A/N: Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter and the well wishes on my new addition. Thank you also for being so patient. My little Layla is truly an angel baby, but it's still a little rough to find time to write between feedings and dealing with the older two. But I'm figuring it out.
I'm glad that you are all excited about the twins. A few people asked, so I do want to say that the twins are NOT reincarnated Edward and Esme. To me, it would just be way to weird for Bella to give birth to the man she was once in love with, not to mention it would really complicate things for Carlisle and Bella. Thus, the babies will be purely a mix of Carlisle and Bella's DNA.
The next few chapters are going to be a little intense, I think, but go with me on this. It's worth the ride. I hope you'll enjoy where my mind is taking us.
You all know that Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight and makes all the money, not me, right?
Chapter 28: Girl's Day Out
BPOV
I woke up the morning after the ultrasound, still basking in the warmth of my afterglow, and sighed with contentment as I nestled myself further into the crook of Carlisle's arm. I had more than I'd ever hoped for in my twenty-three years: the perfect husband, a wonderful family, a son and daughter that I was probably only a month or so away from meeting, and eternity ahead of me during which to love them all.
"Sweetheart?" came the sweet, honeyed tenor beside me. "I know you're awake, you're not fooling anyone..."
Of course he knew. As if I could hide anything from his vampire senses. I had only been still in an attempt to prolong my moments in his arms before I was dragged off to the inevitable - choosing today's activity from what I referred to, though only in my head, as the "hat of horrors". I knew that everyone meant well when they put in their suggestions - well, maybe everyone except for Emmett - but after the disastrous game of miniature golf, I was really a bit worried about what I might choose this time.
"Nope," I giggled. "I'm still sleeping. Perhaps a good morning kiss would do the trick..."
I didn't have to ask twice. Carlisle used one finger to tilt my chin up towards his face, and brought his lips down to meet mine in a tender kiss.
"There now, my darling," he said as he pulled away. "Now let's get up - Alice has been pacing outside our bedroom door for the last thirty-seven minutes waiting for you to wake up."
"He's right!" came the voice of my pixie sister through the door. "You have no idea how annoying it is not to know exactly when things will happen!"
I laughed. "Alice, everyone else lives everyday like that. Get used to it!"
Alice groaned, leading all three of us to laugh. "Just put on your pajamas and come downstairs... Please!"
I gave Carlisle one last kiss, and then pulled myself out of the bed, slipping on a pair of my silk pajama pants and a matching tank top, which now left a few inches of skin showing at the bottom thanks to my growing belly. As we reached the door, Carlisle looked down over my figure and an adorable grin crept over his face - I loved watching his reactions to the pregnancy; the innocence and joy simply shined through his every expression.
He slipped his hand around mine and led the way into the living room.
"Good morning everyone," I called as we entered. They all chorused back their greetings to me as Alice and Emmett came barreling toward me carrying the red ski cap that held all of the day's possibilities.
"Time to pick another one, Bells!" Emmett bellowed as he jumped over the back of the couch to reach me. I laughed at his extreme enthusiasm, but reached my hand into the bag anyways. "What is it? What is it?" He asked, as impatient as a small child.
I looked at the little slip of paper. "Girl's day out in Boston," I read.
"Ooohhhh, Goody!" cried Alice, jumping up and down.
I looked over at Rose and Carmen, and saw that they were also very excited. Smiling, I glanced at Jasper, to see if their excitement had affected him once again. Catching my eye and realizing my intentions, he rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at me. I just laughed.
"Alright, since the girls are going to be out all day, why don't we all go out for a hunt?" Carlisle asked all the boys.
I heard Emmett cheer as Alice and Rosalie grabbed onto my hands and pulled me toward the stairs. I smiled, knowing that everyone was excited about the day ahead.
Just over an hour later, after a semi-exhasperated Alice had finished singing her praises to the fashion world for re-embracing the empire waistline, so that something I owned still fit me fairly well, the four of us set out on our way towards Boston. As we drove toward the city, we talked about our plans for the day and discussed ideas for decorating the babies' nursery (Alice's idea of a modern color scheme of brown and tan, with pink added on the girl's side and blue on the boy's, was so far our preference).
When we finally arrived in the city, Alice drove directly to a store called Bump, which she explained was the best designer boutique in town for maternity clothes. Leave it to Alice to know that! We spent two hours in this store alone, during which I only left the confines of my dressing room to parade myself in front of the large three-way mirror and my three sisters who stood beside it. The three of them took turns going out onto the sales floor, only to return with arms full of more clothes for me to try on.
"Carmen!" I whined as my eldest sister returned with yet another pile of dresses. "Did you guys forget that I'm only likely to be pregnant for another four to six weeks? The three of you have picked out enough clothes already to last me twice that time!"
My sisters laughed, and Carmen simply shook her head as she set the pile down in my dressing room. "Just try them on, hermanita."
I groaned, but turned back to my dressing room. "Fine, but this is the last load, then we're leaving!" I muttered lowly, knowing that they could all hear me clearly.
None of them argued, so I took my small victory and tried on my last pile of clothes with renewed enthusiasm. Really, despite my complaining, I was having a good time. The constant stream of conversation with my sisters was amusing, and I couldn't deny how much I enjoyed seeing myself in clothes that showcased my rounded abdomen - it thrilled me to no end to see the physical evidence of our miracle.
I finished trying on the clothes, and the four of us, after much debate, selected what we were going to purchase. I argued that, despite the large pile that Alice agreed to put back, we were still buying way more than we needed, but my sisters would not relent. We walked out of the store, the three of them bearing the weight of our purchases back to the trunk of the M3.
Not far from Bump was a group of small baby boutiques. I have to admit, I didn't even need Alice's help to get excited about this stop - never in my life had I been so excited about shopping before, not even for my wedding dress! Buying cribs and layettes and the like made everything about my pregnancy seem that much more real. It reminded me not only that I was pregnant, but that, in a few short weeks, Carlisle and I would have two new people to care for and love. I could hardly contain my excitement as my sisters and I roamed through the store, oohing and aahing over mini overalls and tiny mary jane shoes. The saleswoman who rang us up nearly did a happy dance as she imagined her commission - we spent a ridiculous amount of money in that one shop, but for once, not even I complained. The twins would, without a doubt, be spoiled by the aunts and uncles - or were they their brothers and sisters? - as well as their parents.
As my sisters and I gathered around the trunk of Rosalie's car, desperately trying to shove more shopping bags into its depths, I decided the time had come for me to make my stand.
"Alright, girls, this morning has been tons of fun, but I think the time has come to stop shopping for the day... Otherwise we are going to have to walk home."
"I can give up my seat in the car and run back," Alice suggested, causing the rest of us to dissolve into giggles. Only Alice would be willing to run home alone to facilitate more shopping.
"Oh, come on, Alice. If we buy everything today, we won't have any excuse to go shopping again tomorrow..." Rose teased, causing us once again to giggle.
"And even if we wanted to keep shopping, cariña," Carmen added, "We cannot. We have other plans for this afternoon, remember? And if we don't stop first to feed Bella, we will all find ourselves subjected to Carlisle's wrath!"
Carlisle's "wrath" would have been the cause of more giggles, had it not been for the incident between him and Emmett the day before. Now that my formerly mild-mannered, gentle, soft-spoken husband had gone all "Papa Bear" on us, he was definitely being taken more seriously.
"Don't forget Bella's wrath!" I teased. "Another thirty minutes and the three of you are going to look appetizing!"
My point made, we piled into the car and headed across town toward the day spa, stopping to pick up Mexican take-out for me on the way.
We arrived at Bella Sante, a day spa, just in time for our appointments. My sisters had arranged a maternity massage for me to enjoy while the three of them got manicures. As I lay on the u-shaped pillow, my baby belly hanging down into its center, I couldn't help but remember my last trip to a spa... Or should I say the after-effects of my last trip? Carlisle had gone absolutely crazy over the silkiness of my skin from the treatment I had received, and, despite the incredible embarrassment of having screamed his name in ecstasy within easy hearing distance of fifteen vampires, it had been one of the most incredible experiences of my life thus far. I wonder if we'll be having the same treatment today? I hope so!
I allowed myself to relax completely as the masseuse kneaded all of the tension out of my back and shoulders. Closing my eyes, I let myself imagine the future. In my daydream, I saw myself, standing next to Carlisle, each of us with a child in our arms. Carlisle was holding a little boy who was his spitting image, with the exception of his shining blue eyes. He was smiling up at his father, and I could tell that Carlisle was his hero. I was holding a little girl, with long, wavy blond hair that reminded me of Rosalie, and my own brown eyes. She was giggling, her smile lighting up the whole image. Carlisle and I were gazing deeply into each other's eyes - mine, I noticed, were the same shade of topaz as his own - and it was obvious that we were even more in love in this vision than we were today. I may not have Alice's power, but I was sure that, if I just believed, this daydream would one day be our reality.
The gentle voice of the masseuse called my name, drawing me back into the present. I thanked her for the fabulous massage, and waited for her to leave the room before getting up from the table and wrapping myself in the warm terry cloth robe she had left for me.
I opened the door, and was greeted by a tall, black-haired girl named Lina, who announced that she was my esthetician. She led me into another room, where I found Rosalie waiting for me.
"Alice and Carmen are next door, having body wraps done. Since you can't have one due to the pregnancy, you and I are going to enjoy the Bella Provence body treatment instead," she explained.
"What's the Bella Provence treatment?" I asked.
"I'm going to exfoliate your skin with sea salt and lavender, then cover you in a lavender cream. You'll have a chance to just relax while your skin soaks that in, and then we'll shower you off and spray you with a lavender mist before you go," Lina said.
"Oh, that sounds nice," I replied.
Rose winked conspiratorially at me. "It will be. You know, the sea salts will make your skin as soft and smooth as satin, and lavender is such a lovely scent - so close to freesia..."
I immediately understood - Carlisle will love it. I grinned at my sister and settled into the chair next to her.
Thirty minutes later, Rosalie and I were lounging in our chairs, soaking in (well, I was at least - Rose was really just wearing it, what with the impenetrable skin and all) the lavender cream. I decided to take advantage of this rare moment of privacy with my sister.
"Rose? I know that I've asked you this before, but are you really okay with the whole baby thing? I know that it's something that you've always wanted, and..."
"Bella, stop," she interrupted. "Like I told you before, I couldn't be any happier for you than I am. I've accepted the fact that I can't have a baby. I won't lie to you and say that I didn't feel jealous at all. I did. For a second. But every bit of jealousy was covered by joy almost immediately. Bella, we're going to have two babies in our house! Two little miracles to love and take care of... They might not be mine, but it's still more than I ever thought to wish for."
"If I wasn't practically naked and covered in lavender cream right now, I'd hug you, Rosalie."
"I'll consider myself hugged - stay where you are," she said through her laughter.
"You really think everything will be okay, Rose?" I asked, my serious tone returning.
"I'm not going to lie to you, Bells. There's lots of ways this can go bad - the babies could come out with the mentality of newborn vampires, which would make them too much like the immortal children. You remember what they are, right?"
I nodded, a shiver going down my spine as I recalled the story Carlisle had told me about the Denali clan's mother. She had been destroyed by the Volturi for creating a vampire in the form of a young child, the result being an uncontrollably destructive and highly dangerous creature. My own children sometimes appeared this way in my nightmares.
"I don't think that will happen though, Bella. It's possible, of course. But I can't bring myself to believe that something this miraculous happened - a vampire getting a human pregnant - if it was all going to be for naught."
We sat quietly for a moment, thinking about her words. Was it possible she was right? I wanted so much to believe it.
"You know," she said suddenly, "I just remembered something that Esme told me a long time ago. I have never thought about it again, probably because I wanted nothing more than to disregard the words as soon as she spoke them. It was two nights after you, Edward, and Alice returned from Italy. Two nights after you came over demanding the family vote on your humanity.
As I'm sure you'll remember, I wasn't too happy with your decision back then. Mostly because I couldn't see beyond myself... I couldn't seem to understand that just because I wanted or valued something, that everyone else did not necessarily feel the same way. Esme knew that. She really was the perfect mother, you know... She always knew, always understood. And even when I was being a complete bitch, she loved me."
"I hope I'm even a little bit like her when I'm a mother," I whispered.
"You will be, Bella," Rose responded sincerely. "You've always been a bit like Esme. You are the only person I've ever known who could love as deeply and unconditionally as she did. You've always put everyone else before yourself, you care more about the safety and happiness of everyone around you before your own. You will be a wonderful mother, Bella, just as she was."
"Thank you, Rose. That means more than you can know... So what did Esme say to you back then?"
"Well, amongst other things that she told me that night, the part that I was specifically referring to was about you. She told me that I had to trust you, and fate, to know what was best... That whatever was meant to be in your future would happen, no matter what decision was made that night. And, most importantly, she told me that you would bring something to our family that no one else ever could - and that we should hold tight to you and protect you, because whatever it was that you would bring to us was irreplaceable. Thinking back on that conversation now, I wonder if she somehow knew..."
As I took in Esme's words, so many emotions ran through me. I remembered the words she spoke to me the night before my wedding. "You are the glue, sweet girl. You'll keep the Cullens whole. I couldn't leave my family in better hands than yours." Part of me wanted to share that with Rose, especially since she was being so open with me. But, at the same time, those moments with Esme had been something special, personal... I really wanted to keep them to myself. In my heart, though, I surged with pride, knowing that Esme had believed in me so much the whole time.
"Thank you for telling me that, Rose. Was that really the reason you disliked me so much back then?"
"Honestly, Bella? I never disliked you. From the first time we met you, I feared you. You were an enormous risk - we barely knew you, but you knew our secret. You know what that means now, what danger you presented. And then, no offense, you were danger magnet supreme. We had more trouble in the first eighteen months of knowing you than in the previous seven decades!
But above all else, I resented you for having everything I couldn't, and not appreciating it. You were so pure and good, that was obvious. I thought you were stupid and naïve for your willingness to give up your humanity to become a monster like us. Because that's what we are. We're monsters. That's one of the few things that Edward and I ever agreed on."
"Rose, I argued that point with Edward constantly, and I'll do it again with you now. You. Are. Not. A. Monster. None of you are. James? Victoria? Maria? All monsters. Not because they are vampires, but because they were evil and placed no value on life - human or vampire, and because they took pleasure in the pain of others. But you, Rose? And Carlisle, and the rest of our family? How can you put yourself in the same category as them? You, who risked your own lives to protect me, as well as the rest of Forks, against an army of newborn vampires? You, who turn away from nature to hold on to your humanity and preserve life? You, who love with your whole hearts, and are loved as much in return? You're not human anymore, Rosalie, but that doesn't mean you are something awful."
"That's the problem, sis. You see all the goodness in us. You've been shielded from our darker side. You saw it a bit on your eighteenth birthday, when Jasper nearly took you out. But what you don't see is the moments when we pass by someone who has a nice scent on a day when it's been awhile since we hunted... The burn in our throat, the pooling of venom in our mouths, the pressing desire to simply sink our teeth into their neck, drinking our fill and finally feeling satisfied. How do you think that makes us feel? Or what about the moment after we've sated ourselves on some animal out in the woods? Just try for one minute to picture Esme launching herself onto the back of a moose and biting through its flesh, swallowing mouthfuls of the animal's blood until it's veins are empty and it lives no more. Does that fit your image of Esme? As much as we pretend to be normal, as much as we hold tight to every bit of humanity we have left, it's always out of our grasp, Bella. There's that bit of monster living in each of us. Just because we choose to suppress it most of the time, it's never really gone.
That's it, Bella. That's the truth. I don't feel the need to mope about it constantly like Edward did, but it does affect me. And I hate that you are going to have to deal with it too. I wish there was a way to protect you from it, but I know, and accept, that there's not. But I'm glad that we at least talked about it today, because you should be prepared for what you're going to face."
She stopped talking, and we both remained quiet for several minutes. I spent that time contemplating what she had said. In some ways, she was right - I did tend to romanticize my vampires. I had to agree that just the thought of Esme taking down a large animal seemed completely wrong to me. On the other hand, though, the thought of Carlisle taking down a mountain lion made my panties wet. Yeah, I'm full of double standards. Despite the less pleasant image she had just painted of vampirism, I was glad that she had told me what she did, not only because it was something that I needed to hear, but because it was just another example of how much closer we had become over the past few years that she was willing to have such a talk with me.
"I know it's not all sunshine and sparkly skin, Rose, but I have to believe that our lives are what we make of them. It can't be all that bad if I don't let it."
"You're partly right. I mean, you can definitely choose to focus on the bad and mope around constantly like you're living under a cloud of despair, or you can choose to make the best of a bad situation. I just wanted you to understand that, even when that's your focus, the monster never really leaves you."
"But Rose, even humans have their demons... right?"
"True, but inner demons are nothing in comparison with blood l..." I saw panic mar Rosalie's beautiful features, but she covered it quickly. "...loss associated with the post-partum period..." Nice cover, Rose.
Turning to the left, I saw what had caused my sister's odd behavior - Lina was walking back into the room to cleanse us off the lavender cream.
"Yes, Rose, I agree," I replied, trying to keep up our cover. "But I'm sure that Lina doesn't want to hear about the less glamorous parts of childbirth. Perhaps we should change the subject now."
Rosalie winked at me and we settled into a light-hearted chat with Lina about the latest Hollywood gossip.
When Lina finished with us, Rosalie and I were led back into the cabana to re-dress. While we were in there, we agreed to keep our earlier conversation between us and leave the subject for the time being. We were both well aware of the fact that there was no longer a choice in the 'will Bella become a vampire' matter, and she felt that there was no need for me to stress about the issue anymore. I tended to agree.
We met up with Alice and Carmen again in the main lobby of the spa, and the four of us set out together toward the car. It was already near dinner time, and I was exhausted, despite having spent the vast majority of the afternoon relaxing. I had been noticing over the past week or so that I seemed to have much less energy than usual. I found myself napping nearly every afternoon, and, despite the elevated level of lust that Jasper continually reminded me that I was projecting onto the house, even my sexy times with Carlisle were becoming less frequent as my energy level decreased.
I was starving as well. I was well aware of the fact that I should have had a snack during our time at the spa - Carlisle didn't usually let more than three hours pass without feeding me. I hadn't had my thermos of blood yet today either, and I hoped that the babies could be patient for another hour while we made our way home, or else I'd be getting the urge to cut myself in a car full of vampires...not a good idea!
"Hey Alice?" I called. "I know you had planned for us to go to a restaurant, but would you mind if we just picked up something from a drive thru? I'm starving, and I'm pretty sure there's a thermos at home with my name on it."
"Sure honey, no problem," Alice replied. "I'm sure you're tired too... I had a vision of Carlisle yelling at me in the forest earlier - he's probably angry with us for wearing you out and not feeding you properly today," she said with a grin. "You want a piggy back ride to the car?"
"No, I think I can make it. Besides, it would look very odd for you, my tiny pixie, to be carrying a pregnant me on your back. I think it might attract a little more attention than you want, don't you agree?"
The four of us giggled, and then linked arms and started walking down the street.
The day had been so great, even if it did completely exhaust me. I loved having a chance to get out and have fun, just us girls, and the heart to heart with Rosalie was definitely a special moment for me. As we walked toward the car, chatting merrily with each other, the world suddenly crashed down around us.
Two blocks from the car, I caught a whiff of the most glorious scent - cherries, with a hint of vanilla. My mouth watered and my eyes rolled back in my head. My god, that smells so fucking good... Every bit of sense left me in that moment. I started running in the direction of the scent, and then saw where it was coming from: there, sprawled on the ground no more than fifty feet away from me, was a small Asian girl, probably close to my age, and her bicycle. Blood was dripping down from her cheek, and covering her hands and shins. As I raced toward the bleeding girl, no thoughts passed through my mind besides the sheer desire to ingest the liquid that carried that heavenly scent.
Suddenly, I felt hands grip my upper arms and yank me backwards, holding me tightly. I fought against the force that kept me from the object of my desire, but was unable to escape. I flailed and struggled, crying out in anger and desperation.
"Let me go! I want it! Please! Please! I have to have it!"
"Bella, calm down! You have to be quiet!" A voice said from behind me. Some part of me understood that this voice belonged to the person who was holding me. It was Carmen.
"God! Let me go, Carmen! Let me go! I need it!"
"Bella, hermanita, come back to me! You must fight it! You can do this, cariña, you can fight it."
The haze of what I finally understood to be bloodlust faded just enough for me to hear the pleading in her voice. She was begging me to fight, to walk away from this situation without making a bigger scene. I wanted to. I wanted to do the right thing, for Carmen, for my family, for Carlisle.
Forcing my eyes to focus, I looked at the Asian girl who was now sitting up on the sidewalk. Luckily, she had been so distracted by her own accident that she had not noticed the scene I was causing. The bright red blood that was smeared over her hands threatened to push away the tiny bit of control I had gathered, but I fought it, looking instead at her face. I made myself see her, as a person. She was somebody's daughter, perhaps someone's lover even. I couldn't hurt her. That's not who I was. That's not who I ever would be.
"Get me out of here, Carmen. Please," I whispered, tears pouring from my eyes.
Five minutes later, I sat in the backseat of Rose's M3, still shaking and sobbing in Carmen's arms. Our girl's day out had been so wonderful, right up until the moment that everything fell apart. The moment that I ruined everything. I had never felt this way before - I was disgusted with myself, and I was sure that my sisters were feeling that way about me too. I had let them down. Worse, I had let Carlisle down.
I could hear bits and pieces of their conversation, though none of it was really directed at me. Alice was blaming herself for not Seeing what would happen. That was just ridiculous, and we all knew it. Alice hasn't been able to see any of my decisions since I realized I was pregnant, since my future is so tied up with the twins that I am invisible to her. And it's not like it had been a conscious decision that I made. How could she have known that I was going to do something so awful? And now, here she was, trying to figure out the best way to tell our family, and my husband, in a way that made me look innocent. I couldn't stand to listen to her accept blame that was solely mine.
"Alice," I said, finally speaking. "You can't blame yourself. I know you're used to seeing the future, but you can't see everything! This was my fault, no one's but mine. I am the abhorrent, vile monster. I will tell Carlisle. And I will be the one he can never look at again."
My strength waned as that last sentence fell from my mouth. I could feel my heart shattering into millions of tiny pieces, because I knew it was true. Surely Carlisle wouldn't want me now. And if he didn't, I wasn't sure I could survive it. My sobs started anew as I buried my face back into Carmen's cold, hard shoulder.
I could hear all three of my sisters trying to reassure me that everything would be fine, but I just shook my head.
"Bella?" Rose said. "I know you don't want to hear this right now, but you and I were so open and honest with each other earlier today, and I think I owe it to you to say this." She paused for a moment. "The way you feel right now, Bella? That's never going to go away."
"Rosalie!" Carmen scolded. "Shut up, now!"
"No, no Carmen... She's right," I said.
It was awful, the way I felt. I understood, finally, all that Rosalie had tried to explain. For the first time, I understood what Rose and Edward had struggled with. I felt infinitely worse, though, because I wasn't even a vampire yet - I was still human, and already struggling to not kill another person to glutton myself with their blood.
And, god, experiencing blood lust like that - it was horrible! I've never wanted anything so badly in my entire life. Was that what my brothers and sisters felt all the time? The amount of respect I had for them increased exponentially. And Carlisle... I had always been impressed with his restraint, his ability to hold so tightly to his humanity that, even as a newborn, he refused human blood. There was no question now that he was a god amongst vampires. But how would he respond to my actions? Would he be forgiving and understanding? Or would his disgust overpower his love for me?
I pressed myself back into Carmen's embrace and cried myself to sleep.
As we pulled into the long driveway that led to our house, Carmen gently shook me awake.
"Come, hermanita, wake up, we're home. Carlisle is waiting for you," she whispered.
Hearing his name brought that now familiar stab of pain back to my heart. He was waiting for me now - would this be the last time he'd do that?
"I want to talk to him alone," I said to my sisters. It was not a request, and they knew it.
"Bella," Rosalie began. "He'll understand. Don't be afraid. Carlisle loves you more than anything, and this will not change that. But above all, he'll understand, and he'll forgive you, because, despite his perfect record, he has known temptation in the past. And every temptation he faced was expected, because he knew what he was. You're still human, there's no way you could have prepared for this."
I took in her words, and hoped that she was right. Either way, I was only a few minutes from knowing.
Rosalie stopped the car in front of the house, not bothering to pull around to the garage. "Bella, we'll go hunt for you while you talk to Carlisle - you should really have some fresh blood as soon as possible."
I didn't disagree. Carmen helped me out of the car, and I was immediately encircled by Carlisle's cold, strong arms. I allowed myself a moment to breathe in his scent and become lost in his loving embrace. I melted against his chest, laying my ear against the spot where his heart had beat over three hundred years ago.
"I love you, Carlisle," I whispered. "I love you so much."
"As I love you, sweetheart," he replied, sliding his index finger under my chin to tilt my face up toward his.
I looked into his eyes, seeing all the love that resided there. Would this be the last time I saw the love there in such a pure form? The thought alone filled my eyes with fresh tears that I could not blink away. As the first tear rolled down my cheek, I saw the concern fill my husband's eyes.
"Bella, my love, what is it?"
"There's something that I have to tell you. Can we go back to the tree swing?"
He agreed, and we walked to the back yard hand in hand. I could feel his nervous tension as we walked, but I knew that he had no idea what he was about to hear. Was it better or worse than he expected?
We reached the tree swing and sat down. I took a deep breath and readied myself for my confession. I joined our hands together, and then looked him in the eye.
"Carlisle, when the girls and I were out today, we passed by a girl who had just been in an accident with her bicycle. She was lying on the ground, bleeding. I tried to attack her. It is only thanks to the superhuman speed and strength of Carmen that I didn't. She held me back and talked to me until I calmed down enough to let her take me away from the situation. I'm sorry, Carlisle. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt her, I swear! Once I realized that she was human, I left. I didn't, I don't, want to drink human blood, Carlisle. I don't want to be a monster! I know you must be disgusted with me right now, Carlisle. If you don't want to be with me anymore, I'd understand."
Those last words nearly killed me to speak, but I had to do it. I couldn't let him feel obligated to stay. I looked back into his eyes, and what I saw there nearly crushed my heart: Carlisle was horrified.
A/N: Sorry for the cliffie, I know they make you crazy. The next chapter will be in Carlisle's POV - he wants to explain exactly what he thinks of Bella's confession. What did you think of the girl's day and Bella's behavior? Let me know!
