Chapter 29: Memories
Two years had passed. Jareth sat down on his throne absently throwing one leg over the arm, as was his custom. He and Aranel had become good friends. He hoped that soon she might consider courtship. But he was waiting for her to make the first move. She was the one who had requested they maintain distance so she would have to be the one that ended that distance. His acceptance of her message had only strengthened the love that he had found from the first time they met. A hand came to his brow covering his eyes. If only the memories wouldn't keep coming back...
"Milord, are you all right?" Jareth looked up to see Damien standing before his throne beside him was Joseph. Damien had come to know the truth only within the past few months much to Jareth's delight. He had always had a friendship with Damien, and it was Damien that had stuck by him in his dark years despite the fact that he had not been as kind to Damien as he had Ione. He acknowledged their presence with a nod. "What is it, milord? I have not seen that look on your face... for some time." Damien had avoided saying that it was a look that reminded him of how he sat pondering during his dark years. It was that same look that had told Damien earlier that Jareth would not eat or even acknowledge his presence. At least so far he had at least acknowledged them.
"I..." Jareth began then changed his mind, "I do not wish to bother you with these trifles Damien. You have plenty of worries in keeping the goblin army together."
"Then perhaps Joe can listen."
Jareth chuckled, "You never did give up very easily did you?"
"No, Highness. I take pride in my stubbornness most of the time though it can at times be my weakness as well you know." Jareth nodded and sighed.
"I have been disturbed by troubling thoughts recently. They seem almost like memories, but they are not my own. Does that make any sense?"
"What sort of memories are we talking about, milord?" Damien cautiously asked. He was beginning to wonder if perhaps he should have gone for Ione instead. He knew that Ione was the king's closest friend. Somehow the two shared a special bond.
"You are a man, Damien," the king replied testily. "What kind of memories do you think are disturbing me?"
"Highness, are we speaking of memories having to do with your brother's invasion?" Joe asked quietly.
"I don't know. It's like I'm looking through someone else's eyes and seeing someone else's actions. Yet I am doing them. I don't understand, and that is why they disturb me."
"What happens in these memories, Highness?"
"First there is pain like I'm being torn to shreds. Then everything is dark. I now get the feeling that I'm a passenger inside someone else. The person looks around and I see a girl huddled against the wall. I realize that it must be one of the rooms in the castle, but I don't know why she is here. The person tells here to get up. The girl is scared and doesn't move so the person I'm in forces her to stand." Jareth stopped his hand coming up to cover his eyes again as they close in pain. His voice is shaken as he continues barely over a whisper, "I find that we are now in what I recognize as my own room... and... And I hurt her..." A single tear escaped from the corner of the King's eye. "I keep wondering how that person could be so unfeeling and cruel. Yet I am left feeling dirty and empty."
"The Terrified Ones," Damien gasped quietly. Destiny had informed him of what happened to her as one of the Terrified Ones the day he had proposed to her. His proposal had brought tears of guilt from her for she had not felt worthy of him. But this was very nearly an exact retelling without all its horrible details.
"What about them?" Jareth asked not looking up. He hardly dared to meet their gaze. He felt the guilt and dirt all over again simply retelling the episode.
"Milord, what you have just told us is exactly what Destiny described to me. Destiny wanted me to know what had happened to her before I considered marrying her. You left out more details than she did, but it is almost exactly the same. What you are telling us is what Taureth did through you."
"But how can I remember? I was not present in mind."
"Highness," Joe cut in. "Taureth's take over was a slow process. He could not kick you out entirely. Though subdued and not in control an unwilling observer you might say, you were there for Taureth's sins. Now that your mind is becoming clearer as it heals, it makes sense that these things that were veiled from you are coming to the surface. But they are not your sins, Highness. You must remember this. If you could have cried out for help, you would have. We know this from years past."
"I know that I did not command these actions, Joseph. Yet I can remember how it..." Jareth paused "...how it... felt." Jareth shook his head trying to clear it. "It... it sickens me every time these memories come to haunt me! Yet I am still a man, and they are satisfying as well. That is probably what bothers me the most! I should not have these feelings. Why is it so hard to banish them from my mind?"
"Memories are like that, Highness. That is why the Lord tells us to abstain until marriage so that we do not have these memories hanging around our necks like millstones. But again they are not your sins. Unfortunate that they happened, yes... But not yours. I am afraid that such things never leave us. As men we fight our minds constantly to keep them pure. It is one of our biggest battles in becoming more like our Savior. Don't be afraid to seek help, Highness. Damien and myself will always be around should you need someone to talk to about these things."
The three men looked up as they heard voices approaching. Jareth could tell almost at once that it was Apollo and Isis. Apollo's voice was so like his own that very few could separate them. The two centaurs walked in but were deep in conversation with each other so much so that they barely realized there were people in the throne room.
"What worries the two of you so?" Jareth asked knowing how they got when they were preoccupied about something. They were his children so he knew them well enough to recognize it.
"Mother sent as away," Isis said quietly. "It was my fault. She seemed really upset." Jareth stood at once and formed a crystal that would take him to where the Lady Ione was. Ione did not send her children away! They were always so connected so close. He could think of only one time she had ordered her children away from her. It had been only Apollo at that point. It had shocked him. He soon found himself standing in one of the rooms where his counselors met. Ione was facing the window and there were tears in her voice as she was speaking in the ancient forgotten language of her people.
