Chapter 29: Good News is Bad News
Walter found himself with a little extra time that morning. Their group was getting together for breakfast before taking care of their usual duties and he'd woken up earlier than he meant to. Since he was otherwise prepared for the day, he picked up one of the books he was currently studying. He'd moved on to studying the Mikado Book of Prayer, but in trading books of Literature around, he'd managed to find two more on the same subject: A Book of Prayer for Mesians and On the Importance of Prayer. It had seemed like a good idea to try studying them all in tandem.
However, On the Importance of Prayer was far more interesting than the other two. The two Book of Prayer books were lists of standard prayers with little explanation of why they were the way they were. And, the listed prayers were almost identical, just with a few specifics changed from things that had been forgotten about in Mikado (except for Burroughs, she strangely knew a lot about the background information in Literature). What Walter had heard about of Mikado's history was just that the world had been thoroughly corrupt and the founders of Mikado had been blessed with God's wisdom and knowledge. But they still copied these prayers?
The book about prayer was exactly the kind of thing he'd been looking for, though. The author got more philosophical than Walter was used to, but they explained the whys and hows, even with some supposed historical and personal examples. While the standard listed prayers were stated to be the framework for order and security in a community, the author felt like it was more important for people to understand their own needs in prayer. That kind of prayer was a refuge to the person praying, a time they could reflect on where their life was going. For life, as the author wrote, was hectic and busy, bound to throw surprises at you when you were least prepared. But you'd have to respond right then and find time later to sort out what just happened.
"Well most of us don't have higher guidance directly in life," Walter said to himself as he read over that. "And the rest might just be bluffing to keep a strong position over the rest of us, hmph." Then there was a knock on his door. "Hang on a moment," he called, putting a bookmark in place before going over to open it.
It was Isabeau, also prepared for the day. "Good morning, Walter," she said, smiling at him. She had warmed up to him, although she wouldn't hesitate to get stern if he was doing something idiotic.
He smiled back, glad that it was her who dropped by. "Hoy, good morning Isabeau. Am I late to breakfast? I was doing some reading."
"No, I just wanted to catch you before you headed out," she said. She bit her lip, then asked, "I would like to speak privately with you; may I come in?"
At this time of morning? "Ah," he rubbed his head, caught off guard by the request. It sounded like one of those courtship formalities. But while they'd gone on several dates over the winter, they hadn't moved to the stage of exclusive courting. There was some social rule to not be alone in private quarters like the dorms right now. But then, she did seem serious about wanting to talk; whatever it was troubled her. "Sure, just for a bit until we join the others," he said, figuring that no one could call him out on it if it was a limited time.
"Thank you," she said, coming into the room and waiting on him to close the door. "I'm sorry if this is sudden, but I had a strange dream last night and it made me realize something that's very important to me."
For a moment, he thought about saying that he'd had his own weird dream, about a dragon and some girl who really kicked ass. Something about her reminded him of his younger sisters even if she was clearly different from them. Maybe later. "Oh yeah? Go ahead and sit down, it's fine."
"Sure," she said, taking a seat on the couch he had. "I've been trying to figure out my place as a female samurai. There aren't any others on active duty, only a few who retired to get married. So of course, they all tell me that if I want to be married, I have to give up being a samurai. In their minds, if I want to be a samurai, I'd have to give up on being married entirely."
Walter went ahead and sat next to her, even though the normal custom was to take separate chairs. It seemed more right, and she didn't object. "That seems like a weak reasoning," he said.
"I'm sure there's other reasons behind it, but they all treated it as if those reasons should be obvious and unquestionable," Isabeau said. "Which it is even if I'm not happy with it. I don't know how it was where you're from, but even in the monastery, girls are taught to keep a clean and healthy appearance, as pretty as you can be without straying into vain arts of cosmetic enhancements. And I know some Luxuror girls outside the monastery who were pushed by their parents to constantly keep a beautiful appearance to get married quickly. Being a samurai doesn't help with that. I even had a guy refuse me by saying that I was bound to become indistinguishable from a man in a couple of years."
"A jerk like that shouldn't be listened to if looks are all he cares about," he said, offended for her. If he'd overheard that, he would have given that guy a piece of his mind.
"Right, and I did warn a couple of my friends away from him," she said. "But even if they don't say it, I know other men have to be thinking something like that. Others that I've been talking to have all been quick to ask if I mean to quit, or they just assumed that I would." She glanced at him, then smiled at some thought. "You took a lot of getting used to, but at least you've never brought that up."
"Well why would I?" he asked. "You work as hard as the rest of us and you want to be here, so I see no reason to stop you."
Isabeau rubbed one of her arms. "That's nice, although I'm already getting away from the delicate feminine beauty people expect around here."
"Some of those delicate beauties seem sickly to me, since I'm used to women who do manual labor alongside men," Walter said. "Heck, one of the more popular girls back in my village was one who belonged to a family of lumberjacks that delivered wood around to villages without many trees like ours. She was out chopping trees with the rest of them and wrangling the bulls to pull the wagons, but she was quite a beauty too."
"It would be nice if the Luxurors considered that there's more than one way to be beautiful," she said. "But that's just one of the problems. I, um," she hesitated, clutching her arm trying to work up the courage to say something. Then she looked at him. "I apologize for bringing this up so soon, but the fact of the matter is, I don't want to give up being a samurai, but I also don't want to give up on things like being a mother. I would love to have a family of my own and raise my children while protecting them and our kingdom as a samurai. But my duties would keep me out of the house regularly, and even as we grow more skilled, it will always be dangerous to be fighting demons."
There was a part of him that was immediately uncomfortable with this. Raising a family wasn't something he'd thought about at all, even though that was the assumption that always was there. You'd get married, and you'd have children, and life would go on. Besides, she wanted to keep serving as a samurai while she had kids? Women and girls had to be protected from more dangerous things, especially the mothers with young children. Then again, it was brave of her to want to pursue both paths.
Now that she'd started, she looked committed to finishing. "And I wouldn't want to be like some ladies I've seen, who immediately give up their work once they get pregnant and stay out of it for years until they're sure they don't want any more children. I want to be able to serve as long as I'm capable of it. Besides, unless we're on street patrol, our daily work is often just a few hours a day, with occasional trips out of the city to handle disputes in the villages. I should be perfectly capable of maintaining my duties as a mother and a samurai at the same time."
"Isn't that rather dangerous?" Walter asked, worried about her. "I mean, I know women can be strong, and I've seen mothers who kept up their daily tasks around our village right up until their child was born, and then be back at it a week or so later. But, we battle demons who can have the magic to curse and harm us. That would be a terrible risk, to you and your child."
"Well I know I would stick to the top levels of Naraku and not go anywhere near that poisonous sludge on level three," she said. "But I do have a healer's training and I was called to this life. I want to be an example for other women who might get chosen, that they don't have to sacrifice one duty for another. Would you be okay with me doing that?"
This, it was exactly what he'd just been reading about. It wasn't a simple issue and it was important enough to Isabeau that she wanted an answer straight away about it. "Uh, well I never gave this kind of thing any thought before," he admitted. But then, the answer came to him. It was very much like the women he'd known in South Ooida. He hadn't realized it as a kid, but demons were a risk at least on sea level. "But look, I'll make a deal with you over it."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
Walter put a hand on her shoulder. "Well first, I think you're an incredible woman for wanting to do this, especially if no other lady has tried taking on the duties of a mother and a samurai at once. That takes a lot of guts and a strong will, which you certainly have."
"Thank you," she said sincerely, looking relieved that he was taking it that way. "I would be unhappy if I had to give up either of the things I want."
"I figured, so I'm proud to stand by you on that," he said. "But I don't like the idea of you being too risky with it either. So while I promise to support you on that, you've got to promise to me that when you do start having children, you're not going to go into Naraku alone, ever. You should always have someone with you when you go in there for the protection of you and your child. Hopefully, I'd be able to always stick with you at that time and make sure you're safe. I know you're a very capable fighter and I trust you a lot whenever we partner up in there now. But demons can do terrible things to a person, like Naverre was out for months because of Alarune and Alice, and even Flynn's had to take this week off because a demon managed to disturb him. You let me and the others protect you when you need it, and I'll help convince them to let you keep serving as long as you feel capable of it."
"All right, I can promise you that," Isabeau said, leaning over to put her arm around him. "And I feel a lot better for that; I'm glad I could count on you, even though I'd be shocked to hear myself say that a few months ago."
"Hey, I'm not that unreliable," he protested, but then laughed when she did. "If we're talking a few months back, I would've been shocked that I'd find such a special sweet lady behind that iron masked girl I met."
She laughed even harder at that. "A few months does change a lot," she agreed. "Well then, Mr unreliable roughneck, how about we get married?"
And she had him surprised again, gaping briefly. "Huh? Uh, aren't we supposed to go through a lot more hoopla to be asking questions like that?"
Isabeau put her head on his shoulder. "Yeah, but I don't care about that now. I mean, what's the point when we have a promise like that between us? The rest of it is formality and getting to know each other. But if you feel that strongly about me already, and I know I can trust your word on this, it all seems useless now."
"That's a good point," Walter said, hugging her a little tighter. "Sure, then there'll be nothing to get between me protecting you and making sure you can shine like you're meant to."
There was a detailed plan for the next series of moves, with many back-ups and arguments in the certain case that things would go awry. He was dealing with events that involved over a million people all across Mikado; it would affect everyone's lives. In the time of anarchy that was to come, people could die. There was nothing he could do about that other than to do his best to complete his solution as fast as he could.
Of course, that required Issachar's cooperation and awareness. Flynn was sure he could trust him, but there was so much to do in such a short period of time, and it was going to hurt Issachar in some form. And there was that mental health check he had to pass tonight or else things would start going wrong out of his control because he'd still be on restricted duty. So many ways this could go wrong or right, and he was manipulating so many people without them realizing it…
So why bother? Playing on the level of the gods wasn't something that a human should be doing. And he was barely in good enough shape to have ambitions on a human level. Why bother with all this mess that he might only be making worse?
Flynn stopped in brushing his hair and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked tired even though he'd slept through the night. But, it hadn't been restful sleep when he'd had to be alert and capable of rational thought within dreams. Could he just run off with Issachar, away from Mikado and Tokyo, to not care about any of this?
Unfortunately, he knew the answer to that was no. He'd confused Gabriel and Lilith as he intended, but even if he ran away right now, they would eventually find him and hold him accountable for what he'd already done. Or they'd just drag him back into everything, which was likely to grow worse if he wasn't around to counter moves made against humanity. But he was clearly not in the best shape to be dealing with what he had to do. There was so much to keep in mind.
"I am making things better," he said to himself. "I have to do this, for her and the people I care about… and everyone else. This has to be done." Flynn sighed and started brushing his hair again. "The White know what they're doing; they timed this all too well, trying to break me right as I need to be vigilant. And Issachar… I'm afraid you'll be left with a broken mess of me at the end of this all. But, I can trust myself with you."
He closed his eyes and his mind nearly drifted back to the last parts of the dream he could think of clearly. But he cut that off quickly. That was a distraction that he did not want to deal with on top of everything else, and it had been the result of an intrusion as well. Several intrusions, since even though he was prepared for the observers of the dreams, they had not been invited to do so. Flynn had taught himself to recognize the signs of supernatural beings observing his mind as a necessary precaution. But they were treading somewhere they shouldn't be, even though they thought little was wrong in them doing so. Even here in his room closed off from the outside, he was still vulnerable to these beings picking apart his thoughts because he was useful or dangerous to them (or both).
Even here and now… he felt nothing, but he couldn't be sure his self-taught method was foolproof…
Flynn immediately stopped what he was doing again and went to pick up the lotus Issachar had given him. That was bad. If the master samurai realized just how unstable he was, how far apart from normalcy, they would want him locked up as being suspected of demonic possession. Even as they tried to keep knowledge of demons hidden, the monastery knew and they were quick to denounce irregularities as the result of demonic influences. That was true for himself, at the root of it, but he needed to be trusted to go down through Naraku to Tokyo very soon.
Not long after he sat back down to look over the lotus, his mind slowed down from its frantic pace. Issachar might have a good point in why the lotus still soothed him. But it was more than just the reminder of what was important in all this. There was something to the lay of the petals, the reminder of the real thing. Maybe it was something Vishnu knew or believed, but Flynn couldn't comprehend it as just himself. It reminded him of the early cycles of this life, realizing that the world was much larger and more troubled than he'd once believed. But still, he had known with certainty that there was goodness in the world and its peoples. That needed to be nurtured and protected.
When had he started to lose faith in that? Maybe it was after so long of being tortured in the name of Krishna's warped vision; maybe it was after realizing how much he was sacrificing personally for the sake of people he didn't even know the names of. Flynn was sure those people were important too, precious to each other like his fellow prentices had become precious to him. Even now, what was he going to gain from all his efforts? His friends would live, but he himself was walking on thin ice and might just break through once he managed to accomplish what he was after. He felt some comfort in seeing their lives develop unhindered, but that was comfort for so much pain that he had crumbled from it all in several times so far.
The lotus seemed to promise him that even he would find a deep and lasting happiness when the duty that he'd accepted was fulfilled. Remember? When you were a child, being out in nature was all the serenity and fulfillment you could need or want. Someday, you'll feel like that again.
Someday… that dream (a promise?) became a shield from his more painful thoughts and let him feel still and untouched, like this lotus.
Then a hand gently shook his shoulder. "Hoy, Flynn, we'll be late for breakfast," Issachar said. "I've got your gauntlet here; you were out of potions, surprisingly, so I gave you a couple of mine. I know that you're on street patrol today, but you might have to help somebody out still."
"Oh, thank you," he said, coming out of the trance and looking for his brush. Wait a moment… his hair was already pulled back, like he always had it. Issachar must have done that since he was sure he hadn't gotten that far.
"You going to be okay for the test later today?" he asked in concern. "Actually, I don't want you to cheat your way through it even if you probably could, because that'll only end up hurting you. But I know you've got plans that need you to stay on active-duty."
Flynn put his gauntlet on so he could double-check his inventory. "There's no time," he said. "I have to pass it tonight. The demon and angel who have been toying with us are coming back to Mikado now. That means that people will start to turn into demons soon."
"Oh, I thought you were able to buy more time than this," Issachar said, nervous but trying not to show it. His fingers clenched up and his face paled a little.
"We got enough time, I hope," Flynn said. "It couldn't be helped. But, there's a lot I need you to know now, and they won't be able to make it back today. So we need to have a long talk about this."
"All right, how long are you supposed to be out on patrol?" he asked.
"For the morning at least," he said, fairly certain he could get away with only working five hours up to noon as long as breakfast didn't take long. Some thoughts came into Flynn's mind that he was uncertain of. But, there wouldn't be a chance for this again for a long time. "And I'll probably have something to do constantly when things get going. I feel bad about possibly having to ignore you for times when I need to negotiate with people who don't realize they're working towards their destruction, and those whose goals will make things worse for everyone."
"It's fine, I've already said that dozens of times," Issachar said, smiling sadly at him. He was already suffering for this. But then, the alternatives were much worse.
"I still feel bad about it, so I'll let you have me to yourself this afternoon," Flynn said. "We could get lunch somewhere different, then go to Lake Mikado for a few hours. It won't be as long of a trek as it was from Kiccigiorgi."
"Sure, that sounds great to me," he said. It'd make him happy for a little bit, at least.
After making sure he was ready, Flynn left with Issachar to the common area. They weren't the last ones there, actually. Isabeau and Walter came in together as well not long after. "What are you two doing together so early?" Naverre asked, looking like he'd make fun of them if given a chance.
Isabeau shook her head. "Naverre, I know you saw me going to talk to him. Don't try to be ridiculous."
Jonathan laughed at that, especially when Naverre pouted. "Nice way to stop that nonsense."
"We were just talking," Isabeau said. "And now we're engaged so you can't complain."
"Whaaat, really, you two?" Naverre asked, acting far more shocked than he needed to be.
"That's great," Flynn said, feeling glad they'd decided get married. Every reason they had for living was better.
"Yeah, it just worked out right to go ahead," Walter said, happy for whatever had clinched it. "You doing all right this morning, Flynn? You look tired."
"I've been better," he admitted. "But I'm feeling calmer than I have been. I'm sure I'll be better once I can sleep through the night."
"It was some unlucky timing with the fiend battle so close to when you were sick," Isabeau said.
"I could help you get some tea that would help you sleep," Naverre suggested. "My mother uses it frequently when the other residents of the castle are being difficult or quarrelsome."
"For herself or for them?" Walter asked with a smirk.
"It can be both, right?" Naverre said with a shrug.
"Thanks Naverre, it wouldn't hurt to try," Flynn said. He knew that his family and a few others back home used one of the wild herbs in the fields for that purpose at times.
"The tea shop always keeps a good stock of their blend, so it's simple enough to acquire," he said.
"Actually, I had some news too," Jonathan said, an eager glint in his eyes. It had him about as happy as Walter and Isabeau right now. "Marie's going to have a baby, we're not sure when but probably early fall."
"That's awesome, congratulations," Walter said, clapping his back in a friendly manner. Jonathan beamed at that.
"Yes, that's wonderful news," Isabeau said, smiling. It seems the others were happy for the three of them too, the two getting married and the one becoming a father.
But… that last one bothered Flynn. It had been a possibility given how strongly Jonathan and Marie were in love. However, the demon plague could begin as soon as tomorrow. Flynn wanted to solve that quickly to keep the danger as short as possible. That would probably lead them down to Tokyo; he felt it was a strong potential but there was some margin of error. If they went down to Tokyo now… a few hours could lead to Jonathan's child being born while he was away with unstable means of communication back to Mikado. Kinshicho's entrance was hidden behind a park, Ueno's was obvious from the main streets but further away, and he had no idea what Akihabara would be like. It'd be all too easy to spend those hours going from Sky Terminal to whichever terminal he managed to reach. And then he'd have to find an excuse to get them all to check back in with him, or at the very least Jonathan.
Sure, having a child very nearly guaranteed that Jonathan would not choose to sacrifice himself, but realizing the time difference could be a very hurtful shock to him.
And it would be all his fault for playing with their lives in this game, even if he was doing it to save them.
There were a number of things to do to about getting married. They did need to find a way to get a house. Usually, prentice samurai stayed in the dorms for the first year. Jonathan had already left due to getting married since his wife wasn't a samurai and he already had a place in his family manor. While both Isabeau and Walter were samurai, these little apartments weren't ideal for a couple. But they couldn't count on her family since they were a part of the monastery. Unless one of the two of them quit to join the monastery, that was out.
There was time for figuring that out, as the more immediate issue was that she hadn't introduced Walter to her parents. They hadn't been serious about a relationship yet, so there hadn't been a point to it. Now Isabeau was worried about it. The monastery had expressed their dislike of the Casualry protests, being the main hold out on the issue. She didn't know what her parents thought about that personally, or what they would think of Walter being Casualry born. This could become a problem.
Since there had been a lot of the process they'd skipped, Isabeau arranged for her parents to meet with them over lunch, then spend the afternoon talking with them over marriage interviews. Normally, they would have to do the same with his parents. But since they were in a distant village, that would probably end up being skipped.
Surprisingly, they agreed to meet up at a restaurant in the city. "The kitchen has been making terrible meals all winter and then they forced us to make the meals ourselves," her mother explained. "Nobody is sure why they're complaining now; the terms have been the same for generations."
"Though they do have a point in that we took their work for granted," her father said. "It takes a lot more than I thought to make sure every room is clean and every meal is made every day."
"Right, so we've agreed that we could give them more respect and free up their allowances. That may lead them to be less callous about their spiritual studies."
Isabeau felt like they were missing the point, but it was a step in the right direction. "That's good, they would prefer to be respected and treated fairly," she said. "How does the rest of the monastery stand on the issue of their protests?"
Her father sighed softly. "It's divided us far more than any other issue in anyone's memory. It feels like most of us are in favor of accepting the Casualry workers' demands. However, the ones who have the power and authority to decide on matters like this are all firmly against it."
"Are they the ones who are skipping out on picking up the slack left behind?" Walter asked.
"That's right," her father said. "They all claim that such menial tasks are beneath them."
"Hugo's been particularly obnoxious about it," her mother said, briefly looking frustrated. "He says such petty matters ought not to be of his concern when he has to tend to the spiritual health of our nation; both he and his wife are taking that position. But when those so-called petty matters are not attended to, they're some of the loudest complainers."
Her father nodded. "Some of us have tried telling them that it's difficult to tend to spiritual matters when the physical matters are troubling. Hugo has said that as the abbot, he is beyond such limitations. But if you ask him to prove his words, he gets furious. Just yesterday, he started ranting at me that I had no faith and little moral fiber just because I too asked him to back up his claims with a long demonstrations of devotions and self-denial."
"That's absurd," Isabeau said.
"You know how Hugo is," her mother said. "One has to be clever to get him to do something he hasn't first thought of. He hardly acknowledges anyone else aside from his wife and Sister Gabby, and the latter is still off on sabbatical with no word on when she'll be back. Although if Gabby was back, whichever side she takes will likely become official. She seems quiet, but she has a force of personality that's something to admire, or fear."
"Then why isn't she leading the monastery?" Walter asked.
"No one's sure of the answer to that," Isabeau said. "Although she seems involved at least partly in anything the monastery does."
"That's true," her father said. "Things always seem noisier and more chaotic when she's not around. Some people have been saying for a while now that if she'd been around, this wouldn't have happened at all."
They seemed to be getting along, so at the next lull in conversation over lunch, Isabeau brought up their reason for meeting today. "Walter and I have decided to get married recently, so we came to discuss with you both about it."
"This seems sudden," her mother said.
"A bit, but a couple of our conversations lately have made it certain that it's what we both want," Isabeau said. As she was sure they'd bring it up, she added, "And I don't mean to retire by getting married. I'm going to keep serving as a samurai too."
"Are you really?" she asked, more worried about that.
"Hoy, it'll be fine," Walter said. "She's thought about this carefully and decided that she'd be unhappy giving up either marriage or being a samurai, and I'm proud to support her in that."
They didn't seem sure about her not retiring, but by the end of lunch, they seemed to like Walter at least.
A/N: 'On The Importance of Prayer' wasn't taken from a specific book, although I'm sure I've read something like that at some point. But I needed little things here and there to help nudge Walter more into a Law position. In most cases, it's not that hard to swap a Law hero to Chaos in this setting even if they don't entirely shake their lawful traits. But moving someone from Chaos to Law is tougher to do believably; Walter is particularly tricky because he has a trait of spite, which isn't as easy to reinterpret as something like goodwill.
