**A/N: Hello everyone!

1) I had every intention to post this on Christmas, but I had an INSANE day (including breaking out into tears because I got my dream record player and spent the majority of the day listening to the Glenn Miller Band the way the Glenn Miller Band should be heard) and time slipped by me.

2) I never got the opportunity to finish that Christmas one-shot I was working on. I was taking care of my younger siblings this week while my parents were in New Orleans, and their planes got delayed and cancelled over and over again, so I had to do a lot of the Christmas preparation for the huge party and dinner we have at my house every year. Needless to say, writing became a very unimportant thing this week.

Chapter 29- The Strings

"I got my reasons for leavin'. I got my reasons to stay. But baby if you want, you can make me stop. Yeah, you know what to say. I just want you to tell me. Strum the strings of my heart. 'Cause with our kind of love, we always wind up getting tangled."

~Tell Me, Aubrey Peeples


The room was eerily quiet. The only sound besides the whispers of their breath was the ceiling fan, a rhythmic whoosh, whoosh filling their ears. Steve and Bethany had barely said two words to each other since they decided that Jamie would sleep in between them, safe from any harm. This situation wasn't like the others. They couldn't rely on the top of line security system, and the first line of defense. They couldn't rely on someone to alert them if anything was out of the ordinary. JARVIS was gone. And along with him, any semblance of security that the couple had built through those past few months. The Tower still stood tall and strong, and despite being one of, if not the safest building in the world without the Intelligence, it didn't change the uneasiness they were both suffering. But that wasn't the only thing on their minds.

"Are you asleep?" Bethany finally asked, turning her head to look at her husband. A moment passed before he finally answered. "Are you mad?" Was her next question. She had already asked him this before, but after the team meeting, she needed reassurance. His silence said a lot to her, and he had barely said anything.

"No," Steve said with a sigh. "I'm… I'm disappointed."

"That we did it? Or that we didn't tell you? Or because I didn't tell you?" Bethany asked, a heavy weight pressing against her soul, knowing that Steve was disappointed at their actions. At her actions.

"About everything," Steve whispered. "Beth, why didn't you say something?"
"Because we knew… I knew that you wouldn't agree," Bethany admitted freely. "We didn't have time for debates. We did it because we knew this would be our only chance."

Steve was silent, quietly processing this information. "So even though you knew I wouldn't approve, you still went ahead and did it anyways?" He had understood earlier, or so he said. But now wasn't about just calming her down and getting to the bottom of the issue. Now was about understanding every little aspect.

"Just because you're a righteous man, Steve, doesn't mean you're always right," She pointed out. "You heard what Tony said. We need this."

"But in the process, we created an even bigger problem at hand."

"Yes, but if it worked… Steve, imagine if it had worked. If Ultron woke up and immediately went to work on keeping peace. On transforming the world into one that we would actually be proud to raise Jamie in."

"But that's not what happened."

"But that's why I did this. Why we all did this. You may be content spending the rest of your days in that damned suit, but that's not all there is to life. Okay? When I agreed to help, all I could see was our dream. The one where it's us, growing old, with our children in a big, beautiful house and the last thing on our minds is the dangers of the world. Do you remember that dream Steve? What happened to that dream?"

"It's… unrealistic," Steve whispered. "I don't know if we can get that."

Bethany's jaw clenched as she tried to keep back her own disappointment at Steve's words. Because despite the world they lived in now, where everything was getting worse by the minute as opposed to their attempts to make it better, that dream was the only reason she continued to push forward. And she thought that was the reason Steve was fighting as well. "You don't know if we can get it, or you don't want that?"

"What does that mean?" Steve asked, hurt by her words. "Of course I want a home, a real home with you and Jamie. But I also know that with HYDRA, no SHIELD and everything that happened with Jen and Theo this year, not to mention you, Banner and Tony keeping secrets-"

"Don't spin this on us," Bethany snapped. "Steve, I don't really know anymore if you would be okay with settling down. In theory, you think it's nice, but you don't-"

"I want that," Steve promised. "I just… I'm tired of expecting something and getting my hopes up. I'd rather look at this realistically. Besides, I thought you were happy. I thought we had finally found a balance between family and work."

"You know why I fight. You know why I've always fought. But that doesn't change the fact that I want Jamie to grow up without having to worry like we do. For him to live his own life, and not have to live in your impossibly big shadow. I want us to have more kids, and watch them grow up and be individuals, contributing to society."

"Everytime you say you're going to hang up the suit," Steve began, clearly growing frustrated with their conversation. "You put it back on. Every single time. So, I'm sorry if I don't necessarily believe you when you say that you'd give it up permanently."

"Well, neither would you," Bethany spat in return.

"Does that mean you'll help us?" Steve asked. "You'll go after Ultron with us? I'm not going to ask you to stay here if you need to go out there. We've prepared for this. Prepared to leave Jamie here while we right the wrongs, but only if you're doing it for the right reasons."

"I just told you why I'm fighting," Bethany reminded him, but then realized that she hadn't exactly laid it out clearly. "Look, I made a mistake. I always make mistakes. And not ones that only affect myself. They affect others, they hurt others. This is possibly the biggest mistake I've ever made. I'll take full responsibility for my bad judgement."

"Well, that's good to hear," Steve replied, reaching across Jamie and taking Bethany's hand.

"I need to right my wrong," Bethany continued.

"And then? When this is all over? What do we do from then on?" Bethany looked at Steve, her eyes long ago adjusting to the darkness. She could see the worry etched into his face on what was about to happen. For the first time, she could see the weariness taking its toll, but he didn't, for a second, allow that to take control of him.

She knew that Steve loved Jamie. That Steve loved her. God, he loved her. And she loved both her boys in return. But she knew who she married. She knew who Steve was. She knew who she was. They were both fighters. And he was ultimately right. As much as she wanted to be solely a mother and a wife, she knew she couldn't when the rest of her family was out there, fighting the fight that needed to be fought. If Steve put down the shield for good, giving up fighting would be a hell of a lot easier for her. That was the only reason she was able to stay away from the hells of the world right before and after Jamie was born. But all that was changing.

She wasn't sure if they could achieve that normalness they once wanted. That normalness that once seemed so simple. And when SHIELD was still around, it did seem possible. But now, Bethany couldn't disagree with her husband. It didn't mean that she didn't want to raise a family, and actually live their lives together. She wanted that. And she knew that Steve wanted that. But they would never stop fighting. That seemed to be the real issue at hand. No matter how badly she wanted to end it, she knew Steve would never step away, and therefore, she wouldn't either.

"Beth?" Steve asked again. "What happens when this is all over?"

She let out a soft sigh, squeezing his hand. "I don't know. But I do hope we can untangle ourselves from the strings that are weighing us down. The ones that keep bringing us here. The ones that keep us from moving forward. I'm tired, Steve. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of worrying."

"We'll get through this," Steve promised. "We always do."

"Until we don't," Bethany pointed out with a whisper. "What if this time we don't? What if this time, we lose someone?"

Steve sat up, Bethany following him. He quickly brought her into his arms, kissing her temple. She instantly felt better, comforted by his embrace. "We'll get through that too," he vowed. "I'm sorry that this is our life. You deserve better."

"Shhh," Bethany replied, her hands rubbing his smooth back rhythmically. "What I have now? This is more than I ever thought I would get. And I'm grateful. Living on the edge used to be fun. Now, it's a full time job. But I'm grateful for you. For Jamie. For the life we have together, no matter what. But that won't stop me from wanting us to just live happily ever after."

"We'll get through this," Steve repeated, as if unsure of what else to say. "We always do." Bethany nodded softly, pressing a kiss to his neck. She knew if she said anything else, Steve would be able to tell that she wasn't exactly sure if they would.


Steve was envious of Bethany and Jamie actually getting some sleep. It had taken almost an hour to finally get Jamie to fall back to sleep but as soon as she and Steve finished their conversation, Bethany had slipped into a dreamland. He had spent the rest of the night panicking at every single sound. Whenever he would get out of the bed, shield on his arm, he would just find Molly getting herself into trouble. Checking her paws at one point to see if she had any cuts or glass stuck in them, Steve decided that his sleeplessness was best used in cleaning up the apartment in any way he could, followed by packing a bag for Jamie.

Bethany had been working on a safe house of kinds within the apartment for Jamie. Jackson was acquainted with everything inside it, but since Jamie was growing like a weed, Steve thought it best to pack some new clothes and diapers, along with some of Jamie's favorite toys. Stopping in front of Jamie's picture wall, there was a photo of Bethany holding a newborn Jamie in the hospital, looking exhausted but as beautiful as ever. Steve hovered behind her, a huge smile on his face. He touched Bethany's face softly before taking the photo off the wall and slipping it into the bag. They weren't sure how long they'd be gone for.

"I told you to leave the living room alone," Bethany voice drifted into the room. Steve turned around to see Bethany in the doorframe, Jamie still sleeping in her arms.

"I wanted to clean the mess up somehow," Steve explained, moving to kiss her softly.

"It's all broken," she whispered, looking a little broken herself.

"Things can be replaced," he promised her, leaning down a little to look into her eyes. "We'll rebuild."

"No, it's fine," Bethany said, shaking her head.

"Beth, we can't live in a place that looks like this. Especially with a baby," he pressed on, confused by her words.

"No, it's… it's whatever," she sighed, turning around and going to sit on the couch. Molly jumped up and curled herself into a ball next to Bethany.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked carefully, sitting in the free spot beside her.

"Nothing," Bethany replied, but it was as clear as water that something was wrong, it was even clearer that this was a battle Steve won't be fighting at that moment. Bethany seemed content with just sitting on their couch, surrounded by the disaster around them and Steve wouldn't press her, especially not this early.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" He offered. "Make food, call someone?"

"No, but remind me that I have to call Kiley later. I told her we'd visit her today," Bethany said with a heavy sigh. "What time is it?"

"Almost six," Steve responded. "I guess we should go get ready to relieve the team."

"They won't be leaving," Bethany replied honestly. "Just like you didn't sleep."

"You slept though."

Bethany nodded, giving a soft smile in response. "There were a lot of factors that led to that. A sleeping pill included. I just needed a few minutes, no matter how little, to get my mind off things."

She had got close to four hours of sleep and he had seen her function perfectly on less, but it was clear that she wished she got a little more. "I'm going to get ready then," Steve said, not being able to think of anything else. When he got to the bedroom door, he turned back around to look at Bethany, blindly stroking Molly's fur. He felt bad about their late night conversation. He had been so focused on making her happy and relaxed in their life and with one night, everything was gone. And he had to make it worse by telling her that normal wasn't an achievable goal for them.

Knowing that he would probably suit up at some point today, he pulled on the bottom of his suit, including his boots, but wearing an Underarmour shirt opposed to the top piece. He pulled Bethany's suit out of the closet after making the bed, laying the red material on top of the duvet. In a perfect world, Bethany wouldn't have to put it on ever again, not unless she wanted to.

Shaking his head and flopping onto the bed, Steve didn't even know what was right anymore.


Bethany refused to put on her uniform until absolutely necessary. For the time being, she would be comfortable in leggings and one of Steve's sweaters. She didn't care if she looked like a mess. That's exactly how she felt. She spent most of her morning getting Jamie comfortable in the safe room she had created for him, and making sure that Jackson and Jen were familiar with everything inside the room.

The relationship between Jen and Bethany seemed to strengthen a million times over night, Bethany knowing full well that if Jen hadn't been there, things would have been much different. Bethany, Steve, the entire team and the security measures put into play weren't there and Jen was.

"I mean, it's not ideal," Bethany breathed when she put Jamie down in a fold-up play pen. It was much smaller than the boy was used to and the way he looked up at her in dismay showed how he really felt about the small space. "But right now, it's the safest thing for everyone. Tony is working on a program that Ultron won't be able hack into, so once you close the doors, you'll be safe inside. Maria will be upstairs giving you all updates."

"We'll be fine," Jen promised Bethany. "It's small, but it's homey."

"And there's TV!" Theo added, having already fixated himself in front of the television.

"It's not that I don't trust you. It's that I don't trust Ultron," Bethany explained.

Jen offered Bethany an encouraging smile. "Well as long as you get him, there's nothing to be worried about, right?"

Bethany nodded, admitting to herself that this was a really good way to look at the situation. "Okay, I have to go up and talk to Bruce and Tony. Don't hesitate to call me if he gets too fussy, okay? I'll be able to focus on finding Ultron better if he's down here, but-"

"Go," Jackson stressed.

Bethany sighed, but conceding. Kneeling down, she kissed Jamie softly. "Momma loves you, okay Munchkin?"

Jamie only laughed hysterically, making it even harder for Bethany to leave him, even if she was just going up to meet Tony and Bruce. "What'd I miss?" Bethany asked, flicking on the light to the room, only for both men to make a noise that strictly meant 'turn off the light'.

"Were you two in here all night?" Bethany asked with a sigh.

"No," Tony replied instantly. "Almost all night. We're trying to figure out where it all went wrong."

"Any leads?" Bethany asked, already knowing the answer.

"Nothing," Bruce sighed. "But you were right. We shouldn't have forced the program in-"

"No. I'm as much to blame, don't write me off," Bethany sighed, looking over Bruce's shoulder as he continued to watch videos of Ultron.

"You can read vocal stress patterns, adrenaline spikes," Bruce began.

"No, no. That was in the schematic we launched," Tony said exasperatedly, tossing something from his hand.

"He had a self-constructed learning spiral," Bruce reminded Tony.

"In his language database he was supposed to learn slang, not go insane," Tony stressed.

"You're assuming it did."

"He's a little homicidal for a newborn," Bethany pointed out.

"Look we both know that the guy has anger issues, which is not to point a finger…" Despite his words, Tony was clearly pointing a finger in Bruce's direction.

"Tony," Bethany whispered, shaking her head. That was taking it a step too far.

"We told him to solve the world," Bruce rationalised.

"What if he thinks he is?" Bethany offered. "What if he thinks this is the way to do it? It's not how we'd do it, but our way was Ultron…"

They all fell silent thinking this over. There were a lot more variables than they originally considered. It wasn't just a straight forward good and bad, but then again, when was any of the situations they were in?


Apparently the entire team had spent the night researching and trying to find Ultron. While that made Steve a little guilty, he knew that no one was judging either one of them. Having a baby changed a lot. Jamie was number one on his and Bethany's to-do list and making sure he was safe through the night was a must.

"He's all over the globe," Maria reported to him as they made their way upstairs to join the team. "Robotics labs, weapons facilities, jet propulsion labs. Reports of a metal man, or men, coming in and emptying the place."

"Fatalities?" Steve asked.

"Only when engaged. Mostly guys left in a fugue state going on about old memories, worst fears, and something too fast to see."

"Maximoffs," Steve concluded. "Well, it makes sense he'd go to them, they have someone in common."

"Not anymore," Maria corrected, handing Steve her tablet.

"That's kinda a mixed message," Steve noted, looking at the image of Strucker, dead in his cell, the word 'peace' painted over him in, what he presumed was blood.

"Is it?" Maria questioned. "If it was my mission, world peace, I'd probably take out Strucker too. Ultron could be in any system. He could be pulling planes down from the sky. What if he's just doing what he's supposed to?"

"If I thought Ultron was bringing peace, I'd hang up my shield," Steve said simply, looking at the tablet for another moment.

"Would you?" Maria threw back, clearly challenging his words.

Steve thought hard about what he had said. He had been up most of the night thinking about it after his conversation with Bethany and he still didn't know what his answer should be or what he wanted it to be. He knew what Bethany wanted it to be. But for some reason, Steve couldn't bring himself to feel the same way. He loved his family, that he knew for sure and he would do anything to protect them.

But it was obvious that Steve wasn't ready to give up the shield. Everyone could see it, and Maria was calling him out on it, rightfully. Bethany wanted Ultron to be a success so that there would be peace and Steve could stay at home with them. So he could be safe and they could be happy. But if Steve was at home all the time, not out there fighting, he wouldn't be happy. "Let me know if he leaves anymore messages."

Maria nodded, going down the stairs as Steve went upwards. Steve frowned, hearing Clint's voice linger down the hall. The archer was supposed to be calling old contacts from his time at SHIELD for information. Since he was a little friendlier to people than the women of SHIELD, they all agreed that Clint calling would be better.

"Don't worry about the wolf. Keep the nightlight off," Clint said, Steve stopping at the top of the stairs, looking at the man. "That's a negative, I answer to you. Yes ma'am. Gotta go."

Clint quickly hung up, looking over to Steve and holding up his phone. "Girlfriend."

"Any of your old contacts came through?" Steve questioned.

"Still waiting."

"Wait faster," Steve ordered, pulling out his own phone and reading a text from Bethany. She was just checking in on him. He couldn't help but smile, feeling touched at her words before frowning and looking over his shoulder at Clint. "Girlfriend?" He whispered. He was almost positive that Clint was single. He was always prying into his personal life with Bethany, yet if Clint really did have a girlfriend, there was a lot that the archer was hiding from him.

He hated knowing that there were secrets in the group. It only prompted Bethany to keep more from him. Little secrets that were meant to be surprises like dinner plans or birthday gifts were one thing, but he felt like his team was keeping him from things that could change his life in some way. When Bethany had reminded Steve about the condom when he had been so distracted by her, he really thought that she was done hiding things from him. That's why her keeping him in the dark about Ultron was such a slap to the face.

But between her keeping secrets and him not being willing to retire… it was dangerous to their relationship. He loved her. More than was actually good for him. More than was actually good for all of them.


"This is a dead end," Bethany whispered, more to herself than anyone else, but she was fully aware that everyone was thinking the same thing. All their information, at least anything that would be of use, was gone. Even trying to dig it out was impossible. Everything was wiped clean, as if it had never existed to begin with.

Natasha was talking with Rhodey, the two of them making sure they shared as much information as they could. "We're getting access tonight on all basic information streams," Natasha reported.

"Yeah, well you guys are definitely off the pentagon's Christmas list," Rhodey replied.

"Oh, and I was so hoping for a monogramed pen," Bethany joked, rolling her eyes.

"Every country with a nuke is fighting a cyber attack," Rhodey revealed. "War Machine is being deployed to the middle east in case certain people start blaming each other instead of you."

"Okay, well hold that thought," Tony interjected, coming up behind them. "Let me overnight you a new encryption drive for your suit in case Ultron wants in."

"Gotcha. Thanks."

"You hear something, we need to hear it too," Natasha stressed.

"Hey, that goes both ways. Watch your six."

"Stay safe Rhodey," Bethany spoke before the screen went blank. Rubbing her forehead, she saw Steve come into the room, walking over to Thor. It wasn't the time to think about how sexy he was, but the thought filtered through her head anyways.

"Any help from on high?" Steve asked Thor, the two moving closer to the table Bethany and Natasha were at.

"Heimdall is either away from his post or he's been ordered not to answer. But Ultron can't hide forever, we'll find him," Thor promised.

"Well, he's not exactly hiding," Steve offered, handing Thor the tablet.

"What's that?" Bethany asked.

"A message," Steve explained, handing the tablet to Thor who looked at it for a moment before handing it to Tony a little too strongly, the movement acting like a hit to the stomach. Clearly Thor wasn't happy about what was on the screen, and was still blaming Tony for this more than anyone. "Ultron killed Strucker."

Bethany got out of her seat to look at the screen. She wasn't too fond of Baron von Strucker, but she did have a lot she wanted to ask him, and now she would never get the chance. The word 'peace' was written above Strucker's limp body in blood.

"And he did a Banksy at the crime scene, just for us," Tony added.

"This is good," Natasha said with a nod.

"No, that's not good," Bruce disagreed.

"He's showing us his hand. This isn't his pattern. This is a smokescreen," Natasha theorized. "Why send a message when you've just given a speech?"

"Strucker knew something that Ultron wanted us to miss," Steve agreed.

"I bet he… yep," Natasha voiced as she typed away at the computer in front of her. "Everything we had on Strucker has been erased."

"And that's good?" Bruce asked, still confused about what was good and what was bad.

"Well, he won't see us coming, for starters," Bethany offered. "He'll expect us to be lost."

"But aren't we?" Bruce continued. "Lost?"

"Where's your faith," Bethany said with a smug smile.

"I really don't follow," Bruce admitted.

"Kid, did you move all those SHIELD files up to my office?" Bethany asked, an excited smile on her face.

Steve frowned down at her. "You have an office?"

"Oh sweetie," Bethany quietly replied, patting his shoulder for a moment before she led the group to where she had stored all her old SHIELD things. Awards, pictures, newspapers and a War Bonds poster hung up on the walls of her room, huge filing cabinets standing against some of the walls, and boxes piled up in one corner. "I don't come here often. Or at all. But Maria and I agreed that this stuff shouldn't be shredded."

Steve looked around the room for a moment, taking everything in before laying his shield to rest against the wall. Bethany knew that a lot of the boxes were things they didn't really need, but she had a hard time given them away. She had planned on giving most of it to Coulson, but had never got the chance to. She was grateful that her days were busy now.

"And you were judging me for wanting to keep these things around," she taunted Tony, leaning down at the boxes and looking for something in specific. She knew they had something on Strucker. Maria and Bethany had spent months figuring out which SHIELD agents were actually HYDRA in disguise and making sure those files were accessible. Strucker had been at the top of the list. "These boxes here."

Thor and Steve quickly carried the boxes over to the large table in the middle of the room, the team getting to work. "Why keep paper copies when you have electronic?" Tony said in response to her earlier question.

Bethany looked at him blankly for a moment. "For situations exactly like this one. It's an old fashioned concept, but this isn't the first time this has come in handy. Coulson and I learned the hard way. And now all of you have."

"Known associates...Baron Strucker had a lot of friends," Steve mumbled, sorting through the files.

"Well, these people are all horrible," Bruce decided, scanning some of the pages.

"To be fair, so was Strucker," Bethany allowed, taking a section of papers, Tony stopping her.

"Wait. I know that guy. From back in the day," He explained.

"Ulysses Klaue?" She asked, taking a look at it before handing it over to Thor who had his hand out expectantly.

"Yeah, he operates off the African coast," Tony continued. "Black market arms."

Standing right between Tony and Steve, she didn't miss the judging look that Steve threw her nephew. "There are conventions, all right?" Tony defended himself quickly. "You meet people. I didn't sell him anything. He was talking about finding something new, a game changer, it was all very 'Ahab.'"

"This," Thor spoke out, pointing to a mark on the back of Klaue's neck before Bethany could interject.

"Uh, it's a tattoo. I don't think he had it," Tony replied.

"No, those are tattoos," Thor disagreed, pointing to the dark ink above the mark. "This is a brand."

"The internet is still up and running? Scan it through," Bethany suggested.

"Brands?" Natasha said with a wince as Bruce took a photo of the brand before filtering it through their system for answers. "That can never mean anything good."

"Certain cultures, certain generations. But in this circumstance? He earned that by pissing someone off," Bethany guessed. "Not exactly a desirable place for someone to press a hot rod on you."

"Is there any desirable place?" Clint felt obliged to ask.

"It's a word in an African dialect meaning 'thief'. In a much less friendly way," Bruce announced as the results showed up on the screen.

"What dialect?" Steve asked.

"In what way?" Bethany then questioned, trying to run all the variations to thief through her head. Burglar? Cheat? Defalcator? Embezzler? Kleptomaniac? Larcener? Pilfer? Scrounger?
Bruce elected to focus on the issue on hand, trying to sound out the dialect opposed to answering Bethany's question. "Wakanada...? W-Wa-...Wakanda."

"Ugh…" Bethany moaned, her head lolling to the side, hitting Steve's bicep with a sense of defeat and annoyance.

"If this guy got out of Wakanda with some of their trade goods," Tony said quietly, addressing her and Steve only.
"I thought you said your brother got the last of it?" Steve asked Bethany, looking down at the blonde.

"I wasn't there when he found it, I was still studying with Erskine," Bethany explained, bringing her head up. "But if he thought there was more, he would have done whatever he could to get it, that I will stake my life on."

"I don't follow. What comes out of Wakanda?" Bruce pressed on.

The three of them looked back at Steve's shield, it's paint job perfect and gleaming with purpose. "The strongest metal on earth," Tony answered. "If there's more-"

"We're fucked," Bethany finished for him, knowing that Steve wouldn't use those exact words, but there was no other word that worked as perfectly.


**A/N: Once again, happy holidays everyone :)

FeliciaFelicis: Haha, well they slipped away during Winter Soldier once, but I felt like it had reason.

Jo: Haha thanks! I wanted to make sure that Jen had actual purpose besides being a pain in the ass.

anonymouscsifan: She sure did! And yes, their marriage is a constant work-in-progress!