Beep…
Beep…
Beep…
James dozed off for about an hour, and he came to with the hospital sounds still present. He had forgotten all about where he was and it was very daunting to wake up there. He rolled his head over and glanced up at Logan. He was still asleep. James put his fingers up against Logan's lips and touched gently. "Baby," he whispered. "Wake up, baby." It was a little desperate, a little hopeful. He had a wish inside his heart that Logan would wake up soon and everything would be alright. It could happen, it could.
He decided to go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat. It was a nice dining area; a large square of clean seats sat beyond a long row of eateries. There were even some fast food chains down there. James teetered up behind a group of young women in scrubs who stood in line at a hot food counter. They were chatting about a famous hospital drama that was in the middle of a new season, and how it was actually nothing like the real job. James ordered a plate of beef stew and macaroni salad, which he presently paid for and disappeared into a far corner of the dining hall with. It was relatively empty down there. He put his elbows on the table and slowly ate into his dinner. Okay, the food was really good, but it didn't have any feeling to it. Eating was useless if Logan wasn't next to him. He closed his eyes and imagined his fiancé sitting there, fumbling with a spoon as he tried to eat the stew.
After he finished eating, James dragged himself back up to the room. As he stepped inside, he saw that Logan was now on his side, curled up in a fetal position around the plush polar bear. Wait a minute, James thought to himself. He walked to Logan's side and gently, softly laid the back of his fingers on the blind boy's cheek.
"Logan?" he whispered. "Logan, are you up?"
"Mmrrrpphhhrrrphhh…"
He stirred.
He mumbled.
He made noise!
James immediately pressed the button for the nurse. "Logan?" he asked, louder this time. He squat down beside the bed and touched his face more. "Are you in there?"
"…James…is that you…" Logan's sweet, sing-songy voice muttered in a hoarse tone. He lifted his arm and tried to grope around. When he fell onto James's hand, he clutched it tightly. "James…"
"Oh, Logan. You're awake. Oh my God." James immediately began to cry. He held onto his lover's hand tightly, but soon let go and gave him a hug. "How do you feel?"
"Okay I guess," Logan mumbled.
"Mr. Diamond?" the nurse called out as she came into the room.
"He's awake," James said immediately. He looked back at her, smiling with many tears in his eyes. "He's awake."
"Oh! Let me get the doctor."
"Where am I?" Logan asked in a whisper.
"Hospital."
"Did Kendall try to kill himself again?"
"No, no. You are in the hospital."
Logan's fluttery eyes bat a couple times and rolled around as usual. "Why?"
"You…oh, you don't remember, do you?"
"We had dinner with your parents. But then I forget."
For a moment, James almost considered lying to Logan. His greatest fear was being in another car accident, and it would be humane in a way, given the chance, to avoid him ever knowing. But that wasn't fair and it wasn't right.
"You were hit by a car," James said sadly.
"…what?"
"I don't know how you knew it, but, a car came at us and you pushed me out of the way."
The doctor came in. He looked Logan over, very pleased that he had woken up and was fully functional. They had to keep him a bit longer for observation, but once he was cleared as safe to go, he was discharged. Of course he was still on a strict order of bed rest and was prescribed a whole medicine cabinet of drugs, but nothing could make James happier than to be with his favorite person once more. The nightmare was over. They were going home.
But James noticed something different about Logan; as they drove, he wasn't tense. He wasn't scared. He didn't grip the door handle of the car, half expecting to die. He was much calmer. James didn't ask why. There was no need to.
When they finally made it back to their apartment, James hoisted Logan up onto his back and walked inside with him. It seemed that Carlos and Kendall were out.
"Are you hungry?" James asked.
"No, not really. Tired, though."
"How are you tired?"
"Dunno."
They stood in the middle of the living room, embracing each other. James nuzzled against Logan's head and sighed, still a little sniffly. "I thought I'd never see you again," he whispered.
"I can't die," Logan said. "I have too much to get done here."
"Oh, you know? I ran into your old neighbor at the hospital," James said. "I should probably tell her that you're okay." He took out his phone and pulled up the number of the concierge of the old apartment building. He dialed it out and soon a woman answered.
"Yes, I was wondering if you could give me the number of the tenant at 416."
"416?" The concierge answered, sounding surprised. "416 doesn't have a tenant. It's been on the market for over a year now. Did you want the number for the realtor?"
"Oh…um…no, that's alright. Thanks." James hung up with a mystified look on his face. What the hell? That was a card he did not expect to have dealt to him.
Logan stumbled off to their bedroom while he was on the phone. "You going to bed already?" James called out.
"Yeah…I'm exhausted."
James ran up behind him and opened the door. They undressed together and slipped beneath the covers, finally feeling normal and at peace again. James held Logan tight against his chest. "I missed you so much," he said. "Did you dream or anything?"
"No. It's just a blank space."
"Ohh, baby. It must be so scary."
"You know what?" Logan said, smiling coyly as usual. "I'm not scared. I feel alright about it. 'Cause you're here and I know nothing bad can happen. It's all good."
"That's wonderful," James whispered. He kissed Logan several times, now feeling sleepy himself. "We'll do something fun tomorrow. Maybe start picking out invitations or something."
"Okay."
"I love you."
"I love you, too. Thank you for being there." They both fell asleep before anymore words could be said.
Logan had a soft dream that night. He was walking in a large auditorium that was filled with folding chairs. There was only one person sitting in it, somewhere near the middle. He ran up to them and saw that it was his mother.
"Logan," she said, smiling. "I've missed you."
"Mama?" Logan asked. It was very oddly realistic.
"And I'll continue to miss you," she said.
"What do you mean?"
"Let James take care of you. Don't worry about us. We'll wait. We don't mind. We love you, and we love James."
"Mama…" Logan began to cry.
"Don't, honey. Don't cry. Everything is fine. I'm going to make everything right, okay?"
"O-okay."
And then it was over and morning rolled in. It was calm and cold out as the sun began to rise. James and Logan were both happy to be in each other's arms again, finally. The sound of a small bird chirping just outside of the window filled the room with a subtle peace. Logan stirred softly, and three little stars twinkled on the mattress. Three sparkly, tiny little stars. Logan wiggled his fingers and the stars danced like diamonds.
Wait.
He had to wiggle his fingers again, and once more the stars danced. What was this? All at once, it dawned on him.
"JAMES! JAMES! JAAAMES! JAAAAMES!" Logan began to scream at the top of his lungs. James of course immediately shot up in bed and grabbed Logan by the shoulders. "What's wrong? Baby, what's wrong?" He asked desperately. He looked at Logan's face. His eyelids opened and the usual fluttering of the pupils was not there. They somehow managed to focus on him.
"I…" Logan whispered. The room fell silent, even the bird outside. Logan slowly raised his hands up and touched James on the face, perfectly. Their breathing grew louder. James stared into Logan's eyes and continued to say nothing. They both knew what was going on and words wouldn't help. Logan's fingers began to trace outlines all over James's face, confirming what he always imagined to be a beautiful person. He ran across his forehead, down the bridge of his nose, across his lips and around his chin. Tears began to fall from Logan's eyes. He cupped James's face in both of his hands and brought his lips up to his. They shared a long, passionate, loving kiss. When they withdrew, James began to say, "You can…" But Logan interrupted him with a nod.
"Only about half, I think. It's blurry up here."
"How is this even possible?"
"I don't know…"
"Oh, Logan," James cooed. He held the back of his head with care, coddling him close. "I never thought this day would come."
"You're as beautiful as I dreamed you were," Logan said. "I…" but he couldn't keep talking. He broke into tears now and flung himself against James's chest. It was too much to take in.
"It's okay," James hummed. "Everything's going to be okay."
Logan looked out of the window and saw the beautiful day ahead of him. He clung to James and knew that everything was, in fact, going to be okay.
