To Love
Joe
She slept peacefully beside me and I held her close, still marveling at the words that she had said only a few hours earlier. I trust you. And she had meant it. She had sat perfectly still while I was stitching up her finger with the stitches that would slowly dissolve and be gone by tomorrow morning. Actually, technically, it was already 'tomorrow morning'. It was officially Christmas. And I wanted nothing more than Cayden's love and her trust, one of which I already knew that I completely had. And the other that I was working hard to get.
She stirred slightly and I pulled her even closer, if that was even possible. I breathed in her scent and traced my fingers lightly over her warm skin. I loved her so much…
And then I thought back to my own parents. Believe it or not, I had come from a very good background. At least, it had been at first. My dad had been a doctor, well respected in the community of the small town that I grew up in – that will not be named, for my protection and for the protection of others involved in my life. Not even Mr. Irving knows where I grew up because as far as he was concerned, my life started when I went to Blackthorne.
My mother stayed at home with my younger brother and I and she was quite good at what she did. She drove us to school because she thought that public transportation was unsanitary and she packed us lunch because she believed that cafeteria food wasn't healthy enough. In fact, we very rarely went out to eat. She believed in home cooked meals and families that sat down together and talked – really talked.
My younger brother, Will, idolized me. Just like I hated to be called by my real name - Joseph, he hated to be called William – it was always Will. He always filled his plate with everything that I filled mine with and he always picked up the new phrases that I brought around. He even begged my mother to put him in the very same first grade class that I had been in. And we broke rules together, too: from spying on our parents to sneaking out of the house to go play spy with other neighborhood kids in the park at midnight.
And we grew up with a foundation of faith. I can't remember life apart from church when I think about my childhood. We went faithfully every Sunday morning and Wednesday night and put money in the collection plate. We sang songs – without instruments, as was the Church of Christ way – and I guess that's where I learned to sing. And every night, my father would read a passage from the Bible to my brother and me. And I believed the stuff that he told me – the stuff that he read from the Bible. I believed that Joseph – who shared my name – had been thrown into a pit by his brothers. I believed that Jesus had walked on water. I believed that you had to be baptized for the remission of your sins in order to be a part of God's kingdom. So, when I was twelve, I was baptized. And Will just couldn't wait to join in my footsteps.
Except he never got the chance.
It was a cold night and I was sneaking out to go hang out with some friends. Will wanted to come but I didn't want him to because the group that I was going to hang out with was kind of a rough crowd. I was afraid that he might get hurt or see something that he didn't need to see. But Will was persistent. He kept begging me, out there on the roof. And it was getting cold and I was late and I grew agitated. I tried to push him back in through the window, but he pushed back. I stumbled towards the edge of the roof and on instinct, I grabbed his arm. Well, I managed to grab onto the ledge and pull myself back up onto the roof after I had slipped and fallen. But Will wasn't so lucky.
But the doctors say that he didn't feel any pain.
After that, my parents grew cold. And it wasn't long until they shipped me off to Blackthorne. I doubt that they had any real idea what went on there, but it wasn't long before I found out. And by then, it was too late. And I didn't mind. After Will died, I had grown cold, too. I did everything that they told me to do and I did it well. And I joined the Circle just because I wanted a sense of family again.
And Matt became my family. And then the Circle took him from me. And I was going to get them back. Because, even though Matt was older than me, I saw a little bit of Will in him. And it had been taken from me all over again.
But Cayden…I wouldn't let her be taken from me. Not because she reminded me of Will at all, but because she brought back love that I hadn't truly felt since Will had died. She was everything that I needed and more. I knew that if she wanted to run away together and never go on another mission, I'd do it. I had more than enough money to support us both for the rest of our lives. I'd do anything that she needed me to do for her.
In my arms, Cayden moved a little bit, growing more restless, and I knew that she was getting close to waking up. And when I looked at the clock, I was completely shocked. I had been thinking and reliving my life for more than four hours. And it was almost six in the morning.
She yawned and then her eyes fluttered open. When she saw me looking at her, she gave me that shy smile that warmed my heart. "Hey."
"Hi," I whispered, smiling back at her. "Merry Christmas."
She sat up, surprised, and looked at the clock. Then, she looked down at her hand, where the stitches had dissolved into her skin, leaving only a faint scar behind that would fade in time. Then, she looked at me and smiled. "Merry Christmas, Joe." And she leaned down to kiss me.
Cayden
The cinnamon rolls tasted amazing and after we were done with breakfast, Joe helped me wash the dishes. Then, we moved into the living room.
"I think it's time for presents," he said with a grin as he gestured for me to sit down on the couch. Then, he went to the tree and grabbed all of the packages before depositing them on the table. Then, he handed me my stack of presents, tied together with the silver ribbon. "You first."
"If you insist," I smiled and then untied the large ribbon. In the first package was a really beautiful silver charm bracelet. And – get this – the two charms on it were a dove and a sniper rifle. And I had a feeling that he'd had to personally order the sniper rifle one. I mean, what kind of jewelry store would stock that?
"It's perfect," I laughed as I immediately slipped it onto my wrist. I thought it went quite well with the red sweater that I had put on after I had taken a shower and straightened my hair – and, of course, applied some makeup.
"Glad you like it," he responded.
"Open one of yours," I said. "That's how we used to do it in my family. Take turns."
He nodded and opened the largest of his packages. He smiled at the jacket that I had gotten him. "This is waterproof, right?"
"And bulletproof," I said. "One of my acquaintances from the CIA developed it."
"Wow," he said as he turned it back and forth, looking at it. "Impressive."
"Thanks."
"Your turn."
I picked out the medium-sized package next and opened it easily. It was a small, striped box, and inside were my presents. There was a CD of classical music that I immediately went to go put in the CD player before I returned to look at the rest of the contents. He'd also included a package of my favorite type of Ricola and several packages of gum, each a different flavor.
"I didn't know what kind you liked," he explained. "I just got a lot of different ones."
I laughed. "It's great." Pachelbel's Canon played in the background and I couldn't help but think that it was strange. I was sharing Christmas with the man that I was pretty sure that I loved and a wedding song was playing in the background. "Your turn."
He opened the next present and laughed when he saw the gun. "Is it loaded?"
"Yeah," I said. "And it's just a simple Glock, but I thought that it was probably a lot better than that old handgun that I saw on your dresser."
"I don't exactly believe in guns," he laughed as he disassembled and reassembled the gun. "Most of the time if you have to use one, you're already dead. But, then again, I guess it's always good to have one. I believe it's your turn."
I took the final package and opened it, not really knowing what to expect. And I was surprised, at first. Because after I took off the wrapping paper and opened the box, there was nothing inside. Confused, I looked at him.
He merely gave me a small smile and said, "Look closer."
So, I began to look through the tissue paper and that's when I found it.
The ring.
It was silver, with a heart of little tiny diamonds.
"Joe," I breathed.
"I just want you to know," he said softly. "That I love you so much and I can't imagine the rest of my life without you. But, I understand that you may not feel the same way, so this isn't an engagement ring. But, it is a promise ring, and it can be an engagement ring when or if you decide you want it to be."
He left it at that and slowly, I slipped the ring onto my left ring finger. Then, with tears in my eyes, I looked up at him and asked, "So, when's the wedding?"
He looked shocked, and then a wide grin spread over his face. "Are you serious?"
"Yes," I whispered and a tear fell. "Joe, I love you too."
He pulled me into kiss him and I kissed him back with more passion than I ever had before. Because I was through being tentative; I was ready to love again. And I was in love with a really great guy.
As we kissed, we could both feel it becoming something more. But, I knew that Joe was holding back because he didn't know whether or not he was moving too fast. So, I had to help him. I broke the kiss and stood, offering him my hand.
He took it and I led him towards his bedroom. As soon as we were inside and I kissed him again, he pulled away. "Cayden, are you sure about this?"
"I trust you," I whispered, looking right into his eyes. "And I love you. Yes, Joe; I'm sure."
His smile could have lit up the entire city of Paris. Slowly, he pulled the red sweater up over my head and moved his lips back to mine. Clothes were shed and he carried me to the bed before continuing his slow movements. He whispered to me the whole time and when he came inside of me, Jack was the last thing on my mind. I had found a new love, a fulfilling one that I knew was right.
And afterwards, when he held me, he whispered, "Does this finally mean that you're mine?"
And I firmly replied, "All of me."
