Chapter Twenty-Nine
Following a light meal, another round of lovemaking and a shower, which we shared together, Obi-Wan relaxed upon the bed and fell soundly asleep.
I was exhausted as well, but rest eluded my grasp. There was a dark cloud looming on the horizon, I could not ignore. It had shadowed our day together, reminding me our time was short and danger was inescapable.
Throughout the day, we had clung to one another in desperation but hadn't spoken of the inevitable – our conversation staying light and humorous. Obi-Wan possessed the charming quality of making laugh, even when I didn't want to, and I admired him for that; as well as his many other attributes.
I recalled a few of them as I observed him in slumber.
He was the most impressive Jedi I had ever known, being a highly skilled swordsman, and powerful in the Force. I had seen him use these talents during his visit to Naboo, where he had singlehandedly disposed of a regiment of battle droids, as well as taking down the Sith Lord sent to destroy me.
It was that victory I was focusing upon now. Obi-Wan had faced a warrior of the Dark before, and he had successfully defeated him. I was certain he would do so again, especially since the distractions around him would be somewhat limited this time; namely me.
Stop!, I demanded my mind. There was no point in going down the path of depression and destruction reliving the past exposed me to.
We had both been innocent of any wrongdoing, enjoying our time on holiday together before someone had decided to spoil that joy. It was Obi-Wan's job to find out who, and it was mine to ensure the Republic didn't fall into a certain path of destruction as well, by creating an army - an aggressive measure which would only provoke a separatist's rebellion.
As soon as Obi-Wan departed, I would have to contact Mon Mothma and express my deep regret for canceling our meeting. Gathering all those loyal to the Republic was vital at this crucial time.
Obi-Wan stirred in his sleep as I lay beside him, moaning something indiscernible, and I lay my hand on his chest, immediately stilling him as well as bringing a slight smile to his face.
I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but the shadows across the floor in my bedroom had lengthened, and I realized the time of his exit was drawing near.
"Obi-Wan," I said quietly in an attempt to wake him, deciding to do so with a kiss instead; something he responded to almost immediately, drawing me against his bare chest, the silk of my nightgown catching on his 'saber-roughened hands.
"The sun's setting," I told him while toying with the trail of hair growth along the ridges of his abdomen, a gesture which elicited a tremor of his limbs and a raising of pimpled flesh along his arm.
However, the time for leisurely lovemaking had escaped us, and we both reluctantly rose from the bed.
"I'll be back in a minute," I informed him. "Your pants and socks are on the chair in the corner."
I returned a moment later, the sight of him searching about for his other clothing bringing a smile to my face, which was rather short-lived I hated to admit. No matter how much I wanted to show him my support, the thought of him leaving me with the possibility, no matter how slight, of never returning, was nearly too much to bear.
"Have you seen the rest of my things?" he asked without turning to look at me.
"Here," I drew his attention to my presence, laying his belongings on the bed. "While you were sleeping, Dorme and I took the opportunity to air out and clean your uniform."
"You didn't have to do that," he told me, approaching the bed.
I stepped in front of him before he had the opportunity to finish dressing. "It was my pleasure, as this also will be," I informed him, hoping he would understand without further explanation.
His slight nod told me he did, and I proceeded to fulfill a fantasy I had been indulging in all afternoon.
It was a thrilling experience to undress Obi-Wan, patiently unpeeling all the layers of his Jedi attire, but there was something equally delightful when it came to dressing him. It gave me the opportunity to show him my respect, as well as adoration.
I began with his undertunic, wondering for a moment why the Jedi chose to place such a rough texture of cloth next to their skin. I imagined the reason was to eliminate any distraction of comfort, thus keeping their mind attuned to the Force and their duty: Quite the opposite of what had occurred on Tosuna.
Damnit! Once again, the feelings of guilt and regret crept into my consciousness before I could guard my thoughts.
And as if Obi-Wan could read my mind, I felt a gentle caress of understanding along my arm, and I continued my task, pulling the outer-tunic over his head before reaching for the tabards, which I methodically draped about his neck, allowing my touch to linger on his face and to make eye contact with him before proceeding. There was a deep appreciation in his gaze, but just along the edges was also a sadness I too felt.
I then picked up the obi, which I securely wrapped about his trim waist and tied in the back before applying the stiff leather utility belt, ensuring the wrap would stay in place.
I handed him his lightsaber, which he hooked to his belt, and then placed the heavy cloak about his shoulders, manipulating the creases and drapes with my fingers before returning to face him, my countenance no longer able to deny the despair I felt in our upcoming separation.
"Uhm…something's missing?" he teased, and I looked down to see him wriggling his woolen sock-covered toes.
"Dorme?"
Following my call, my assistant brought in the tall brown boots she had been polishing for at least half an hour.
I thanked her, then dismissed her, placing the footwear on the floor, and assisting Obi-Wan to step into them one foot at a time. The leather was shiny and supple, the brass buckles on the top polished and bright.
When I had finished, I rose from my knees and was immediately drawn into a loving embrace, at which point I struggled to hold back a tide of tears threatening to spill forth.
We had shared all of our emotions and thoughts throughout the day, and frankly, my mind was spent. During these last few moments together, all I wanted to do was hold him, and I was pleased to note, he apparently felt the same.
However, the red and golden shadows upon the floor were darkening, and we both realized the time had come.
We walked tightly knit together back to the balcony where a public transport Dorme had hailed awaited, and I grasped onto the last bit of willpower I possessed, with the understanding I wasn't alone.
And I wasn't thinking of Dorme or Anakin.
I was thinking of the thousands of years and millions of beings who had played out this very scenario, on innumerable worlds across the galaxy; All those who had somehow found the courage to say goodbye to a soldier, who was also a loved one; the moment filled with the anxiety and fear of an undetermined future.
But then my mind recalled the words of a philosopher; one who claimed uncertainty is a quality to be cherished. Without it, we would not dare undertake anything.
There was much to endeavor. Our destiny was unclear, but I was trusting the Fates to make sure our paths would cross once again soon, and we would spend our futures together.
A single kiss was shared in a wordless farewell. I watched with silent trepidation as Obi-Wan entered the transport, and then he was gone.
/End of Book I
Coming soon – Book II
"Rationality and Redemption"
