Disclaimer: All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing in her sandbox.
Chapter 29 Mending
. . . maybe we should not make love again until you're changed, Bella!
~oooOooo~
EPOV
"Edward! I have had you morning and night for the last two weeks or so. We're still newlyweds and I can't give that up, please please don't ask me to! Where is this coming from? You said you got over it, that my blood isn't a problem for you anymore. If it's about earlier it was nothing Edward, nothing!" she said, grasping onto me desperately.
"Bella, blood is not the problem, your body is. I just get too carried away with you, I get so emotional and absorbed that I'm just not as gentle as I need to be. It may be selfish, but I just can't stand to see the proof on your body that I was too harsh with you. I need to change you so that I can't hurt you . . . so that I can be with you, make love with you like I want to without hurting you. It's getting harder and harder to restrain myself."
"Where is all this coming from, surely it isn't the scratches from this morning?" she said as her hand gently stroked the hair at the nape of my neck, "Edward, all that needed to happen was for me to say something to you, one word and you would have stopped immediately and you know it. Maybe I just need to remind you when you get a little rough, at least till you change me."
I thought for a long minute about that reasoning through whether it would work.
"If you'll do that, I'm willing to try it that way. I want to be with you more than anything, except your safety," I said quietly as she lay beside me and traced patterns on my chest. "Bella, you would need to tell me with the very first harsh grasp, not wait till the second time I do it and you would have to promise to notice. . . . really notice and tell me. Can you do that, can we agree on that?" I asked, staring into her eyes.
"That sounds reasonable, but only if you promise that if I tell you something was too harsh, you won''t stop doing whatever we are doing . . . you'll just use a little less force. If I know you won't just stop and halt our lovemaking, if I know that you will continue, then I can tell you if you are a little harsh," she quietly agreed, "Edward, why are you saying this, where is it coming from. It can't be just the scratches on my back."
I reached over and turned on the light by the bed, knowing she could not see in the dark as I could. I pulled our covers off of her chest and she saw that her breasts were dotted with angry purple bruises. The bruising was bad in some areas where I had squeezed too hard, like her ribcage and her hips. Her butt was the worst, it was almost entirely bruised from my grasp. She was shocked of course. I hadn't thought she was hiding them from me, she truly hadn't noticed the bruising.
"I didn't even feel these, sweetheart. I remember now that your grip was more than normal, borderline painful, but I was so into it that it wasn't important to me. I can easily tell you if that starts to happen again. You know that other than the first time we made love, you haven't been rough with me till today and I think today was more about you being upset that I had been that close to Jacob."
She was right, I knew she was right. I loved her so much, I wasn't really sure I could go a day without making love with her. I was certain I wasn't going to go without it tonight. I reached over her to turn the light out. My hand went to her cheek as my other arm snaked behind her shoulders to hold her as she wrapped her arms around my neck, gently scratching my scalp with her nails.
"It's kind of hard to think of you as being able to hurt me when you're purring like this," she said as she stared at me and giggled.
I nuzzled her face and neck with my nose and ducked my head into the crook of her neck to avoid her gaze. We had never spoken out loud about my purring. If I had been capable of it, I would have been blushing.
"It's kind of hard to think of anything when I'm purring like this, love," I admitted to her, "I don't even know where the purring comes from. I'm just so overwhelmingly happy with you, Bella. I love you more than anything." I pulled my face up to look at the deep chocolate pools that let me look right into her soul, " I am so in love with you."
I kissed her, my lips trying to convey the way I felt about her, my hands stroking down the side of her body to let her know. I caressed her breast gently, willing the bruises to go away, to not hurt her. I kissed each and every place that I had been too rough with her, that I had held her too tightly. I just loved this woman so very much that it physically hurt me to think of hurting her in any way. I traced kisses down her neck and across her chest, sucking her nipples into my mouth and causing them to harden, gently nibbling them.
"Baby, I want you. Please tell me if anything is sore from this morning, I just want to avoid hurting you, I won't stop making love with you, I just want to know what to avoid or to be extra careful with, please tell me."
She kissed my neck and ran her hands down my sides to my lower back.
"Let's do a body check."
"A what?"
"A body check," she told me as her heart rate increased, "You touch everywhere you can think of . . . and I'll tell you if it's tender there."
"I think I'm going to like this game," I said as I softly covered her breast with my hand.
"Does this hurt?" I said as I gently squeezed her breast.
"Not at all," she said as she kissed me.
"Does this hurt?" I said cupping and squeezing the other breast.
"No, no hurt is hot how I would describe it." Her breathing was increasing and the beautiful blush that I loved on her face was starting to appear.
"Does this hurt?" I whispered as I moved my hands down her ribs.
"It's a little tender, baby, just on the ribs."
"I'm so sorry, baby," I told her as I kissed over the bruises on her ribs and drug my tongue from side to side across her flat stomach.
"Does this hurt?" I asked her as I kissed her hips and her inner thighs, stroking the skin where her leg joined her body.
"No, God no, that doesn't hurt," she said as she writhed beneath me, soft moans escaping her lips.
"Does this hurt?" I asked as I continued to kiss and lick her skin, giving her center a slow kiss and gently sucking while I stroked her folds.
"Oh . . . mmmmmy . . . no . . . . no huur . . . rt . . . ing," she was barely coherent. I chuckled as she continued to writhe and moan. I slid back up her body, sliding my hand under her knee to lift it, both of them on either side of me as I allowed my hardened length the warmth it was craving. I didn't enter her I just rocked my hips against her and my length moved against her wet folds. I was having some difficulty thinking of the words I was supposed to be asking her.
"Does this hurt?" I asked her as I moved my hands to cup her lower cheeks to hold her hips at a different angle for me to move against her.
"Yes," she said, "Baby, my rear is kind of tender to the touch." She took my hands in hers and brought them to her face. She stared into my eyes, waiting to see what my response would be. I fought against my normal response - to freeze and back away from her. Instead I continued rocking my hips into her and gave her and I both the delicious friction that our bodies craved, my length becoming wetter and wetter from her. I took some of my weight off of her by reaching under her arms and grasping over her shoulders, careful not to grip too hard and propping myself somewhat off her on my elbows. She smiled. God I love it when she did that, she stopped and gave me a face splitting smile!
Apparently she approved of my reaction to her telling me that something I was doing hurt her. She reached between our bodies and took me in her hand, grasping and stroking hard for a long minute before she rubbed the tip back and forth in her wetness. I nearly came. She was so loving and she always knew just what I needed, I don't know how she knew, but she always did. Instead of my entering her on my own, she positioned me and clasped her thumb and forefingers around me, literally pushing me into her herself, never breaking her gaze into my eyes. I came instantly, collapsing for a moment on her chest from the weight of what she had just done. She had not climaxed yet, but I was hard again instantly, of course. I moved in and out of her feeling more love around me than I had ever thought existed.
We came again and again there in her childhood bed. We had no need of being inventive or hurried in any way. The love that surrounded us was overwhelming and I knew, as she had seemingly always known, that we were meant to be together for eternity.
~oooOooo~
BPOV
I stretched and reached out to rest my arm on Edward, only to find the bed empty, his place beside me vacant. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. My husband appeared at the door with a tray and the delicious smell of bacon and coffee filled the air.
"I thought you might enjoy breakfast in bed," he said as he placed the food beside me and leaned to kiss me good morning.
"What's the special occasion?" I asked perplexed.
"I realized I had never brought you breakfast in bed, that's all. You should have it while it still matters," I sat beside her and whispered into her ear, "Vampires don't sleep and I doubt you would be very happy if I brought a mountain lion to you in bed!"
"You're probably very right, Mr. Cullen," I said as I devoured the food he made for me.
"Has Charlie already left?" I asked, finishing my last bite of toast.
"Charlie left several hours ago, baby. It's mid morning already. I let you sleep because I thought you needed the rest," he said as he placed soft kisses on my neck, "I have to admit, I got out of bed with you early this morning and sat by the window to read, then made your breakfast. I want to go for a walk this morning, how does that sound?"
"Well," I allowed, "Spending time in bed this morning sounds better . . ."
"Why, Mrs. Cullen, I think you have become insatiable," he whispered against my neck. "Come on, let's get dressed and go for a walk."
I begrudgingly got out of bed. I watched Edward as he dressed, his lean body fitting perfectly into his jeans and tee shirt. I could watch him forever, marveling at the perfection that was now my husband. It seemed off that his body was not wanting mine, his jeans zipping with no trouble this morning. I didn't know what had gotten into him, we had never gotten out of bed without making love, not once since we had started being intimate. Edward was acting kind of strangely, distant really ever since I had woken up. Something was on his mind that he wasn't talking about and it was concerning me. When we were out the door, instead of heading to the car to go to the park or the beach, or wherever, he took a couple of steps off towards the woods at the side of the house, holding his hand out to me -
"Come take a walk with me."
I froze. God no. I could never go there again, that way led to the place where Edward had left me that day. I felt myself starting to shake, I couldn't stop it. Edward took my hand and gently pulled me along with him towards the path in the woods by Charlies house.
"I can't. I can't Edward! Why would you want to take me there . . . Oh God . . . you're not . . ."
"Stop! Stop right there. I need to talk with you, there are some things we need to face and we need to do it where I left you, where I broke us." His face was stone, unreadable, I hadn't seen him like this since . . . since then. He turned and continued to lead me further into the trees. I was trembling, I couldn't help it. I fought the thoughts that were filling my head, the insecurities that were screaming at me that he was leaving me again.
"Edward if this is about yesterday, you didn't hurt me," I panicked as we reached the spot where he had left me last year, realization dawning on me. This was the exact day last year that he had left, it was the anniversary of that day.
"Edward, please, please don't leave me! You didn't hurt me, you would have stopped instantly if I had said anything, you know you would have, please please don't leave me, I love you so much!"
I was screaming at this point, hysterical. Tears streamed down my face and I was shaking uncontrollably as he turned to me and held both of my hands. He didn't offer a kiss, he didn't hold me. I couldn't place the look on his face other than it was pained. Oh my God, it was pained just like it had been a year ago. My knees gave out and Edward caught me, holding me up, but not cradling me to him. Dear God . . . he was leaving me!
He raised his eyes to meet mine and slowly started to speak.
"We have to do this baby, we have to let go of this," he gestured to the space between us.
God No. Please please don't do this - it was the only thing that kept running through my mind.
"I never did the right thing, I didn't keep my promise to you and I need to make that right."
My mind screamed, he had promised that it would be as though he had never existed. I would not survive this time, I didn't want to. I wanted to argue with him, I wanted to tell him all the reasons why he was wrong, why we were meant for each other but I couldn't speak. I couldn't find words, my mouth seemed frozen . . . I was unable to even move I was so scared.
"From the moment I first met you, I loved you. I didn't know it then, I didn't know what that feeling was, but I know it now," he said as he dropped to one knee in front of me.
"I didn't think it was possible to be in love with a human . . . but I am, Bella. I'm so in love with you. The year we spent together here in Forks, before I left you, I told you I loved you hundreds of times. I led you to believe that we would be together forever, at least for the rest of your human life. In my arrogance, I believed I knew what was best for us . . . I was wrong."
He looked up at me and the pain that had covered his face was replaced by something else.
"I need to do what I should have done when I brought you here last year." He brought a small box from his pocket and opened it. "Bella, please forgive me for what I did to you last year, what I did to us. Please accept this ring as yet another token of my promise never to leave you. Since I didn't get to do it properly in the hospital, let me do it now. Bella, will you marry me? Will you agree to live with me forever as my wife?"
There in the box was a simple gold band, encircled by diamonds. He took it out and slipped it on my finger that already held my wedding band and the beautiful engagement ring he had given me at the same time. The new ring was completely smooth, flawless and it matched the others exactly. He had brought us here to fix us, to rid me of any doubt that he would always be with me. He was desperately trying to remove the shadow that this place and the event that occurred here had caused.
"I already married you once and I'll do it again as many times as you want. Yes. I love you, Edward!"
His lips met mine and I felt his weight on top of me as we became horizontal, lying on the soft leaves and bracken in the place where he had broken us before. We kissed softly for the longest time. He kissed the corner of my mouth, my top lip, my nose, each eye and back to my lips over and over again. I couldn't stop my tears from flowing down my face.
"I think we need a new memory of this place, love. I want to make love with you, here, now."
My hips rocked into his with my response as his lips captured mine again. It wasn't a gentle kiss, it was all consuming fire. His hands stroked down my body as mine tangled in his hair, pulling him as close to me as possible. I reached for the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head as he removed his tee shirt and unhooked my bra, it falling off my arms. He laid me back down onto his tee shirt in the soft leaves.
"I should have told you how much I loved you . . ."
He caressed my breast carefully, oh so gently as he gently licked and sucked on the nipple of the other breast, trailing kisses across my chest, his breathing becoming ragged.
"I should have told you that my existence meant nothing without you . . ."
I felt his hands tracing circles on my stomach and back, then the sound of the button on my jeans releasing and the fabric sliding down my legs as he released himself from the confines of his own jeans, his lips never leaving my skin.
"I should have begged you to be my wife . . ."
His hands stroked the sensitive flesh between my legs and I could feel him, hard against my thigh. I felt him slip an icy finger inside me and my hips arched to meet him. He was consuming me, melting me from the inside out. There would be no small spaces of doubt, no cracks of insecurities left after this. We were reforming, melting together and reforming into something stronger, unbreakable.
"I should have made love to you . . . "
He thrust into me slowly, fully sheathing himself in me and I felt us become one. This was not the vampire mating, it was not my careful husband, it was Edward . . . all of him as one package, whole. Our bodies did not arch away from each other, heads thrown back in passion as often occurred. His lips never left mine and his arms held me close. He thrust into me again and again, our hips moving together, pulling out then thrusting back in powerfully, but in unison. Perfectly timed. My lips would surely be swollen from the force of our kisses as they had been yesterday, but I didn't care. His tongue caressed mine and I sucked his as far into my mouth as was possible. I wanted all of him, I breathed him in. Though I was accustomed to the snarls and growls that Edward usually made when we made love, I was not accustomed to the new sound I heard. My husband was purring. It was not the normal soft purr that I had heard before when I scratched his scalp just right or he was contentedly laying beside me, it was a loud purr, just off the volume of a growl and his body was slightly vibrating from it.
We came together, violently, yet we did not break our kiss. We moaned into each other and stilled. The vampire was hard again, of course, but we just lay together, still and joined. I stroked his hair as he kissed and licked my neck and ear.
"Bella, I should have told you I was yours . . . I have always been yours."
His beautiful eyes were molten gold as he stared into mine and lightly kissed my lips as he traced them with his finger.
"I love you. I'm so happy you said yes!"
~oooOooo~
EPOV
I felt whole again as we walked back towards Charlie's house, complete as I had never felt before and I knew that Bella did, too. I needed to let go of the regret I had for leaving her and the guilt I felt for agreeing to take her life and change her. I now knew that I had a soul, I had seen it through hers. Though she would be loosing her humanity, her soul would remain. Carlisle had been right all along. God had not forsaken us and banished us as creatures of the night. We had a choice, we could still redeem ourselves, just like everyone else.
Bella needed to know, once and for all, that I would always be with her. I hated to do it, but I had to make her face her fear and go through the upset she had just endured. She needed to get past it and she had. This woman owned me and now she knew it beyond any doubt. Her eyes were still swollen from her tears and her lips were swollen from our kisses when we came back into view of the house. Charlie was on the front porch, having come home from work to find her car there but no one home. He was wondering where we were and was delighted to see us approaching from the path.
His joy at seeing us approach swiftly changed to rage when he saw Bella's red and swollen face and the tear stains down her cheeks.
"You son of a bitch, what have you done to her?" he demanded as his hands clenched into fists and he walked toward us. His mind was one mass of angry rage, considering where he had left his gun and how upset Bella would be if he shot me.
"Dad, dad, no. It's not like that," Bella told him, taking her arm from around me to hold it out to him.
"Look, Dad!"
She held out her hand with the new ring I had just given her. His thoughts abruptly slowed. He was trying to comprehend that the tears were not that she was hurt, she was smiling . . .
"What is it, what has he done to you, Bella?"
"Dad, look at the new ring Edward gave me."
He held her hand in his and examined the sparkling band.
"I needed to ask her to forgive me for that day in the woods last year, exactly a year ago today, and we had to talk about it . . . ," I looked at Bella, wiping her cheek with the backs of my fingers, "and there were tears."
Charlie was speechless. He was totally caught off guard. I was shouldering the responsibility for my actions and trying to make amends for them. He didn't expect that, it was something he would have expected from a grown man, a mature man. Huh, he thought, maybe I really did misjudge the kid.
~oooOooo~
