The Angel's Diary

I do not own anything

Day 29

" Erik… it is time for dinner." I heard Christine's voice from behind the door.

" Yes, I am coming…" I said automatically.

" Erik…" Christine looked at me. " please… don't be like that… talk to me… I am sorry for what I did, I paid my price, I spent years alone, until I saw you that day…. In the hall…"

" The hall…"

" At first, I thought that was just my imagination… that I missed you too much… that my mind started to create a man based on your figure… but then… after I asked Aro to find out who you were… you were 'Erik Cullen'… and your information fit the event that happened that night so long ago ... I couldn't… I couldn't let you go…. I want you back… I know you love me enough to let me go once, but I couldn't do the same to you… I am not strong enough… Erik…. Everytime I saw you with another girl, I felt my heart breaking… now I know how you felt when I was with Raoul…"

" it is all too late… we can't go back…"

" but we are together now. You and me. we can start a new life."

" I don't want that."

" Erik… please I know it's been hard for us in the past… but I did come back for you…."

" came back? Christine? Came back? You want me to believe that? You came back for what? To see if that boy of yours finished the job or not? Or you wanted to see how pitiful the monster was? Well, I am sorry that I wasn't there for you to see then."

" what are you talking about?"

" I still remember that day very clearly. After you was gone… I thought… that you would come back to see if I was okay…. I thought you wouldn't abadon me…in the dark… yet…. When I opened the gate..do you know who I found? That fop…. He talked a lot…. Oh how happy you was… that I was…. Was dead…. And you completely forgotten about the monster you left behind for a new life with your new handsome and wonderful fiancée…" I choked… I could feel tears in my eyes.

" Erik… I would never…. I was so terrified… I did not stay with R…with that man… I stayed with Madame Giry… I did come back…. But I didn't found you.. .blood… a lot of blood…. So …. That means…. That man killed you…"

" he tried. I am not that easy to kill. Edward and Carlisle found me when I was about to see my maker…"

" Erik… I am sorry…. I was so sad and hurt …. That was why Raoul came to the Giry house everyday, and he tried to talk me into coming back and living with him… after a while… he saw that I was still … he tried to… one night…. And Aro saved me…he told me about vampires and all, and he said that I was the chosen one, that I could go and live with them, and then one day, when I found a mate, I could become the real queen and rule the vampire world."

" Vampire queen?"

" it was an old lengend, about a human woman… who was marked by god. Once she became a vampire, she would have the greatest power ever. All the vampires will have to bown down before her and serve her as a royal once she got her mate. I didn't want a mate, the only one I wanted was you, Erik, Aro tried to find a lot of powerful and old vampires to seduce me, but I only want you. I have been so lonely those years but I never took any lovers or mates… until one day I saw you. At first I thought that my mind have played a trick on me, you looked so much like … well… you… but the right side of your face was different…. I thought you were someone else, but then, I asked Aro to investigate… and I put two in two… and I know…. It's you the man I have been longing and waiting for hundreds of years. I thought that I could never see you again, my heart was broken…."

"Christine…."

" Erik, there is a lot of things that I regretted, but I was young and stupid… I am a grown woman now, I have been a woman for a very long times … I know what I want, what I need… and that is you…"

" I … wait… Christine, you said something about the hall, you saw me and Jas?"

" Jas? You mean that man who dared to hug you?"

" he is my brother."

" Erik, this is a new century, there is nothing wrong with man-man relationship…"

" but we aren't like that, Jasper loves Alice…"

"well, I have seen a lot of gay man, and 'Jasper' looks a lot like one."

" you was the one who hurt Jasper?" I could feel my anger rising by the second.

" No!" Christine ran her hand throught her hair nervously."No, I didn't…. after I saw you with Jasper, I was terrified that I would lose you to a man, since your experiment with woman weren't a good one, you may turn to man….. so I asked Alec to take a look after you…. To make sure you weren't with anyone… and will not be with anyone…."

That explained a lot then, Alec was always a man that would act before thinking.

And he was also a violent man, who wouldn't think twice before hurting a girl.

A girl…

Nicole.

" Christine, what about Nicole? Did he hurt her? Or you were the one who did that?"

" I didn't…. I was angry that she tried to kiss you…. And you actually gave her a chance… but I wasn't…."

" yes or no?"

" yes…. Alec did hurt her…. I am sorry… I didn't mean… I only wanted him to look after you…. I don't want you to love someone else… I know I was selfish like that…. But I know one thing… that we are meant to be together…."

" Christine…" I wanted to be mad at her, I wanted to be angry, I wanted to hate her, how could she do something like that to my friend? But then again, I found out that I couldn't do anything like that to her. She was just like me, lonely, terrified to enter a whole new world, without someone to trust, to lean on, to love, a guadiant. Well, not Aro of couse, he was a creepy man.

" please… forgive me, let us start a new life together… I promise I will not deny you love… please… everywhere you go, let me follow you, Erik, that is all I ask of you." Christine was crying.

But I didn't know what to do.

Forgive her?

Maybe we were meant to be together, I did try several times to find someone to love, but I couldn't. Maybe she was the only one for me?

Or leave?

After all, if I live long enough, maybe one day I will find a woman that I can love her. I am a vampire, I will live forever, unless someone cut off my head of couse.

I honestly don't know what to do.

What was the right decision.

If I stay, will I be able to love her the way I used to?

If I leave, will I be able to love someone else, like the way a man would love a woman?

Christine looked at me with her teary and hopeful eyes, waiting for my answer.

Can i?

Will i?

Should i?

I knew that I did have some feelings for her, one touch of her hand and I felt like burning. But what if another ' Raoul De Chagny' came along? Would she leave me for him again? Christine said that she wouldn't do that, but who knew? She was a vampire queen after all. There was no reason for her to stay with me if a better vampire comes.

Listen to my heart, forgive her. Or listen to my mind, leave before she hurt me again?

" I …" I opened my mouth to give her an answear…

TBC (?)

Note : ( =^ v ^ =) should this be the end of my long story?