Sawyer sighed, "I guess we should be getting back to the beach sweetness." Neither of them moved, however. Sawyer thought back to the scene he must have created, he couldn't really remember it coherently, he wasn't exactly thinking straight, but he knew that people would think even less of his relationship with Kate now, which troubled him more than he would have liked it too. He told himself it was just because he didn't want Kate being given a hard time by anyone, but it did make him wonder if he was beginning to care about the way people saw him, and this worried him a great deal. He may be trying to "be James" but it certainly didn't mean he was going to go soft.
"Yeah I guess we'd better give them the next installment of their regular island soap opera," she said sardonically.
Sawyer chuckled, "Ya know I'd be worried if I were you Freckles, you're even beginning to sound like me."
Kate grinned, "I think you've got enough belligerence for the two of us Tex." Using her nickname for him made her stop and think. What was she going to call him now? She couldn't bear to call him 'Sawyer' anymore, the connotations of that name were just too painful, even though to her the name did have tender meaning because it was what she had always called him. The name 'James' felt new and unsure. She had only called him it in the heat of passion, where nothing matters apart from the sheer emotional and physical connection of the moment. But using it on an everyday basis... Would he even want her to call him that, or was he not ready for it yet? She just wasn't sure, but she didn't have the heart to bring it up with him. Something in his eyes told her that he needed to try and push it all away for a while, needed to get used to the way it felt before he heard her say it, so she kept her mouth shut.
Sawyer could tell that she was thinking very hard about something, but for once he didn't want to know what it was. He had had enough emotional truths for one day. All he wanted to do now was loose himself in the feel of her body and then hopefully fall into a dreamless sleep. Beyond that...well he was afraid to think beyond that right now. It scared him how close he had come to the edge, how close he came from doing harm to himself, or to her, and he didn't want to tempt those taunting voices back into his mind, and wasn't brave enough to find out if they had been banished forever yet. So he silently got up, reached out and helped her up of the ground as well, and they began to walk back to the beach.
Neither said anything on the journey back, both not knowing what to say, but they held hands all the way back, making Kate thank the cosmos that she was returning with him...she didn't want to think about what had been going through her head on her way out there. Gradually they could hear the soft sound of waves kissing the shore, and they knew they were close to the beach. Kate felt her stomach clench involuntarily. Just when the group had begun to stop staring at the two of them whenever they left their tent, it was all going to start again. Sawyer could feel the tension flow through her body all of a sudden, sending guilt coursing through him.
"I'm sorry sweetness," he said quietly, realizing how strange the word sounded on his tongue. He could probably count on one hand the times he had said he was sorry since he was 8 years old and meant it.
Kate turned to look at him, and gave him a toned down version of what Sawyer called her 'dazzling Kate smiles' like the one she gave him earlier, which gives her little crinkles by her eyes, "You don't have to apologies, let them stare if they want, they'll soon get board," she said, more for her own benefit than his.
They were correct. As the walked through the trees most eyes on the beach were turned at them, some shaking their heads, some frowning, a small few happy to see them together again, Kate silently gave thanks that Claire's tent was positioned on the way to theirs. Sawyer didn't even bother to glare at them, although he did give Claire a sheepish smile as they past. She was a sweet girl, and he appreciated that she was so friendly towards them, while other were so hostile.
After what felt like hours they finally got to their tent, able to shut the rest of the island away. Before Kate could even slump herself down into his airplane chair he had grabbed her round the waist, crushing her lips with his. Kate was shocked at first by his sudden onslaught, but couldn't help but find herself intoxicated by his feverish kisses. She felt the events of the day drop away from her consciousness, until her whole mind was filled up with the feel of his mouth and his hands. She knew by his erratic movements that he was trying to loose himself in her body, but she didn't mind. She knew sex for him can convey multiple emotions, anger, lust, love, and if he wanted to use it therapeutically, then she certainly wasn't going to stop him, it was just what he needed. Sex made him feel in control of things, it was what he knew.
Sawyer could feel her fumble with the buttons on his shirt, trying to get them undone with one hand while the other clenched his ass, pulling him as close to her as she could. He cursed himself for not wearing a t-shirt and ripped it off in frustration, most of the button flying off, but he was beyond caring that he was rapidly running out of non-damaged clothing.
His violent movement just served to heighten Kate's arousal. Sometimes she loved nothing more than to be in control of what they did, to be the one riding him, the one pinning him down. But today she liked the idea of being controlled and consumed by him, wanted the feel of him pinning her to the floor. She raked her nails down his chest, applying just enough pressure to leave marks, but not enough to draw blood. They had only been sleeping together for four days, but the ferocity and the intensity and the sheer amount of times they had had sex in that time had made them greatly aware of the little things each other liked done to them. Sawyer, for example, liked a little bit of pain for foreplay, the biting of teeth, the scratching to nails, but when he was inside her, pumping into her with all his strength she could wrack her nails down his back until they left bloody gashes and it would serve to only make him cry out in pleasure louder. She figured this was probably a good thing, as trying to keep quiet when he brought her over that shining precipice was very, very difficult, so she tried to use any means to distract her mind from desperately screaming his name over and over.
Sawyer grabbed her ass with both hands as she raked her nails down his chest, grinding their groins together, until she was rubbing against the hardness under his jeans. Kate made a high pitched moan into his mouth at the pressure against her groin, already making her wet in anticipation. She frantically pulled her own tank top over her head, as Sawyer reached round to unclasp her bra and throw it away from them, his lips never leaving hers. He kneaded her breasts almost roughly, squeezing her nipples into peaks and she moaned and gasped in pleasure.
They began to reach for each other jeans, fumbling for the fly and zippers in their desperation for the feel of their naked bodies pressed up against each other. They both flung their jeans off, Sawyer giving his leg a frustrated kick trying to dislodge them, and as soon as this was accomplished they fell onto their bed.
Sawyer entered her abruptly, already knowing instinctively that she was wet and ready for him. As he did this he pinned her arms against the ground with his hand on her wrists. This only caused Kate to buckle against his hips even harder as he entered her in one smooth delicious stroke, feeling like every inch of her was devouring the feel of him inside her. She tried to lift her arms off the ground, testing if she was truly pinned. She was, and Sawyer just grinned dirtily down at her when she had this realization. The mild panic that this caused her only served to heighten her arousal, putting her desire to struggle in the movement of her writhing hips. Sawyer began to thrust hard into her, savoring the warm, wet feel of her clenching around him. Kate could already feel her climax approaching, shimmering inside her clenched muscles. She began to make small whimpering noises in the back of her throat as she felt it build and build inside her, each movement of him inside her threatening to send her over the edge. Suddenly she could feel that final thrust and the first fluttering of her orgasm.
"Oh, yes, oh James, yes," she could help but utter as she began to come.
A sharp pain went through Sawyer as he heard her say that precious word, then it was followed by a tingling wave of gratification. But before he had more time to think about how this made him feel, he could feel his own climax threaten. He felt himself come so hard that he thought he might explode, especially when Kate, struggling not to scream any louder, had sunk her teeth into his shoulder, causing him to buckle against her even harder.
After they had both climaxed fully he drew out of her slowly, savoring each inch of her surrounding him, and lay on one side facing her. She always looked so beautiful after sex, her face flushed, her hair damp and clinging to her body, parts of it wildly swept around her. A picture of total abandonment. He valued these moments, where he would watch her completely bare of any barriers. She turned her head lazily and smiled up at him, lifting one hand half heartedly to pull his lips down for a gentle, lingering kiss.
Looking down at her like this, he thought about all that he had almost given up earlier that day. Yes, the real Sawyer was dead, and its hurt like-a-son-of-a-bitch. But since that fateful night he had never had anything good, never had anything worth living for other than revenge. But now he had a reason...he had her. And he loved her so much it was almost painful. He knew that he would do anything for her; he would kill for her, lay down his life for her. If he could give up all the hate and resentment towards the instigator of those tragic events after all this time, it was only because of her, only for her. He just hoped and prayed that he was capable of doing it, because even looking down at her wondrous form, he just didn't know if he was strong enough.
