Hey guys, sorry it's been a while. I hope you enjoy the next chapter! :)


CRIMINALS
More Secrets

After a couple of awful days alone pacing around Hogwarts, Sirius was relieved that it was the first day of term. His friends would be coming back soon, and he would finally be able to let off some steam in a healthier way than punching walls and throwing his pillow across the room.

He hadn't seen Regulus at all since their argument. The day of their argument he'd sat outside the Slytherin common room shivering from the cold for hours upon hours until at last he finally gave in and stumbled up to his own common room. His skin covering his knuckles was broken and bleeding and probably unfixable by the following morning, and over the next couple of days it only got worse.

He was so angry. Not just with Regulus, but with himself. He wished more than anything that he could take back the horrible things he'd said. He knew he was right, but he also knew that Regulus was emotionally unstable and his words could be lethal.

Sirius paced back and forth in front of the doors in the entrance hall. His legs were getting tired and his brain hurt from all the thinking.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doors opened, and students came flooding into Hogwarts. Sirius moved to the side and tip-toed so that he could find his friends. When he spotted them, he dived into the crowd of students and emerged between Remus and Peter with a relieved grin.

"Sirius!" Peter exclaimed in surprise. "Where'd you come from?"

"I've missed you guys," Sirius said.


Dinner went quickly. Sirius was so busy catching up with James, Remus and Peter that he forgot to look for Regulus. When he finally looked, Regulus had already finished his food and was sitting silently waiting for Dumbledore's speech. He looked very pale and very skinny and very sombre. Sirius's heart ached just looking at him, but he knew that this would not be the time or place to speak to Regulus.

It turned out that James and Remus were finally talking again after all of their problems regarding Lily. Remus had acquired a girlfriend over the holidays by the name of Sarah. She was a muggle, and he admitted he was probably just using her to get over Lily.

Dumbledore's speech was short, and soon enough they were in their dormitory passing around the sweets. It was their annual tradition to stay up late on their first day of term talking.

"James, why didn't you tell us you'd been made Head Boy?" Remus asked.

James shrugged, ears going pink.

"Yeah, we had to find out from Dumbledore announcing it," Sirius pointed out.

James glared at him and snapped, "well, maybe if you actually used your mirror, you'd have known."

Sirius sighed. "Sorry," he said. "I've been… well, preoccupied."

"Yes, I can see," James said, staring pointedly down at Sirius's bandaged knuckles.

"Yeah, what happened to your knuckles anyway?" Peter asked, his mouth filled with sweets.

"Nothing."

"I'd say you couldn't handle being stuck babysitting your idiot brother all summer so you finally gave him the punch he deserved," James said.

Sirius gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. I will not get mad, I will not get mad.

"Hey, that's enough," Remus said quickly. "That's his brother. Don't talk about him like that."

"I'm sorry, but if he's the reason Sirius has been so annoyed then he deserves a punch!" James said.

"He's not the reason," Sirius lied through gritted teeth. "Just forget it."

"Are you okay, Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Yeah. Fine. Going to bed. Night."

Sirius got up and headed to his bed, drawing the curtains before his friends could say a word, and falling asleep in an instant.


It wasn't until Sirius was in charms practicing a particularly difficult new spell that Remus managed to speak to him. Remus had been trying to get a word in all morning but Sirius had avoided him. Now they were partners in Charms and Sirius had no escape.

"Want to tell me what happened?" Remus asked.

"There's nothing to tell."

"Oh come on," Remus said. "What're the bandages for?"

"I punched a wall," Sirius replied. "Several times."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "You punched a wall?"

"Yep."

"Okay," Remus said, pausing for a moment to pick out his words. "Why?"

"Because I did, okay?"

"Sirius…"

"I was angry," Sirius said.

"Is it Regulus?" Remus asked quietly.

Sirius sighed and nodded. "He's mad at me."

"Why?" Remus asked.

"Because I went to visit James and left him alone. Apparently it was the worst week of his life and has emotionally damaged him or some crap, and now he's having nightmares that I cheat on him with James or something dumb like that."

Remus looked a little confused. "Why would he be dreaming about that?"

"I have no idea! I was really mad at him when he told me this, and I said some horrible things to him, and he ran away and locked himself in his common room and I never saw him until last night at dinner."

Remus sighed and placed a comforting hand on Sirius's shoulder. "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, there's-" Sirius paused and bit his lip in thought. "-Actually, yes. Any chance you can have a word with him in your prefect's meeting tonight?"

"Sirius, unless I get paired with him-"

"Well, James is Head Boy now," Sirius said. "Ask him to pair you up."

Remus laughed. "Don't you think James will be a little suspicious of why I want to be paired with your brother?" Remus looked a little awkward and coughed. "I mean your… er…"

"He's my brother," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "Just because we're other things doesn't stop him from being my brother."

"Er, right. Of course," Remus smiled. "Anyway, what shall I say to James?"

"I don't know, okay. I just want you to talk to him. He listens to you. Tell him he's being unreasonable, please?"

"I can't promise anything apart from that I'll try," Remus said.

"That's all I ask," Sirius said with a smiled. "Thanks, Remus."

"No problem."


It was six o'clock, and Sirius was sitting in the Gryffindor common room alone with only his parchment and quill as company. He dipped his quill in the ink and started writing.

Dear Regulus

He scrunched his parchment up and threw it into his bag, pulling out a new one. His hand hovered over the parchment and then he began writing once more.

Regulus,

It's me. Sirius.

Sirius sighed and ripped his parchment in half, pulled out a new one and started again.

Reg,

I don't even know where to begin. I just want you to be okay, and to be happy. I hope you're not unhappy because of me.

Again, Sirius scrunched up the parchment and threw it away.

Regulus,

It's Sirius. I want you to know that I'm so so sorry about what was said that day. I didn't mean a word of it. I love you.

Sirius gritted his teeth and tossed the parchment aside.

Reg,

I hope you're okay. There are some things I'd like to tell you. No, things that I need to tell you.

Sirius ripped it in half.

Regulus,

I love you. Just know that, okay?

He was about to continue but he caught sight of James heading his way so scrunched up the parchment and tossed it into his bag, wiping away the tears that were in his eyes with his sleeve.

"Hey," James said, taking his seat opposite Sirius.

"Hi."

"Look, about last night. I'm sorry," James said. "I didn't mean to act that way."

"It's fine."

"So what happened to your knuckles anyway?" James asked.

Sirius sighed. "Not now, James. Please?"

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Huh?" Sirius was confused.

"Your boyfriend. You and him having some problems?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to tell me who he is yet?" James asked, with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"I can't," Sirius said, frustrated. He hated the fact that he couldn't tell his best friend about it, but he knew that James wouldn't understand.

"I don't get why you can't tell me. I thought we had a level of trust, man."

"We do," Sirius said. "But – okay, look at the way you reacted to me being gay. You can understand why I'm wary of telling you things."

"I just needed time to adjust. I wasn't accustomed to hanging around a gay dude."

"Yes, you were!" Sirius said. "I was gay that entire time, you just didn't know it. That's why I can't tell you. You don't understand that once I tell you, I will be the same person I've always been. The only difference will be that I'd have told you something and you won't see me the same anymore."

"Wow," James said. "You haven't even told me, and you automatically assume that I'll react badly."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. The only person who should feel sorry is me. I feel sorry for you – for the fact that you're dating someone who must be so bad for you that you're afraid of telling your best friend."

Sirius smiled sadly and nodded. "Spot on, James."

"So why are you with him, if you know that he's bad for you?"

"I can't tell you."

"Too many secrets, Sirius.

"I'm sorry," Sirius repeated. "The time just isn't right."

"Mm, never is." James stood up. "I'll see you later. Got to speak with Lily about the prefect meeting tonight."

"See ya."

Sirius waited for James to reach Lily at the other side of the common room before trying to write his letter again.

But he had a horrible feeling heavy in his chest following his conversation with James. He had a feeling he was about to lose someone close to him, but he just wasn't sure who.

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