Lucaya


It was the way he looked at her when no one was paying attention. It was the way his eyes lit up when he heard her name. It was the way he knew when she was hurting. But he wasn't hers. He couldn't comfort her in the way he needed to. He couldn't hold her when her world was falling. He couldn't love her when she made it so clear she couldn't be loved.

"Hey," his girlfriend said, linking her elbow with his. He tore his gaze from Maya and looked down at Riley, who had captured stardust in her eyes from the previous night.

"Did you end up getting a good view of Mars with Farkle last night?" Her entire face brightened just thinking about it.

"It was perfect. I can't see how we can't get an A on this project." She pulled him to the bench, her hands in his. "Then he started pointing out the constellations I had no idea even existed. It was magical."

If Lucas wasn't in the position he was, he would think Riley and Farkle were a couple, but Lucas wasn't naïve enough to think that Riley didn't love Lucas with her whole heart. And Lucas did love Riley. There were thousands of reason why his heart pounded a little louder when she was near. He was the first girl he ever loved and Riley would always be special for that, he could never dream of a life without her.

His eyes shift across the hallway, meeting her long, golden hair talking her way to some baseball boy. He knew he loved her too. He just knew he could never let it be.

Riley was still going on about the stars and how much she loved them. And that's when he knew. His love for Maya was like loving the stars. The stars were unbelievably beautiful, shining in utter darkness like Maya, who never let her surroundings engulf her completely, putting out her light. If Riley could love something so much when their paths would never cross, he could still love Maya until every star burns out. Just because you will never touch something- never have something- doesn't mean you can't still love it.


Months went by where Lucas was unsure of himself. Loving someone shouldn't hurt, it shouldn't be painful. He wanted to be happy with Riley, he wanted to look at her and feel like nothing could ever compare, but something did- she did.

"Hey Ranger-" she paused sheepishly, her cheeks sprinkled with blotches of red, "Lucas, Riley was just telling me about your date. It sounded great."

He couldn't keep himself from clenching his teeth or letting out a low laugh. He hated the way this changed Maya. This relationship ruined anything and everything they had as friends. The name calling stopped and so did the slight glances during school.

"What?" She said, her eyes scanning his face.

"I can't do this with you Maya," his eyes connected with hers, regret filling in.

"Do what-"

"Act like nothing has changed." He blurted out, finally voicing his opinion about these feelings he forced in.

He watched as she looked around- looking specifically for Riley in the school hallways.

"Lucas, you-"

"Would you please stop calling me Lucas!" He pulled her outside the doors, into the courtyard, where it had been cleared out and private. "This relationship has changed you. You feel like you can't be yourself around me."

"I can't Lucas, okay?" She ran her fingers through her hair, "Riley deserves to be happy. I can't give her any doubt that you made the wrong choice."

"But I didn't, you chose for me and you, Maya Hart, were wrong."

She shook her head, taking a step back. Her whole face began to flush and she couldn't stop the tears that were welling in her eyes.

"You chose Riley, Lucas. No matter who you picked, you chose Riley." Her voice was trying so hard to be strong and stern, but it was cracking at the edges.

"I chose you and if I was ever put in the position again, I would choose you. I would choose you every. Single. Time."

"Riley. Deserves. Happiness." Maya threw back.

"And so do you," he said running a hand over his face.

"Can't you see I was selfish with you. We don't work- we can't work. Please..." She grabbed his hand, "Riley loves you and I know you care for her. You wouldn't have taken so long to make a decision if you didn't feel something major for her. Let her in Lucas, let her in and fall completely in love."

Lucas didn't say anything. He ran his hand over his face and licked his lips before backing away, dropping her hand, and leaving her in the dust.

"Lucas?" The voice was so broken and faint, he barely heard her.

He turned around, his jaw locked. "I can't fall completely in love with her," he stated, twenty feet still between them. He grabbed the door handle, watching his knuckles turn white.

"And why not?" Maya argued, her eyes boring into him.

"Because no matter what anyone says, you can't be in love with two people at the same time." He spit it out without even looking at Maya and then turned the doorknob.


Maya woke up frantically, blindly searching for her phone that was ringing. Finally, her hand found the smartphone and she accepted the call before even reading the caller ID.

A broken voice bleed through the phone, "Maya?"

"Riles, what's going on?" Maya could hear Riley crying through the speaker.

"Have you ever done anything you've ever regretted?"

Loving Lucas "Not off the top of my head, why?"

"Because I have, I just did, I..." she took a second to breath and then continued, "I was at Farkle's and I- it was perfect. It felt so right and I kissed him. I swear- I just- I..."

"Riley?"

"I know Lucas chose you." Maya sat there and listened to the static consume the air around her. "I've known it since he asked me to be his girlfriend. There was something missing after we got together. I see the way he looks at you... I see the way you look at him."

"Riles..."

"And that's okay Maya. You like him, I get that. I'm mad that I let him come between us and that I made it a competition. I thought Lucas would make me whole. I've always dreamed of being Cory and Topanga and with Lucas, I thought he was it. And Maya, I kissed Farkle and," she paused, "everything changed."

"What about Lucas?"

"He broke up with me."

"After you kissed-"

"Yes, but I didn't tell him it happened. He came over tonight and he was a total gentleman about it." Riley's voice cracked right at the end of the sentence. "It's for the best, you know? I think this is the world trying to tell me something and this time I have to listen."

"Are you gonna be okay Riles?"

"I think I just need time." She huffed, "Things are going to be a little strange in the next few days and I think the best thing we can do is let everyone breathe."

Maya whole body was consumed with goosebumps. Everything had changed so drastically and she didn't deal well with it.

"Peaches?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to you be honest with Lucas and, most of all, I want you to be honest with yourself. You are the best person you can be and I know Lucas brings that out of you." Maya heard rustling in the background, but Riley continued, "I love you Maya and I will always be your best friend, but sometimes there are things I can't do. Let Lucas in, please."

The line went dead and Maya sat there in the silence trying to comprehend everything Riley had just told her. She set down her phone and crawled under the covers, uneasy about what the next few days would bring.


The tension in the air was so dense you could touch it. She didn't know what to say or how to feel. She gulped down her fear and met her best friend at her locker.

"Hey Riles, feeling better?" Instantly, Riley looked over her shoulder and her gaze fell on Farkle, who was pulling books out of his locker. Maya pulled the corner of her lips in and squeezed Riley's shoulder.

"I haven't talked to him since. I ran out right after I did it and now he wouldn't even look at me," Riley admits, her hand lagging on the locker. Her eyes were distance, the brightness fading from them. "In a matter of moments, I've broken our friend group apart."

"Riles," she turned her and put her hands on her shoulders, "you didn't do anything. You followed your heart and that's not your fault. You think that Farkle doesn't like you too? He's been pining over you since the seventh grade." She tried to her best to cheer up Riley, but nothing was pulling her out of this mood.

"But feelings change Maya!" Riley argued, the vein in her forehead starting to surface. "Don't you understand?"

Maya gulped, shutting her eyes for one moment before opening them up again. "Riles, you've just got to look on the bright side. I have no doubt that you and Farkle will work out. You didn't even give him a chance to respond. You need to talk to him."

"I just don't think he will talk to me," she adjusted her backpack on her shoulders, shifting out of Maya's hands.

"C'mon, this is Farkle we are talking about. You know him better than anyone. He's probably just scared. This is all new for him too."

"Are you scared Maya?" She met her gaze.

"Yeah, but who the hell isn't," Maya replied before walking into Mr. Matthew's class.


She was pacing in her room right after school. She played the Farkle card on Lucas the entire day. He said hey to her between fourth and fifth period and she chickened out, held up a thumbs-up and walked past him.

She didn't want to be this way with him, but she couldn't think of anyway to act. She was scared, more than she could have ever been. She didn't know what to do. Last time she let him in, she felt almost good enough, but not enough.

I want you to be honest with Lucas and, most of all, yourself. Riley's words echoed in her head. She looked down at her watch and grabbed her phone. She had to do this, she had to.

She was greeted by Mrs. Friar's face when she knocked on their apartment door. "Hey Maya, what can I do for you dear?"

"I was wondering if I could wait here for Lucas to get done with practice. We have a- umm- project together."

"Of course, would you like anything to drink?"

"Lemonade would be fine, thank you!" Maya walked into the apartment and was about to sit on their couch, when she saw her reflection in one of the pictures on the wall.

It wasn't so much the picture that caught her attention, but the vulnerable face staring back at her.

She brought her hand to her face finally realizing how hot she felt. She had to be honest above all, no matter what.


When he opened his apartment door, he saw his mother pouring two glasses of lemonade. Instantly, he pushed the door completely opened and scanned the room. His eyes fell onto the blonde admiring the picture of his family back in Texas.

He proceeded to shut the door a little too hard, watching Maya jump up. She turned around, her face a soft pink.

He didn't stay anything. He shrugged off his bags and walked over to her. He turned to see his mother still in the kitchen.

"What are you-," he looked around the room one last time, "what are you doing here?"

"Not happy to see me?" Her voice was small and she tried to joke it off. He didn't respond and just crossed his arms. "I came here to talk."

"You didn't want to talk today at school, I just figured you didn't want anything to do with me."

"I-"

"Lucas, I didn't hear you come in." Mrs. Friar approached both of them and handed Maya the glass of lemonade. "Maya said you had a project to work on?"

Lucas rose an eyebrow and looked down at her almost panicked face. He licked his lips and looked towards his mother, "Yeah, history is slamming both of us over this project. We better get to it."

"Okay honey, I'm going to run to the store and grab a few things for dinner, do you need anything for the project?"

"We could use some paint if you have time to pick it up," Lucas leaned over and kissed his mom on the cheek.

"I'll see you then." His mother picked up her purse and waved one last time before exiting the apartment.

Lucas pushed past Maya and open his bedroom door before nodding towards it.

"Since when did grocery stores start selling paint?" Maya asked, avoiding the tension between them.

"They don't, this would give us more time to 'talk'." He put quotations around talk. He gulped, his eyes trailing her as she entered his bedroom. She made herself comfortable on his bed, folding and unfolding her hands.

He shut the door and crossed his arms, wanting to be mad with the way she ignored him today, but all he felt was relief that she was there in front of him.

He watched as she opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He walked over to her and crouched down in front of her, tilting her chin up with his hand.

"Maya?"

Her eyes were dark, fright lurking in them. "I came because I haven't been honest to you, and most of all myself."

"You can tell me anything Maya," he moves him hand from her chin and pushes a few loose strands behind her ear.

He could feel her melt into him as the slightest touch, forcing her eyes to close. She let out a quiet sigh and pushed his hand away from her.

"Did you mean it?" She whispered, her eyes still shut.

"Mean what?" Every thought was rolling through his head, but he knew which one he wanted her to say.

"You said," her cheeks turned a soft pink and slowly but surely her eyes fluttered open, "you said you couldn't love Riley because you were already in love. I don't know... I thought maybe that meant..." She didn't finish her sentence. Not because she was afraid to say it, but because she was scared he didn't feel it.

"I'm in love with you?" He finished, a smile growing on his face. "Yeah, I think I do."

His heart was beating out of his chest and the heat that was building on the inside was starting to break through. "You, Maya Hart, are lovable."

He laid both of his hands on her cheeks and brought her faces to hers. Their lips were inches apart and Maya had already closed her eyes in anticipation.

"You've lived your whole life as if you were some darkness, something that didn't deserve to touched, held, loved. You aren't darkness Maya, you've never been darkness."

He slowly pressed his lips against hers, feeling her arms crawl around his waist, pulling him onto the bed with her. The kiss was exactly what he expected from Maya. It's was vulnerable and soft and even a little scared, but it was pure and right and beautiful.

He lost count of how many times his lips crashed into hers, how slowly but surely it become messier and desperate. Not only had Lucas forced in all his unsaid thoughts, but all his unshared feelings and desires.

Her hands found her way to his hips and moved him over, so they both were laying on their sides.

She lazily opened her eyes, letting her eyes wander if she was painting a picture of the exact moment she saw. "Am I really lovable?"

"Only if you let yourself be," he reached forward and caressed her cheek, letting his thumb stroke the few freckles planted on her face. "Please let me love you, let me in."

"What if I'm incapable of loving you?"

"I wouldn't believe that for a second," he replied softly, counting the distinct shades of blue swirling in her eyes. "Look at me and tell me that you don't feel something towards me."

She took a moment to respond, her cheeks flushing under his gaze. "I can't. I feel so much for you Lucas that it scares me and," she sat up turning from him, "what if one day you decide that you no longer have feelings for me? What if this was a mistake?"

Lucas could see the tears welling up in her eyes and what state of vulnerability she has entered. "I decided a long time ago that my feelings for you were real and that's something I can't lie about. I chose you Maya, I chose the whole you. I chose your doubt and vulnerability. I chose your wits and your name callings. I chose you because no matter how much I shouldn't have, I did anyways. Deep down I know you want this and it's okay to want something Maya." He paused when he finally turned back around, her eyes wide and her heart full.

"I don't want you Maya. I need you."