Chapter 29
Have been SUPER busy lately. Thank you so much for your patience and your wonderful, awe inspiring reviews. Please enjoy this, and I will get the next part up probably Saturday or Sunday. Thanks! :-)
Love is worth forgiving for
Now, I realize.
Everything worth living for
Is there, in his eyes.
"In His Eyes"
Jekyll and Hyde
Kate awoke to the sound of her baby crying only feet away. The sound forced her from the tight arms that were wrapped around her. Slowly inching herself away, she realized the clock only read 3:00 in the morning. Wrapping her robe around herself quickly, she moved to grab the crying infant before her husband woke. He didn't seem to have heard or rustled from sleep, and since it was so early, she wanted to keep it that way. Swooping Adam into her arms, she carried him into the hallway, shutting the bedroom door.
Comforting the infant, she moved to check on Aaron, as she always did when she was awake before him. She sighed a small sigh of relief, as she always did upon seeing he was okay, sleeping soundly in his bed, and shut his door as well. Making her way down the stairs, she sang quietly to Adam, and he stared up at her with his big, hungry, hazel eyes. She grinned lovingly at the child.
She had loved raising Aaron, always feeling as though he were her own, never acting as though he weren't. There was something different, however, about having actually given birth to the child in her arms, a connection that couldn't be explained in words. He was her's, a part of her and Jack, the most loving connection two people could make. Staring at the baby, she could see Jack in him, and wondered what he would look like as he got older. He did have her nose, that was true, but he had Jack's eyes and his olive skin, while she was curious to see whether he would carry on her freckles.
Settling onto the couch, she snuggled the baby up to her to feed him. Flipping on the television to dull the quiet of the night, and settled on a national news station, catching up on the news world while Adam happily ate. She loved this time alone with him, to bond with him. She caressed his small cheek and felt blessed.
When he was finished, she snuggled him close to her, encouraging him to go back to sleep. This was their nightly regime, and she felt it was a special time for the two of them. Getting caught up in a news story, she was surprised when she looked down and Adam was fast asleep. She smiled lovingly at the tiny being in her arms, and yawned, but didn't move to get up. Instead she sat, legs propped up on the coffee table, a blanket over her bare legs, and let the baby lay sleeping her arms. She leaned her head back against the coach and closed her eyes, relishing in the warmth she felt from the baby in her arms and the cushions from the couch. Very rarely did she get time alone, let alone quiet time, and she liked to enjoy it, taking in a deep breath of stillness and falling into a dreamless, satisfying sleep, though knowing that along with motherhood, came the inability to any longer be a deep sleeper, hoping Adam didn't rustle too much in her arms.
Jack walked sleepily into the kitchen hours later and grinned when he saw the back of Kate's head on the couch. Knowing she had the baby, he moved silently to her, peering over her shoulder, at the sleeping infant in her arms. When Kate didn't peer back at him, he leaned farther and noticed her angelic, sleeping face. He knew she must have gotten up to feed Adam and had been surprised he hadn't woken with her. Moving around the couch, he fixed the blanket upon her, pulling it up farther, covering her legs more and tucking it in softly around her and then he kissed her forehead. Surveying his wife and child for a moment, he felt a sense of relief and dread at the same time. He knew they had a long talk ahead of them later that day, but felt grateful she had allowed him back in the house before having that talk, and had been so gracious as to accept his apology so easily. He felt Sayid was right, maybe married people fought and it was okay, not always marriage ending, sometimes just signs of tension and stress that needed to be expressed. Kissing her forehead once more, he walked to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, and then to the office to check e-mails before starting his day.
"Thanks again, Veronica, for coming on short notice. We really appreciate it." Kate settled the Adam into the nanny's arms, and kneeled to give Aaron a kiss. "We'll be back soon, Sweet Pea. Be good for Veronica, okay?"
"Okay, Mommy. Wuv you."
"Love you two, bug." Standing, she rubbed a finger against Adam's pink cheek. "There's bottles ready to be warmed in the fridge. If you need anything else, feel free to call. We won't be more than a few hours, thank you again."
"You're welcome, enjoy your time alone." Veronica winked at Kate and Kate laughed. Jack came around the corner into the foyer.
"You ready?" he leaned and gave Aaron and hug and kiss on the head, before grabbing Kate's hand. Saying their goodbyes, they headed for the car. Pulling out of the drive, she looked at him expectantly, with a nervous smile.
"Where are we going?" She asked curiously. It was early, rush hour traffic just dissapating, as they moved onto the main road. Jack grinned at her jeans and tee shirt.
"What do you say we go sit on the beach and talk?" He paused before adding, with a chuckle, "just like old times." Kate placed her elbow on the car door, running her fingers through her curly dark locks. She laughed quietly.
"Okay."
Pulling up to the beach, Jack parked the Volvo, and they got out. He tentatively grabbed her hand as they made their way to the tan sand. She gave a squeeze, with a smile, knowing this couldn't be that bad a conversation. They had some things that needed to be said, how bad could it be?
Kate rolled up her jeans as they sat down in the sand, a few feet from where the water was rolling up. Staring out over the ocean, she felt a sense of a familiar friend, as if the ocean knew all they had been through, and all the trials and tribulations they had endured. She felt at ease watching the waves hit the shore, comforted somehow. Taking a deep breath, she looked to her left, where Jack was sitting, his arms around his knees, hands clasped in front, as he had sat so many times before in the sand. She tucked her knees close.
"So...do you want to talk first or do you want me to?"
"Do you want to go first?"
"No," she said with a laugh. He chuckled.
"Okay, I guess then I will." Silent for a moment, he began the only place he knew to. " When we got off the Island, I guess I didn't realize how hard it would be to adjust to normal life again. You get so used to fighting for your life, and the constant battle between good and bad, trust and mistrust, that I guess it makes it hard to settle into what we deem as normal. And just when I thought I was beginning to, Claire's mother appeared and tore at all those memories when she told me Claire was my half-sister. That put things in a new view for me because I had never had a sibling before and I felt deep regret for then not having tried harder to save her. And then, seeing you with Aaron, my nephew suddenly, it became a little much, like a wound that wouldn't heal. After your trial, when you asked me to follow you back to your house, I wanted so badly to. I wanted so badly to put my fears and issues aside and go back to your house with you, and never leave. I knew I needed to get over those things, but at the time I didn't know how. And when I first showed up at your door, that Sunday afternoon, I still didn't know if that was the right move. But when you opened that door, and I saw your face, the way it lit up, and the feeling I had when I realized how much I had missed you, I knew I had made the right choice. However, there had always been this thing inside, this feeling of regret and failure at not having been able to save everyone, like Jin, Sawyer, Juliet, and Claire. " He paused, gathering his thoughts, and Kate remained silent, only listening now, feeling as though sometimes, after all this time, there was still a lot to learn about a person one thought they knew well.
"So I surpressed them, and every once in a while, they find their way back to the surface, like they did a few days ago. When my mother told me she didn't think Aaron was yours, it brought back everything I had managed to lay to rest, or at least things I thought I had laid to rest. It was difficult lying to her, reliving that lie again, that we told the whole world. That was a burden by itself. All the feelings of failure and regret, and lying, and all the things Hurley said to me that day, they all came back. And though I like to think I'm strong, sometimes it all gets to be too much. I don't take the pills because I'm an addict Kate, I take them because I have panic attacks sometimes. Or at least I feel like I'm going to, I get really anxious. And its in my blood, my dad was an alcoholic and abused medication. You think I would know better but I guess I didn't. I've tried really hard for your Kate, ever since our last fight. I'm in AA, and I haven't taken anything since I joined, just the other day because it felt like too much. But you have to understand," this he spoke to her, finally looking at her, "I will never go back to being that person, Kate, ever. But I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes. Please understand that." He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly, as she nodded, her eyes watery. He kept hold of her hand, knowing the next thing he had to say, wouldn't probably be recieved as well.
"When I left the other night, I went to my mother's. I told her the truth. I told her everything. I had to. I had to get it off my chest." He searched Kate's eyes for anger or dissapointment, but all he saw was understanding, and love. "She didn't understand all of it, and I think she thought I made some of it up, but I told her everything, including about Aaron and Claire." For the first time Kate's expression changed, and her voice relayed the feeling that radiated from them.
"You told her about Claire?" She spoke, shocked. Jack nodded.
"Yeah, I told her everything, about how Aaron belonged to Claire, who was my half-sister. She seemed to take it well actually. She was surprised, but at the same point in time, it didn't surprise her too much. If you had known my father, you would understand. So yeah, I told her everything. And I'm not sorry I did because I feel like a weight has been lifted. At least now the most important people to me know the entire truth." He stared off into the ocean, silent now, having said everything he wanted to say, it seemed. Kate waited a moment to see if he continued and when he didn't, began.
"Jack, the day I met you, I was a different person than who I am today. I was running, trying to save myself from myself. I knew I was a good person, a good person who did a bad thing. But I did it for the right reasons, at least to me. And then after the marshall died, and you knew who I was, but didn't seem to care, I felt like I was getting a second chance. It took me a long time, Jack, to figure out who I was, who I am. And I know who that is now. I am so happy with my life. And I know it took you a long time to come around to Aaron, but he has been the biggest thing in helping me become who I am, because he gave me stability. I had to stay in one place and quit running in order to raise him, because that's what children need. And he was the most wonderful child. It was hard, and I often had wished you were, a lot actually, but you clearly weren't ready. And you weren't ready when you decided to be there for us, I believe, because you clearly hadn't worked through your stuff. But then, when you moved back in, I felt you had it together, like you were ready. And even when I got pregnant, I felt that way. You were so calm, which is why I worried the other night it was medication. Jack, I love my life, our life, and I love being a mother and a wife. That Island brought us together, and I believe that if we continue letting in into our lives, it's going to tear us apart. And I don't know if I can handle that possibility. I know that you're worried about Aaron, and that you regret leaving people behind, but I don't want to go back there, Jack. I have babies, we have a family, and I don't want to try to crash land on an Island that we spent over 3 months trying to get off of. Does that make any sense?" She moved her legs to Indian-style, and faced him. He nodded, his eyes seeming a little watery, and she grasped his face in her hands. "I love you, so much, Jack. I can't lose you again." She leaned in a kissed him, their lips connecting with a spark they both felt.
"I love you too, Kate. And I'm sorry." Their foreheads resting together, and she smiled at him, her eyes closing. Seperating after a few moments, both looked out over the water, thinking their own seperate thoughts, their hands, though, joined in the sand between them. Though they both knew they were two different people, each with their own burdens, they could be and would be together because it was fate, their destiny. It was evident in how they felt about one another.
"Just promise me one thing, Jack."
"Anything, baby."
"Let's try to communicate better, okay? When something is bothering you, tell me, okay?" The edges of her mouth were twitching into a smile. He nodded, a grin growing across his features.
"Okay. I promise." With a light chuckle, he stood, pulling her to her feet. He pulled her to him, grabbing her in a seductive embrace, wrapping his arms around her. She settled against him as he rocked her side to side for a moment.
"I love you" he whispered against her lips. She smiled up at him, radiant. "I hope still do after I do this." he spoke, his face stone. Her brow furrowed.
"What?" She asked before she squealed as he slipped an arm under her knees and around her back and ran into the surf, as she protested. He dropped her in the waves playfully, and when she was able to stand, she pushed at him, throwing him off balance, both of them falling into the water. They laughed, soaked through their clothes, but it was healing, a moment they needed to grow and a moment to forgive. Splashing at each other, it was a touching moment if anyone saw, because what these two people needed most was each other, away from the real world, enjoying one another.
Pleeeasseee R&R! Thanks!
