--
THIRTY MINUTES LATER:
Heather glided back into the room to find Grissom soberly contemplating a china cup filled with dark liquid. He looked up when she entered, set the cup carefully on the table and focused intently on her. She stopped a foot or so from where he sat, tilting her head slightly to one side.
"You don't look comfortable."
"Anxious. You're my best hope... I don't know what I'll do if you refuse me."
"I'd have reason."
"I know. Whatever it takes, whatever you ask..."
"A dangerous promise to make if you don't intend to follow through."
"I do. I need this. Please, Mistress..."
Strolling over to Gil, she laid a hand on his brow and tipped his head back just a bit.
"Rules."
"Speak and seek truth, embrace willingness and abandon shame." He recited, gazing up expectantly into her eyes. After a long pause, she favored him with a smile then moved around the table and took the seat closest to him. He swiveled to face her, his expression betraying the barest hint of the need burning inside his heart. She made him wait while she poured her own tea before she released him from the tenterhooks she was fully aware he was dangling from.
"I was able to free up three days. You'll have my undivided attention."
Grissom swallowed harshly. He knew what that meant; he was in for a ride no roller-coaster could ever supply. He only prayed that at the end of the journey, he'd have the answers and the peace no coaster had ever led him to.
"I understand... and I accept. Thank you, Mistress."
"You might want to reserve your gratitude. I haven't planned your curriculum yet. More tea?"
Uncharacteristically at a loss for words, Grissom merely shook his head. Heather smiled at him again and took a slow sip from her own cup. "Just as well. You'll need all the rest you can get tonight and caffeine would only interfere. Go on. Finish what you have... then I'll show you to your room."
Even deliberately stretching out the process, it took only a few more minutes for Gil to drain the last drops of tea. Heather smirked lightly as she watched him reluctantly set the cup down. "You're supposed to be scared. It encourages compliance." She joked, rising and holding out a hand. Grissom hesitated only a moment before standing and enfolding her hand in his. As she led him down the dim halls, he kept his gaze on his own feet, desperate not to give his doubts any reason to become more intense than they already seemed to be. When they stopped in front of an ornate door, he actually closed his eyes. Turning to study him, she lifted his chin with one finger and spoke gently to him. "Grissom... look at me."
When he did, she stroked his jaw and continued. "You did the right thing. I can help you, give you what you're longing for... and I won't leave you broken, I promise you that. You already know that place, that feeling. This... this is about the road not traveled."
In spite of himself, Gil nodded slowly, sensing his normal reticence, the shields and walls he maintained to protect himself, fading faster than he could reach out to reinforce them. Heather responded by sliding her whole hand up to cradle his cheek. "That's good. Let it go. You don't need it here... not with me. Not that I've ever had any trouble seeing through your defenses..." she teased subtly "... but the release will be meaningful to you, and that's what's important."
"I remember. The first time we had tea... you just stripped it all away... without even trying. Scared the living hell out of me."
Heather laughed softly.
"Mmm... I thought you were a typical male, that you'd bristle and walk out the minute your armor was breached. Instead you took a few seconds to regroup and came right back with such an intelligent response that I instantly regretted what I'd said... and I knew I wanted you for a friend."
Gil turned his head, kissed the palm she held against his skin, momentarily let his eyes slip closed again and whispered to her, his breath warming the inner surface of her wrist.
"I'm sorry... and I've missed you. I want to be your friend again."
"I missed you too. Welcome home, Gil."
The words were spoken so tenderly that Grissom abruptly found himself fighting back tears and sought to hide his face any way he could. Dropping her hand to his shoulder, Heather solved his dilemma by rotating him so that he faced the door. "Go. Get some sleep. Classes start early around here. Breakfast at six, we begin at seven."
"Yes, Mistress." He agreed quietly then slipped inside and shut the door. Smiling and swiping at a tear of her own, Heather moved off to her office to plan the next three days.
--
THE FOLLOWING MORNING:
Soon after his meal was finished, the same one who'd delivered the food and tea earlier now arrived to collect his dishes and led him out of the room, handing him off to a second woman. She guided him through the maze once again and down a short flight of stairs into an area he'd never explored. He was left outside a pair of dark paneled doors, his only instructions being to remove and fold his clothes, pile them neatly on the floor and step inside. Repeating the rules over and over to himself, specifically the admonition to abandon shame, he quickly did as he'd been asked.
Moving into the room, he found himself in a lushly decorated space, lit minimally by several small candles and one or two dimmed lamps around the perimeter. Heather awaited him in the center of the room, seated on a large cushion with her legs tucked under. Another pillow had been placed a foot or two away and he knew that was meant for him. Tentatively, he moved forward and dropped onto it, resisting the need to cross his hands in his lap, shielding the intimate parts of himself from her sight.
When he'd settled, Heather reached out and gently placed a hand on top of his head. Instantly, Gil's neck curved downward and his eyes closed.
"Why have you come?" She intoned softly, beginning a ritual she'd taught him not long after they first met.
"I am here to seek guidance."
"Will you open yourself fully to what I offer?"
"I will gratefully accept all wisdom, all honesty, all insight that is laid before me."
"Will you walk the path I reveal to you, no matter where it might lead?"
"I will yield and follow, trusting that I will come to no harm."
Smiling, she slid the same hand under his chin and nudged his head back up. When he returned the grin, she stroked his neck and slowly pulled back.
"Well done. I wasn't sure you'd remember all of that. We begin now. Tell me again why you need guidance."
"I... someone loves me, and I don't think it would take a very hard push for me to fall, either. This person gave me a chance to say how I feel. I could see that all they wanted was a simple response. Yes or no, sit back down and talk to me... or keep your mouth shut and walk away. I... I stammered and kept saying their name... but the words my heart was screaming just wouldn't come out."
Heather studied him for a long, intense moment before replying.
"I didn't know that many euphemisms could fit in such a brief statement."
Grissom flushed.
"Seek and speak truth... right. The truth... is a big part of this issue. I'm confused."
"Not a normal state for you. The confusion makes you angry?"
"Furious."
"Understandable. Tell me the truth you're hiding from."
"I'm... attracted to a man. More than attracted..."
"But love is a concept you're not sure you understand."
"Exactly."
"Well, I already see a problem. Love is an emotion, not a concept."
"My feelings and I don't get along, you know that. I have to come at things from a place of logic and analysis, or nothing makes any sense and I get frustrated... and I run away. My mind is safe for me. I know the territory, know where I am and how to make things work. My heart... looking into my heart is just frightening and bewildering. It would be like trying to do my job if all the CSI's, the techs and the witnesses were speaking and writing Mandarin Chinese."
"Do you want this man?"
"More than I ever imagined was possible."
"I don't impress easily, you know that. The next three days will be intense and draining. In order to become what you desire... you'll need to put everything you are in my hands." She warned him, carefully watching his expression. He had sworn to her that he would submit and surrender, but she had to be absolutely positive. His eyes would reveal the truth. To her at least, they always did, whether he wanted them to or not. When he replied, she breathed more lightly, having seen what she was hoping for.
"I'm ready. I can't go on like I have been all these years. It doesn't work anymore... if it ever did. The scientist in me knows what to do when a process or experiment fails. You try another theory... another hypothesis. The man... when it came to relationships, the man tried, got hurt and let that convince him it just wasn't worth it to keep looking for another solution. Things changed when... when this man showed up. The possibility of having him makes trying again worth it... worth anything."
"Who?"
Gil paled and clenched his hands momentarily into fists, but harshly reminded himself that Heather would be the last one to reveal his secrets.
"Jim Brass." He finally replied, his voice low and stressed. Much as Warrick had done, Heather considered the revelation for a few moments, then broke out into a smile.
"Excellent choice. In spite of the facade he hides behind, I believe your captain is a very sensitive, caring man. Strong-hearted, no lack of courage or a sense of humor. Extremely intelligent, too. You'll make a good match."
" If you can get me to the point where I'm able to open my mouth and actually tell him what I'm feeling."
"Oh, I have no doubt I can manage." Heather responded, rising gracefully to her feet and holding out a hand to help him up. Once he was also standing, she led him silently back out the doors, moving past the clothes he'd piled up there earlier. He paused, looking back at them, then frowned mildly at her. She merely gazed at him enigmatically and waited. Eventually, he admitted defeat.
"Abandon shame."
Heather tapped him on the cheek, nodded her approval and moved off again. Though he was anticipating giggles and eye-rolls, perhaps even gasps of horror, if they met any of her employees along the way to their destination, Gil once again restrained himself from covering up and followed meekly.
--
TBC...
