A/N: Sorry for the pretty long wait. Got caught up playing Mass Effect and reading Harry Potter femslash fics. :D More author's note at the end. Also, Bo's not present in this chapter and it's pretty much Lauren/Nadia-centric so please be patient.


41

True to form, not an hour of driving and the crapmobile started to smell of gas. Lauren quickly pulled to the shoulder and cut the engine, allowing it to rest for a while. She turned to Nadia with a sarcastic grin and mockingly asked, "Having fun yet?"

Nadia shook her head at her and simply smiled. "I always have fun when I'm with you."

Lauren laughed out loud at that and Nadia giggled too. "Bull! I love you babe, but you can't flatter your way out of this mess," Lauren said, wagging an accusing finger. "You know, we're still in the city and we can still go back to the compound and borrow a better car. We'll just leave Bo's car in the garage and return it when we get back."

Nadia immediately shook her head causing Lauren to groan dramatically. "I really don't get your obsession with this car."

Nadia just smiled at her and began to engage her in conversation about her life.

Lauren relented and settled in to talk about her research and the medical work that she was doing while they waited for the car to cool down. She was in the middle of a tweaked foot-soup story when she decided to try and start the car again. Preoccupied by the multiple tasks (it was important to properly describe Kenzi's full horror at eating soup with what "looked" liked human foot), Lauren never registered Nadia's question until after she had answered it with, "It was an Aswang and of course they eat... wait, what? Uh, what did you say?"

She quickly tried to backtrack but Lauren knew from Nadia's expression that it was too late. Cold sweat suddenly popped out of her pores and nerveless fingers fumbled and dropped the car keys on the floor. "Babe?" Lauren asked in confusion.

Nadia sighed and ran a restless hand over her hair. "You heard right, Lauren. I know about the fae. I admit that it took me a couple of days to realize that we were living with other fae in the compound but once I figured it out, I had to get us out of there." She reached for Lauren's limp hand and said, "Don't you see? That's why we can't use their car. It might be bugged or something!"

"You know..." Lauren started to say, although her brain still felt like it was stuck in honey.

"Yes." Nadia admitted again.

"How?"

Nadia squeezed Lauren's hand tightly and started to explain. "You know how I was traveling all over the Congo taking photos right? Well, I met a lot of people and I heard lots of stories. At first, I was sure they were all superstition and folk tales but I thought it was interesting too. I decided to research it a bit, thinking to write a feature article as well to go with the pictures I was taking. That's when I encountered the fae." Nadia paused to give Lauren's hand another reassuring squeeze. "I didn't know at first what he was and it was completely ridiculous to believe in the wild tales the villagers used to tell him but, I don't know, part of me just wouldn't let me dismiss it."

"You met a fae?" Lauren asked, not so much for clarification but for something to say and get her brain to start working again.

"Yeah, a shaman." Nadia stopped immediately when she saw Lauren pale and tense up. "What's wrong, babe?"

"A sha...how did you know what he was?"

Nadia looked confused but still answered carefully. "That's what the villagers called him. They went to him for herbal remedies and stuff but only as a last resort. It seemed everyone had a dark story to tell about him and they were convinced that the shaman knew magic." She waited to see if Lauren was going to ask more and when the doctor didn't, Nadia continued. "I was really curious by then so I approached him. They warned me about it but I figured, what's the real harm? I don't...didn't believe in the magic stuff so worst comes to worst he'll cast a mumbo-jumbo spell on me and then I'll just go away."

Lauren caught the change of tense in that bit about magic and waited for Nadia to elaborate.

"And that didn't even happen when I approached him for an interview. I didn't even make it in his hut. He just refused and was actually even polite about turning me down. I should have let it go after that but I didn't. You can guess what I did."

Lauren could certainly guess and she knew she would be right too. Nadia was like a bulldog when she'd gotten hint of a story and she didn't let go so easily.

Nadia gave a small sad smile at Lauren's expression. "Yeah, I know. I sneaked in the next night and I saw something weird through his window." At this, her voice became lower and her eyes drifted away as she vividly remembered that night. "He was mumbling the mumbo-jumbo crap but he was also kinda praying over a box of nails. And then there was this pole inside his house, full of embedded nails. That was all strange enough but as I was watching, I noticed that one of the nails he was holding had begun to glow and I swear Lauren," Nadia squeezed Lauren's hand tighter and Lauren noticed that Nadia's palms had gotten sweaty. "...I swear I heard someone scream and that it was coming from the nail. I couldn't leave by then. I watched him hammer the nail in the pole along with the others. There was another flashing light once he'd embedded it in and then I gasped."

"What happened then?" Lauren asked immediately, her heart pounding furiously despite already knowing how events turned out.

"I ran away," Nadia stated simply. "I was sure that he didn't see me but still, I dropped the research immediately."

Lauren thought this over for a moment and then asked, "He was the only fae you've seen?"

"Yes."

"Then how did you connect everything about me working for the fae? A shaman in the Congo is different from the people you've seen in the compound," Lauren rationalized.

Nadia gave her a disturbed look. "They're not people. They're creatures." Lauren frowned at that but she didn't comment. Nadia continued, "I looked at some of the medical files you had left in the apartment. I figured it was a codename at first: FAE. But then there's also your uh, new books on fairy tales and mythological creatures and I connected the dots. I also know enough about your work to read between the lines: the genetic markers, extra proteins etc. It wasn't a solid proof but then there's your reaction just now."

Lauren felt her head ache and fought the urge to pull her hair in aggravation. Nadia only looked curious. "That important looking guy you met in the Congo, your previous boss, he was fae right? I mean, everyone in that compound was fae and you've been living with them all this time?"

Lauren just nodded. She didn't know what Nadia was thinking of right now and couldn't even begin to guess at it. Her brain was still scrambling to recover from this bad surprise.

Nadia muttered something that sounded like "small world" before she continued. "How did you come to work for them? And why bring me?"

All these questions and Lauren should have had a ready answer for her. Despite her new knowledge of the nature and cause of Nadia's coma state, she had practiced the re-telling of this story for so many times in all these years. And yet, Lauren could not remember any of that now. Instead, the raw truth came out of her and she saw how the words affected Nadia. (Later, Lauren would feel some guilt with the thought that she had been deliberately blunt just to get even with Nadia and deal her a surprising blow too.)

"I managed to cobble a cure for the villagers and the Ash was grateful about it," Lauren began in a flat tone. "I came home to tell you everything but you were sick and then you quickly fell into a coma. I tested you for any disease and infection but every result insisted that you were fine except your body was still deteriorating by itself." Lauren finally removed her hand from Nadia's and turned to face forward, glaring at the steering wheel. "I didn't know what to do until I realized that it must've been a fae virus or something, it was too big a coincidence not to be. So I went to the Ash and I asked him for help and he gave it to me, in exchange for my loyalty and my services."

She turned to glance back at Nadia. "For five years I looked for a cure to your disease but I had it all wrong. You weren't sick, you were cursed." Lauren watched Nadia's face pale alarmingly as she realized the import of Lauren's words. Still, Lauren continued, driving her words deep enough hurt (hurt them both for their mistakes that brought them to this place). "Lachlan told me that a shaman from the Congo cursed you and the only way to undo it was to remove your nail from his wooden post. I assumed he had arranged for someone to fix it because you're here now, awake and healthy."

A loud sobbing gasp filled the air and then there was only silence.

Lauren finally re-started the car and continued driving. They had to stop for three more times to let the car rest and one time for lunch and the silence reigned supreme. They didn't talk to each other, (could hardly look at the other person) both caught up in their own thoughts and worries.

xxx

They made it past the hotel's receptionist without looking the other in the eye (the most unlikely vacationing couple ever) and up the elevator to their room, before Nadia broke the tension between them.

"Let's just run away."

Lauren had calmly began to unpack some of their clothes to the drawers when Nadia spoke, startling her. She had gotten so used to the silence that the words didn't register at first. When they did, Lauren couldn't believe it. "What?" she asked confusedly.

Nadia had been sitting on the bed but she jumped up at Lauren's question and walked towards the doctor. She took Lauren's limp hand on her own and pulled slightly. "Let's just go away. You, we don't have to go back there! We can just go and get away from them."

"What?"

Nadia pulled at Lauren a bit harder, frustrated at her girlfriend's shocked blank face. "Let's go! We, you can be free. You don't have to be work for them anymore because I'm okay now, like you said."

Lauren was finally starting to believe that Nadia really meant what she was saying. "Because of Lachlan. I owe him..."

"You don't owe them anything, Lauren! We don't owe them anything. They aren't human and they don't care about those who are. They play with our lives so easily!" Nadia argued, her voice trembling hard with fear and anger.

Lauren pulled her closer in a hard hug. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm, we're okay. Calm down."

"Lauren..." Nadia cried then, big gulping tears that tore at Lauren's heart. This was what she had been waiting for; the breakdown that she should have been prepared for. But instead of being a rock, Lauren had started crying too and sobbing just as hard. In that moment, they could only cling to each other, hoping that the other person wouldn't let go.

When the storm of emotions passed, Lauren directed them to sit at the bed but she never let go of her tight hold of Nadia. Nadia didn't try to break free either and cuddled up closer once they were settled. They spent a few moments in silence first, before Lauren spoke up.

"I can't go."

Nadia immediately tensed beside her and tried to pull away but Lauren only held her firmly. "Let me explain," Lauren asked and waited until Nadia had relaxed somewhat. Lauren stared at her girlfriend's accusing eyes and sighed heavily. "I can't go," she said again, "because I owe..."

"You don't...!"

"Nadia." That one word and the tone behind it effectively shut Nadia up although she looked mutinous now.

Lauren sighed again. "I do owe him and that won't change no matter how much you argue against it." She finally allowed Nadia to put a little space between them but kept on holding to her hand. "And I'm only now beginning to see how much you... don't like the fae. But babe, this is my life now. For the last five years, the fae has been my family."

"That's stupid!" Nadia burst out, unable to contain herself anymore. She stood up and began to pace in front of Lauren. "You have a real family and friends, and they're human like you! Don't think that I didn't notice you dodging questions about them too, Lauren? What did that Ash do? Kept you away, right?"

Lauren couldn't deny that. "He did. And I understood why." She stood up too and faced Nadia directly. "It's not like I was forced to serve him, I chose that path Nadia. I read the fine print carefully and signed my life over to him..." Her last words were muffled under Nadia's hand.

"Stop, please," Nadia begged tearfully. "I hate that I did this to you, that you had to sell yourself like a slave to that guy just because..."

It was Lauren's turn to stop Nadia but she did it with a gentle kiss instead. "No, stop it. There's no point in blame. It's all in the past now. We have to move forward instead."

"That's why we have to go away, Lauren. Start fresh. Just be together again," Nadia argued.

Lauren felt a lump in her throat. For a second she could imagine that life where she and Nadia were together and they were no fae bodies to dissect or fae patients to treat or an Ash to report to and placate and obey and ... no Bo or Trick or her fae staff. She couldn't. It hurt to realize that she didn't want that dream of being "normal" anymore.

"We... no, I can't Nadia."

"Why the hell not?"

Lauren could see her getting angry again and tried to change tactics. "Why do we have to go anywhere anyway? We can build a life here. The fae aren't all bad, Nadia. The shaman that cursed you belonged to the Dark clan and they're usually more cavalier regarding humans. The Light clan..."

"No, no, no. I don't want to hear that!" Nadia began to pace again in agitation. "I don't want to know about them, let alone live with them. I just want to forget this ever happened and live our life together again."

Lauren swallowed heavily. "We can do that just as easily here. They have resources that..."

"Why don't you want to leave?" Nadia interrupted, her face crumpling in confusion and despair. "I thought you'd be more eager to jump at this chance to escape them."

"I..." Lauren sighed heavily. "I did. At first, all I could think about was waking you up from that damned coma and going some place far away. But," Lauren lifted sorrowful eyes to her girlfriend. "but I got used to living there. I learned a lot and I was still able to help other people, even when I couldn't help you." She tried to take Nadia's hand but the other woman stepped away. "Nadia... I, it's my home now. Don't you see?"

Nadia frowned heavily. "No, I don't. I don't understand at all." She glared at the dejected doctor. "All I can think right now is that you're choosing them rather than me."

"That's not what I said!"

"Well, that's certainly what it sounded like!" Nadia yelled, temper flaring again. "You like it there like... you've got some sort of Stockholm's Syndrome or something..."

"It's not..." Lauren tried to interject.

"...the way you come to their defence and they're not even worth it!"

"I told you that the shaman you encountered was different...!"

"That boss of yours, Lachlan, how did he know to cure the c-curse? How long had he known before he told you?" Nadia tried another tactic but couldn't help the waver in her voice at the dreaded word.

Lauren blinked. She immediately thought of the former Ash who had deliberately kept the information away from her. "Just last month. I found a possible lead about your cure and I asked him about it. He told me immediately what he knew." It was all true and there was no need to complicate the story with the Morrigan and the Lich.

"And he offered to help me immediately, is that it? It just took what? A month?" Nadia asked.

Lauren's shoulders drooped a little at the true answer. She debated lying about it but...no, there had been enough lies in her life. "No. He said that he wasn't the Ash when you were cursed and that he couldn't help you." She remembered the bitterness and desperation that tinged that particular memory.

Nadia's stance clearly tried to convey an I-Told-You-So message. "You see? You offered him, what was it? Loyalty and service? And I know you, babe. I know that you would have given them your 500% because you're that kind of person, and he can't even manage to return the gesture?"

"He did. Eventually." It was a weak rebuttal and they both knew it. But Lauren tried again, "It's not always like that. He had other stuff to do that time..." It was unbelievable that she had to defend that man now but Lauren had to make Nadia understand.

"Stop," Nadia ordered. "I don't think you'll be able to convince me to willingly join the fae, Lauren. I just can't. I can't live my life like that, following someone's orders like a slave." Nadia's looked pained at Lauren's barely hidden wince but her eyes were clear and firm.

"You don't have to join, just accept that they exist and keep that a secret," Lauren explained, trying for a last shot.

"Yeah okay, but we both know that it won't be a life without strings. And you'll still be working for them and I can't see you like that too. They would still affect us and I won't be able to stand that."

A beat of silence fell before Lauren nodded. "I understand what you mean."

"Then...?"

"But I still can't just run away..."

"If you love me Lauren, you'll do this for me." Lauren's head snapped up at that ultimatum and Nadia continued. "The Lauren I remember wouldn't have hesitated at all and she would choose us, just like I chose us before, when I came with you to the Congo." And then she left.

This time, Lauren wasn't able to hide the involuntary flinch from the painful reminder.

xxx

That night, Lauren found herself unable to sleep. Nadia's slumbering form beside her was warm and inviting but even when she tried to cuddle closer, Lauren could feel her brain fighting sleep. Her mind was too full and her heart was too confused to allow her to relax yet. Their words from this afternoon was running around her brain and it won't allow her rest until she dealt with them properly.

Running away. Lauren took a quick glance at her sleeping girlfriend before turning her gaze to the dark ceiling. She had rejected the notion earlier but she forced herself to really think about it now.

That afternoon, when she had imagined her world without the fae (without Bo), Lauren had felt uneasy and slightly panicky as if she was a child being told to go with a stranger and leave her family and home behind. There had been an instinctive reaction in her to stick close to what was familiar and safe, and she frowned at that thought now. When had the fae become the "familiar and safe" (become "home")? Nadia should be her home and yet she wasn't.

Fighting a surge of guilt at that thought, Lauren forced her mind to dissect the topic and find the root of her unease.

Was it because of Bo?

The mere thought of the succubus made her heart pound faster and nausea to rise to her throat. Lauren struggled to calm herself and be objective about it.

She wasn't sure when she became so attached the fae and maybe, probably, Bo had something to do with it.

Stealing another look at her bed companion, Lauren closed her eyes for a moment and allowed herself to acknowledge the forbidden truth she was trying to deny: her devastating love for Bo. Her heart ached fiercely but the pain felt... right. There was a sense of relief that coursed through her when she admitted her feelings for the succubus.

So.

Bo did play a part (a large part) on her reluctance to leave the fae behind. Lauren knew that she couldn't have the succubus - a massive understatement (where would she even begin with the reasons why they couldn't be together?) - but still, to willingly leave her behind?

And then there was the fae. The Light clan had been her home for the last five years and she had fought for and gained their acceptance. Lauren believed that she was important to the Light and that she was (significant) different from all other humans involved with the fae.

But then she remembered the way Lachlan had treated her these past months and the old Ash's deception to keep her by his side. She remembered the early years with the fae: the frantic search for Nadia's cure, the hardship of learning about the fae (their biology and sociology), the isolation from the world she had known and the deep loneliness of being human and therefore "other".

She relived the painful memories and swallowed heavily.

Nadia stirred next to her and Lauren automatically adjusted her body to accommodate the shifting body. She watched Nadia sleep for a while, allowing her mind to be distracted by Nadia's relaxed features. This was an old habit now, watching her girlfriend sleep. Before the coma, she had indulged in this activity rarely. Maybe in the beginning of their relationship, when everything was new and seemed too good-to-be-true; but then later on, she had been too tired from work or from love and there had been no time to watch her sleep.

And then when Nadia fell into the coma, it was the only thing Lauren could do. She watched her sleep and hoped she had good dreams even as she prayed for a miracle to come and wake her up.

Now, she noticed the differences. Nadia in the coma had been too still, too blank. Like a body frozen in time (which was probably accurate, considering she was in magical stasis). This Nadia made faces in her sleep and grumbled and snored at times. She was alive and beautiful and it broke Lauren's heart to know that it wasn't enough. Not anymore.

xxx

The next day was awkward. It was almost morning when Lauren had finally fallen asleep and when she woke up, Nadia was already up, eating breakfast from a delivered cart and watching the news on TV.

"Hey there. Good morning sleepy," Nadia greeted with a small forced smile, upon seeing her moving to the bathroom.

"Morning." Lauren forced her own small grin but didn't stop to chat.

"I saved you some bagel and eggs." Lauren heard Nadia say as she turned the shower on.

"Thanks!" she yelled back before proceeding to take a bath.

The rest of the day was the same. They agreed to go out and spent the whole day checking out the various attractions available. They didn't mention the disagreement from yesterday but it was there nevertheless, behind every action, a lingering tension that persisted despite their best attempts to act normal and be happy.

When they fell to bed that night, Lauren only murmured "Good night" and Nadia pecked her gently on the lips with her own "Sweet dreams."

xxx

On their third day, it rained heavily. Unfortunately, this left them stuck in the hotel and what amenities it offered was already explored yesterday.

They eventually decided on a movie marathon which turned out to be a pleasant activity for both of them, as Lauren had not kept up with the entertainment industry and was just as surprised as Nadia to find new actors and impressive computer graphics.

After lunch, they tried to go back to the movies but somehow got severely distracted with each other instead. Lauren wasn't sure how it started but one moment she was commenting that Angelina Jolie looked older and the next, she was halfway naked and struggling to remove Nadia's pants.

The rest of the afternoon and the evening was spent in furious lovemaking. All of a sudden, it felt like she was burning and the only way to assuage the heat was to have Nadia's skin against hers, to taste her mouth and hear her gasping moans.

They had already slept together but this was different than anything they've done, even before the coma. They were too greedy for the other and instead of satisfaction, every encounter only seemed to increase the longing and the need. They couldn't get enough and so they came together again and again, until exhaustion forced them apart.

xxx

Lauren woke up suddenly. She didn't know when she fell asleep but she could feel the soreness of her body and remembered how she had spent the entire day. Before she could even groan at the thought, she heard someone crying and realized that it was the sound that woke her up.

Turning quickly (and ignoring her screaming muscles), she saw Nadia's smooth back shaking with stifled sobs. "Nadia?" Lauren asked, worry and concern driving everything else from her mind. Her hand was already up before she could think about it and began to stroke her girlfriend's shoulder in comfort. "What is it?"

Nadia tensed up under her touch but she turned wiping her eyes quickly. "Hey," she said, her voice thick with the tears she couldn't fully hide. "Did I wake you? I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. What's wrong?" Lauren asked and scooted closer to offer a hug. But Nadia flinched from her and Lauren froze in place, hurt by that reaction. Her mind ignored the sting in her heart and tried instead to think of reasons for the rejection. "What is it? Are you okay?"

Nadia shook her head and said, "I'm okay," before coming closer to complete the aborted hug. "I'm sorry."

Lauren relaxed a little at the feel of Nadia's body pressed against hers but she knew that something was still wrong. "Why were you crying?" she asked, wiping at the lingering wetness on Nadia's cheeks. She watched her girlfriend closely and saw her hesitate. Lauren thought she would lie to her but Nadia stunned her when she said, "Why does this feel like goodbye?"

"I...I don't..." Lauren struggled but she suddenly realized she couldn't deny Nadia's words. The desperate undertone of their actions earlier did seem like a preparation to part ways as they each tried to take their fill of the other's presence.

Nadia's face fell at Lauren's stuttering and she turned away, sitting up to lean on the bed's headboard. Lauren followed quickly and shivered a little when the cool night air hit her naked torso. "Babe? What are you thinking of?" Lauren asked anxiously.

"That I don't want to say goodbye."

"You don't have to. This isn't... goodbye," Lauren said, trying her hard to reassure the other woman even though her own doubts were beginning to overwhelm her.

"But it is." Nadia faced her with sad eyes. "You're not leaving the fae and I'm not staying in their world. There's no place for us together so we have to," she broke off to stifle a sob of anguish but when Lauren tried to comfort her, Nadia put a firm hand out to stop her. "We can't be together."

"We can!" Lauren was panicking and her heart ached to see how broken her girlfriend looked. "We can be together. I'll go with you. We'll leave the fae behind and I'll find a job in research, or maybe in a hospital, just like before..." She spoke faster, as though she could outrun their doubts and convince both of them that what she was saying was possible.

"No."

"No? No, what?" Lauren asked in confusion.

"No, we can't..."

"We can...!" Lauren tried to interrupt but Nadia spoke over her anyway.

"...because I don't want you to come anymore."

Confused and getting angry now, Lauren scoffed. "That's not what you said two days ago."

Nadia nodded, her face grim. "I know. But I've changed my mind."

"Just like that?" Lauren trembled and forced herself not to leave the bed and walk away from this conversation. "You begged me to choose you and now that I have, you don't want me anymore? I don't understand." Her tone became pleading. "Why are you doing this, Nadia?"

She saw her girlfriend's face crumple again as though she wanted to cry but Nadia gathered her composure back and said, "Because I'm selfish."

"What?" Lauren ran a shaky hand through her hair and pulled a little, the brief ache in her scalp distracting her from the cryptic words she wasn't up to handling now. "I still don't understand."

Nadia looked hurt but determined at the same time. She took a deep breath and slowly released it. "I am selfish because I want my Lauren to come with me. Not you."

"I'm... still me?" Lauren ventured, more than confused. A stray thought niggled from the back of her brain.

Nadia shook her head. "No, you're not. You're not my Lauren anymore and..." She began to cry silently. "I want her back. I want my Lauren back."

Lauren swallowed heavily, as she suddenly understood what Nadia was trying to say. "That's... I'm still here, Nadia. The Lauren... your Lauren, she's still in here." She touched her heart. "She's in me and I'm still her, with just a little differences." She tried to gather Nadia in her arms, unable to bear her crying but Nadia resisted, moving away from the bed. Lauren watched her get dressed and accepted the clothes that Nadia threw her way, putting them on quickly.

"Nadia..." Lauren tried to follow but Nadia stopped her again.

"No, you don't understand. I want my Lauren back. The one I know and love from five years ago. I want her with me and I can't. I can't have her anymore!"

"I am here! I can be her! If you give me time, if we go away, I'll be that Lauren...!" Lauren cut herself short in frustration as she watched Nadia shake her head again. "Please, Nadia."

Nadia hugged herself tightly and bravely looked at Lauren again. "It's not the same. I know, I know that you love me but you... somehow, you have come to love the fae too. And that's why you can't be my Lauren because she's not torn in two like you are."

"Please don't leave me, Nadia," Lauren begged, as she too began to cry.

"I can't build a life with you, knowing that parts of you will be forever lost to me because the fae has them. You see? That's why I'm selfish. I want all of you. I want it to be like five years ago when my Lauren would never have hesitated to choose me against everything else." Nadia smiled sadly at her next words. "Unless you can tell me that there's some kind of magic to go back in time and stop all this from happening, I don't see a way for us to move forward together."

Lauren sobbed quietly, staring sadly at her (ex)girlfriend. "Please," she tried again.

A brief silence fell between them, broken only by the quiet gasping as they both cried in heartbreak. Lauren wanted to beg some more but she could see from Nadia's expression, pain-filled as it was, that she wouldn't be swayed from her decision.

"Who is Bo?" Nadia asked out of the blue.

The sudden shift in the topic threw Lauren and the succubus' name only added to the ache in her heart. "Bo? What does she have to do..." She didn't want to talk about the succubus now. (In this moment, Lauren could have wished that she had never met the succubus if only Nadia would stay with her.)

"Who is she?" Nadia persisted.

"You know already. I told you..." Lauren was growing frustrated again and began to pace.

"...that she's a co-worker," Nadia finished. "But she isn't just a co-worker, right? She's your friend."

"Okay, fine she's my friend. So what?" Irritation laced her voice as Lauren struggled to find solace in anger instead of the sadness that was threatening to drown her. "I can't have friends?"

Nadia refused to be baited and continued to look at her with an unknown glint in her eyes. "You like her?"

Lauren glared at her. "Of course! How can she be my friend if I don't like her?" she asked sarcastically.

"Did you have sex with her?"

The question was like instant glue that suddenly held her feet still. Lauren almost tumbled from her abrupt stopping. "What?"

Nadia's face crumpled again in tears. "You did." She knew it. She wished she didn't.

"Nadia..." Lauren began, about to deny everything and comfort her girlfriend but something stopped her. Bo didn't belong in this conversation but Nadia brought her up. She didn't know why, couldn't even guess to Nadia's reasons. Lauren just knew that something in her had begun to give up and told her there was no merit in lying about it. If Nadia was leaving her anyway...

"I... yes, I did," she finally admitted.

Lauren watched Nadia cry for a second before she decided to tell the whole sob story. In halting words, she began to explain how her life began with the fae (the truth she never wanted Nadia to know): the constant fear for Nadia's life, the oppressive surroundings of a different culture and the spirit-crushing loneliness that plagued her for years. Lauren tried to explain how she had sex with four different women (Bo included) to regain some of her humanity back and in that most basic action of being touched intimately, she was able to reaffirm that she was alive and not a zombie going through the motions.

As she explained, Lauren broke down, remembering the despair, shame and guilt for cheating, for being too weak to succumb in temptation. "I'm so sorry Nadia, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, please forgive me..."

Nadia shushed her gently, her own tears transforming from the sadness of betrayal to those of sympathy. "Shh, it's okay, Lauren." She gathered the doctor into her arms and led them to sit on the edge of the bed. She waited until Lauren had calmed down a bit before she spoke up. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that and... I'm not angry with you. I don't blame you for what you did."

"How can you even..."

"It's hard," Nadia bit out. "It's so hard to think of you in another woman's arms but I'm glad too that you found some comfort in them, even if it was just temporary." She paused to look directly in Lauren's eyes. "Mostly, I just hate that I wasn't there for you. That you had to suffer all of that because of me."

Lauren tried to deny that blame again but Nadia stopped her. "I know. Put it behind us in the past. So, just know that I forgive you for sleeping with other people if you forgive me for not being there for you."

"Doesn't seem fair," Lauren commented, her voice still wobbly. "It wasn't your fault you were in a coma."

Nadia could have pointed out the shaman thing again but she left that circular argument for now. Instead she said, "Bo was different though?"

Lauren groaned in frustration and pulled away from Nadia's loose embrace. "That again?"

"She's special unlike those other women you slept with," Nadia kept on.

"Will you give it a rest? Bo has nothing to do with us!" It was a bald face lie but only Lauren knew what Bo really meant to her and Nadia didn't. Lauren didn't want her to know and use Bo to justify their break-up.

"I've seen you with her twice and I've heard you talk about her a couple of times. She's more than just a friend or a one-time lover, right?" Nadia didn't wait for Lauren's answer. "You were a little tense whenever we came to her place but you have this smile in your face when you talk to her. And when you talk about her, you look just a little distracted." Nadia smiled wistfully. "I know you, Lauren. You're right when you said that you're still the Lauren from five years ago, because I can still see her in you. That's why I know that Bo is in your heart whether you want to admit it or not."

Lauren was stunned and awed by the comfortable warmth that coursed through her when she realized that Nadia still saw and understood her clearly. She tried to concentrate on that, and ignored the part about Bo. "After all this time, you were the only one who knew me, Nadia. You always manage to see past the mask I face the world with," Lauren paused at this, acknowledging that no one in her life right now truly got her. Even Bo had her own bias against Lauren. "and you're the only one who didn't judge me for it." She took Nadia's hands and brought it to her lips, "I don't want you to go, please. I love you Nadia."

Nadia stepped closer and gave Lauren a fleeting kiss. "I love you too. I love you so much and this is why I have to let you go."

"No, Nadia please. I'll do anything you want, be anything, please don't leave me."

Nadia pulled her hands away from Lauren's grip and took a step back. "I can't. Don't ask me that, Lauren. I refuse to share you with anyone." She sighed. "This is for the best. We..."

"How can you say it's for the best when you only made your decision after two days? Why can't you give us more time and the chance to try. We can try, Nadia! There's no hurry!"

"Stop it! I can't, okay! I can't stay in that world for more than a second. The thought of living with them, of you interacting with them... it makes my skin crawl in disgust. Logically, I know that not all fae could be like that shaman but it doesn't matter because I can't stop thinking about it! He's tainted everything, he's tainted you and I don't want you, even though I still love you... Fuck!" Nadia stormed away and barely stopped herself from smashing something. She turned to face Lauren again and admitted, "This is not easy for me and I don't, I really don't want to let you go but I have to. I have to."

Lauren slumped on the bed, cradling her head in her in despair. What could she say to that? Why try, even? There was no way for her to get what she wanted.

"Lauren..." Nadia had come closer and began to run her hand on Lauren's hair in comfort.

Lauren looked up and Nadia's hand moved to cup her jaw. "Nadia... I..."

Nadia gave her a watery smile. "Be happy okay? From what you told me, you weren't too happy with the fae in the beginning. And then Bo came..." Lauren stiffened but Nadia continued, still smiling gently. "Just, do what makes you happy. Now that you don't have to worry about me anymore, I want you to live your life fully, even if I'm not in it." She paused. "Maybe Bo could help with that."

Lauren choked down a sob and tried to return the smile. "I don't deserve you. How can you even think of me right now or try to match me up with someone else?"

"It hurts," Nadia admitted. "But it helps when I think that you're not my Lauren. I just know that my Lauren would never have...been so conflicted." She shrugged. "It's a technicality but it's still a consolation."

Lauren let the residual hurt of that matter-of-fact statement wash over her and accepted the truth in the words. Two, three years ago, the fae wouldn't have mattered and she would have happily left them for Nadia. But that wouldn't hold true today, no matter how much she tried to deny it. Nadia wouldn't let her hide from herself and parts of Lauren were grateful to her for it.

"I'm sorry. I love you." It was the only thing left she could offer.

Nadia bent over and kissed her one last time. "Love you too. Love you always."

xxx

They didn't speak more that night but cuddled in bed until they fell asleep. In the morning, the atmosphere was sad but tinged with relief. It was like a weight was removed from their chests and they were able to interact naturally again.

They had a quick breakfast where Nadia suggested that they check out early. She decided to head to her parents home nearby and Lauren was left to go home. They thought it best to keep in contact via e-mail for now and later, maybe they could meet again.

Lauren warned her not to reveal anything about the fae while Nadia asked her to be careful. And then they said goodbye.


A/N2:

Okay, so I apologize if this feels a bit ham-fisted of me to try and push Nadia out of the way. I hope that the chapter above was convincing and uh, "realistic" enough to justify her departure. The reason I did that (aside from being a Bo/Lauren fan) was because I really, really felt bad about the circumstances of her death in the show, for her and Lauren. I felt that they didn't deserve that ending (especially Lauren) and it was needlessly cruel. As much as I love to put Lauren through the wringer, that was just a bit too much for me. Besides, Nadia's death in the show was only supposed to show us the Garuda's powers of body possession - that's what I think anyway. And in the end, it didn't seem to matter much as they didn't show how much the Garuda actually learned about the Light Fae and Bo via Nadia's eyes.

Anyway, enough about that. After this, I'll be pretty much following canon again with a few alterations to fill the holes in Nadia's absence. The rest like the Dyson's broodiness and the Grand Battle will remain unchanged.

Hoped you enjoyed this chapter.

Cheers, rabastan04