Oh my Christ! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER. But alas I will never give up my baby Highway Chile. I was iffy about this chapter at first but I quite like how it turned out. I've been very busy, I did Acid yesterday and my oh my was it a trip! I recommend it only for the very strong of will aha. Please continue reviewing, you're my life blood! I love yous!

~~Mick~~!

Disclaimer: Phineas and Ferb STILL aren't mine nor is Verse Chorus Verse by Nirvana

Think I'll just give in

Taking medication

Till my stomach's full

Neither side is sacred

Crawling in the hole

The grass is greener

Over here

You're the fog that

Keeps it clear

Re-inventing

What we knew

Taken time is

All but true

You're the reason

I feel pain

Feels so good to

Feel again

Late November 2009

There was something in the air; an electrical current cording Ferb and I together from across the room. I sat with Baljeet on the couch in Buford's place. His hair was backcombed, sticky black. The clothing painfully Glam Rock; Scorpions t-shirt with a hacked neckline, chains, torn jeans and a leather vest. On my other side there was Vanessa in a clingy indigo dress, she had her hair in a glossy chocolate bun; quite the hardbody. Buford looked from Ferb to I indignantly from his armchair. He who I adored had Isabella placed on his boney lap but he kept sending my eye rolls and I smirked back every time. It felt good to watch her condescendingly; no jealousy, no hate, just a pin drop of pity.

"Oi, get to work on writin' riffs or something" Mason scoffed, peeking his head out of the kitchen where he was brewing tea. How positively British I sighed heartlessly in my mind.

"You want to go work on some lyrics Phin?" Ferb cocked a brow and smiled impishly behind Izzy's raven perm.

"Yeah, alright" I replied as offhandedly as I could; some eagerness showed through and Jeet sent me a look.

"Well if you guys are gonna do that—we're obviously not invited—want to head down to the studio and lay down some rhythm and percussion Buford?" The Indian spoke weakly; though he was an asshole sometimes I genuinely did feel terrible for cheating mercilessly on him. The drummer nodded his blue-black head. "You girls can come, Mason you'll let us in right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I don't give a fuck so long as you're all actually doing something for the fucking band" Our managers' beady eyes flicked about us. After Jeet and Buford stood Vanessa cattily strutted towards them; Isabella did so with much more hesitance. She hated the notion of Ferb and I alone; since our reuniting at the beginning of the month everybody had been rather tense.

They were gone quickly and silently.

TTTT

"Oh fuck" I breathed; his ridiculously thick mouth opened up, his crooked teeth dug into my throat. We really did write for awhile; we even got some killer songs down. But soon the kissing began, I found it odd that in the few weeks we'd seen eachother we'd never had sex. "Ferb" I pulled his face upwards.

"Yeah?" Another school-boy grin, my knees went weak and my stomach flipped.

"Fuck me" The words dripped from the depths of my core. He stared into me evenly, quizzically. "I've never been bottom before but I want you to fuck me. Pop my…" I heatedly laughed "cherry?"

"I don't fucking think I can do it sober" Though he'd meant in nonchalantly I felt a little torn. "Care for some smack?"

"Sure" I shrugged, rubbing my fingers through the fibers of his falling-apart Mayhem shirt. "Want me to shoot you up?" Ferb nodded, smiled and prepared the heroin. He sucked the golden liquid into his syringe and passed me it. "Where do you want it?"

"Right here kiddo" Kiddo? My mind raced but I managed to stop the thoughts long enough to notice where he'd pointed. His neck; the elegant un-marred alabaster skin.

"Are you sure? Have you ever done it before?" I frowned unsurely and toyed with the needle between my palms. Ferb handed me his dusty black leather belt to tie him off and again nodded eagerly. "…Al-alright" I wrapped the cord around his esophagus, jerked it tight, winced and jammed the slim silver tip into the biggest vein I could see. It pulled up blood right off the bat, so I quickly slipped the drug into him before I could lose my will. Ferb gasped and leaned back, his body contracted in an orgasmic looking throe. "Do me before you get too high!" I melted more heroin onto a spoon then into a cotton ball and brought it into the syringe. Ferb clumsily tied my upper arm off and gave me a long, delectable hit. Instant pleasure, I let out an endless sigh and allowed my head to fall against his cheek. Only; the sudden drug-induced numbness wasn't so lethargic as it'd been before, I felt every emotion pump through my nerve endings. I-I was feeling.

He carefully placed every piece of heroin-paraphernalia back into its' tiny black box and then kissed me. "I want you Phin" The slur came; he peeled my perspiring wool sweater off and ran his flaming tongue down my chest and to my treasure trail. There was no pause; off went my jean cutoffs. His languid fingers found their way around my boner and started to pump, I threw my hair away from my face with mouth agape. A day ago we'd done nothing more than touch lips and now his mouth played on the tip of my dick; tonguing salty pre-cum with a wild expression.

"Fuck, Ferb" I yanked his head away from my member "Take off your clothes" I'd never before seen somebody look so terrified to be exposed. I wondered if he was this self conscious when he fucked Isabella or a faceless groupie. "You know, I've seen you naked a billion times."

"I-it's different" The tiny movements of his mouth—tongue hitting teeth and a string of saliva strung down his chin. "It's different this time Phinny" I breathed in a palpable line of air; tousled hair, glittering jade eyes set in two mink hollows. Different. A torso clustered with bones, tipped by delicate but veiny arms; the caved in stomach flowered into protruding hips, an emerald treasure trail. He was incredibly tiny and afraid—a child, a nothing. How could the beast on stage be such a terror?

"You're beautiful" I wished there were more words than two things so seemingly insignificant. He seized my waist and flipped me over, spitting on his hands and rubbing them over his dick at the same time. "Just—do it, please"

"It might hurt" I couldn't have cared less; after a moment of hesitation he thrust into me. Red and white bursts of light exploded on the lids of my closed eyes. A shot of agony that stayed for awhile. Once we'd found a rhythm however the pain went away, I whimpered and threw my hair back. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yes" I managed to stammer, it felt so good I could barely hold myself up. Ferb dug his fingernails into my spine, moaning himself—a lyrical sound so close to his singing. We'd been going at it for around half an hour—blurring together at the edges and slowly dripping into each other. "Fuck, fuck I'm going to cum" Ferb pulled out and before anything pressed his full lips to my soaking tip; I could not possibly hold myself together any longer. Thick white sperm coated his face, hanging between his teeth and marring his sunken cheeks.

"I'm pretty close too" With that he went back to mercilessly fucking me. "Can I cum inside of you?" I didn't reply only gasped and nodded. Ferb's hips hit my rear sharply, he let out a little groan and I felt warmth inside me I'd not ever fathomed. We fell in a pile onto Buford's bed. Everything was alright; we had time to waste, time to heal, time to spend together trying to stop figuring out where everything went so horribly wrong and start trying to make things right for real. And it didn't even matter. He was my best friend. We'd been together since the sandbox, and we'd be together till the grave. I'd make sure of it. "I love you Phineas"

I stared into the endless irises. "I love you too" It was the bravest I'd seen him in ages. It was like looking at the old Ferb, the one who never cared what people thought of him, as long as he was doing what he wanted. His breathing steadied, slowed, and he began to drift away. I was still wide awake, and starting to get it. I was beginning to understand that the way I remembered people isn't actually who they are. My memories were clear, picturesque, and perfect. People weren't. People never can be. Look at Ferb. Look at me. We were flawed. He was a narcissist. He didn't know which way was up half the time. And his moral compass was so fucking black and white that he forgot sometimes that real life comes in too many shades of gray; that was one thing that never changed. I forgave him for alienating me as a friend, and maybe that was stupid. I should have punched some sense into him the first chance I had, and reminded him that what he thought was right was actually messed up beyond belief. But that's where my imperfections came in. I was a coward. I didn't like to think it was true, but it was. When I had the chance to keep a hold on my best friend, I let it go. Because I wanted him to realize the injustice of it on his own. Because I wanted to be selfish and victimized and finally get the attention I thought I was missing from him. And maybe another of my defects was that I took too long to let go of that idea, or maybe I didn't take long enough. Maybe I should have let him suffer from that one mistake forever. I didn't know. I was confused and fucked up too. In my dreams we sunned beneath the old Oak in Danville, the ceaseless halls of infinity. That's what mattered.

Neither side is sacred

No one wants to win

Feeling so sedated

But I can't give in

Taking medication

Till my stomach's full

Feeling so sedated

When I'm in my home

The grass is greener

Over here

You're the fog that

Keeps it clear

Re-inventing

What we knew

Taken time is

Weird but true

You're the reason

I feel pain

Feels so good to

Feel again

Oh

"It is sinful to cherish those whom heaven has doomed to destruction."-Horace Walpole