CHAPTER 29

dmitri: Thanks for pointing out the error :-)
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It was mid-August. Severus Snape was strolling near the lake. Hagrid was taking Fang for a walk. He raised an enormous hand in greeting when he saw Snape. Snape raised his hand in return.

Hagrid patted Fang.

"Missin' young Harry, Fang? Bit lonely without him, eh?" Hagrid's loud voice floated over to Snape, who gazed after the pair. It was not just a bit lonely without Harry. It was crushingly empty without him. He missed the sparkling green eyes, the smile, the lessons, having supper with him, the special conversations and communication only they shared…He leant against the tree, closing his eyes, imagining Harry coming down the path or flying around on his Firebolt…imagining holding his small Seeker's figure in his arms and looking into his smiling face…his vivaciousness… That fresh firm mouth…

Snape had been extremely irritable and snappy since Harry had left two weeks ago. He blamed the change in his schedule for his terrible temper. There was no teaching to do. He had spent a few days at his home at Spinner's End to check on the house and tidy it. Harry had sent him a letter with news on the renovation of Grimmauld Place and a photograph of himself, Ron and Hermione standing in front of the newly polished piano in the hall. The Telepathus Pearl, he wrote, never left his neck except when he had a bath. He even wore it to sleep.

Snape sat down at the edge of the lake and clandestinely extracted the letter and photograph he had received in the morning. Weasley and Granger were holding hands. Harry was smiling all over his face. He was wearing a casual shirt. The first few buttons were undone and he could see the pearl which had once belonged to him nestling up to Harry's skin.

Back at Grimmauld Place, Harry was lying in bed. The next day, professional wizards and witches would repair the attic and the cellar. Hermione, Ron, Lupin and Tonks were staying with him. Both Kreacher and Dobby had temporarily left Hogwarts and were helping about the house (much to Hermione's disapproval). He had dreamt of the maze during the last few nights. Small changes had taken place, but for Harry, they signified something very important. All the thorn hedges had gone and had been replaced with solid transparent glass walls. Snape no longer waited for him at the square. Instead, Harry discovered that Snape was venturing forth into the maze, as if trying to find Harry midway. His whisper as he searched for Harry was clearer:

"Where are you? Where can I find you, Harry?"

He and Harry would meet at a glass wall somewhere in the maze and stare at each other silently, speaking only with their eyes; but just when Harry was about to draw out the pearl, the dream would end.

Snape had never addressed him by name before in his dreams.

He said my name when we parted. Maybe that's why he's saying it in my dream as well, Harry thought, turning off the light and curling up on his side. He hoped that Snape had not been too bored by his letter. Or that he had incinerated the photograph. It had been a warm friendly letter. Harry had read and reread it dozens of times before entrusting it to Hedwig.

His eyes closed, and he fell asleep…

He was in the maze again, not rushing wildly through it, but walking slowly. Lying across his path were the rose and pearl. He picked them up automatically and tucked the rose away in his robes; he retained the Telepathus Pearl in his hand. He continued. To his surprise, Snape was already waiting for him around the corner, a glass wall barring his way.

Harry approached it and uncurled his fingers, revealing the pearl. It moved a few inches up, hovering above his hand. Snape stared at it and uttered a shuddering sigh – the wall was no impediment to sound, and Harry's hearing remained sensitive in the realm of dreams.

As he watched, Snape placed his palms on the glass so that they covered Harry's.

They gazed into each other's eyes – and this time, they opened a telepathic channel.

Harry, Snape said, his voice full of pain.

Severus, Harry answered, following his intuition and calling Snape by his first name.

It was the very first time that their communication was two-way in the dream.

Harry, I am lost in this maze. What can free me? Who can show me the way?

Love, Harry whispered.

And who can give me love? Who can? I am not worthy of being loved.

I can give you love, Severus. Have you not realised that if anyone is worthy of being loved, then that person is you?

Snape's black eyes were suddenly stirring with emotion, the cold and empty expression in them retreating.

I love you, Severus, Harry said.

The glass wall suddenly began to shiver; it melted away, and their fingers interlocked.

"Harry," Snape said hoarsely.

The Telepathus Pearl moved towards Snape, floating in front of his face.

Take it, Harry said.

Snape closed his eyes, ending their connection, and released Harry's hands, cupping the pearl. Harry took out the rose and gave it to Snape, who smiled and produced an identical rose from the inside of his robes. Harry could not blink back his tears anymore. He brushed Snape's rose against his cheek, wiping a tear with its petals.

"Please hold me," Snape said.

Harry embraced him, and when he felt the slender frame of the tall wizard quiver, he knew that Snape, too, was crying. The maze melted away and it was only the two of them in warm darkness, hugging, holding on to each other and to their roses…

Harry shot up in bed, his hands clutching at the sheets.

I love him, I love Severus Snape, Harry thought, I've loved him for weeks. I don't just desire him or feel sexually attracted to him. I'm in love with him!

He had known it long ago, actually. He had been too hesitant…no, plain and simply too scared to admit it fully to himself because of what it might entail, which was the question: how could Snape possibly love him, Harry James Potter, back?

"Harry?"

Harry looked up with a slight start. He was sitting on the sofa after breakfast, thinking of his dreams and of Severus Snape. Hermione and Ron had gone shopping for groceries. Lupin, who had awoken him from his thoughts, sat down next to him. His autobiographical book, Life as a Werewolf, had just been published, and Harry had received a personal copy. Kingsley Shacklebolt had done everything to have the book published and to introduce a revision of the Ministry documents and rules on werewolves.

"Someone has to speak up. It is more than a plea to support werewolves instead of shutting them out," Lupin had said, "it is a demand. So I decided to do it."

Tonks, or Dora, as Lupin called her affectionately, had had to visit him in his room to remind him to eat and drink. She had read the drafts tirelessly, scribbling in the margins and discussing some points with Lupin, determined to support the man she loved.

"Are you all right, Harry?" Lupin asked, touching Harry's arm. Harry looked at him.

Something has just become clear to me. I'm in love and I only realised it now.

"Ah," Lupin said mildly. Then, softly: "Is it someone I know? Or am I being too personal?"

Harry smiled a little.

It's someone you know.

Harry nodded, and then, not being able to contain himself any longer:

It's Severus Snape.

Lupin's eyebrows shot up, but he did not stare at Harry as if he was insane or odd.

"Severus?"

Harry blushed harder.

We got really close during our lessons. We started developing this bond and respect for each other when I became better at mental magic. We became, and are, friends. I developed confusing feelings around him… I began to fall in love.

"Legilimency and Telepathy are extraordinarily intimate if they are two-way, Harry. I suppose you acquired an insight into his mind which no else has…except perhaps for Dumbledore, and even then, I'm not certain. Does he love you back, Harry?"

I don't know. He did sort of flirt with me…But really subtly. I can't describe it… And…this pearl belonged to him. He gave it to me.

"Severus and flirting. I never thought I would hear those two in one sentence," Lupin observed, amused.

My father and Sirius would be horrified, wouldn't they?

"No, I think they would be very proud at how much you have grown up and that you have learnt not to turn away from the unapproachable and try to explore it instead. One of the things which draws people to you, Harry, is your capacity to put aside grudges and to give your love freely."

He put his arm around Harry's shoulders.

"As you know, Severus is an incredibly sensitive man. He is afraid of being hurt. He is extremely strong-willed. It can happen that a strong will turns upon itself and causes unbearable suffering. You know him better than any of us know him now, Harry. Except for Albus. And, Harry, he would never have parted with his Telepathus Pearl otherwise. Loving Severus is not easy, Harry. Make sure that he is worthy of your love and that he fully requites your feelings."

He is more than worthy. I owe you and him and my friends my life, and I also owe him the fact that I can live my life without speaking with a voice.

Lupin's face brightened.

"In that case, Harry, show him how to live his life with you."

"Remus?"

Tonks stepped into the room, nearly tripping over a footstool. Lupin smiled, stood up and went over to her. He put his arms around her waist and she looked up at him. He kissed her gently on the mouth. Harry smiled. Tonks chuckled and winked at him. She and Lupin strolled out of the room, holding hands. Now that he had told Lupin, Harry decided to continue.

Ron, Hermione, I am in love with Severus Snape.

Ron's jaw dropped. Hermione, on the other hand, looked rather smug, as if her suspicions had just been confirmed. They were sitting in Harry's bedroom. The pearl enabled him to transmit his messages to both of them simultaneously.

"Snape?" Ron asked at last, looking as if Harry had just told him that he was dating a dragon.

Harry nodded.

"Snape! Urgh! I mean…Like…Yuck! Why not a nice hot bloke instead of that-"

"Ronald Weasley, Snape is obviously a 'nice hot bloke' if Harry is in love with him. I figured it out from your dreams and mails, Harry," Hermione said brightly.

Harry gave her a grateful look and turned to Ron.

Ron, I understand you're shocked. He was mean to all three of us.

"Well, mate, that's an understatement," Ron murmured, scratching his head.

He has changed so much. I mean…he is still Snape, but he sees me as his equal now, and we became friends during my lessons.

"Has he really improved so much, mate?" Ron inquired curiously.

A vigorous nod greeted his question.

He is still very exigent and sarcastic, of course. But he's kind of…opening up. He even smiled at me a few times.

"He…smiles?" Ron gasped.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"I think Harry and Snape would make a really close couple," she said briskly. "You and he have many things in common from what you've been telling me in your mails, Harry. I told Ron, too, but I think he was more interested in Quidditch. Anyway, it is a solid basis for a lasting relationship. Does he love you back?"

Ron scratched his head again.

"I don't see Harry with greasy hair and a hooked nose."

"I was mistaken when I once said that you have the emotional range of a teaspoon, Ron. You have the emotional range of a rice grain."

Ron scowled.

"I was only kidding. So seriously, Harry, does he love you back?" he said.

Harry blushed massively and studied his hands for a moment before looking into Ron's eyes.

I…I'm not sure…I…Uhm…I dare not hope…But he gave me this pearl, before I left for Grimmauld Place. it belonged to him.

"Wow! You never told us, Harry! He must really love you, mate," Ron whispered, awed. Hermione leant forwards.

"That Telepathus Pearl was Snape's? And he gave it to you? Harry, these are so difficult to obtain…"

He told me so. He has transferred his Ministry licence and certificate to me and will get a new pearl from the Ministry.

He looked at Ron and repeated the message – the pearl, as Snape had told him, only worked when it touched his skin.

He watched his friends as they inspected and admired the chain. Ron handed it back to him.

"Exquisite," he said. "Goblin-forged. Bill will probably be able to tell you more about it."

Harry put on the chain again.

"So, mate, will you introduce us properly to that git – I mean, to your boyfriend once you're together?" Ron wanted to know. Hermione beamed and Harry blushed. It was Ron's way of saying that he accepted Harry's "flame", even though it appalled him a lot.

He nodded.

"But if he ever treats you disrespectfully again, I'll…" Ron punched the air menacingly.

"I don't think Snape would allow you to punch him in the face," Hermione remarked bossily.

"Keep us updated, Harry," Ron said, chortling, "and tell us about your first snog." He shuddered, and Hermione glared at him.

The days flew past. Harry received a short note from Snape thanking him for his letter. He had not added any news about himself or Hogwarts or anything else. He had written, however, that he hoped Harry was taking care of himself and practising what Snape had taught him. Harry kept the note between the pages of his diary.

One month was over before Harry knew it, with another two weeks to go until the beginning of the new Hogwarts term. He thought of Snape, and his heart began to beat rapidly.

Snape was in his rooms, pacing up and down. Harry would be returning. He had sent him a note with Hedwig informing him of the time and day. Snape glanced irritably at the clock. He would not leave his rooms to greet Harry Potter deferentially. It would give too much away… wouldn't it? With a dour mutter, he left his private quarters and marched into his office, staring at his collection of books and jars. He shook his head and decided to venture out into the grounds for a breath of fresh air. He didn't care at what time Harry arrived. No, he truly didn't. He went over the material he was preparing for the next term in his mind. His hand unconsciously slipped down to the new pearl the Ministry had sent him. Harry wearing his pearl…Snape walked faster and finally stopped near a bench, arms crossed upon his chest. He stood there in deep brooding contemplation, his face clouding over with negative thoughts and hopelessness. Everything was quiet – until he heard a slight sound behind him.

Snape turned. Sparkling green eyes, the untidy black hair untidier than ever – and that smile. A light smooth golden-brown tan enveloping his summer-ripe skin like sweet dew, reminding him of almonds and honey and delectable pastries. Casual blue jeans. A plain grey jumper. Harry had never really been one for so-called in-your-face "cool" clothes – except perhaps for the t-shirts with the amusing messages. They studied each other in silence for a good minute. Their gaze transcended the conventional greetings between students and students, teachers and teachers, teachers and students.

"Harry," Snape said at last.

Harry flushed a little.

I missed Hogwarts.

"It was only four weeks," Snape said, but his voice sounded tight. Harry knew immediately that Snape was trying to be composed and cool.

There was a small pause.

And…I missed you.

He stretched out his hand. Snape took it; it seemed so inadequate to express the moment. It was Harry who initiated the embrace, pulling at Snape's hand, making him step into his arms and hug him in return, both of them revelling in the joy of their reunion.

"Your absence was admittedly conspicuous, Potter," Snape murmured. Harry closed his eyes, grinning a little, understanding the message behind the lofty words clearly as "I missed you, too, Harry."

He pressed his cheek against Snape's neck and felt the man he loved yield completely at last, his arms tightening around Harry, a sigh drifting into his mussed hair.

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