The Color Grey by Mary Pseudonym


Chapter Twenty-Nine - All Of You

Head injuries are a mysterious thing. They make you forget things, make you imagine things, and most of all they make you so very tired. When I can open my eyes again, and keep them open, the first thing I see is Christian. I know immediately that I have been out of commission for at least a couple of days judging from the amount of stubble on his sleeping chin. His arms are crossed over his chest, his head tilted slightly to the side in slumber.

I watch him for a few minutes, taking note of the worried lines marring his perfect face. Not sure when our luck turned, I shift further up on the bed into a sitting position while I wish for us to return to good fortune. As he is sitting so close to the bed I can easily reach out and stroke the side of his face gently. His face leans into my touch, a small sigh escaping his mouth from deep in his chest. It is a manly sound, yet oddly somehow childlike in a tranquil way.

Ever so slowly his eyes flitter open, his sleepy gaze momentary unfocused. When our gazes lock however, I immediately see Christian resurface from the depths of his slumber. One of his hands shoots up, caressing the back of my own hand still against his cheek. His palm is warm, our fingers intertwine together as he sits forward on the chair. I can see so many emotions in his eyes, mirrored in my own surely. He is the first to find the ability to speak.

"I am so sorry Anastasia," his strong voice says in a whisper. He pulls my hand from his cheek, placing it instead over his heart. I can feel the thumping beneath my fingers, and I feel the pull from his heart to mine stronger than ever. "Your life was at risk, and it was me who put it at risk."

Shaking my head, I try to speak but my throat doesn't cooperate. Instead I feel a sharp pain radiate out from my windpipe. I whip my hand from Christian grasp, both of my hands instead going to my neck; not before I see the absolute sorrow in Christian's eyes. It is tender and sore but I still want to talk, no I need to talk, to Christian. As I try to collect myself, willing my voice to work, Christian stands from the chair and brushes the hair off my face.

He is so gentle, taking extra care as he touches me. Slowly he pulls my hands away from my neck, bending down to trail feather light kisses along the bruises which I am sure are there. Despite the situation I find us in, I still experience that delicious shiver throughout my body as he makes contact with my skin. When the desire spikes though, I take his face in my hands and tilt it upwards so I can look into his eyes.

"Christian, he wanted to kill you." I swallow, which is also painful. I look up at Christian as he hovers over me, his eyes alight with anguish. "I think he blamed you for his life."

"It is all my fault, everything he did to you." He kisses my forehead before collapsing backwards into the vacant chair. I watch as he rakes a hand through his already disheveled hair.

"He was a grown man Christian. His choices, his actions; not yours." I turn so I am laying on my side. His hand drops from his hair, his gaze firmly holding mine.

I can see on his face he lacks the words to continue. Instead he takes my hands and buries his face in them, leaning his weight against the side of the bed. Lifting one hand away from his grasp, I allow my fingers to tangle into his increasingly messy hair. That is when I feel the hot tears hit my other hand, a tender kiss being pressed to the soft flesh of my wrist. It is not until hours later that I find out the history behind his assertions of fault.

It is Kate who reveals the information I've missed out on. She got her follow up after all, found the real story while everyone else was reporting on the billionaire's girlfriend who almost got killed in his penthouse. Oh no, not my best friend. She had continued to work on her story; looking for the information I was searching for the night of the fire at Grey House. As she stands now beside my hospital bed, tears in her beautiful eyes, I see a crumpled 'Seattle Times' in her hands.

"If I was quicker, better, or asked for help you mightn't be here." It seems everyone blames themselves for Jack Fucking Hyde. Ironic, since I don't think Jack would feel the slightest amount of guilt.

"Kate I don't understand," I wince a little as I move in the bed to get a better look at her. She rushes forward, steadying me with a firm hand on my shoulder.

"Christian didn't tell you?" Her question is marked with disbelief, clearly sure Christian and I had already covered everything that had happened since I was attacked.

"He wouldn't; couldn't," I say before I pause. I am remembering his look of abject misery as I made Grace take him to the Grey family home and away from the harshness of being in the hospital with me. It is the most broken I have ever seen the man, and it scared me.

"They were in a foster home together, back in Detroit." She fiddles with the paper in her grip a little. "Do you remember that photo we found within the data leak?" I nod, my eyes darting to Kate's paper. She sees my gaze, pauses for a few seconds, and then sets in down in front of me.

If my throat wasn't so sore, I would probably have gasped. After a more than precursory glance, which was all I had the night we found it, I can clearly see Jack among the group of kids standing together; his anger palpable even in the still photograph on the front page of the newspaper. My gaze is however transfixed by the small boy with large solemn gray eyes. His haunting sadness will stay with me.

"I got Christian's permission, Grace and Carrick's too." When I look up, I can see the look of shame on Kate's face.

"To publish your story?" She nods, her eyes are downcast towards the ground.

"Even though the photo was already out there, it didn't need to be me that brought it out to the surface." I realize as she begins to fiddle with her fingers that she is feeling guilty.

"Kate, you are the only one who could have done this." I glance at the paper again, the byline proudly displaying my friends name in print for all of Seattle to see. "Why do you look so guilty?"

"Because my best friend was in the emergency room, badly injured and I chased down a story about her boyfriend." This is when she looks up at me, I watch as tears fall from her eyes.

"We have known each other a long time now Kate," I say as I reach out and grab her hands in mine. "I know that you needed to be doing something, making something, in order not to go crazy with worry about me." She smiles a little at this, and I nod my head at her kindly. "You have nothing to be guilty for."

"There was information about the adoption Grace told me that I didn't put in that article." Kate takes in a shaky breath. "It made me respect the hell out of Christian though."

"He has told me some of it," I say with a profound longing for the man I love.

"The part Grace told me about, the part I put into that article there, was about how she wanted to adopt him on the spot." Kate carefully sits down on the bed beside me. "However due to some restrictions he had to go into a foster home while everything was put through the proper channels."

"So that is how he ended up there," I say gesturing to the photo. Kate nods slowly.

"He was only in foster care for a few months, but Jack was there for years." Her voice has taken on a harder, more pensive, edge.

"Jack didn't have a Grace to save him." I am looking at the angry Jack from years ago staring up at me in the printed photo, a boy that was a victim of circumstance. "I guess that explains why he hated Christian so much."

"Maybe he saw what he thought he should have been." I shake my head, anger bubbling within my chest.

"Jack was successful, and from what I can tell damn talented in the publishing world." I swallow painfully, but despite the injuries I carry I continue talking; I say the words I know I need to. "He should have been happy, proud, of everything he accomplished on his own." Despite the utter hate I now have for the man, I feel a tear fall down my cheek. "He just never moved past his demons I suppose."

"Or he was triggered by Christian getting him fired when he bought SIP." Fair point well made I think to myself, yet Jack is not deserving of a free pass.

"Christian would never have fired him without due cause, the blame for that lands squarely on Jack's shoulders." Maybe a little on mine, because SIP would never have been on Christian's radar had it not been for me. I cannot feel regret for that though, because despite the run on effect on my own life I know I helped his potential future victims.

"I know," Kate says with a firm nod. "You know I wasn't blaming anyone other than Jack." She looks worried again. I tilt my head to the side, love for her sparkling within me.

"But I get what you mean, and yet while Jack was never homicidal before I have no doubt he hurt a lot of people." The two of us are both staring at the paper sitting between us as I talk. "If it wasn't this, his hate for Christian's fortune, than it would have been something else." Kate merely nods again, both of us rendered mute but the utter hopelessness of it all.

After Kate makes her exit when I became drowsy, I doze from the rest of the day. I think I had more visitors, but I couldn't be sure of who came and for how long. Until, that is, a precise knock sounds at my door just as I wake up looking for something to read. My expectant eyes fly to the door wondering who might walk through. I wasn't expecting both Jason and Ray to walk in however; my father and my savior together to visit me.

"Dad, Jason," my still sore throat manages to say. Both men look uncomfortable, miserable, and oddly shy as they both take turns hugging me.

"I hope you don't mind, but Christian and I both independently decided that your father should be here." Jason hasn't looked me directly in the eyes yet. In fact he is looking anywhere in the room but at me.

"When Taylor here showed up he only had to say your name to get me into the car," Ray says as he grips tightly onto my shoulder. I think he is holding back tears. "I've called your mother." We both chuckle, no more words needed to explain how that phone call went. To keep my own sudden desire to cry at bay, I quickly change the subject.

"Did Jason here tell you that he is the one that saved me," I say with a sudden vivacious tone to my voice. Taciturn Ray genuinely smiles for the first time since entering the room, but Jason lets out a gruff sound of disagreement.

"My team was the reason that monster made it into the penthouse in the first place Miss Steele." He still hasn't looked directly at me, and I really wish he would; all he would see would be gratitude. "You saved yourself," Jason says and turns to look at my father. "You should be proud of your daughter Mr. Steele."

"For the love of god and country, call me Ray." I laugh, shifting a little in the bed so I am sitting further up and can converse better.

"Dad it took me a long time to get him to stop calling me Miss Steele, give him time." That gets another smile from Ray, and if I am not mistaken a very small one from Jason.

The three of us chat, somehow somewhat normally. It is nice, almost familial in a way. My heart aches for Christian, but for the time being I am enjoying being in the company of my other two favorite men. We cover a little of everything, not one of us mentioning where we are and why. That is until I can do longer take Jason's reluctance to look me in the eye.

"If you don't mind me asking," I say suddenly. "How did Jack get into the penthouse?" Jason takes in a long breath, his face instantly crestfallen.

"I still don't know how he got access to the building, but I will," Jason says after about a minute. "I suppose he posed as a maintenance worker."

"Big building," Ray says as if to confirm Jason's theory. "Lots of people coming and going."

"Shouldn't have happened." Jason shakes his head, his face covered in shame. "But under the guise of that he gained access to our security room just beside the penthouse." I watch him take a shaky breath, I wish he knew I didn't blame him. "He lit a fire, or set off an incendiary device inside."

"Is everyone okay?" He looks in my general direction, but not quite yet meeting my gaze, and nods.

"Yes, they are." I feel his unspoken words from the look on his face; they say to me except for you. "But with my attentions elsewhere, when I returned to the penthouse with you that night I was further distracted my getting the blaze under control." He looks down and at his shoes. Ray shifts uncomfortably next to him. "With the cameras down I didn't even know that you were in danger until you called."

"I am just thankful Annie here got to the phone," Ray says as he claps a hand on Jason's shoulder, who smiles ironically.

"If the phones had been cut I shudder to think how long before I realized that the real threat was inside the penthouse." We all sit in the silence for a long while before I can take it no longer. I reach out and take Jason's hand in mine, looking up at him.

"You killed him, saved me. I won't forget that." Finally he looks at me directly in the face, looks into my eyes so he can see the appreciation contained within. "Ever." When he squeezes my hand, I know everything will be okay.

All things considered, after the initial shock of it all, my stay at Seattle General wasn't too bad. I think Grace, Christian, Ray, well everyone really was being a little too over protective of me. By the time I was allowed to be discharged I knew precisely how much tiles were on the ceiling of my room, and the number of bricks on the wall outside the window. Christian, Kate, and Ray spent the most time with me; that is until Ray was sure I was going to be one hundred per cent okay and allowed himself to be taken back home.

Grace, Mia, Elliot, and Carrick all logged some time babysitting me, which I will be honest made me feel really special. Mom and Bob sent flowers and their love, and I was thankful when Christian told me he dissuaded them from flying over to Seattle. As much as I love my mother, Carla has a tendency to make everything about her; even if Bob has gone a long way to calming her wild spirit. The closest things got to uncomfortable was when it came to what address I would be discharged to, Kate and Christian butting heads for the first time in a long while.

"She should be home, with me." Kate's stance is strong, her arms crossed over her chest. My duffle bag is sitting at her feet.

"I want to know she will have someone with her at all times," Christian says as he helps me stand from the bed with great care and attention. My doctor is standing close by with my discharge papers, and I flash an apologetic smile at him.

"You really want her to go back to the place she was attacked?" Kate sounds incredulous, patronizing. I feel Christian's grip on my arms tighten a little before releasing the pressure.

"I just want her close." His voice is small, vulnerable. He looks into my eyes. I think he regains some of his strengthen from looking into my soul, because his next words come out more powerful. "And I didn't say we would be at my penthouse." I raise an eyebrow at him, to which he mouths the word 'later'. An innocent cough sounds from the corner of the room, drawing all of our attentions back to my doctor.

"I am going to put the Escala address on these forms," the doctor says as he scrawls something down. "Just see the nurse on the way out, you are free to go Miss Steele."

"Thank you for everything," I say with a warm smile and he returns it with a patient wave as he makes a quick exit from the room. I find myself wishing he would take me with him. "Look you two," I say with a sigh when we are alone. "As much as I appreciate both of your protectiveness, I think staying with Christian is my best option." I watch as Kate's face falls, she is clearly crestfallen.

"If that is what you want," she says as she uncrosses her arms before crossing them again immediately. It is what I want. I don't want to ever be parted from Christian again.

"I don't want to keep you from work, which if I was at our apartment I would." I shakily walk over to Kate, Christian hovering along beside me, and I take her hands in mine. "I know you, know you would sacrifice all your hard work to be home with me." Her eyes dart to Christian, narrowing.

"It is not like Mr. C.E.O. won't get tied up." Despite her icy tone, I giggle when she says tied up. I feel Christian covertly spank me ever so lightly on my ass; clearly he knows what I am thinking about.

"Gail and Jason will be there even if Christian isn't." I pull away from Christian and hug Kate tightly.

"Are you sure you will be okay being in the place you were attacked?" Kate shifts back from the hug, holding me at arm's length and examining my face.

"Yes," I say with a definitive nod. I look over my shoulder and smile at Christian. "There are plenty more amazing memories within that place than just that one horrible memory." Christian smiles back at me, victory written all over his face. After Kate says a reluctant goodbye, Christian and I do a final check of the hospital room to make sure none of my personal items are left behind.

"So what did you mean earlier when you said we wouldn't be at the penthouse?" I say this as I watch him pick up my duffle, both of us sure everything has been retrieved.

"Well the thought had crossed my mind that you might not want to return to the scene of the crime," he says as we begin to exit the room. His arm is around my waist, even though I don't really need the support I let him guide me to the nurse's station. "So I thought we could hold up in a five star hotel while you convalesce." I giggle at his use of the word convalesce, and at his exaggerated motion as he rings the bell at the vacant nurse's station. "Or I could just buy another apartment or a house. You like houses, right?"

"I don't want to go to a hotel," I say shaking my head. "And you cannot just go out and buy a place and expect to move in on the same day."

"I'm Christian Grey, of course I can." I laugh, out loud and hard. It hurts, but it is worth it to get the look of utter happiness that adorns Christian's face at the sound of my laughter. "Well my mother offered for us to stay at Bellevue for the duration." He drops my duffle bag to the ground while we wait for a nurse to appear, using his hand instead to softly caress my face and neck.

"I just want to go home," I say as I kiss his hand as it sweeps past my mouth, pulling his thumb between my lips. Of course that is when the nurse arrives, looking between the two of us with judgement in her eyes.

Before long Christian is holding me as we take the elevator ride up to the penthouse. However as the numbers get increasingly bigger as we fly up through the air, I can sense his apprehension growing right along with them. To get his attention I stand up on my tiptoes, letting my breath tickle his ear. I plant a playful kiss to his pressure point, causing his grip on me to increase in force.

"Spill it Grey, what is the matter?" He gazes at my face before answering.

"Are you sure you want to stay here?" I nod my head. I am beyond sure, I cannot wait to reclaim the space away from that awful memory that already somehow feels so long ago in time.

"After all this time I need some alone time with you, Mr. Grey." I nip at the bottom of his chin, one hand slowly running up and down his chest.

"Miss Steele, you still need to take it easy." He catches my moving hand in one of his, bringing it up to place a light kiss onto my wrist.

"The doctor said I am fine," I say with a voice absolutely filled with lust. Since giving myself to Christian that first time in Aspen, this is the longest I have gone without sex and man am I feeling it.

"Are you," he looks down at me. "Are you really fine?" As the elevator dings, and the doors open into the penthouse, I realize I am fine. I go to walk out but Christian tugs me towards his chest again, bending down slightly and scooping me up to hold me bridal style. I chuckle as I lay my head against his heart, biting at his earlobe.

"I am more than fine," I say directly into his ear. "I am with you."

"Because if you are not, we can move out tomorrow." He turns his head, stealing a quick kiss as he strides through the entryway.

"I'd have to move in first," he places me on the piano as I say this. I spread my legs and he stands between them. His hands run up my thighs, I throw him a cheeky smirk.

"Than you should," he says before pausing. His eyes gaze down at me, his hands now gripping my hips. "Move in with me, permanently."

"Only one thing would make me happier than moving in with you." He cocks his head to the side, and I recognize it as him asking a silent question for clarification. "I want you to take me into the Red Room of Pain." I watch his eyes darken with desire, but his face grows ashen.

"No Anastasia," he says with a vehement shake of his head. "You are not my submissive, never will be."

"I trust you, so completely and deeply." I take hold of his shirt, gripping onto it for dear life to ensure that he hears me. "Let me show you, I am ready to submit all of myself to you."

"Why would you want to do that Anastasia?" He sounds unsure, skeptical, frightened almost.

"Because I am yours Christian," I say as I tug him closer to me. "All of me, and I want all of you." His gray eyes are darting all over my face, looking for any sign I am being dishonest. "Please let me have all of you." I wrap my legs around him, pulling him towards me. He brings a hand up to caress the side of my face, his eyes round with wonder.

"Anastasia?" It is not the first time my name has sounded like a pray on his lips; it is a pray I am ready to answer.

"Yes, Christian?" My legs tighten around him, my hands increasingly their already too tight grip on his shirt.

"I love you." Those three words, those eight letters, come out of his mouth strong and sure. My heart contracts, skips a beat, and a smile erupts onto my face. I lift a hand up to his face and cup his cheek, already pulling him further towards me.

"I love you." Something snaps within both of us at our mutual admission, the last syllable barely out of my mouth before his lips crash down upon mine.


Author's Note:

Some chapters come easy, some chapters come hard. This chapter was one of the easy ones, hope you enjoyed!

All elements of the book remain the property of E. L. James.

~ M.P.