My dear readers,
First off I would like to apologize for this taking so long. I am currently in the process of packing for a trip to Scotland!
I hate to say it, but it has come to the time in which I must say goodbye. I have to be honest ... I got slightly teary-eyed while writing this. Especially the ending. I hate goodbyes. Before You read the story, I just wanted to thank you all for being so amazing and supportive! I feel that just through this story alone I have grown so much as a writer and I owe it all to you for reviewing.
xo,
Alex
One does not get over the loss of a loved one. No matter how long it has been, they never truly leave you.
In the darkest moments before dawn, the sound of rain awoke me from my already uneasy sleep. I stretch and checked to make sure Gavroche was still asleep before removing the thin blanket and exiting the elephant. The rain cooled my skin, relieving it of some of the dirt that was caked onto it. I sat down, leaning my head against the smooth surface of the elephant, and turning my face upward as little droplets fell on it. I always liked the rain. As children, Eponine and I had often played in it, and as we grew older, we found solace in the silence that came with it. It was a lullaby, a way to get clean, and if it rained hard enough, sometimes even a light show. Thunder and lighting never scared us. We had far worse things to fear, and thunder could not hurt us. I remember marveling at the thunder when I was young. Eponine would tell me it was because God was angry, and that the rain were his tears and the thunder his booming voice. I always imagined him being mad at Papa.
"I wonder who he is angry at." Azelma raised her voice over another crack of thunder.
Eponine shrugged. "Those who have sinned, most likely."
Azelma nodded, jumping slightly as a flash of lighting tore through the air. She yelped, burrowing into Eponine's lap. Eponine laughed at the smaller of the two's reaction. "Don't worry, 'Zelma." She mused. "It is only lightning."
Azelma relaxed, but did not let go of Eponine, nor did she intend to. Eponine sighed, pulling her sister even closer, and lying down on the mattress. Sleep would com easily to them tonight.
I wiped my face, unsure of whether it was wet from tears, or rain, or both. It had begun to rain harder, the small mist that once filled the air becoming large, angry drops that strung slightly as they landed on my soar skin. Alone, i began to think about what life would be like now. Montparnasse was dead, of course, so there was no threat from him. But the other members of the Patron Minette were still out there somewhere, though I doubt they would bother us. The thing that scared me the most though, was that I had never been the oldest. I always had Eponine to take on the serious responsibilities, and I hardly knew that first thing about taking care of others the way she took care of Gavroche and I. It scared me half to death that I would fail him, but I knew I couldn't afford to think like that. For both of our sakes, I had to learn, and I had to learn fast.
"Come inside, Azelma." I jumped, blinking as I tried to adjust my eyes to the darkness. A small shadow stood before me.
I relaxed. "I shall be inside soon, Amélie." I called to the young gamine.
She took a step out of the doorway, and sat next to me, resting her head on me. I put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to me. She didn't say anything, much to my gratitude. I was not in the mood to talk with anyone. We sat there in silence, only the sound of rain and her soft humming filling the darkness. She reached out, grasping my hand in her small one. I resisted the urge to pull away as her finger softly trailed down the lines in my palm, taking a deep breath and telling myself to relax. She noted my reaction, however, and released my hand. I squinted at the girl. She reminded me of Eponine in many ways. She was street smart, there was no doubt there, but that was not all. There was something about Amélie, something about her spirit, and her soul.
She was undeniably good.
It was a gate I had seen so often in the past month. The green ivy hung thick, little droplets of water cascading down them after last night's rain. It was the first time that there was no one sitting outside, waiting for me, and the first time that there was no one next to me to calm my nerves. I was completely and utterly alone.
Alone.
It is a strange feeling, being along. For although I had thought that I knew what it meant, I did not truly understand it until Eponine's passing. Ever since, it was a feeling which I had grown accustom to. Alone is fear, and frustration, and anguish, and most of all, pain. A pain that twisted in the pit of your stomach and ripped you apart from the inside out. Once you are alone, you will stay that way, because no matter who you meet, no matter who tries to help you, no one can. When you are alone, there is no one who can help you.
I took a deep breath, gritting my teeth, and climbing the ivory entangled gate. As soon as my feet hit the ground, a light flicked on from inside, and the front door opened, revealing a fair haired maiden with skin so pale it shone in the moonlight. Cosette closed the door silently behind her and wrapped her shawl tightly around her shoulders. It was only then that I realized that I myself was quite cold, a small shiver finding its way up my spine. The lark rushed over to me, and I removed Eponine's cap from my own head, wringing it in my hands in nervous anticipation.
"Why are you here, Azelma?" She whispered softly. "If Papa sees you..." Her voice trailed off, as she looked nervously behind her, making sure no one else was there.
I nodded understandingly. "I know, I'm sorry." I replied. "I would not have come if it were not urgent."
Her blue eyes glinted curiously, as she looked past me. "Where is Eponine?"
My gaze faltered as I bowed my head to the cap in my hands. My lower lip trembled and I felt tears dangerously on the brink of falling. "Dead." I whispered.
Cosette gasped, her hand slapping over her mouth. "H-How?"
I didn't reply, my own hands pushing my hair back off my face manically. A single tear trickled down my cheek, and I wiped it away viciously, hoping Cosette had not seen. I suddenly questioned my motive for coming. Yes, I wanted to tell her, but why had I wanted to? She would not gain anything from knowing of Eponine's death, she would get over it.
"This was a mistake." I whispered, spinning on my heels.
"Wait!" Cosette hissed. I turned, meeting her gaze. "Let me help you. At least let me help pay for a proper funeral. I owe you that much."
I bit my lip nervously. Could I honestly allow her to do that? But then, what other choice did I have? It was either this, or leaving Eponine's body on the street. The streets, where she had always been. "Fine." I nodded. Then, something profound happened. I turned fully to Cosette, rushing to her and hugging her. She stood there awkwardly for a moment, before hugging me back.
"Thank you." I whispered into her shoulder. "Just ... thank you."
Exactly one year later.
One year, and yet it still felt like yesterday.
The aching pain in my heart had subsided, yes, but the feeling of loss and emptiness was still prominent with everything I did. Everything reminded me of her, sometimes I even thought I could hear her laugh. It was always in my mind, of course, and Gavroche would have to hold me back from running into the middle of the street in search of her. I felt horrible for Gavroche. In less than a week, the young boy had to take on the role of the older sibling because of my incompetence. It took me a while, but I finally started to be the one to care for him, and little by little, Gavroche worried less for me. As for Bernard and Amélie, the two of them stayed with us in the Elephant, until Cosette's father allowed us to stay in their cottage at Rue Plumet. The two of them moved to England, with no life left for them in France, and I never saw Cosette again. She would write the occasional letter, but would never leave a return address, so I could never contact her. I did not mind too much, though. With every letter, she sent a small salary which the four of us lived off of comfortably. Yet, even with all of this, I still felt alone.
I miss Eponine. Every every second of every minute of every day, I miss her. I would give up all the riches and niceties in the world just to hold her in my arms one last time, to tell her I love her and that I am sorry for everything. And what hurts the most, is knowing that I will never be able to.
Sometimes though, I smile. I smile and remember the stories that she would tell me as children, about the moon and the fantastic things that awaited us. I smile because one of the last things she said to me said to me that she would see me on the moon. I smille because through everything that life threw at her, she still held on to that idea.
So, every night, I look up at the moon, and I smile.
Why, you might ask? Because I know, that she is there, in her big house, smiling down at me.
Eponine made it to the moon.
Fin.
