Family

Dear Journal,

I am told by my husband that writing one's feelings down on paper is a good way to cope with things we could not otherwise endure. I do wish for that to be true, however, I do not see how it could be possible to cure all my emotional strife just by putting it in writing. But I am willing to try almost anything at this point. Even as I write this, my heart is troubled, and my soul is heavy. I am living with Rya'c now in a place called the Land of Light. However, it was not that long ago that my son would have unleashed a virus right in my face that would have killed me quickly. I wish for that dark time to be over, however, I am still afraid that someday Apophis will find us, or worse, and Rya'c will remember his teachings from when he was brainwashed and revert back to monster he was then.

I am grateful to the Tau'ri for all that they have done to help bring my son's mind back to him and back to us. However, I still worry that their solution was only a temporary one. Captain Carter pulled me aside before we stepped through the Stargate to come here and told me of an old Tau'ri saying. There is no greater love on Earth than that of a mother for her child. She told me that she could understand my reservations and my feelings when it came to Rya'c's precarious situation. She assured me that she too would be greatly troubled if she were in my place. She would want to do all that she could to protect her child, even if it meant causing him short term pain as we did when Teal'c shot him with the zat'nik'tel. And she too would be worried about the effects of it lasting. But that she would want to enjoy every moment with him that she could, and watch for the signs of his brainwashing, but not dwell on them, just waiting for them to happen. Be cautious, but not all consumed by that worry. I wish I had her confidence.

I can only think back on all the other things I have done to protect, to love, my son. To ensure the best for him. I remarried when I thought that my husband was dead for the sole purpose of being sure that Rya'c had the best that life could offer to him. I do not know why it did not surprise me to learn that Fro'tak would betray us to Apophis. Indeed, I would not be surprised to learn that it was he who turned my son over to him in the first place. Fro'tak always would do whatever it took to earn a nice sum of money. My anger toward him now is only outweighed by my love for my son.

Before I left the Tau'ri home world, I was assured that Dr. Fraiser would work to find a cure for the virus that could have destroyed their planet within the space of a week in case it ever made an appearance in the future. Most likely all the members of their Stargate Program as Teal'c referred to it will receive a preventative inoculation like the one Daniel Jackson spoke of that prevents any of them from contracting another deadly Earth virus he called Anthrax.

I must depart now. Rya'c has promised to take me and show me a part of this world that he discovered while exploring. He announced that it will be the perfect place to set up a baseball field like the ones Colonel O'Neill told him about when he visited two days ago. It seems to be a very odd game where one person throws a ball at another and that person hits the ball with a stick. If no one on the opposing team catches the ball after it is been hit, then the person who hit it is to run around in a square shape trying not to get caught by the other team. It seems very confusing to me, but Rya'c is very excited to try it, and to share it with the other children in the Land of Light. And who am I to stand in his way? He is only a boy. Now is the time for him to play and have fun. I will be eternally grateful to my true husband and his Tau'ri friends for ensuring that he has that chance.

-Drey'auc