"Everyone's really nice. I just wish...I guess...I dunno, I just really miss my-"
And that's when I look up and my heart truly stops beating for a full second, because standing in the doorway with the double doors slowly closing behind him is -
"Edward."
BPOV
I've read my share of cheesy young adult novels to know that this is exactly how it starts.
The handsome All-American,
The awkward nerd,
The innocent stud,
The naïve introvert,
The rich school boy,
The army brat,
– whatever your pleasure – it's him, he's arrived and he's standing tall in the doorway, fresh off of a long plane ride, wrinkled clothes, messy hair, aching bones, heavy heart, and a burning longing in his eyes just for you as he licks his cherry chapped lips and strides across the half-empty cafeteria past the stunned faces of the left-behinds who cannot fucking believe that there exists this level of repressed hotness in the world.
And he's here for me.
Suck it, ladies. He's here for ME!
To say that I "darted" across the tiled floor and "leapt" into his arms may be a tad on the dramatic side, but who am I kidding that's EXACTLY what I did if you substitute darted for "slipped" and leapt for "tripped". But I don't care because I made it to him and there's warmth and his strong arms around me and his hands in my hair and the smell of the ranch on his clothes and my face buried in his chest and his bag at his feet and no sound except his breathing and no words except one.
"Finally," said through tears and with as much sarcasm as I can muster so he knows it's still me. And then he smiles. He's fucking smiling and even though it doesn't quite reach his tired green eyes, it's there and oh god it's as beautiful as it is every night in my dreams.
"Guys, this is Edward."
The left-behinds stare up at me blindly.
"Of course you have no idea who he is, you have no idea who I even am, but this is my Edward."
"Pleased to meet you, Edward. I've heard so much about you." Garrett extends his hand sincerely. I see no trace of deception on his face. He's not going to call me out. He's not going to tell Edward that I've been having doubts about him, about us, and that I may or may not have been unfaithful depending on your definition.
"We were just going around the table to say what we are thankful for this year. I'd invite you to go next but I think I already know." His narrow gaze travels from Edward's arm wrapped tightly around my waist to my trembling hands tangled through Edward's much larger ones gripping for dear life. Edward releases one and gives it to Garrett to shake.
"Nice to meet you."
Garrett gives us both a weak smile and returns to his seat at the head of the table. People start heading to the food line and Edward and I follow.
"You cut your hair," I immediately notice as he takes off his winter hat that I also don't recognize and stuffs it in his pocket. A fleeting sense of sadness washes over me. It may not seem like a big deal. It's just a hat. Just a haircut. But they are things that I've missed. Things that have happened to him since I've been away.
"Do you like it?" he asks sheepishly and I want to laugh at the idea that he'd be insecure about his appearance for even a millisecond. "Alice said you'd still have enough to…grab onto."
My face warms and I pull him closer. The reality of how much taller he is than I sends a flutter through my midsection.
"Yeeeah. Have I mentioned how happy I am that you're here?"
"I'm glad. For a minute I thought you might slap me. But I wanted it to be a surprise." His grip tightens and he kisses the top of my head. Too chaste, way too safe but it will have to do for now.
"I admit I was angry these last few weeks. Well, more like frustrated that I can't speak to you whenever I want, that you're not near me all the time, that I can't be with you, that you're doing things that I don't know about –"
"Bella, I'm not doing anything. Or anyone. …I know Alice told you about Victoria." He says it matter-of-factly and with no embarrassment. "Nothing happened. You have to know that."
"But it could have."
"But it didn't. It didn't happen and it won't happen."
"How can I be sure?"
"You have to trust me."
"You're so far away."
"You have to trust me anyway."
"You don't call."
"That's not true. The last time I called your room a guy answered and said you were in the shower."
"Oh."
"See? It goes both ways. How do you think that made me feel?"
"The same way it made me feel when Alice told me the entire crew watched Victoria do the walk of shame down the driveway?"
"She showed up drunk and passed out in an empty stall. End of story."
"Ugh!" I whine into his shoulder. "This is so hard! I just - - I didn't think it would be this hard. How can I go through four years of this? How will we survive? Me here, you there. Always wondering, missing you -"
"I think this conversation is a little deep for the cafeteria lunch line, don't you?" he laughs. "I love you, Bella. All we have is right now. This moment right here. Let's not waste it thinking about things we can't control."
He's right. All my worrying has just wasted thirty precious seconds that could have been spent reacquainting myself with the faint freckles on his nose and the lazy cupid bow of his lips. Instead of focusing on being apart I should be spending every second I can bringing us together.
"I'm starving. Let's go." I grab his wrist and pull him out of line.
"But the food is here..."
"That's not what I'm hungry for."
...
"Edward. I have to tell you something."
"Ok," he answers softly, rolling onto one side. "What is it?"
"Umm. Ok. So. That guy you met at the caff tonight. Garrett?"
"Mmhm. What about him?" His voice is deep and rumbly and I don't think I can do this. Not now. Not without any clothes on. Not after what we just did. Twice. Not with the way he's looking at me - the way I've always wanted to be looked at by the man I love - with adoration and unconditional devotion. How can I shatter that? What happened with Garrett didn't mean anything.
Edward means everything.
And he deserves the truth.
"Well...he's a really nice guy and last week Lauren had this party in the suite and we were playing these games and -"
"Games? Like, naked games?" he says with a teenaged grin.
"Huh? No! We were not naked!" I screech. He places his hand on my cheek and I realize he's joking and clearly amused by my outburst. I take a deep breath and continue.
"Games like spin the bottle and truth or dare, which I've never even heard of but everyone was playing and I sort of -"
"Had to play."
"Right. ...Oh God, you know where this is going, don't you?"
"I have an idea." He sits up, taking most of the sheet with him and if the draft that has settled between us is even the faintest indicator of what it feels like without him near then I fear I've already said too much.
"It didn't mean anything," I continue, desperate to make him understand. "I spun the bottle, it landed on Lauren and she dared me to go into the closet with Garrett."
"For seven minutes."
"How did you know?" I gape.
"It's called seven minutes in heaven, Bella."
"You've played it?"
"Of course. It's a classic college drinking game."
"That's what she said! Lauren kept passing around these drinks and they tasted so freaking good, like tangy fruit punch, so I kept sucking them down mostly so I didn't have to talk to anyone, and then -"
Edward held up his hand to stop me. "I get it, Bella."
"But it was nothing and we were only doing it because we were dared to!"
"Oh really?" he scoffs. "Whenever I played seven minutes in heaven it was never nothing."
"Maybe that's because you were a giant-sized man-whore in college."
The sound of his laughter fills the room and the draft of his absence is suddenly replaced with the sizzle of his skin against mine.
"Maybe you're right," he growls into my ear as he rolls on top of me.
"So you're not mad," I whisper, slowly spreading my legs for him to settle between.
He nods down to the juncture of our bodies where his beautiful cock rests patiently waiting to be let inside. "Does it look like I'm mad?"
Not. At. All.
"I'm not worried about another man, Bella. Now come for me."
...
"What time do you have to be there?"
"Now," I groan, pulling on my jeans and jerking my arms through Edward's wrinkled t-shirt.
"I only brought two but sure, you can wear my shirt," he jokes, shooting me a wink.
"It'll calm me down." Seriously, I've never been this nervous. I've taken an eleven page handwritten exam in a room with only the professor of the department who kept writing the time I had left on the board in five minute increments and that was a less nerve-wracking experience than getting ready for this.
"You're going to be great. This is really exciting. I've never seen you play before."
"That's because I have beyond stage fright. I can't believe I agreed to do this. What if I royally fuck it up? Freeze on stage? Or worse. Throw up on someone?"
"Hey." Edward pulls me out of the geometric pattern I've been pacing into the floorboards and hugs me. And it's exactly what I need. No words. Just him.
…
The bar and stage area are starting to fill up and the butterflies in my stomach are intense. Having Edward here grounds me but it also makes me edgy. I've barely been able to rehearse with the guys and now Garrett is hovering around the front door with his phone glued to his ear.
"I'll get us some drinks," Edward says, kissing me sweetly and weaving his way towards the bar. On his way he passes Garrett who looks like he just drank a pint of rancid spiked cider.
"You ok, Gar? Why were you standing at the front door for so long? Edward set up all your gear. It's almost time."
"Alec cancelled. He's got the mumps! ...People still get the mumps?!"
"Does that mean the gig is off?"
"What am I gonna do? Shit. Look at all these people. I can't sing! There will be a riot." He stops pacing and eyes me hopefully. "Can you sing?"
"Sorry. Not even a little bit, trust me."
His face pales and he hugs his arms around his waist, mumbling and rocking from foot to foot.
Electricity darts up and down my spine as Edward strides towards us from the bar and hands Garrett a beer over my shoulder. He takes a swig of his own and gazes at me with a confused smile.
"Everything alright? You look like you just lost your dog."
"More like our gig," Garrett pouts.
"The singer is sick," I explain. "Alec. We can't go on without him."
"He has the mumps!" Garrett whines. "Is that even a real thing anymore?" He pulls out his cell phone, looks at the time, frowns and thrusts it back in his pocket.
"We're fucked. We go on in twenty minutes. The owner is going to kill me and take his money back and kill me and never hire me again. This gig pays really well, too. I was counting on this cash – ugh my loans - -"
"It's going to be okay, Garrett, we'll figure something out."
"Figure something out?" he cries. "Figure what out? Alec is the singer! Ben dropped out. The only other band member is me, and now you, and neither of us can sing two notes strung together –"
"I can do it if you want."
Garrett stops his desperate arm flailing, his eyes wide, his mouth frothing, and zeros in on Edward with laser beam precision.
"You? You can sing? Like for real? Like not just in the shower?"
"Uh huh," Edward answers coolly, placing his arm protectively around my shoulder and instantly I know that everything is going to be alright.
...
"This is the setlist. Mostly covers. A few originals. We can scrap the originals if it's easier for you."
"I can follow along. Just cue me in. I can grab that extra guitar and step in on rhythm if that helps?"
"Seriously?" Garrett looks from Edward to me as if in shock. I shrug my shoulders and smile proudly. "Oh man, that would be awesome, yes, thank you man. I really want to try out some of our new stuff."
Placing his beer on the stage, Edward quickly studies the wrinkled setlist, nodding to himself and jotting down notes with a stubby pencil.
...
The break between sets is just long enough for Edward to run to the men's room and for me and Garrett to grab water bottles from behind the bar. I down mine in five large gulps.
"I thought you said he worked on your dad's ranch?" Garrett pants, visibly sweating.
"He does."
"Why?"
"Uh...
"He should be doing this. Like, all the time. He's amazing."
"You really think so?"
"Yeah and I wish I didn't, but the way he arranged those songs without ever hearing them before, I didn't know they could sound that good. Even the covers, it's like he breathed new life into them. That's talent people dream of. It shouldn't go to waste."
It's an innocent comment without any pointed direction, he doesn't realize the stab his words bring, but there's an edge - a sting - to this tone that hits too close for comfort to the insecure part of my heart. I nod dumbly and mumble a weak thank you (thank you for what?) and head back to the stage.
EPOV
The alarm on her bedside table buzzes us out of our dream cocoon once again. Bella's slender arm darts out from under the comforter and slaps the snooze bar for the third time.
"Don't go," she yawns, stretching inside my embrace. "Stay here forever."
"Mmmm, you know I want to -"
"Don't say but."
"I said I'd be back today."
"No," she pouts, torturing me by sliding her bare ass up the length of my morning wood.
"Bella, I'm putting people's jobs on the line by even being out here. I have to go back."
"You could get a permanent gig at that bar. Garrett says you're good enough. He said it could be the beginning of-"
"Stop it, Bella. You know I can't do that."
Her writhing stops and she abruptly flips to face me, her brow furrowed like a petulant child. "Why not? Why do you have to stay at the ranch? Because you owe my father money? He's one of the richest men in the Pacific Northwest! He doesn't need your money!"
"You don't understand-"
"Then help me understand," she snaps. "What are you so afraid of?"
"We're not having this conversation. This has been a great couple of days. Let's not ruin it."
"By talking about the future?!" Her eyes are a firestorm and it's clear that she is not going to let this go. I slide out of bed and pull on my jeans.
"What do you want me to say, Bella?"
"I want you to say that you'll stay here with me, that you'll leave the ranch and get a job out here, that we'll be together forever."
I stop picking my clothes off the floor and turn to stare at her. She's sitting up in bed with her arms crossed. If I weren't completely blindsided by her out of character child-like attitude I'd be half buried inside her right now.
"You can't be serious."
"Do you love me or not?"
"Bella, of course but this-"
"Do you want to be with me?"
"Yes."
"Then stay."
"This is beginning to sound vaguely like an ultimatum."
Her eyes are watering but her expression doesn't change.
"Bella, I have to go back. My life is back there. I wish things were different but-"
"Your life? Your life is back there?" she recoils with an ugly laugh. "You call that a life?"
That's when I know that I'll remember this moment for as long as I live. It's one of those moments that haunt you like a wrinkle in time. Maybe you'll learn to live with it, to somehow get some sleep in spite of it, but there's no way to undo the damage. There's no way to ignore how it feels to watch the woman you love break your heart. Tanya did it when she died in my arms. Bella is doing it now, chopping me down as I stand. My sweet Lady Macbeth. What's done cannot be undone, indeed.
"My plane takes off in an hour. If I leave now I can still make it."
Eeek! That was a quick one - hope you liked! xoxo
