A/N: I want to thank everyone for your reviews, follows and faves! You've stuck with me for a long time, and the end is drawing near. I'm not done yet, but I'm certainly in the last 1-2 chapters, plus a short epilogue. When the story is completely finished, I'll go back to a faster posting schedule every couple days, since I won't be worried about posting faster than I can write. I promise things will get better for these guys! It won't be much longer now.
PS: This story is LOOOONG. It's over 100k words right now, though only 80k are posted.
Chapter 29: Scars
Jareth couldn't have said how long he was in that lightless place, but eventually, someone found him. Illumination lit his tiny world. He squinted his eyes against it, until his vision adjusted to something more than total darkness. He made out a small lantern, though the person who held it was hidden in the shadows. For one moment he dared to hope that his Heart had come looking for him.
"You look terrible," the visitor said flatly, shattering his hope. He should have known better, he thought bitterly.
"Go away, Lilac," he growled in irritation.
"You need to come back to the castle," the elf said. "We've been worried about you."
He snorted. "Like it matters. She knows enough to handle the day-to-day things, and I can deal with anything else from here. Leave me be."
"Lady Sarah is worried about you," she insisted.
"No, she isn't," he snarled.
"Jareth—"
"Has she gone looking for me?" he demanded. "Did she come here herself?"
"If you will stop being an idiot for one damn moment," Lilac uncharacteristically yelled at him, "Think about how I got here in this infernal place!"
He paused. Elves, living in the forests as they did, were notoriously claustrophobic when under the earth. No elf would venture underground except in great need. The oubliettes were quite tricky to navigate in their utter darkness, unless one had a guide. Dwarves were perfectly at home in caves. He would have thought a dwarf might come for him, but definitely not an elf. He eyed Lilac suspiciously. She'd lowered the light so it was no longer blinding his sight. She was pale and distressed, clearly eager to get out of the oubliette.
"How did you find me?" he asked slowly, not sure what to think anymore.
In answer, Lilac held out her hand. There was a string wrapped around her finger, and from the string dangled— His breath caught in his throat. A crystal. There was only one being besides himself in the Labyrinth capable of the higher magic of forming crystals. It was small, hardly bigger than a walnut, and looked more like a misshapen lump of silvery metal than a true crystal. But it glowed with a sporadic, inner light, and as he watched, it jumped on the string, swinging toward him unsteadily.
It was perhaps the clumsiest location spell he'd ever seen, especially when Sarah could have just asked the Labyrinth where he was, but it was adorable, because it was hers. He had a sudden deep longing for the crystal. He reached for it. The moment he touched it, the faulty magic gave out and it dissolved into silver glitter in his hand. He felt a rush of energy as the magic sank into him. For a moment, he felt what Sarah felt when she formed the crystal. Worry, determination, concern. The feeling faded almost at once, leaving him speculative.
That wasn't at all the disgust or betrayal he had expected from her. After the way he left her in the bedroom, he thought he burned his bridges with her. He was glad she was not angry with him, but he knew now he could never be anything more than platonic friends with her. Anything else was too painful, to have her body but not her heart. It was a dream he wasn't ready to give up yet. He couldn't face her like this. He turned away from Lilac.
"I'm sorry you came down here for nothing," he said, his shoulders slumping. "I'll transport you back, if you want. Tell Sarah… tell her I'm alright, I'm just dealing with things right now. I'll come back when I can."
Lilac sighed. "You are both stubborn gits! Now, I did not come down into this forsaken awful place to come back empty-handed! I'm going to sit here until you tell me what is really going on." She sat on a rock with a huff.
He almost smiled at that. Lilac was a good friend, better than he'd realized for centuries. His chest hurt too much to give in to mirth, but he appreciated that she was trying to help. Unfortunately, this wasn't something that could be cured with her wand.
"It's the same thing that always happens," he waved his hand dismissively. "I ran into the scar, and it caused her to not hear me."
She narrowed her eyes at him, silently demanding more. Not wanting to explain what they had been doing at the time, he confessed, "I asked her to marry me."
Lilac got a sympathetic look on her face.
"For the third time," he added, feeling the pain of each rejection fresh again.
Now the physician was stricken. "Jareth, what happened?"
"You know about the first time," he began, he quickly explained about the second.
"And the third time?" she asked when he fell silent.
He spoke in clipped, harsh tones, wanting to get away from the subject as soon as possible. "I took her to see the gardens. We had a picnic. It was nice. She laid next to me, and she… I… we…" he cleared his throat, feeling his face grow warm. "I wasn't going to allow anything to happen, but if she… wanted me, I thought the scar was finally gone. That she loved me. But I was wrong. She was just… I don't understand why she would sleep with someone she doesn't love." He couldn't hide the anguish in his voice. He shuddered, and drew away from the small circle of light made by the lantern. Even that dim light felt too bright and harsh right now.
"That scar in her mind, it won't ever go away. She will never love me. And I can't… be with her without love between us. It hurts too much." He fell silent, feeling like his chest was ripped open by his revelations. Quiet tears fell down his face. He felt he had nothing to look forward to, nothing to strive for. If his existence had been lonely before he met Sarah, it was utterly bleak now. Finding his Heart was supposed to be the greatest joy, but she'd caused him so much pain instead. Why couldn't the Instance take away his pain, let him live without her?
"I think you're wrong, on both accounts," Lilac said firmly. She began to roll up the sleeve of her dress, revealing her forearm to the elbow. She showed it to him. He stared at smooth, purple skin blankly.
"Do you remember when we first met?" she asked him.
It was a long time ago. He'd been a little over two centuries into his reign as the Goblin King. He was fresh from his experience with the first lover he took, whose name he could no longer remember, and disturbed by it. The previous royal physician had died some forty years prior, but as Jareth was generally healthy, he hadn't been looking for a replacement. It so happened that he was making one of his rare visits to court when the purple elf approached him, bold for someone so young. He almost dismissed her out of hand, but she had been insistent about looking for a position.
She allowed him to test her healing magic, and was surprised by her strength. He asked why one of her ability did not already have a position. Stoically, she had rolled up her sleeve as she did now, and revealed an ugly, jagged scar on her arm. Trolls, she explained succinctly. Realizing she was another damaged outcast of the court, he hired her on the spot. She had served faithfully ever since.
His eyes sharpened on Lilac's arm again. The scar was gone. Not a trace of the blemish remained. He looked up at her. "How?" he demanded.
"Time," she answered simply, covering her arm again. "I won't lie to you. It took centuries. It faded so gradually I hardly noticed it, until I looked one day, and it was gone."
He sighed. Centuries of living with this pain, unable to touch his Heart, or mention how much he adored her. And that was yet another problem.
"Sarah is mortal," he said with difficulty. "She isn't going to live for centuries." It was something he'd been avoiding thinking about, even though he couldn't stop himself from anxiously searching her face for signs of aging.
Lilac snorted. "Her mortality was forfeit the moment she came back to the Underground for the second time," she said. "Anyone who uses magic like her is not mortal, and the longer she stays here, the more like Fae she will become." She waved her hand expressively, drawing his attention to the limp string where Sarah's crystal used to hang.
"She will?" he asked carefully.
Her face softened. "You didn't know? What do you think happened to the children you placed with Fae homes?"
He shrugged. He had never paid attention before. He normally met them as babies or children, and if he saw them again later, he most likely would not recognize the adults they became.
"She will be with you for a very long time," she assured him. "She will not leave you prematurely."
He looked away, his chest squeezing tightly. "Unless she chooses to leave me," he said bitterly. It felt as though it would take so little for Sarah to walk away from him.
She leveled a sharp look at him. "She won't leave you," she said steadily.
He started to round angrily on her but paused. There was something too knowing in her expression. She had information that he didn't.
"What do you know?" he asked suspiciously.
"She may not realize it yet, but I am certain that she does love you. You didn't see her when you were missing. She was very distraught, and kept working at her crystal until it could lead me to you. She's hardly slept at all while you've been gone."
He was simultaneously guilty to have caused her more distress, and surprised that she would be so worried for him. "Why would it bother her that I was missing?" he asked carefully.
The elf gave him a you idiot look. "Because she does love you," she insisted.
"If she loves me, why won't she admit it?" he asked, then answered his own question. "Because of the scar," he sighed. He already knew how difficult to was admit to his love to Sarah, and he had the hope she might love him back. But because of the scar, she couldn't believe that he loved her. How much more difficult was it for her to say something to someone who she thought would never love her? And according to Lilac, if he only gave Sarah time, the scar would fade and she would hear him at long last.
He rubbed his hands over his face tiredly. His skin felt gritty. He'd had enough of hiding in the darkness here. He lowered his hands, and looked to Lilac. "I want to get out of here. I suppose you'd prefer to take the slow route?"
"Oh, hell no," she exclaimed. "Transport us, now!"
He reached for her hand and dropped a crystal at the same time. He took them to the castle doors. The bright sun assaulted his eyes. He'd gotten used to the small lantern in the oubliette, but the full light of day was much stronger. He threw up his arm to protect his eyes. It took him longer than expected to adjust, or perhaps he wasn't paying close attention to his surroundings. He was still blinking tears from his eyes when a small force hit him. He staggered back a step, his arms automatically folding around the body now clinging to his. He might not be able to see, but he still knew who it was. The scent of vanilla and sunshine came to his nose, and the feel of her pressed to him was familiar. The thrum of pleasure in his chest only confirmed what he already knew. Sarah.
"I'm sorry," she said into his chest, clutching tightly to him. "Please don't go."
She was trembling, and his shirt was growing damp with her tears. He squinted against the light, and was just able to make out the top of her head. He kissed her hair, unable to do otherwise.
"No, precious," he promised, "I'm not going anywhere."
She hugged him hard, holding on for several minutes. He rubbed her back and hair, hardly able to believe she was in his arms again. After the way he left her, he wouldn't have been surprised if she was quite angry at him. Instead, this instant forgiveness undid him. In this moment, he really could believe that she loved him, even if she didn't want to speak it just yet.
She released him reluctantly, and took a step back. His eyes had adjusted to where he could see her clearly, and so he noticed her uncertain expression. He slung his arm around her shoulders, the gesture more platonic than he would have liked. He thought he saw a mixture of relief and disappointment in her eyes, before she masked it quickly.
"We'll be alright," he promised them both. Even if it takes a thousand years, he swore privately, We'll be alright.
Jareth made some changes after that day. For one thing, he felt a sharp relief at the knowledge that he wouldn't lose Sarah to mortality in sixty or seventy years. The pressure of time was removed from him. For another, as much as it irked him, he stopped trying to overtly seduce his Heart. He knew she was vulnerable to him. If he truly tried to get her in bed, she would come willingly. But he did not want the immediate intimacy without the lasting bonds of marriage, so he had to be cautious.
Of course, he had spent so much time establishing a certain amount of tactility between them that it was impossible to pull back completely. He was careful not to reach for her, but it was too much to ask him to turn away when she slipped her hand into his, or leaned her head on his shoulder.
She did not do it as often as he would have liked. It seemed she only did it when she was feeling particularly relaxed and affectionate. Still, every touch sent a thrill through. He didn't react as he longed to, which was to take her in his arms and kiss her breathless, but he never rebuffed her advances. It showed him that even with the scar in her mind, she certainly felt something for him.
Another change that happened was that he moved out of his room. It was too painful for him to sleep in the same room as her, and never actually have her. He transferred his sleeping gear to a rather sterile and musty guest room on the other side of the castle. He tried to tell himself he was glad to no longer be sleeping on the settee, but his mind betrayed him by remembering the times he hadn't slept on the settee. The guest room seemed very cold and empty. It echoed the hollowness in his chest. No matter how high the goblins piled the fire, or put opulent blankets on the bed, he always felt like shivering in that room.
The first night he spent in that room, he couldn't sleep. It felt unnatural to be so far from his Heart. He missed holding her as she slept. He missed the sound of her breathing, the rustle as she turned over, the incomprehensible murmurs she made when she dreamed. He laid stiffly in bed, one hand behind his head, staring at the ceiling and waiting for sleep to take him.
The more he tried to rest, the more he felt he lay on a bed of thorns, digging at his flesh. His feet were cold, in a way that had nothing to do with the temperature of the room. His entire body was stiff and uncomfortable, his stomach sick with dread, his chest churning with sorrow, and his mind full of doubts. He felt more than simple longing for Sarah. He was afraid for her. These several months it had been his pride to protect her as she slept. With him in the same room, nothing could get past him and reach her.
Now he felt as though he'd left her ridiculously exposed. It wasn't true. Maple was with her. The Grimhound had grown perhaps twenty pounds since he'd arrived, and was becoming a better and smarter protector every day. And it wasn't like Sarah was sleeping on the outskirts of the Labyrinth, where trolls might come upon her at any moment. No, she was in the middle of the Castle, in a room that could only be reached by his permission. Not to mention that if a single hair on Sarah's head were harmed, half the Labyrinth popular would rise up in outrage, so well was she loved now. He told himself she was only a teleportation away. She was perfectly safe now. Still, it didn't feel right. Even the Labyrinth felt restless and uneasy in his mind.
And then Sarah's scream shattered the night.
