THE PROPOSAL

CHAPTER 29 – One Last Night

"I thought it would be nice if we spent one last night together before I left."

Donna's whole body froze as she backed herself into the corner of the partner's kitchen, instinctively wrapping her arms around her body. Her heart was beating so fast that she couldn't think or speak. Why? Why had nobody thought he would do this?

"Don't you have anything to say?" asked Julien as he leaned on the doorframe, the indigo suit he'd worn to court yesterday visible under his woollen overcoat.

"Please, just let me go," said Donna, her voice crumbling as her whole body shook with fear. She fought the urge to curl up into a ball in the corner of the room and hide, just the way Harvey had found her in his office weeks ago.

"You want to go? Who's stopping you?" snarled Julien, his eyes not leaving her for a second as he spoke. He was enjoying her distress. "Well? You're not moving? Ah, that must mean you want to talk to me. Okay then, let's talk. Sit down."

Julien pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and sat down. His eyes bore into Donna as she stood frozen before him, her legs trembling and tears filling her eyes.

"SIT DOWN!" he yelled.

Donna jumped and let out a shriek in fright. She steadied her hands and pulled out one of the chairs opposite. She was terrified, but she managed to pull the chair out just far enough to sit down. It was her only choice. She couldn't run. He was seated next to the doorway so she wouldn't be able to get past him.

"This is nice isn't it?" he said. "My last night of freedom and I spend it with you. I understand now. I see why you weren't interested in me. It was because of him, wasn't it?"

Donna didn't respond. Her mind was racing … should she scream? Should she just casually walk away? Should she front him out?

"All that time I wondered why you wouldn't fuck me. It wasn't as if you were all that special. You're not even that beautiful. See, you should have been grateful I was interested in you. I'm a wealthy man, I'm good looking, I'm successful … I've slept with so many women who were better than you in every way. Prettier women, smarter women, sexier women. And then there was you. Someone who hasn't achieved anything of note in her miserable life. How long has it been like that? Were you just waiting to find a man you could live off? Someone who'll give you the status you couldn't get on your own. Yes, I knew this about you from the start. I don't know why I wanted you. You are pathetic really."

Donna didn't flinch at his cold words. She kept her head low, letting his cruelty wash over her. He couldn't hurt her with words, so she hoped words were all he was going to throw at her.

"But I never realised back then that you already had someone you were whoring off," said Julien, trying in vain to solicit a reaction from her. "You walk into this office wearing your fancy dresses and your sexy shoes. All bought by the man who fucks you whenever he feels like it. Poor Harvey. What an idiot he is. You're the same as a dirty whore off the streets. Yes, you're just the same. Your dresses are always low enough, heels always high enough, hair … hmmm … yes I do like your hair. Although, I admit I thought it was dyed that colour to begin with. If I hadn't seen for myself … that night … in your office. Yes, I couldn't have any doubts you were a real redhead after that night, could I?"

Donna jolted to her feet as she realised what he was saying. She clamped her hand to her mouth, fighting with everything she had to stop herself from being sick. He noticed and he laughed. She moved towards the back of the kitchen again, turning her face to the wall. Trying in vain to fight back the tears which were rolling down her cheeks.

"Ah, poor Donna," scoffed Julien, "I'm being mean to you, aren't I? Do you think I'm vulgar?" He laughed as he continued to watch her shrink into the corner of the room. "I don't know why you're cowering like a frightened rabbit. It should be me cowering. Look what you did to me." Julien held up his stump, a clean white bandage replacing his hand and peeping out from under the sleeve of his coat. "Do you think I deserve to look like this?"

Donna shook her head. She didn't know why. She thought it might help.

"Good. I'll take that as an apology," said Julien. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes and lighter, placing them down on the kitchen table in front of him the, fumbling with one hand, he lit it and started to smoke. "So, I'll tell you the truth now Donna. I wish I had never come to this godforsaken country of yours. I wish I'd told my brother to go fuck himself when he suggested I take a break from life in Paris, because ever since that night when I first saw you at that party, batting your eyelashes at every man in a suit, walking the way you do, laughing the way you do. Ever since then, I wanted you … and you? You made it your mission to destroy me."

Donna looked at him as if he were mad. What the hell was he talking about?

"Don't look at me like that," he said as he puffed on his cigarette, the kitchen air filling with the aroma of nicotine. "You know what you did. You know how you work the room, drawing attention to yourself. It was never my fault. It isn't even Harvey's fault. You had both of us exactly where you wanted us and you used me to get him. If it had been me you fucked first, maybe he'd be sitting where I am right now, but you knew that too didn't you? You know his temper. If you had chosen me then he'd have come after me."

Donna felt nauseous as she listened to Julien try to justify his actions to her. It was as if he were living in an alternate universe. Did he actually believe this bullshit?

"I've known Harvey for almost thirteen years Julien. It was always him. I didn't need to use anybody."

"At last she speaks!" said Julien with a maniacal glint in his eye, "finally she tells me. You didn't need to use me, so why did you? Thirteen years of watching the great Harvey Specter giving it to dozens of beautiful, younger, smarter, sexier women. Thirteen years of wondering when it was going to be you. His lowly secretary. I suppose I have to hand it to you because you masterminded this whole thing from the start. You played the victim from the start, crying because I made you kiss me and crying because I told you I wanted sex with you. That's how you got him. You played the victim and he fell for it all."

"I was a victim, Julien," spat Donna. 'Time to front him out', she thought. She was tired of being a victim. She was Donna and she needed to act like Donna. "I told you I wasn't interested in you from the beginning, but you took no notice. I told you that we weren't going to happen. I told you I didn't want to sleep with you. And then … that night ... I told you 'no'."

Julien shrugged at her as he continued to puff on his cigarette. Donna thought that the aroma of the pungent smoke must have left the kitchen by now, drifting through the office with the air conditioning. She hoped someone would notice soon. Where the hell was everybody?

"Nobody tells me 'no', Donna," said Julien slyly as he looked at her again. "And if they do then I have to show them what they're missing. In your case, what you were missing was my hands around your neck. How did that feel? Did you like that? What about when I slammed your head into the wall? How was that for you?"

Julien stubbed his cigarette out on the table in front of him and he got up from his seat, moving towards her. Donna turned to the wall again, swallowing hard and getting ready to scream.

"Do you know what my favourite part was, Donna?" he said as he closed in on her. She jumped as she felt her back hit the wall already. "My favourite part was when I almost had you."

He closed the gap between them until his face was inches from hers and she let out a whimper of panic which he lapped up, allowing her anguish to feed his lust for power. "Can you remember Donna? I was holding you face down over your desk and I ripped your underwear off. Mmm … I can still remember how you looked that night. Part of you wanted it. You may not be able to admit it to yourself, but you wanted it, didn't you?"

"No I didn't. I hated you. You hurt me and I hated you. I still hate you!"

Julien smirked his eyes beckoning to the kitchen table. "Well maybe we should see for ourselves. We could always use this table. One last shot. What do you say?"

Donna stood her ground. She had already found her voice. "I say 'no'," she said firmly. "And I say it again … and again … and again!"

Julien's face changed and Donna could read why. Disappointment. Not because she was suddenly going to give him what he wanted, but because he'd lost his power over her. She stared him down until finally he backed away, retaking the seat at the table.

"I'm going to walk away from you now, Julien," she said. "And I think its best you leave before anybody sees you. Good luck for tomorrow."

Donna held her head up high and walked straight past Julien and out through the kitchen door. She could see the darkness in his face as she passed. He had descended into a pit of hate that he was never going to emerge from and he was there because he couldn't accept the fact that this was all down to him.

She walked into the corridor, leaving him behind her.

"Donna, one more thing," he said. She froze, her stomach lurching. What now?

Slowly she turned around and she looked into his eyes. She didn't notice at first. It took about 30 seconds of her watching his face. That evil glint in his eye.

Then she saw and her body reacted.

She shook on her heels as she stumbled backwards, her heart racing so fast that she could feel the blood pumping in her ears. The pain in her chest – the pain of anxiety – coursed through her neck, choking her as she saw.

Julien stood calmly before her.

His hand – his only hand – was holding a gun.