"Donnie's sleeping in my room," Mikey whispered.
"What? Really?" Raph asked.
"It's whatever- - it's show time!" Mikey quietly cheered. Raph smiled. Mikey helped Raph up carefully, both walking slowly out of the room and down the steps. Raph's shell hurt with every step, but it wasn't too bad. Once they made it to the bottom, they noticed someone laying on the couch. Mikey hesitated, unsure if he wanted to proceed. Raph, seeing this, decided to investigate. He slowly crept into the living room, seeing that it was Leo.
"Leo? You awake?" Raph whispered. No response. Raph stepped in front of Leo, and to their luck, Leo was out cold. Raph looked to Mikey, giving him a thumbs up. "It's okay, it's just Leo. He's sleeping."
Mikey's uneasiness faded, and his smile returned. "Hey, ya wanna start out with a game first?"
"Sure, I'll kick your shell then cheer you up with a show."
Mikey chuckled a bit, sticking his tongue out at Raph. "Uh huh, sure." He walked into the living room and set up the console, both he and Raph sitting on the floor. They made sure the volume was the lowest it could be while they could still hear the gaming audio. Mikey handed Raph a controller and started up the game. Neither of them held back- - just 'cause they hadn't played for a while didn't mean they lost their spunk, and it certainly didn't mean they were going to willingly lose to one another. They were mindful of their sounds of annoyance and cockiness so as not to wake up anyone. After a long while of playing games, they finally stopped, as they had both got too lazy to stay competitive. "Okay, noooooow it's show time."
"Just change the input, yeah?"
"Yep." Mikey watched as Raph started changing the TV input so they could watch their show. "Uh, I'm not sure we have an HDMI cable in, so not that one."
"So ca- -" Raph paused as he heard a noise upstairs. "Wait, shh." Mikey froze, following Raph's gaze to the doors of the living room. They heard the noise again, and again. It came closer. Raph looked at Mikey, who seemed nervous. "It's probably Donnie."
"Y-yeah, I figured."
Raph wasn't sure why Mikey looked nervous for a moment, but he immediately remembered; Mikey wasn't ready to face anyone yet. "...ohh.. oh, okay, uh, I'll go distract him, and ya can go upstairs. Sound okay?" Mikey nodded. They both slowly got up, making sure to not wake up Leo while they tiptoed out from the living room. Mikey stayed glued to the wall beside the door. Raph slowly left the living room, looking up the stairs. The noise had stopped, so Raph stayed put. A door opened, and surely enough, he saw Donnie at the foot of the stairs. "Hey, Donnie, whatcha doin' up this late?"
Donnie yawned a bit. "I dunno, actually," he mumbled. "I'm still really tired, I just wanted some water before goin' back to sleep. What are you doing down here? You're supposed to be on," he yawned for a moment "bed rest, Raph."
"I was just seein' if I could walk around without dyin' or whatever," Raph joked. "I was about to get some water too and head back up, anyways."
"Alright, sounds good, but you better go back to bed right after," Donnie replied, climbing down the stairs. "How's your shell? Does it hurt at all when you're up?"
Raph started making his way towards the kitchen, making sure Donnie would follow so that Mikey could sneak past. "A bit, but it's not as bad as it could be, y'know."
Donnie trudged to Raph's side, both entering the kitchen. "That's good, I guess, have the ..."
Mikey waited a couple seconds before slowly creeping out of the living room and to the stairs, making sure to step up carefully so as to not alert Donnie. He finally made it up the stairs and into Raph's room, breathing out a sigh of relief that he hadn't been seen. He wasn't sure when the feeling of dread and anxiety of possibly facing anyone else but Leo and Raph would go away, but it sure wasn't going to be tonight. He grabbed some snacks and started eating, waiting for Raph to return.
"... yeah I'll make sure to do that, Don, don't worry. Ya could just check up on me if you're that worried, y'know."
"I thought you wanted some space, though, especially when you and Mikey are talking. How is Mikey, by the way?"
"He's hangin' in there. I still feel bad, but I'm glad that he doesn't hate me."
"He couldn't hate you, he loves you too much."
"I could say the same for you, regarding Leo." Donnie dropped his gaze. "It's true, Donnie, he doesn't hate ya."
"...I dunno, we'll see."
Raph drew in a deep breath. "Alright, well, I'ma head back up. Ya better get some more shut eye, alright?"
"Yeah, you too, night." Donnie watched as Raph went back up the stairs. His eyes glanced over to the living room, where Leo was placed earlier. He hadn't woken up... Donnie was getting worried.
"Leo!" Donnie, April and Casey yelled. Nothing had happened- - Casey didn't swing at him, Leo didn't move from his position- - he just fell. Donnie dropped to his knees, scraping them a touch but not caring. Leo seemed to have went unconscious before he hit the ground, which Donnie was a bit thankful for- - at least he wouldn't have felt head pain before going unconscious. But he still wasn't sure what caused him to pass out all of a sudden. "Fucking shit, what happened?" Donnie mumbled to himself.
April and Casey bent down towards Leo's legs, which were bent. His bad leg wasn't folded, thankfully, but his good one slightly was. "Donnie, we have to get him on his beck and elevate his legs up- -" April started.
"Not out here, though, inside's better," Casey cut her off. "Should we even try carryin' him in?"
"He's unconscious, he won't wake up unless there's extreme sudden pain, let's just get him in now," Donnie replied quickly, sliding his arms under Leo and lifting his upper body up off the ground. "Come on, let's get him inside."
April and Casey carefully lifted up Leo's lower half, all three trying to book it while trying to not fall at the same time. They made it inside and laid Leo on the couch. "I'll get some ice, someone find something for compression," April said, rushing to the kitchen.
"I'll go get it," Donnie replied. "Casey, elevate his legs and make sure he's laid on his shell all the way."
Casey repositioned Leo, having him lay on his shell. He grabbed pillows and put some under Leo's head and the rest under Leo's legs, making sure they were elevated up to chest level. April came back in, a large bag of ice in her hand. "Should we go try to see if the local store has some of those half ice half heat pack things?"
"Yeah, and some anti-inflammatory pills if we're lucky," April replied. "Okay, RICE... rest, ice, compression, elevation, check check check- - compression? Is Donnie- -"
"- - got something," Donnie replied, dashing in. "Can you two go and see if the store has any- -"
"We're about to right now, you've got this? You want one of us to stay behind?" April asked.
"No, you two go, I've got it. Just try to get anything that'll help. Drive safe."
They nodded and bolted out the door. Donnie looked back down at Leo, his worry growing. He wasn't sure what was going on, all he knew was that his brother was unconscious, and he had no idea why. He felt Leo's forehead with the back of his hand, noticing that Leo felt a bit cold.
"No, my hand isn't a reliable source- - do I have a mouth thermometer? Will that even help my case right now? Shit," Donnie mumbled to himself. He looked down at Leo's knee, noticing that his bad knee was swelling up a bit. He tried thinking of what could have happened, and he could only think of blood pressure. It didn't explain his knee, but- - "...locked knee," Donnie said quietly. "That probably did it." Donnie sighed, sliding a hand down his face. "I should've fucking held this off..."
Donnie knew there wasn't much else he could do until April and Casey came back. He rolled out some of the compression bandages he brought and started wrapping Leo's knee, making sure it was tight, but not too tight. When there was enough on it, he grabbed the bag of ice and placed it on top of Leo's knee. He went to the kitchen and filled up another bag with ice and went back to the living room, putting the extra bag of ice under Leo's knee. Donnie made sure that Leo's heel was elevated as well to help with the blood flow. Once there was nothing else he could do, he sat on the floor and let the negative thoughts cloud his mind.
"...I should've stuck with my gut and waited, I was an idiot for letting this happen- - his health could be worse because of me, I need to be more firm, but- - fuck, this is just too much..." Donnie whispered to himself, burying his head in his arms. "Fucking dumbass. I'm sorry I let this happen, Leo. I'm the fucking worst." Donnie stopped talking, just sitting and waiting for Casey and April to return. It felt like forever... maybe this was one of his punishments.
Casey and April finally walked in after what seemed like ages. Perhaps it was, since from the time they left to when they came back, the sun had gone down. "Donnie, you still down here?" Casey asked.
"Yeah," Donnie replied. "Find anything?"
"We found a heat/ice pack thing, we got some muscle cream," Casey replied.
"I tried looking for anti-inflammatory pills but I couldn't find any," April said, sighing.
"It's okay, this should do."
"Has he woken up at all?"
"No," Donnie sighed. "It's probably a good thing. His knee and head must be killer right now. Can you hand me the ice/heat pack whatever thing?" Casey handed it to him. Donnie carefully lifted Leo's head, placing it on Leo's head pillow and setting Leo's head back down. "Hopefully that helps with the head pain."
"Are you okay, dude?" Casey asked.
"I'm not worried about me- -"
"But we are. Why don't you go get some shut eye? I can keep an eye on him. The last thing anyone wants is you up and worried."
"I'll do that upstairs anyways."
"But upstairs gives you a better chance of sleeping."
Donnie sighed again. April grabbed his hand, lifting him up. "Come on. There's nothing we can do until tomorrow. I'll walk you up, okay?"
Donnie nodded, he and April walking out of the living room. "Thanks, Casey." Casey nodded. They walked up the stairs and to Donnie's room. They stood out in front of the door. April looked up at Donnie, lifting a hand up to his face. Donnie winced. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of anyone. "April... I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to raise my voice. I was just..."
"No, I know," April replied quietly. "You had every right to be worried. But don't blame yourself, Donnie, none of us saw this coming. It could have been so much worse."
"I know, but this feels horrible." April knew nothing was going to ease Donnie's nerves. She embraced him, holding him for a good moment before pulling away. "...I'll see you later, April."
"Get some rest, Donnie." Donnie nodded, opening the door and shutting it behind him. He fell on the bed, burying himself under the covers. He thought he was going to stay up thinking, but instead he fell asleep in the blink of an eye.
Donnie snapped out of the memory, his focus returning to an unconscious Leo. No one had told Mikey or Raph what had happened, but it was probably the best to do at the moment- - both were worrying about their own things and patching things up. Hearing that Leo was once again unconscious would only make them feel more worried. Donnie decided that if Leo remained unconscious for more than two days, he'd inform them. He sighed, getting some more water. He wasn't sure if he would be able to go back to sleep. So, water. He couldn't drink anymore, and trudged his way to the staircase.
"Hello? Is anyone here?" Leo walked around, unsure of what the fading of blue to black represented. He wasn't sure where he was. He reached for his katanas, slowly unsheathing them. With every step he took, his surroundings turned to black, no trace of blue in sight. "Guys?" He heard some movement, tensing up. "Casey? April?" He stood up straight, about to assume a battle stance when his knee suddenly buckled. He hissed, losing composure for a moment, but he wasn't about to let his guard down. He stood back up, fighting through the pain. There was a sudden deep cackle. It sent shivers up Leo's body, and he had goosebumps.
"Weak," the voiced bellowed.
"Who's there?" Leo asked, trying to gain control of the hesitation rising in his voice. He cleared his throat, gulping and cautiously taking some steps forward. His knee was still bothering him as he walked, and the voice laughed at him.
"Pathetic."
Leo grit his teeth, anger and fear fueling him. "You're the pathetic one. I'm not hiding in the shadows, now am I? Coward."
"Oh, I am no coward," the voice replied, growing seemingly closer.
Leo tightly gripped the hilt of his sword, ready to defend himself to the end. "Yeah? Stop hiding. Or are you all bark and no bite?"
"I assure you, I am all bite."
"Then come out already."
"As you wish."
A figure suddenly appeared in front of Leo, sending the turtle reeling back a bit. As the figure stepped forward, other menacing laughs surrounded Leo. Where the face of the figure should have been was instead a sheen. Leo, realizing who it finally was, started losing composure, and the laughs surrounding him were starting to get to him. His grip was loosening, his strength felt like it was draining from his body, and his katana blades glided on the ground as he frantically tried backing away. The fuddled laughs grew their own forms, and they started closing in on Leo. Leo tried backing away from the figures, but there was nowhere to go.
"The kabuto," Leo whispered, taking a step back. "No, thi-this isn't real, this is- -
"—yet another one of your pathetic nightmares." Shredder replied, his fist raised in the air. "Which I will gladly make drag out and as painful as I can make it. You're weak. You are nothing but a chew toy. Your end may be swift here, but when you face me again in reality, I will assure a slow and painful demise for you, as well as your family and pathetic friends." Tiger Claw, Fishface and Rahzar's faces appeared, snarls and grimy grins on their face as Shredder raised his fist, the blades in his gauntlet sliding out. Shredder aimed, and swung his arm down.
"NO!"
Donnie jumped, gripping the staircase railing with all his strength. He froze, unsure of what to do.
Leo shot up, frantically looking at his surroundings. He hadn't recognized the living room yet. "Where am I? Fuck where am I? Where..." Leo started to recognize things, and he remembered where he was. Where he had been for the past couple months. The blanket that draped over his body was tightly clutched in his hands. His breathing was erratic. His heart was pounding. But what stood out the most was...
"Fuuuuck, my knee," Leo hissed, tilting his head down. As he moved his head, a sudden rush of pain came to the back of his head. He immediately lifted a hand up, cradling the back of his head. "Fuuuuuck, my head!" Leo whisper yelled. He was cold sweating. He looked down at his hands and the blanket bundled in them, squeezing them and trying to focus on his breathing. "I'm awake, I'm awake, I'm at the farmhouse, in the living room, it's night time, I am awake..." Leo mumbled to himself. He managed to get his breathing under control. His line of sight drifted from his hands down to his knee. He noticed the melting bags of ice over and under his elevated and compressed knee. He slowly turned his head to look behind him, spotting a cold pack on his pillow. He grabbed it and lifted it up to the back of his head, sighing as it brought some relief.
Donnie still hadn't moved. Now that Leo was awake, he wasn't sure if he should retreat to his room or go help Leo.
Leo tried thinking of what brought him to this moment. What happened? Did he just sleep and get the RICE treatment just to ease the discomfort when he slept? Did he bump into something? No, that was the other day when he was trying to evade Donnie... did he...
"...training..." Leo mumbled. The routine. Sparring. Blocking. It was going okay. "...I locked my knees... I... I fainted? I fucking passed out? Oh great, just great, I can't even fucking stand without messing it up. Okay, shut up, Leo, you're gonna wake someone up. Just... shut up." Leo sighed, leaning into the back rest of the couch, sinking into it. "Fucking dumbass."
Donnie sighed. 'I knew it... he's blaming himself... I should've fucking waited... this is all my fault.' Donnie decided to bail. He couldn't face Leo, not like this. He slowly and carefully took a step on one of the stairs, getting ready to head back up.
Leo tensed up as the stairs creaked. He sat up straight. He waited to see if it would happen again. It hadn't, so he cautiously eased back down. He was about to forget about it when another step creaked. He sat back up, intensely watching the doorway.
"...sewer apples," Donnie whispered to himself. "He definitely heard that."
"...not Raph, not Mikey... Donnie?" Leo whispered loudly. "Donnie, that you?" Leo still had his guard up.
Donnie sighed, stepping back down. He peeked his head around the doorway, giving Leo a hesitant smile. "H-hey."
Leo relaxed. "Hey, you scared me a bit there." Leo suddenly remembered what just happened- - "oh, shit, uh did I... did I wake you up?"
Donnie stepped out a bit more. He tried giving Leo a reassuring look as he replied "no, you didn't, I was already up. I was just getting some water."
"Are you sure? You look worn out- - did I scare you?" Leo rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed.
"A little bit, but you didn't wake me up, don't worry, I was already up, I promise."
Leo chuckled nervously. "A-alright. Still, sorry. Are you... okay?"
"What do you mean?"
"...you were right. I wasn't ready to spar. I'm worried you're blaming yourself for what happened, but look, Donnie, it's my fault. My idea didn't work, and I never should've stuck with it. I should have listened. I was just being a stubborn jackass."
Something about the way Leo phrased it made Donnie think of the main reason why he had been so hesitant around Leo- - the fight back home. About what to do about the invasion. "...no, none of this is your fault, Leo. I need to be more open minded in the future..." Donnie felt his neck tense up and his eyes started getting teary. He cleared his throat. "...it's not your fault. Uh, anyways, try... to get some rest." Donnie mentally kicked himself- - Leo just had a nightmare, and he was telling him to go back to sleep? 'Insensitive asshole...' Donnie thought to himself.
"...Donnie, I think we should talk about this," Leo replied. Just hearing him say that made both of them nervous. Leo was ready to talk about it, but Donnie wasn't. Not like this, anyways.
"M-maybe later, Leo, I'm pretty tired," Donnie replied hastily, turning to leave.
"Donnie, are you sure you're okay? What's going on?"
"Nothing, don't worry about it, honest." Donnie started walking out. "Night, Leo."
Leo wasn't going to let Donnie leave until he made sure Donnie hear him. Leo stood up, his knee aching and throbbing. He didn't care. He started hobbling towards the doorway. "Donnie, I'm serious, what's wrong? Just tell me what I did wr- -" Leo immediately stopped short as his weak leg gave out on him, and he fell to the ground. His bad knee made a hard impact with the floor, and the rest of his weight on it didn't help. Leo wanted to scream, but he didn't want to wake anyone up, so he just bit down on his lip and let out a long whimper. He cradled his knee in his hands, trying to control his breathing. Donnie turned around sharply, his eyes wide as he saw his brother on the floor, curled inward and hissing from intense pain.
"Shit, Leo, a-are you okay?"
Donnie quickly bent down beside Leo, hesitant to assist or even touch him. Leo was erratically breathing, making Donnie feel even worse. Leo laid an arm on the ground and tried lifting himself up, but the pain left him weak, and his arm started shaking. He was about to crash back on the ground, but Donnie quickly wrapped an arm around him and helped him sit up. Leo managed to start gaining control of his breathing again, and he gulped in some air.
"...thanks, D," Leo panted. He shut his eyes, tilting his head down. The one thing he hated more than feeling weak and pathetic was looking it. He was humiliated- - embarrassed. 'Hah, so much for progress, right?' Leo thought to himself. He chuckled dryly, lifting a hand up to cover his face. All that work for virtually nothing. He hasn't improved. It's just like his nightmares told him- - he's nothing but a chew toy. Donnie knew Leo was feeling embarrassed and pathetic, and it was all his fault. Donnie started to shake a bit, infuriated with himself. Leo felt the shaking, assuming it was himself from the strain he put his body through. After a few seconds, he realized it wasn't him... it was Donnie. Leo lifted his head up from his hand, looking at Donnie with a very worried look. "...Donnie. You have to tell me what's wrong."
"I... I can't."
"Why not?"
"I can't, Leo." Donnie was extremely upset, and he knew he probably looked like it, too. "I just can't."
"Donnie," Leo said quietly. Leo raised a hand and placed it on Donnie's shoulder, gripping it a bit. "You know you can tell me anything, right? I'm not here to judge you, I'm here to support you. To help you, in any way I can." Donnie's eyes roamed Leo's face for a moment, then Donnie looked away. Leo sighed, slipping his hand off of his brother's shoulder. He realized... "...or maybe... you don't- - can't trust me ever since I let you and everyone else down- -"
"What?" Donnie sharply lifted his head back up, surprised to hear this from Leo. "What are you talking about? It's not like that at all- - I trust you with my life."
"Then what? What'd I do? What'd I do to make you so upset and angry for these past months? Wha- -"
"It's not you, Leo," Donne shouted suddenly, throwing Leo off. "It's me, alright? I fucked up, I failed everyone, I failed you- - I don't trust myself around you, okay? That's what's wrong!"
Leo didn't know what to say- - he wasn't expecting that. "...wh-what?"
"I..." Donnie sighed, bringing his voice level down. "I don't... trust myself around you, Leo."
"...was it something I did? Something I said?" Leo asked. He felt like shit- - here's Donnie, suffering and beating himself up for something Leo can't even remember.
"No, it's not like that at all. It's just— everything that's happened to you ever since our argument in New York is all my fault. You being unconscious for 3 months, you blaming yourself for every fault you find in yourself, you hating yourself, your nightmares— that's all because I didn't listen to you back in New York about what we should do about the Kraang situation. I was being stubborn and I was so focused on trying the new invention and I shouldn't have even questioned your authority."
"Donnie," Leo started.
"Raph barely getting any sleep, Mikey constantly worrying about whether he'd get his big brother back, having everyone on the edge of their seat worrying about you, the slow, painful recovery you have to go through— that's all my fault, and— Leo... Leo, I am so sorry that this happened to you. It's all because of me and I'll never forgive myself for this. This is the biggest regret of my entire life."
Leonardo couldn't believe Donnie had felt this way this whole time— he couldn't fully process it. 'Donnie blames himself?' Donnie raised a hand up to his face, turning his head away and violently wiping at his eyes. Leo had never came close to blaming Donnie for any of this. Leo second-guessed his own suggestion about finding a second location— he told himself over and over again that he should have listened to Donnie in the first place. Everything was Leo's fault, not Donnie's. Leo grabbed Donnie's wrist, inching himself and his brother to the couch so they could lean against something.
"Donnie..." Leo said softly. "I don't want you to blame yourself for any of this. I don't want you feeling like this- - you shouldn't at all. My nightmares and my slow recovery are 'cause of Shredder, not you. We should've went along with your plan in the first place— there was a better chance if we had done it earlier. I'm sorry for not listening to you. Everyone being worried was not your fault— it just showed that they cared— that's not bad. We'd all worry if it was any one of us and you know that, Donatello. My defeat was partially my fault— hell, it was mostly my fault— it was all my fault. I wasn't fully prepared to take on the Shredder, especially by myself. I was overconfident, I was too cocky. That was my fault. I'm so sorry that you feel like this— if anyone's to blame, it's definitely me. You shouldn't feel guilty about any of this, Donnie— never. Everything that's happened is my fault. I was wrong, and it... it cost us everything."
Donnie didn't know what to say. Neither of them knew what to say after that. They had to process each other's statements. Leo lifted his arm up and wrapped it around Donnie's shoulder, giving him a quick squeeze to reassure him that he wasn't upset with him. Donnie patted Leo's hand in return, hoping to send the same message to him.
"...I didn't know you felt that way," Donnie said after moments of silence.
Leo chuckled a bit. "Same to you." Leo sighed. "Donnie... I hated not being able to talk to you. I hated the weirdness. I really thought you were pissed off at me."
Donnie laughed. "I thought you were pissed at me!"
"Why did you explode in the kitchen the other day, then?"
"...'cause you started saying you could trust me with anything and stuff like that, and I remembered the invasion and stuff and the stress of all these months, and I was like, 'why the hell does he still trust me?' I just freaked out- - I didn't know what to do, so I just... yeah." Leo nodded. He started chuckling a bit to himself, then started laughing. Donnie raised a brow, amused but confused. "What?"
"Everyone must've been dying to get us to talk- - I feel so bad for them, they had to put up with our shit for months!" Leo burst out laughing. Donnie started laughing too. They laughed about their suffering and misery. It was a good release for both of them. Once they got it out of their systems, they collected their breaths. "...next time we think we hate each other, we should just tell each other, yeah?"
Donnie chuckled a bit, nodding. "Yeah, we should. So... are we okay now?"
"I'm good, are you?"
"Yeah, I'm good, too."
"...and next time, we do whatever together. No more solo style."
Donnie raised a brow. "When you wanna do something solo in the future, I'm gonna bring this moment up and tell you 'past you said to stop your shit now' and you can't get mad at me." They both laughed at that. They started talking in-depth about the problem and started coming up with resolutions. All those months of uncertainty, anxiety, guilt, pain- - it all started fading away. It was going to take some work for things to get back to how they used to be, but tonight, they both knew that things would be okay again. The feeling of genuine hope and comfort had finally returned to them, and they hoped it'd never leave them again.
