Standing Still - Twenty-nine

Time has flown by since the Fletcher's visit and I've been working hard to fulfil our commitment to the various organisations we want to support. Already we've set in place a fund to help the air ambulance keep running and with our support there will soon be another helicopter in service.

I've spoken with the Reynolds family and together we want to reach out and help the emergency services with aftercare therapy. I know they set up their own charity in Matthew's name and had a similar goal of helping people after a life changing event.

They were very interested with our plans so we decided to unite our efforts and soon we hope to open the Matthew Reynolds memorial wing at the University of Washington Medical Center. A wing dedicated to support victims of psychological trauma and help their families.

It's amazing how quickly everything's progressing and not just with our charity work. Ana is also improving everyday and she surprised us all when she finally managed to conquer the stairs. She almost gave me a heart attack when I saw her climb on shaky legs up the staircase. Painstaking slow but full of determination she finally reached her goal and the whole household erupted with applause.

I'm so proud of my wife and what she has managed to achieve in the past months. I think Teddy is too as he was jumping up and down and cheering so loudly at her accomplishment. Little Phoebe was less impressed but it was late in the day and I just think she was too tired to truly enjoy the moment.

With all the excitement lately it's often forgotten that there is anything even wrong with Ana but sadly there is. She's still undergoing dialysis and so far her kidney function is still too poor for her to stop. Ana's often exhausted and her core strength is still nonexistent. Even with the addition work I've been doing I'm still very aware that Ana is far from recovered. I only hope that she will get better soon and be the same Ana she was before the accident.

Gail's POV

Mr Grey has spent a lot of time in his study of late, working hard on his charity work. The children seem more settled and Teddy's tantrums have certainly lessened. In fact I can't remember the last time he had one. I think having Ana home has helped the most in restoring Ted's good humour and I'm glad that he's so happy again.

I wish I could say the same for me but lately I've been really feeling down. The children still need a lot of my time and with Ana still recovering I feel so overwhelmed at times.

I don't like feeling this way and God knows I don't want to be anywhere else right now. I worry if I'm away for a few hours and I'm constantly afraid that something bad is going to happen to Ana or the children.

These past months have brought me a lot closer to Ana and she's family as much as Jason and Sophie are. It's possible that I've gotten too close but when someone needs you like Ana does I don't see how you can turn your back on them.

The rollercoaster of emotions has taken it's toll on everyone and even I am being affected. I'm not immune and things have gotten on top of me I only hope my mood will improve.

Sawyer's POV

Things finally feel like they're falling back into place and now I'm back at work I have my purpose back. Not that Taylor will let me do much but at least I'm living back in my own apartment and not in the Grey household.

I had cabin fever in the beginning, I've always being an active person and it was difficult not being able to move around freely. Thankfully that stage in my recovery didn't last long and I felt so much better once I gained some independence.

It's been a lot harder for Ana, her recovery has taken longer and has cost her much more. The effort she's put in is amazing and it's certainly put a lot of things into perspective for me. It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you can see someone else a lot worse off and not complaining.

I'm a big guy and I always knew I was physically strong but compared to Ana I've been quite the weakling. She's proved her strength again and again and she's cheered me along more times than I can count.

It takes a special person to behave the way she has and I count myself very lucky to have her as my friend.

Taylor's POV

It's been a busy few weeks with Mr Grey working to open the memorial wing at the hospital. I've helped as much as I can and both Gail and I have contributed to the fund.

I worked with Matt everyday and after his funeral I was only too pleased to be able to help his family. His mother and father have worked so hard to establish Matt's charity and I've visited with them often, these past few weeks.

Every time I see them I can see the pain they're enduring and every night that I leave them I feel compelled to call my daughter. I miss her, she's so busy right now with school that I can hardly wait for the holidays to arrive.

Also I'm a little concerned that Gail has been working too hard of late. She's short with me and her temper is quick to flare up these days. I found her snapping at Ted the other day which is not like her at all. She loves those babies dearly and I know she would do anything and every thing for them.

I find I'm walking on egg shells most days and I'm never sure what mood she'll be in when I see her. But if she's short with me and occasionally Ted she has at least never shown that side to Ana. Her endless patience is only shown to Ana and her loving heart always open for her.

I'd almost feel jealous if not for the fact that Ana deserves to have Gail on her side. But if the day ever comes that my wife snaps at Ana, then God help us all.

Ana's POV

I hate this feeling that I have deep down, a loathing that comes to me from time to time. I don't want it and I wish it would go away but it won't, no matter how hard I try to push in away.

I think I feel it now because I just caught Gail shouting at little Ted. I missed the context but I saw the aftermath and I didn't like it one bit.

I love my son deeply and it hurt to see him so upset, Gail of course stopped his tears and kissed his rosy cheeks. But it's not like her to snap at my boy and it shocked me to see her so riled up.

It's my fault, I know it's my fault and that's where the loathing comes from. I caused her to loose her temper, she's overworked and exhausted and I did that to her.

I hate this and I hate what's it's doing to the people I love. I'm a burden, an encumbrance and I don't want to be one anymore.

After the blow up I take Ted to play and try to keep him occupied so Gail can calm down. We play together for hours but it's hard to keep up with my busy boy.

Laying down in the playroom with Teddy running his toy cars under my legs I'm eventually found by Christian.

"Hey you need to rest baby, where's Gail?" he asks on entering.

"I'm okay, Gail's busy and I'm having fun playing with Ted."

"I think you stopped playing a while ago. Look you're exhausted let me take over," he begs.

Reluctantly I leave them to play and drag my weary body to bed. I felt bad when I woke later so I had to stay in bed for the rest of the day. I brooded a lot and wished I was more use to those around me.

I love Gail, she's a special person and she certainly puts up with a lot from my family. I want to help her but physically I can't and because of that I find myself hating what I've become.