Phil's twenty-eight birthday came and went.
Dan had realised that the photo-shoot the modelling agency was thinking about happened to be on that exact day and it couldn't be moved. He really wanted to do it even though Phil had asked him not to do it. They just really needed the money right now and this was a really good option even with it's downsides. But Dan was sure he could handle it, nothing would happen. There was already massive shitstorms going around about him which he couldn't do much about and he didn't really even want to start to tackle them down. It was too much of an effort.
And perhaps if he did this photo-shoot people would think he was just losing weight to get on that as crazy as it sounds. He wasn't much into being in such a industry, but he thought he should give it try while he has the opportunity.
Luckily the photo-shoot was to be done in the early morning, around eight am. Dan got up at six, made breakfast for Phil and woke him up with kisses and some cuddling. He'd made some muffins on the day before and surprised Phil with them. He looked very happy about them. They were his favourite after all, blueberry and white chocolate.
Dan hated to lie to Phil, not that he did that often or ever, but he had no option this time. He didn't want to worry him either, so he just said he was going out to buy him a present he had reserved before and run a few other errands. Dan did have a present for Phil that he was going to buy that day anyway, so it wasn't like he was really lying to him, he just wasn't telling him the complete truth. But really, Phil was going to find out anyway in the end, Dan was after all going to be in a magazine afterwards. Though Phil probably wouldn't know it from seeing it there, but other people would see about it and then make another storm on the internet.
Dan didn't really know how to dress for this specific occasion, because he was going to change there anyway to some other clothes. He just threw on his brown leather jacket, t-shirt and jeans. Oh, and his new, new shoes. He took the underground and swiftly made his way to the agency. He was greeted by an older woman who was dressed smartly in black. She seemed a bit uptight and someone who was big in the business, but otherwise Dan didn't see her that much after she brought him over to the set.
There was a huge black canvas, lightning and camera equipment and some other stuff Dan didn't really recognize. A friendly looking photographer came up to him and introduced himself to be Mark Frönsgren. Probably a Scandinavian man, but who talked English very well. He got big, round, black glasses on his nose and an expensive looking camera in his hands. He told that Dan could go change and there was Madeleine who was to help him with it. Dan nodded shyly, thanked and went over to the dressing room where Madeleine was waiting for him with a bunch of clothes.
"It's a new brand called L.L. They make feminine fashion for men, for example these really cool dresses, but it's nothing you have ever seen before. It's really stylish, but still very classical. I bet you're gonna love it. They will suit you so well. They are quite expensive though, because they are made from good material and they actually pay their workers. They are going to Paris this fall for the fashion week. They are going to be big, I know it."
Madeleine seemed talkative, but it didn't bother Dan at all. He needed some senseless chatter to fill the gaping hole in himself which was left from not telling his boyfriend what he was doing. Dan was nervous to the point of falling down, but thankfully Madeleine helped him to think about other stuff as she helped him to dress into the strange, but fascinating clothes.
It was like a bell skirt, but a dress and much puffier. Though it was black with sharp, straight edges overlapped to make it look very interesting and simple still. Dan really liked it even if he had never seen such style for men before. I guess you could say it was feminine, but when did that have to mean "girly" or "womanly"? Because his legs were showing, they made him wear also tight-high black stockings that had a bit of a ruffle at the end. They were quite comfortable.
Completed with some fake-leather shoes complimenting the dress, he was ready clothes-wise. Now it was time for make-up and hair.
Pale expression was the way to go with this, it seemed and his hair was just a bit more ruffled and the fringe was diffused entirely on his forehead, but messily so. This Robert guy did his make-up and lined his eyes and drew a straight, thin line of black across his cheekbones and nose, just below his eyes.
Dan looked at the whole-body mirror. He had filled out slightly after Phil had put him on the diet which was good. He didn't look like a complete skeleton. But he was afraid he looked too sickly still, but I guess if this was what they were looking for then so be it. He, himself though still felt the same nagging of disgust inside his skin as always when he looked at the mirror or food, but he admitted that the dress look damn fine.
"Dan, the photographer is ready for you. When he's done with this outfit, you can come here to change to the next one", Madeleine said after she was done with her stuff. "Okay, thanks", Dan replied and followed her as she took him over to the set. Mark was setting up his camera on a tripod.
"Hey, you can go stand over there. Are you relaxed and all? I'm putting on some music, that usually helps. It's your first time modelling, am I correct?"
There was a long bench, like a therapy chair, but made of red leather. Dan sat on it, well, more like laid on it. He tried to look like they do in the magazines, but felt stupid. Mark started taking pictures when he talked to him. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to answer him while getting photographed, so he just nodded.
"Just do what feels natural. You can do whatever you want, just remember to display the dress the most", Mark said and Dan sighed out heavily. He needed to forget he was getting photographed if he wanted to be relax. Maybe this isn't for him really. He was already regretting doing this. Everyone was going to be disappointed about it. He was letting everyone down. And he really didn't need that.
Dan closed his eyes for a moment and just drank the melodic piano playing in the background. He heard the camera flash multiple times, but he didn't listen to it, but to the song 'I Found'.
"Beautiful! Now let's take a few with you stood up. Chandler, can you please take the chair from the shot", Mark said. Another guy came to move the chair once Dan stood up. He did his all to keep in the zone as it seemed to please Mark the best.
"A bit more fragile, Dan. Try looking at the camera behind your lashes, you know. Yes, yes, that's perfect, stay like that. And now look over you shoulder so we get the back of the dress", Mark directed and Dan did as he was told.
"Good. That was really good. Let's do the red one next", Mark said after another few pictures. Dan was almost startled by his announcement. He was so into what he was doing right then. Dazed, he walked to the changing room again where Madeleine helped him to change to another dress, red one with a ton of lace.
And that's how the photo-shoot continued until Dan was completely drained off energy. They signed the contract and it was all done. The magazine was to be released in a month. They said that they could call him again for another shoot if it's good with him. I guess they were happy with the photos then. Dan thanked them and said he would consider.
But he still had to go pick up the present for Phil he had. Also buy the chocolate for the cake he was going to make for Phil. His gift was a set of books and movies Phil had told Dan all about over the years that he had wanted to have. He had got them delivered to the post office so Phil wouldn't find them before Dan at the flat.
They were all put in one big box, so Dan just had to wrap it and make a card for it. He went home after he got his parcel.
"I'm home", Dan announced rather loudly, when he got through the door. He went to his bedroom not waiting for an answer. He needed to wrap this gift before Phil saw it.
He didn't expect Phil to waiting for him there.
"Why did you do it?"
Dan was quiet. He didn't know what to say to be honest. He was felt like he had failed. At everything. Especially Phil. He had failed him.
He wanted to cry.
"Dan?" Phil demanded. "Why did you do it?!"
Dan shook from how harshly and loudly Phil talked to him. And he still sit so quietly and calmly on the bed. It was too much.
Dan fell to his knees in front of him, tears streaming down his cheeks, like waterfalls had opened in his eyes suddenly.
"I'm sorry, Phil", Dan whispered. The parcel in his hands fell on the floor.
"Come on, don't cry. Just tell me why the hell did you do it, even though I said you shouldn't?! And on my fucking birthday?!"
Phil was yelling and he was swearing and he was so, so mad at Dan. On his birthday.
"Because we need the money, Phil! Because I got nothing to lose! Except you. But I didn't promise you I wouldn't do it. I did it so we don't need to worry about things. People will know anyway that I'm sick. They know already. So what if I did this. It won't change much but that we have a fixed sink. Please, Phil. Understand me. I can promise you that I won't stop eating because of this. I'll be fine and you will be fine. It's all going to be perfect", Dan cried out. He gripped his hair and pulled it from it roots.
Phil lowered himself on the floor as well and gently, but firmly took a hold of Dan's hands and tried to tug them out of his hair, but he shook his head to get them out.
"No... I'm sorry, Phil. I fucked it. All I cared about was that stupid fucking sink!" Dan said and abruptly threw himself at Phil and flung his arms around his neck. Phil wrapped his arms around the quivering, thin body immediately.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you, Dan. I shouldn't have done that. It your life, you can do what you want. I just didn't want you to get hurt", Phil said almost tearing up himself and he hugged Dan tighter, pressing them chest to chest.
"I know, it's fine. I just wish I hadn't done it after-all. It didn't do any good", Dan said with a heavy sigh.
"But now we can afford a new sink though. And you're a real model now, aren't you?" Phil laughed a little.
"I think you can hardly say I'm a model after doing just one job", Dan remarked, but glad that the fight was over. "Yes, you can. And I'm sure you're a terrific model", Phil retorted.
"So do you think I could do another job then?" Dan asked hesitantly, not wanting to start another argument, but too curious not to ask. Phil was quiet before he spoke again and Dan was scared he lost it again.
"If you can handle it for sure. And if I can be there by your side", Phil answered and looked up to Dan's eyes. He smiled shyly in return and nuzzled his head in the crook of Phil's neck. "Yeah."
"I'm sorry I ruined your birthday", Dan apologized after a minute of silence. "You didn't ruin it. Everything's fine. But what is that package on the floor?" Phil asked confusedly. Dan broke away from the hug slightly and picked it up.
"It's supposed to be your present. I didn't have enough time to wrap it before you saw it, sorry. But here, I hope you like it. It's not much but... Happy birthday", Dam murmured and offered the box to him.
"You didn't even have to get me anything. But thank you, Dan. Love you", Phil said and kissed Dan's nose quickly before opening the gift.
"Ooh! Thank you so much! This amazing!" he exclaimed and hugged Dan who laughed relieved that he liked it. "Now we're gonna have a long movie marathon for sure! Thank you."
"It's nothing, you're welcome. But I was thinking that I'd make you a birthday cake too sense I bought chocolate, or do you just wanna eat it like this?" Dan asked and took out the chocolate from his bag.
"Like this is good too", Phil said and kissed the brunette again.
This isn't really any good but it's the best I can do... my gift is my song and this one's for you...
