Warning: NSFW
Giving Up
I would never forget the hangover I woke up with.
I blinked several times in the bathroom, looking around myself to see where the hell I was and my nostrils burned once I smelled something rancid and rotten around me. I swallowed with effort, only to taste the acid my throat was lined with, before looking over to see the source of the smell. It made me gag… it really made me gag. I tried picking myself up off the floor by gripping at the toilet seat and almost slipping on the heels of my feet as I stood up. I didn't look down as I flushed everything down, I didn't need to see what was there.
Then, with my head pounding, I cleaned the entirety of the bathroom… slowly, and then examined myself. First, I had to pay attention to what was crumpled up and taped to my forehead. I tilted my chin up with my jaw falling slightly, confused, staring at my own named scrawled on top of the piece of paper. I peeled it off slowly, examining it with not having it be reflected back to me. My groggy voice surprisingly came up, "What the hell…?"
I flicked it away before brushing my teeth and splashing water on my face for now. Then, without doing anything else, I left the bathroom, immediately feeling the dizziness from the drum pounding in my head. The beat it was pounding was endless. Once I left the bathroom to run into my own room to grab a few things, I noticed the bottle of Grey Goose sitting on my island. I took a sharp breath, cursing underneath it before walking into my bedroom. I disregarded several other things in that room for now.
I paused at the doorway though. I felt my face soften after a moment of seeing Loki in my bed, clutching onto my pillow with dear life. I never actually watched him like this… sleeping. He seemed to be at peace, and the most vulnerable thing in the world, by how he was laying down. I almost had forgotten what I was meant to be doing, going over to him. I leaned over his body before taking the blanket set upon his pillow in my hands; he was lying there with nothing.
I draped it over him before sitting at the edge of the bed, I had little space. My hand was on his shoulder as I watched his motionless face, seeing all of his features relaxed. My brow then furrowed at the crumpled piece of paper on his forehead to see his own name. Whatever the hell we were doing… I must have gotten him pissed drunk to actually do it. My hand went to his face as my fingers traced over his cheekbone. I didn't know if I wanted him to wake up, or something, I was still a bit lightheaded, but I wouldn't have minded if he did. I moved away from him with my hand still lingering on his cheek.
My fingers danced on his bone idly before I heard a soft moan escape his lips. I closed my eyes, frowning for a moment. Then I heard him and felt his hand move to grab mine gently. I gave him a slight smile once I saw his eye open a crack. Before he could mumble anything other than my name, I told him, "If I were you, I'd lay down on my back."
"Why?" He asked, groggily.
My hand trailed to the ends of his hair before admitting, "I've been hungover so many times that I know it doesn't hit if you are on your back right away. Just… just keep your head tilted in case."
Loki only blinked at me several times, "I've… I've been drunk before, and the morning after has never presented me with issues."
"You are also mortal now, or kind of," I told him, tangling my fingers in his hair, "We have issues after we drink a lot. I'm just preparing you."
He questioned me, but he knew the answer to it, "Are you having… issues?" I slowly nodded my head to him. But my hangover was forgotten until this very moment—he reminded it and it took over my body once again. I did my best to ignore it. "Are you going to lie down?" He shifted himself so that he was on his back, the blanket fell just a bit for him to notice it.
"I'm going to shower, I didn't wake up to the best conditions."
"Hmm," he hummed. "If you want me to go in the liv—."
I hushed him. I knew what he was suggesting but I didn't want him to even bring it up. Sleep was something that I avoided for the last couple of days, and I would have liked to keep avoiding it. The most I closed my eyes was when I was in my bathroom, passed out. Sure, I was exhausted, but… I didn't want to close my eyes. I couldn't let him know that I wasn't really sleeping well. "You're fine where you are. I'd more than likely not sleep because I'm up now."
"Mm, then what will you do after you take your shower?"
"I'll lay down."
"Where would you lay?"
"In here… where else?" I chuckled uneasily at that, knowing where the question came from. Loki furrowed his brow at this before I carefully shifted myself closer to him. I told him, "I am not mad at you."
"Then what are you?"
The corner of my mouth twitched up when I said, "Nothing. There's no point to be anything, I'm stuck with you."
His next question was immediate. "Do you forgive what I did?" I shook my head to him no. "Do you trust me?" Again, I shook my head, only to see him laugh to himself. He sat up slightly. "Wise, I knew I was right when I did not take you as a fool."
"Do you trust me?" I asked him curiously, there was no real reason to it.
Loki did not answer me straight away. He stared at me for a long while before retorting, "Have you given me reason to not trust you?" My mouth parted at this and briefly I looked away from him. Though he answered my question with a question, I still knew his answer… and it surprised me.
"No…" I said to him slowly, "I have not." And I was not going to give him reason to not trust me, there was no way to get out of what I was in with him. It was just the two of us now. I shifted myself so that I was lying down next to him. My legs were over his as I laid my head in the crook of his arm. "You and I are going to have one helluva ride starting tomorrow." We stared at each other for a moment, exchanging a small smirk before I decided to peel off his name from his forehead, and patted it down on my forehead.
Loki's smirk fell off looking at this before he slowly asked me, "What… is that?"
"I think we played a game last night." I told him softly. I felt his hand on my thigh, going underneath it before smoothing itself further up. "I don't know if it was a drinking game, or what, but it was a game."
"Last I remember, to force that disgusting drink down my throat you made us play a drinking game where we had to tell if you were lying… you lost every time and then made me drink several at a time because of your soreness."
"That was stupid of me, that was a guaranteed loss for me." I commented.
"That was the last I remember, you made me drink a lot of it."
His head was tilted toward me as I brought my hand on top of his on my thigh, bringing it up. The bottom of my dress went up along with it, and I almost had forgotten that last night I decided to wear nothing under it, well I wore my pantyhose, but there was nothing. His hand was on my bare ass, and… my pantyhose must have disappeared somewhere the night before. I didn't remember how. I said, "If I were you, I would go back asleep. You need your rest."
His hand rubbed it, squeezing it. His other hand was on my neck, bringing it down before touching my collarbone. He massaged a soft spot there for a moment, making me close my eyes, before he pressed down on it, lightly giving it enough pressure to have me breathe in sharply. It was just slightly bruised. After a moment, he asked me, "Did you mean what you have said yesterday?" It took me a moment to realize what he was talking through the small haze that my head was giving me, but I managed to. I nodded my head slowly. "You do not regret anything?"
"There is very little that I actually do. It's all…" I started to him slowly, thinking of something to actually say before I settled with, "fun. I can't really explain it. Like… it all is giving me such a… rush, you know? Even now." This whole thing… I was having fun, like actual fun. Fun, which I wouldn't normally have. It would give me such a rush. And I loved it, I loved the feeling of it, and I wanted it to stay. It no longer mattered that I was going to die any more. We were all going to die any way. Even though I was not going to survive this, I was in for the feeling of my life on risk for several weeks and I wanted… it.
I felt my leg be brought up, him parting them both further before his hand smoothed on my thigh. His green eyes stared into mine, as if he was searching them. "We thrive on that feeling." I nodded my head slowly at that before his hand went to my cheek. That made me silent, I felt my face softened before his eyes flickered down to my mouth.
Before a single thought came into my head, he kissed me tenderly, bringing my face towards his and catching my lips. His tongue pressed against mine as my eyes closed. My hand was dropped to his hip to pull him against me. I was pushed onto my back, him actually hovering over me now, before he deepened his kiss. I murmured into his mouth, "I have to take a shower."
He moaned in response, making me forget what I had wanted by pressing himself against me. The hand on his hip moved underneath his shirt almost on its own. In between his tongue mingling with mine and me having the stale taste of his vodka and wine, I managed, "You… you could join me if you like."
I didn't let him part from me, I kept my mouth firmly against his as he massaged my clit between his two fingers. My body shuddered underneath him. Shower was not in his plans yet. His hand was at the back of my dress while his fingers massaged my center. His tongue disappeared along with his mouth for a slight moment before he said to me in a suggestive tone, "I would rather dirty you up a bit before cleaning you." My grin couldn't have grown wider as I heard the zipper going down.
It was an eventful morning, and it was only at five in the morning. The two of us stayed awake since then and abnormally enough neither of us could take each other's hands off the other. I don't know what exactly brought that on because we were both brooding for two days straight (me more so than him), but it was brought on. The hangovers were eased, Loki didn't feel it right away, it wasn't until we were about to shower he did. He had gotten off the bed, and I saw it in his eyes, the way they had become glassy when looking back at me and how at times he did not walk right.
It did not show when we were bathing. I could tell you that. We stayed in there until we were both prunes, not that that was something that I minded. It was easy to ignore that I had one. But for him, I had to pretend that I didn't see his, no matter how obvious the all high and mighty god was making it. He did ask why I made him a big breakfast, so I just lied and said that it was because it was our last day in Chicago.
I wasn't sure if he believed me or not.
I had a lot to do today though. This was my list:
1. Pack a bag of clothes
2. Get everything in order with the money for mom
3. Get cash for myself.
4. Get rid of my credit cards.
5. Look up Bill (yes, we were going to see him again)
6. Say goodbye to my corner
I had to work tonight. I didn't care what he said, I just had to work tonight. There was much I had to do there, and saying goodbye to my corner and… and Ty, it was just… it was just something that I had to do. I didn't know how I was going to tell Loki that I was going to do this, but I had to talk myself into it.
"Why do you look anxious now?" Loki asked me as he took in a large forkful of scrambled eggs. I looked over at him with a pen hanging out of my mouth to see him looking me up and down. A smirk was on his face while doing so. Although, I did not answer him straight away. "You look as though you are in thought. Share them."
I flashed him a small smile before I said to him, "You share yours first." I released the pen from my teeth.
"I am wondering why you are wearing that little bottom now when you have not the entire time I have been here." I bit my bottom lip, feeling my cheeks actually flame up as his eyebrows perked. I swallowed quickly before he went on, continuing to eat, "I am also wondering how that and the shirt you have on would look on the floor in a couple of seconds."
I didn't know if my blush settled down, but his voice was in such a low purr that it made my thighs ache without him doing anything. He chuckled to himself as I walked around the island, my hand skimming its surface before I decided to bring it to his own. My fingers folded over his hand before observing it, "Why did I think you were left-handed?"
"Maybe because I am talented with my left hand just as I am with my right."
"I see," I said to him with my bottom lip being taken again. "I should get you drunk all the time because I am enjoying how much you are making it look like you are anything but hungover."
"Because I'm not."
"Mmhmm, yep," I said to him. I didn't believe a word he said. "How are you feeling right now anyway?"
"You are not discussing the subject of you, why?"
"Answer my question."
"I feel like what I have felt before." Loki told me with a slight grin on his face. "Now, tell me, what are you thinking of?"
I blinked several times, for a moment my chest grew tight because I knew what I was thinking of just as well as I knew everything else. I took a deep breath before stating to him, bluntly to just get it out there, "I want to work tonight." Loki's face couldn't have fallen faster at this. He dropped my hand and turned inwardly on his stool. His head was down as his shoulders hunched over. He stabbed his eggs and bacon because of my stupidity. I took only a step away from him with my hands on my hips. "Does that upset you?"
Loki picked up his head, tilting it toward me. "It is foolish and reckless," was all he stated to me before turning back to his food.
I took in a deep breath. "It's something that I have to do."
"No, no you do not." Loki told me stoically, not looking over in my direction. I gulped quietly to myself before retreating back around the island. He went on to say, "It is not a good idea, and I am not going to allow you to do that."
"You can't 'not allow' it." I said to him defensively with my face falling. "It's what I do for a living, how I make my money."
He deadpanned for me, "You are leaving here tomorrow. You are not making your money in that way again."
"Loki, it's something that I have to do. This is just like seeing my friends yesterday! This is just as important to me as that, and I have to say goodbye to it as I did with them." I tried to explain myself as plainly as I could. "Not only is it important to me, but we need money if we're leaving." One thing, one very important thing that we needed. Especially since I was going to get rid of my credit cards, I would only be depending on cash. "And it's not reckless."
Loki looked at me in disbelief. "Not reckless…" he said slowly, which I nodded my head to slowly. "Not reckless… you have told me the troubles you could go through, Lorelei has been there without your knowledge, and now that we—."
"And I have taken care of them!" I cried out before asking him annoyed, "Why in the hell would this be different?"
"Why would this be different?" He repeated to me incredulously. His eyes dropped down to the mark on my neck for a quick moment, not saying anything. He only nodded to me like his point was proven to me just like that. I blinked several times before turning my head away from him. My tongue pressed against my cheek and faintly I heard him stand up from the stool and walk toward me. "You did not have the same concerns as you did then." My jaw clenched at his words. I wouldn't dare look at him. "You have more to think about."
I closed my eyes as his hand went to my chin, taking it in his hand and turning it toward him. "I'm not asking you permission." I said to him, my eyes fluttering opening to see him inches away from my face. His eyes were looking into mine as they did this morning, but they held more than what I saw earlier—something heavier that I couldn't name. It took a lot of control to ignore my chest tightening and my heart rate increasing. However, I did glance away from his eyes to look at his pursed mouth for a split second. I went on to him, "No matter what you say I'm going."
His hand fell from my chin to go to the hollow of my neck. It did not even go near the mark, but it found my shoulder, rubbing the sleeve off of it before sliding it off, revealing one breast for him. His other hand was resting on the lining of my thong, snapping it before he asked me, "Whom did you say we reminded you of this morning?" His head fell on top of mine before I felt his hand slide past the lining and rest itself against my clit again before rubbing it. I took in a sharp breath before trying hard to not moan at what he was doing.
But the slow pace his fingers were working at and the way he cupped my breast made me moan out, "Bonnie and Clyde."
I grinded myself against his hand as I heard his laugh against me, his breath hitting my cheek. "Did Clyde ever let his Bonnie go out like this?" It was hard to focus on the present situation at hand while he was doing this, which was probably why he was doing it in the first place. I rolled my head back before looking up at him lazily. He said Lorelei was a master seductress, but he clearly did not spend a room with himself because right then? I couldn't exactly remember who Bonnie and Clyde were.
But before anything would happen, we heard someone knock on the door. His hands immediately fell from me as his head snapped to it. I nearly fell forward before taking a glance over there. "Are we expecting anyone to come today?" He asked me before going over to the sink. I raked my head for some kind of answer to that, but I found none as he washed his hands.
"I don't know…" I admitted to him, turning my head. I fixed the shirt over myself before starting towards my room. Loki looked after me, seemingly hopeless for a moment before I motioned to the door while the person knocked on it again. He stood there flabbergasted for a moment. I told him to be clearer, "Get the door."
"Why can't we just ignore them?" Loki asked me with his hands out.
I rolled my eyes, "Just tell them I'll be out in a minute. I'm going to put some clothes on." With that, I went into my room.
"I'd much rather you have them off and not get the door."
"Loki!" I tried not to shout at him in case whoever was there would have heard us, but I failed in doing so. I heard him sigh loudly before going over to the door. He actually had clothes on, unlike me, just a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, nothing too crazy. I faintly heard him open the door as I pulled on a pair of pants and a t-shirt, but right before I left my room, I passed by my mirror. I swallowed thickly at the mark staring back at me before going to my closet, pulling out my jacket and a scarf.
"Alex," Loki called for me from the door as I tied the scarf haphazardly around my neck. "Alex."
"I'm coming." I told him. I couldn't hide the irritation in my voice as I fixed myself in the mirror before actually leaving the room. However, once I left the room I stopped short to see Joe standing in the doorway. Loki had a fake smile on his face and by the look in his eyes, he did not seem pleased by Joe's arrival. I looked between the two of them before a smirk eased onto my face with my eyebrows rising up. "Joe? You can come in."
Joe did not look well. Joe had glassy eyes and disheveled clothing. He looked as though he was fighting a headache, but he managed to grin before coming in. "I hope I didn't come at a bad time." He said to us both with his hands shoved inside of his pockets.
"No, you didn't." Loki was the one who answered, however he sounded like it was the contrary. Loki held his jaw tightly as he watched Joe move away from the doorway. He closed the door behind him.
"You… you really didn't." I said after him before going over to Joe. Him in my apartment was the last thing I thought I would get to see. "Me and Leon were just getting over a really rough night last night."
"I'm not, I'm actually fine." Loki commented to me.
I glanced over at him before snorting, "Your hangover is showing full force right now."
"Leon actually drank?" Joe asked me surprised, looking between both Loki and I before going over to the massive plate of hangover food I had set on the table for Loki. "Wow, you were practically glued to the can of soda you had all night, I didn't even see you take a drink."
I followed him over to the island, stating, "I got him to drink when we got home."
"Ah, I see, you're a very persuasive drunk. I've been shown that side of you." He said to me as he eased himself on the stool. I leaned on the counter, looking him over. I licked my bottom lip as his brow furrowed toward me. "You look like you were about to leave." It took me a moment to realize he was talking about until I glanced down at the scarf and jacket I threw on.
Shrugging my shoulders, I lied to him, "I was planning on stepping out. I have a lot of things to do today."
"Oh, okay," he nodded his head. He then looked around my apartment, his lip twitching up as he took in the surroundings. For a moment, I had forgotten about Loki standing in this apartment until he decided to come up next to me. Just as he had done the night before at the party by Joe, he smoothed his hand over to my hip, possessively taking it as his own. I gulped, glancing over to him and giving him almost a warning. Though, he did not pay mind to me, his eyes were on Joe as if he was planning the man's murder once I turned my back. His jaw was clenched tightly and his eyes were narrowed. "You have an awesome place here, Lex. I didn't think you were doing that good for yourself here."
I looked away from Loki before chuckling lightly, "I get around, you know. Try my best."
"Well, you're doing great, definitely."
"Do you want anything to drink? Coffee? Water?" I asked him once I saw him rubbing his face down with his hand. Once his hand dropped on the counter, he puckered his lips to me, looking briefly up at the ceiling. He then nodded his head to me before muttering 'coffee', which I gladly decided to pour for him. Anything to get out from between Joe and Loki, I would do. For some reason I already felt the tension that Loki was causing in the air. "So, why did you come here? We weren't expecting you."
I took out a mug for him and the pot of coffee that was still steaming. I poured it in the mug before I heard him answer me, "Well, apparently, you gave me your car keys yesterday." To prove this to me, he took my keys out of his pocket. I turned around with his cup of coffee to give to him, but my eyes were skeptically on my keys. Joe chuckled uneasily as we traded my keys for his coffee. He eyed Loki, remarking, "You must be an awful driver, Leon, since you were sober and she didn't want you to drive."
Loki said to him defensively, "We had a misunderstanding last time I drove."
"In England they drive on the wrong side of the road, he's just not use to our cars." It sounded plausible.
There was a strange sense that I had that Loki was annoyed with what I just said but I ignored it. I wasn't going to tell him that I was too paranoid to actually let the man drive. Besides, it made sense for Joe. He nodded his head at this, but didn't say anything, going to take a drink out of his coffee. I questioned, "How's Quinn doing? Leon said that Nick had trouble finding her last night."
Joe slowly had set down his cup, looking at me with his brow raised. "Quinn…" he started, tilting his head slightly. I glanced over at Loki, who actually seemed skeptical by Joe suddenly. "Yeah… well… Nick isn't too happy with Quinn right now. She, uh…" Joe trailed off for a moment, closing his eyes as if he was trying to recall what happened to my good friend. I didn't really get to see her I think the whole party. "She kinda hit Nick in the face, that's all, it was a really awkward morning between them."
"She… she what? Why?"
"I don't really know, but Nick had a broken nose this morning. He didn't even explain it to me."
Add that to my list. 7. See why Nick got punched in the face.
I shook my head for a moment, stating, "Oh well I understand how that's awkward in the morning."
"Yeah, so apparently Nick volunteered me to drive your car over here last night, and I was happy to take the opportunity, honestly, that place is so tense and I'm leaving tomorrow so I thought seeing you would be great. He said Leon knew." I glanced over to Loki whose mouth was slightly parted, almost dumbfounded by what he said. I took it that Joe was not good in Loki's books, but that would have been something to remember in my opinion for him. Unless… we must have drank so much last night that he had forgotten.
It took Loki a moment to shake his head. "Right, I must have forgotten."
I laughed softly before stating, "Well I'm happy that you're here. In fact," I glanced back at Joe before looking at Loki, who suddenly seemed puzzled. It might have been the way that I looked at him, like I kind of wanted him to leave… now. "Babe? Didn't you say you wanted to take a walk to get your head cleared? It may help you."
Loki stared at me as if I had ten heads. I tried to give a meaningful, subtle bob of the head toward Joe to have him get the hint. He didn't seem like he got it at first. "I am fine."
"But you're not," I added. "It'll help your head… fresh air." His jaw clenched at my remark and his eyes narrowed at me. "We'll have our conversation about tonight later."
"That conversation was already done." Loki commented before dragging his hand across the island. I couldn't help but glare at him as he left the two of us. He didn't seem too happy though by the time he left us, giving me a glare toward my way before taking his keys from the hanger by the door. I jumped at the sound of the door slamming in the apartment. There was a moment of awkward silence between Joe and I, as I stared at the door with my jaw tightened.
Joe broke the silence, gesturing between the door and I, "Are you sure there was nothing that I interrupted?"
I closed my eyes for a moment, gathering back my patience while taking a deep breath. Then I looked over at him with a small smirk, "You did, but it wasn't anything serious."
"Are you two having… issues that I should know about?" He asked me after a moment.
Oh, he had no idea. We were confusing as fuck right now. But I shrugged my shoulders, "He's just being a grouch. Apparently I coerced him to drink last night and he doesn't like my night job, so we were, uh, arguing that." If you could call that arguing.
"He doesn't like you working at the diner?" Joe asked me almost incredulously.
I forgot that he didn't know my night job, or so I thought. I blinked at him several times before realizing that small detail and then shook my head, "Uh, no, he doesn't at that time." Think, Alex, think, I had to urge myself to think of a good lie. "It's just late at night, the shift I'm working at. He'd rather me not there tonight because it's not in the best part of town… but little does he know, that I could take care of myself."
"Oh, well I could understand that," Joe muttered to himself. I picked up my head with my face falling. I watched him smirk into his coffee as he had taken a sip out of it. "He's just worried about you, Lex. I don't blame him, you've been reckless since we've been kids."
"That is so not true," I rose up to defend myself immediately. "You were in so much more dumb situations than I was."
He cried, "All because of you!"
I snorted, "You are such a jerk off." With that, I took a sip out of my own cup of coffee. "You'll be a good lawyer."
He cracked a smile before holding out his cup toward me. I glanced down at it with my eyebrow raised, shifting myself so that I was putting my weight on the island. "I believe you told me that a long time ago for the same reasons." I thought for a moment, squinting my eyes at him. I opened my mouth to say something, but it was drowned out from how right he was actually. I brought my coffee cup to meet his, clinking them together. "Did Leon shave or something? I recall him having a bit of hair on his face yesterday."
Fuck. I tried to hide my discontent that Loki did not put any fake facial hair on that morning. I sighed deeply before lying, "Yes, this morning. I think… I don't know, I woke to him like that. I probably said something that I didn't like it."
"Oh… okay, that makes sense. What about your scarf? Aren't you warm in that?" Joe gestured over to the haphazardly tied scarf around my neck.
I nearly froze at his question, my breath being caught in my throat. But… then I remembered it was a simple question that he was just curious about. It was almost spring and I was wearing a scarf tightly around my neck like it was the middle of winter. I would have been curious too. I took a glimpse of the scarf before answering him, "I have been getting the chills lately so I threw it on." He nodded at that, but it didn't stop my chest from tightening. I looked away from him sadly for a short moment. Lying to him probably had hurt me the most. Why did I have to meet him in the bar that night and become friends with him again? It was probably the worst thing ever, because we had more than friendship, and still I looked back on those days with a small smile on my face. They were just… good memories. We had our bad memories, of course, that big falling out when we were 18 was awful, but that didn't mean anything now. We were almost 30. I could get over something that happened 7 to 8 years ago.
I smacked my lips together and had set my mug onto the island before crossing my arms over my chest and leaning on the counter. I don't know why I admitted what I was about to admit to him, it could be because I was at a weak moment with everything, but I felt the need to tell him it. Joe was my best friend, my ex-boyfriend, best friend, best friend with benefits, my ex-best friend with benefits, and then friend again, and I was thinking that I would never get to see him again—I probably wouldn't see him again in this fucking government building I'm in currently, but hell, I wanted to say it. I admitted, "You have no idea… how happy I am that we saw each other in that bar that night."
His tongue peeked out to lick his bottom lip as he brought his coffee down. "I'm happy that we did too. I probably wouldn't be here right now."
"I just…" I started to him, but soon trailed off. I sighed deeply once the right words were not coming to my head right away before I brought a hand to my forehead. Glancing down, I rubbed it in thought, "I want to apologize for what happened between us. I was going through a lot at that moment and just seeing—."
He interrupted me, "I understand."
"No, that was wrong of me to freak out like that. I shouldn't have ended a long friendship over some chick."
He shook his head at me, "Alex, I understand. Please, you don't have to bring that up."
"Things would have happened differently if I didn't." I told him quickly, moving one of my hands toward him. Joe looked down at it, but didn't do anything. He stared at it like it was laced with poison. I breathed in through my nose before continuing on, "We weren't together. I had no right."
"I didn't follow our rules." He said to me with a slight smirk. "So, believe me, I deserved what I got because I immediately missed you." He… I didn't know what to do at that, but my response was something that was not verbal. I stared at him in disbelief with my jaw hanging open. "Things would have been so different if I wasn't an idiot."
My hand had gone numb once he had his hand over my own. His fingers went between mine before gripping it in almost a fond way. It was a familiar sensation that I hadn't felt in a while. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered for the first time in what seemed to be weeks. The Asgardian didn't have that effect on me at times. Not like Joe. But then I asked him slowly, bringing my eyes up to his, "How long did you date her?"
"A year," his answer was quick.
I narrowed my eyes at him as my mouth curled into a scowl. "You missed me immediately after and yet you dated her for a year." It wasn't even a question. My sour tone could not have made that a question to question his answer that was complete horseshit.
He corrected himself, rolling his eyes to himself, "I meant I missed you as a friend for that year."
"Oh, really? Wow." I said to him. I didn't know what was coming over me suddenly but my grip on his hand grew tighter. "I think you are just saying things now that are absolute shit."
"Shit? Alex, that's the truth, I did miss you."
"Yeah while you were fucking big tits, yeah I would totally miss no ass me."
"Alex, this was eight years ago," Joe said to me in a firm tone. His expression darkened significantly. "We weren't together, and I just forgot to tell you that I was beginning to date someone. There's no reason to get upset now… and her name wasn't big tits."
I murmured going for my coffee, "Her cup size must have been like a… triple D." Her tits were huge. You guys should have saw them! I don't know if it was because of the bra she wore or because they were just that big, but fuck, I envied them… let's forget I said that. "If I went that way, I think I would have fucked her too."
"Sex wasn't that good." Joe admitted. I glanced over at him surprised before he went on, "We could never do it at my house because my parents were there most of the time and she was not exactly quiet. But… she had… like… I don't even know how to describe it but her voice when she came sounded like a hyena choking on heat."
"I am very curious at what that may sound like, can I please have a demonstration?" I asked him in all seriousness because I didn't think he knew what a hyena choking on heat sounded like. But I remember that girl having big tits and a high-pitched voice, so I could imagine that when she came her voice was shattering, and not in a good way… like a porn-star coming, over-dramatic, but ten times worse. That was probably how it was like, but I barely knew her name… all I knew was that I hated her for the longest time, and envied her for a bit. He shook his head no at my request, making me grin wide. "Who's better then… me or her?"
His shoulders fell as he tilted his head. "Alex…"
"I'm just asking a question!" I said loudly. "And I think the question is very reasonable, don't you? She must have been good for something to have you keep her around for a year."
"I kept you around for 12 years at least—a year is nothing compared to that."
"Yeah, I don't give a shit about personality, I am talking about putting your dick in her vag as you used to do with me and I never really asked someone this question before, so I'm asking it now." I just always wanted to ask the question to someone.
"But I don't want to talk about that, you are changing the subject from the subject you changed the original to!"
"It really is the same subject, I'm just curious about a part of the subject." I stated to him before giving him a wink. "Now, come on, tell me. The truth would not hurt me, I promise."
"You promise…" he stated to me. "If I answer this question, I would seem like a huge asshole."
"You already are one. So… answer. I am the one who took your virginity and since I took it, I can give it back."
"But if I don't answer, you would get the wrong idea and I'll feel like a jackass," he started to me, "but if I do answer, I would look like an asshole because I am comparing you two, which is ridiculous because you are two different people and more than just… that." He just told me how she came and yet he was playing the gentleman. Okay, whatever. I think I had gotten my answer from that and I could rightly assume who was better from how red his cheeks had gotten when I first asked him who was better. I took in a long, quiet breath, before giving up on this question by shaking my head. "Thank you, that was extremely uncomfortable."
"Really? Because now you are making a cocky, intelligent person assume the right answer." I smirked at him before perking my eyebrows up. His response was biting back a smile. "Backstreet, in all seriousness," my smirk dropped as I looked down at our hands. It made me swallow thickly, "I shouldn't have acted how I did because I lost a lot… I lost a lot that day that… uh, you meant a lot to me and it was something so stupid."
"Meant?" He asked me, feigning that he was offended. I sucked in both of my cheeks to hide the smile that wanted to come on my face. "You still mean a lot to me, Luther, and don't ever forget that."
I replied reluctantly, "Yeah… yeah, I won't."
"Why is this all coming out though?" He asked me with a slight frown. His thumb caressed one of my knuckles fondly.
I didn't want to lie… It wanted to so badly fall from my mouth… everything wanted to come out, and yet… I couldn't tell him. I faked a smile, "No reason."
"If… if you weren't with him…" Joe started to me slowly with his eyes narrowed skeptically. "Would we have…?"
Yes. "I'm not sure." I answered him.
He nodded after my answer, but then went on to ask, "Do you still…?" He didn't even need to complete what he couldn't.
My answer was yes, but I lied completely, "No, I do not."
My ears suddenly felt clogged and all I could hear now was the beating heart that was pounding against my tight chest. The scarf around my neck was practically choking me. I tried my best to ignore that and breathe, but it was almost like bile was coming up my throat again to burn it. "Do you love him? Like… love him." It could have been a question that was personal, but I looked Joe straight in the eyes. I didn't know the answer to that, nor did I want to know the answer to that. If I did know, this whole thing, would hurt 10x more.
I was honest with this, "I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that one."
"Do you care for him then?" Joe added.
That was a tough question. I didn't know the answer to that one either. I shrugged my shoulders, "It depends what you mean by caring."
"Would you do anything for him… is what I mean."
I was doing everything for him. I was giving up everything for him, Joe, my friends, my family, my job, my night job, and the most important thing to me, my life. I didn't know any more though if it was forced upon me, or if I actually wanted to do it, because I think going in this the second day, I knew that this was going to be a suicide mission. I just didn't want to admit it. Joe was right, I was the reckless one out of the two of us. I lived for my heart rate to increase and thrive on that feeling that I was going to outsmart someone to get around certain death. I was going to get around this one some way before I realized that it was all final. The lines between Loki and I were blurred a long time ago, and I think it was when I started to enjoy all of this… and that was why I could never hate Loki for trying to take my life because I was too goddamn stupid to fall for his plan in the first place—that was a mistake on my part.
So… I was doing everything for him but I was not sure if it was forced upon, or if I was truly doing everything for him despite of things. I think I answered him the truth, "Yes."
He didn't show any response to that. We both stared at each other in silence, waiting for the other to at least say something. My hand was still gripped by him and his thumb didn't stop rubbing against my knuckle. There should have been more said, other than an apology and… and that. "I don't know your relationship with him," Joe told me softly. "I don't know if what you have is making you happy…"
"I am happy," my voice was soft. I didn't know if that was a lie or not.
Joe gave me a smile, "That's good. I think you and I just met up again at the wrong time."
"Yeah… maybe." His hand slipped from mine then as my eyes finally looked away from him. My hand was still out gripping at the thin air before I closed it. When he had let go of me that was when I thought of something to say. He muttered something like, 'I should go now' as he advanced toward the door. I followed him to open it for him, but I requested, "When you get to New Jersey… can you check in on my mother and sister?"
He stopped at the door, turning inwardly toward me with his brow raised. But his answer didn't show his puzzlement, "Of course."
"It's just…" I started to explain, "I don't know when I'm going to go back, and I just want someone to watch over them… you are about the only person I trust to do that. The calls are not enough for me."
"I will." He said to me. "Don't worry, I will." With this, he wrapped his arms around me and brought me to him. I had my arms around his neck and my nose buried into his shoulder immediately catching his musky scent Joe was smart, he knew something was really up without me having to say it… why else would I make a request like that? But he didn't have a clue about the real reason. Before he moved away from me his mouth grazed my ear. His breath brushed against it making me shiver and he told me, "Stay off the streets tonight. I do know what you do."
It wasn't much of a shock that he did, and maybe I should have followed his advice. I chuckled though as his lips pecked my cheek, "You should know better than to tell me what to do."
With that, he moved away from me, and I dropped my arms from his neck to open the door for him. There was a sad half-smile on his face as he stated to me, "I should. Bye Lex Luther."
"Bye Backstreet." I replied, opening the door. I stood in the doorway for a moment, watching him leave me. I added a number 8 on my list that I was going to do much later, explain to him everything.
I eventually closed the door and while I was alone, I distracted myself. I didn't want to dwell on a thought of Joe, or really anyone else. So, I marked things off of my list. I packed my bag for tomorrow, even though I didn't know how much to pack. I didn't think it really mattered because I was never going to come back. I looked up Bill, which wasn't hard surprisingly, it was easy to narrow him down because of his journals and all, and I also found out the story about Nick getting punched in the face, and it was… the most stupid thing I have ever heard and I don't think I want to even mention it. Loki soon came back home, and the moment he stepped through the door, he looked around the apartment to see if Joe was still there.
I swallowed once he came in and stood up from the stool of the island. He stared at me absently, closing the door behind him. I stated to him, "We're leaving tomorrow morning."
"Yes, I know." He remarked as I walked toward him.
"And I'm working tonight."
"I know, and I am not going to stop you from doing so." He said to me as I took both of his hands in mine. I have to admit though, his response to that surprised me. I didn't know what happened on that walk he took that made him suddenly realize that I wasn't going to be stopped and he wasn't going to change my mind about it easily, but I thanked whatever it was. We were both silent for a moment before he asked me, "Where did he go?"
The jealousy in his tone made me shiver with almost… I don't know, but it was almost a good feeling. I answered him though, "He left a while ago. I just wanted to be alone with him. That's all, I did get to do some of the things I had to do." I didn't tell him what our conversation was because that is between me and Joe, it isn't Loki's business, but what it was to me was something of closure, and I needed that closure because the thought of Joe didn't come up after, and now because of that closure, I was able to do what I had to do… sort of. "Thank you for giving me my time."
"The walk helped my head, as you said." He ignored the thank you I gave him.
I blinked at this before I told him, "Good… that's good…" I awkwardly had let go of his hands uncertain of what I wanted to actually do with them, but his hands went to the scarf around my neck, loosening it and letting it fall to the floor. My eyes watched his questionably as he had both hands under my jacket, smoothing them on my shoulders before pushing it down. His eyes went to my mark that he almost had made me forget about numerous times that morning.
As his fingers traced it, he murmured to me, "If I were you, I would get you have left to do done, before you go to your little… corner tonight." Then, with that, he stalked away to my bookcase and I did what he said.
Oh wow I'm so sorry for the lateness of this update, I've just been so busy between work and getting my next story for camp nano all ready that I just couldn't find the time for this chapter, and also this chapter was completely the opposite of what I wanted it to be and it turned out longer than expected, so I am so sorry about that. Anyway, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! And see you next update!
~Tiana
