ella, stop talking," Castiel snaps. My eyes fly to Castiel, open wide.

"You had a fight with Simon!? I specifically told him-"

"Not to give me hell, I know. Unfortunately, you're not a miracle worker. It's Mr. Faraize we're talking about; I can't even count the amount of times he's yelled at me about you." My eyes soften.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah! God, there was the first time, a long time ago, when he told me I'd better not….I'd better not make you mad, and the time when he got mad at me after he found you on the roof, and then we really went at it after he'd decided to send you to TA…this most recent episode involved a debate about paternal authority and me having commitment issues and weddings and me being a bad influence and him not knowing about…about Evan and him sending you away..."

"Also the bitches who aren't your friends," Ella adds good-naturedly. The way she says it is hysterical; she comes across as so innocent and then she goes and says something like that in such a cheerful and awkward way that it just seems odd. Her matter-of-fact tone doesn't match the words. I laugh as Castiel plants a kiss on my cheek.

"It's not funny," he murmurs. "They are bitches." His lips find their way to mine and he pecks them lightly. Ella blushes at this small display of affection, and Lysander remains indifferent as always.

"Do you wanna try on the dress, then?" Ella says awkwardly, taking the white box from Lysander. I notice how she takes extra special care not to touch him in any way. Oh, God. Castiel wasn't kidding.

"Alrighty. Cas, we'll go in your parents' room so you guys can jam or whatever," I say.

"Sounds good, princess." If only to make Ella uncomfortable, I pull Castiel in for a long, passionate kiss. It's more show than substance, but still makes my heart beat crazily out of my chest. Instead of running his hands through my hair like he usually does, Castiel wraps his arms around me and pulls my waist into him, causing me to lean back. I think about forever again, and for once it doesn't seem so bad. I could easily stay like this forever.

Is it weird that I'm not the slightest bit embarrassed by Lysander and Ella's presence? Castiel's not either, but according to Kim he used to make out with Debrah in the halls all the time.

I really need to talk to Kim. I miss her.

Lysander clears his throat to make us stop.

"I apologize, but I do have to have the dress back by seven," he says with a small smile. It melts away as he adds, "My brother is in a bit of a relationship crisis and I'm quite apprehensive of leaving him alone for an extended period of time."

"Oh, no, Rosa?" I ask, a sea of worry coming over me. "Is everything okay?"

"I'll explain," Ella volunteers. "Lead the way." I shrug and hop up the stairs and across the balcony hall to Castiel's parents' bedroom. The boys follow us upstairs, but disappear into Castiel's room with the new amp.

"He'll be blaring that thing in a few minutes," I warn Ella. "He hasn't had an amp in a couple weeks; it's been driving him crazy." Ella smiles to herself and shakes her head.

"This is so weird," she muses, picking at the tap on the white box.

"How so?" I ask, confused.

"Oh, nothing, it's just…you and him, you know? It's like…I've known you for all of ten minutes, half of which you spent in a liplock-"

"Sorry about that. That was mean," I apologize sheepishly.

"Eh, it was slightly unpleasant to watch, but I'll recover," Ella says. "Anyways, as I was saying, I've known you for all of ten minutes and I can already tell…you guys are just so in love, you know? It's weird to me. Like, you keep secrets from each other like the whole fight thing, which was nasty, by the way, I saw like half of it, but at the same time it's like you have the other person's soul…memorized, I guess? Does that sound weird?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, I'm not the best at explaining things. My point is, I guess, that I've never seen a couple like you guys. Castiel talks about you all the time. The inside of his locker is covered with pictures of you, too, and I know that because sometimes I go with Lysander." She says Lysander's name softly as she takes off the white lid to the box.

"You're Lysander's little shadow, aren't you?" I tease. She blushes profusely and fingers with the tissue paper concealing the dress.

"It's quite the story. Castiel and Mr. Faraize…your stepdad, right?" I nod. "Yeah, well they were fighting outside the classroom when I got there, and I was supposed to go inside and find 'Mr. Delian,' but I didn't know who it was so Castiel yelled at me to go sit next to Shakespeare, who was, of course, Lysander. I must've looked really scared or something, because Lysander thought something was wrong and I kind of briefly explained everything, and he offered to catch me up on Castiel's soap opera, which he admitted was very tragic. So I kind of got to know him through you, I guess. Then Castiel came back in and told me to go sit next to Katherine, the blonde's girlfriend, so I talked to them a little. It was really awkward though, because Katherine wouldn't even look at Nathaniel for some reason. Then Lysander felt like he needed to apologize for Castiel, and he kind of took me under his wing. There are some more details, of course, but I won't bore you with them."

Ha, I wonder if she knows about Lysander's tattoo and the absolutely irony of that statement.

"Huh," I say aloud. "Castiel mentioned something was up with them, Katherine and Nathaniel. Too bad; they were great together. Both of them are perfectly obnoxious."

"Oh, they're still together," Ella says softly. "They were out of school for a while, though. If there's a rumor going around about why, it hasn't reached me yet. Anyways, you wanna see the dress?"

"Uh, yeah!"

"Okay, here goes…" Ella lifts up the tissue paper and pulls out the white dress, holding it up for me to see. My heart stops like it did when I saw the picture Leigh sent me.

"Oh my God," I gasp, "that's amazing."

"It is, isn't it?" Ella says in wonder, peering around the shoulder of the dress to see. "Lysander's brother made this for you?"

"He's made lots of things for me."

"Oh. Well that's nice. Here, let's get it on you." I undress quickly and step into the gown. Ella fumbles with the laces in the back, but eventually figures it out. When the dress is on and all laced up, I look at Ella for approval. She cocks her head to the side and stands back to form an opinion. A slow smile grows on her lips.

"I love," she says genuinely. "I'd say it was made for you, but that would be really stupid. Here, is there a full-length mirror somewhere?"

"Uh, yeah, in here," I say, stepping into the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom. The door to one of the walk-in closets is a mirror, and I step up to it to examine myself. Ella's right, it does look like it was made for me. The measurements are perfect, and it flatters my virtually nonexistent figure marvelously. The train isn't too long, the neckline is the perfect balance between sexy and classy, and the contrasting black ribbon just under my bust ties it all together like some kind of magic. The lace is beautiful and soft to the touch, unlike most laces which I find itchy. It's an inch or two long, but I'm assuming that Leigh assumes I'll be wearing heels. And I probably will, especially after reading Castiel's top secret document.

"That's amazing," I breathe, and then I start tearing up again. I guess it's to be expected; if a picture of the dress made me cry then the actual dress should trigger a flood reaction, but I feel embarrassed since Ella is here and I don't know her very well. She offers me a sweet smile, but doesn't say anything else. She's already given her opinion, so she doesn't need to give it again.

The dress is perfect. My thoughts are punctuated by the sound of a C major chord emitting from Castiel's red electric guitar.