CH29
Abby woke up the next morning to the sun shinning through the blinds.
Carter still had his arm around her stomach holding her close. She smiled
to herself as she felt his breath on her neck. He was still sound asleep
but she didn't mind she was content to lie there in his arms. She thought
about how much she had changed in the last several months. She didn't even
feel like the same person. Just a few months ago she was this scared person
who felt like she had to hide everything. She had felt so alone with her
thoughts, so afraid to confide in anyone, even Carter.
She ran her fingers over his arm in a circular pattern and thought about how different things were between them now. It was still going to be hard to talk about but she knew now that she could do it. She knew she would still have those horrible thoughts that made her think she wasn't good enough and that sometimes they would win but she also knew she could talk to Carter when that happened and that he wouldn't be scared or angry. She was able to fail and not have to be afraid of what he would think or how he would react. She didn't have to feel guilty anymore because Carter could understand it and not judge her by it. She had never felt that before with anyone. She had never been able to trust another person like that before. Never let herself open up and feel safe with them. With John it was all- different of course it had been just as hard in the beginning but now it was natural, well not completely natural but it was getting there.
She couldn't figure out when exactly things had changed. She had spent so many years convincing herself that no one could ever love her that no one would ever stick around but Carter had proved all those thoughts wrong. She felt Carter's arms tighten around her and she smiled.
"Hey" he whispered into her neck and it sent shivers down her spine.
"Morning" she whispered back.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked still breathing into her neck.
She wondered if he knew what that did to her. But she knew that he did. it was one of the little ways he used to torture her with. Just like when he found her alone at the hospital and would steal a kiss from her turning her on and then walking away.
She had to think a few minutes in order to answer him. He always affected her ability to concentrate but especially when he was breathing into her neck.
"I was thinking about you actually," she said rolling over to face him.
"Yea?"
"Yea" she said smiling back at him.
"And what were you thinking?"
"Honestly?" she asked getting serious.
"Yea"
"I was thinking about how much things have changed with us in the last few months. I mean I was so afraid of what you would do when you saw what I was really like. I really thought you would run away."
"Abby, I would never run away." He said kissing her forehead.
"I know that now," she said rubbing her hands up and down his back massaging his warm flesh under her fingers. "But I didn't think so then. I couldn't let myself believe that you would stay no one ever had so I figured why would you? I know that wasn't fair but it's who I am. I'm a self-destructive person, the drinking, the cutting, the pushing people away, all of it it's a part of who I am. Who would ever want to deal with all of my baggage"
"Abby," he said pulling away from her to look at her "I would. You know that right? You know that I would never leave you?" he asked her looking deep into her eyes. "It doesn't matter to me that all of it is a part of you because it's YOU it's everything that you have been through good and bad that has made you who you are. I mean of course I wish I could take away everything bad that has ever hurt you but that would be taking away a part of you and I would never want to do that. I never want you to be anything you're not, and I never want you to feel like you have to be. I love you Abby Lockhart and everything that comes along with you."
"I know," she said seriously looking up at him. "I do. And you know that it's the same way with you right? You know that you are perfect John I'd never change a single thing about you. Your amazing." Then she reached up and kissed him. "I love you." She said and he smiled against her lips.
"I love you too." He said just before he deepened the kiss and ran his hands up the soft skin of her back causing her entire body to shiver. She loved the way she felt lying there in Carter's arms she could spend the rest of her life there falling asleep beside him every night, waking up next to him every morning. It was everything she had always wanted. Like her own personal fairytale come true. She laughed to herself as she thought about it she was certainly not the type to believe in fairytales.
"What's so funny?" Carter asked seeing her smile.
"Nothing." She said wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Come on," he said "what?"
"I was just thinking about how you turned out to be my knight in shining armor." She said while planting soft sensual kisses on his lips and across his face.
"Yea? So that makes you my beautiful princess." He said kissing her face and down to the soft skin of her neck.
"Well then who's the evil dragon?" She asked him slowly melting under his touch.
"I think we've had enough evil dragons" He told her as he pulled her T- shirt over her head. "Now we get to live happily ever after."
Abby smiled to herself that was exactly what she planned on doing.
(ok this has taken a long time to get written but i hope you all enjoyed the story and i'd really like to hear what you think of it one last time. this chapter alone or the whole story together. this story is really personal to me so please tell me what you think. i also want to tell all the people who have replied to my story saying that they have dealt with the same thing and even those who didn't reply but are still dealing with this i want all of you to know that i'm not the brave one i'm just the one that talked about it all of us dealt with it your all brave in your own way i hope my story helps you or if you cant find the words to talk about it you can let someone you want to understand read this and maybe it will help. and i also want to thank everyone who replied in any way. and lasty i want to thank charli and Lily for helping me beta this fic. and i wanna thank jules and aimee......well for nothing but you know i love you lol. and last but not least Alison, Lindsay and Kendra for understanding me even when it's hard to i love you guys MISTY)
She ran her fingers over his arm in a circular pattern and thought about how different things were between them now. It was still going to be hard to talk about but she knew now that she could do it. She knew she would still have those horrible thoughts that made her think she wasn't good enough and that sometimes they would win but she also knew she could talk to Carter when that happened and that he wouldn't be scared or angry. She was able to fail and not have to be afraid of what he would think or how he would react. She didn't have to feel guilty anymore because Carter could understand it and not judge her by it. She had never felt that before with anyone. She had never been able to trust another person like that before. Never let herself open up and feel safe with them. With John it was all- different of course it had been just as hard in the beginning but now it was natural, well not completely natural but it was getting there.
She couldn't figure out when exactly things had changed. She had spent so many years convincing herself that no one could ever love her that no one would ever stick around but Carter had proved all those thoughts wrong. She felt Carter's arms tighten around her and she smiled.
"Hey" he whispered into her neck and it sent shivers down her spine.
"Morning" she whispered back.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked still breathing into her neck.
She wondered if he knew what that did to her. But she knew that he did. it was one of the little ways he used to torture her with. Just like when he found her alone at the hospital and would steal a kiss from her turning her on and then walking away.
She had to think a few minutes in order to answer him. He always affected her ability to concentrate but especially when he was breathing into her neck.
"I was thinking about you actually," she said rolling over to face him.
"Yea?"
"Yea" she said smiling back at him.
"And what were you thinking?"
"Honestly?" she asked getting serious.
"Yea"
"I was thinking about how much things have changed with us in the last few months. I mean I was so afraid of what you would do when you saw what I was really like. I really thought you would run away."
"Abby, I would never run away." He said kissing her forehead.
"I know that now," she said rubbing her hands up and down his back massaging his warm flesh under her fingers. "But I didn't think so then. I couldn't let myself believe that you would stay no one ever had so I figured why would you? I know that wasn't fair but it's who I am. I'm a self-destructive person, the drinking, the cutting, the pushing people away, all of it it's a part of who I am. Who would ever want to deal with all of my baggage"
"Abby," he said pulling away from her to look at her "I would. You know that right? You know that I would never leave you?" he asked her looking deep into her eyes. "It doesn't matter to me that all of it is a part of you because it's YOU it's everything that you have been through good and bad that has made you who you are. I mean of course I wish I could take away everything bad that has ever hurt you but that would be taking away a part of you and I would never want to do that. I never want you to be anything you're not, and I never want you to feel like you have to be. I love you Abby Lockhart and everything that comes along with you."
"I know," she said seriously looking up at him. "I do. And you know that it's the same way with you right? You know that you are perfect John I'd never change a single thing about you. Your amazing." Then she reached up and kissed him. "I love you." She said and he smiled against her lips.
"I love you too." He said just before he deepened the kiss and ran his hands up the soft skin of her back causing her entire body to shiver. She loved the way she felt lying there in Carter's arms she could spend the rest of her life there falling asleep beside him every night, waking up next to him every morning. It was everything she had always wanted. Like her own personal fairytale come true. She laughed to herself as she thought about it she was certainly not the type to believe in fairytales.
"What's so funny?" Carter asked seeing her smile.
"Nothing." She said wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Come on," he said "what?"
"I was just thinking about how you turned out to be my knight in shining armor." She said while planting soft sensual kisses on his lips and across his face.
"Yea? So that makes you my beautiful princess." He said kissing her face and down to the soft skin of her neck.
"Well then who's the evil dragon?" She asked him slowly melting under his touch.
"I think we've had enough evil dragons" He told her as he pulled her T- shirt over her head. "Now we get to live happily ever after."
Abby smiled to herself that was exactly what she planned on doing.
(ok this has taken a long time to get written but i hope you all enjoyed the story and i'd really like to hear what you think of it one last time. this chapter alone or the whole story together. this story is really personal to me so please tell me what you think. i also want to tell all the people who have replied to my story saying that they have dealt with the same thing and even those who didn't reply but are still dealing with this i want all of you to know that i'm not the brave one i'm just the one that talked about it all of us dealt with it your all brave in your own way i hope my story helps you or if you cant find the words to talk about it you can let someone you want to understand read this and maybe it will help. and i also want to thank everyone who replied in any way. and lasty i want to thank charli and Lily for helping me beta this fic. and i wanna thank jules and aimee......well for nothing but you know i love you lol. and last but not least Alison, Lindsay and Kendra for understanding me even when it's hard to i love you guys MISTY)
