A/N: Soooo :o) Chapters 29 and 30 and then epilogue and the status will change into Complete. Everything is planned but there is still a lot that can be changed – so if there is something you'd like to see… lemme know :o)
Oh and I am really glad Atlantis is back home safely! We can just hope the new era of space shuttles will start soon :o)) I certainly hope for it anyway :o)
Okay now I let you read… it was a tough one to write… gotta lemme know what you think! :o) Pretty please? :o))
Personal note - ALIA - congratulations! :o)) Haha :o))
Personal note No. 2 - to all my dear reviewers - love you guys and THANK YOU :o))
LOVELY LITTLE LADYBUG – CHAPTER 29
The next two days went fast. It was a surprise actually. Usually while being held in separation, not being allowed to do a thing, waiting for Janet to have her results back, they would get bored, they would get all anxious and nervous. But not this time. Surprisingly they managed to sleep a lot. Their bodies seemed to need it.
Janet was sure that their systems were trying to deal with all that had happened to them. All the liquids flowing to them, all the injuries, then some sort of alien healing they had no idea about and then the whole issue of all the stress. She was surprised by only one thing. Which was actually crazy given the circumstances. They were not having any nightmares.
Usually she wouldn't believe them if being told 'Hey, I've been sleeping nicely, no nightmares, nothing'. Nightmares were their way of dealing with the things they never wanted to deal with. She knew that, she knew her friends, she knew her patients. They would never talk about them, they would only confirm them silently. Then they would meet in the commissary or somewhere else, they would get cleared for a duty and go to another mission… and after that mission, those people would be themselves again, or at least coming towards it. Step by step in the unique SG-1 way. But not this time. This time they were having no nightmares. And it worried Janet most of all.
Teal'c was their constant companion. Visiting them, bringing them news, their favorite treats, checking on them during the night. They couldn't really talk, but his presence was helping them. He was their friend and they were once again really grateful about that.
They couldn't remember anything.
Daniel's memories were clouded with pain. He remembered most of the time before falling unconsciousness. Some parts were a bit messy but he had the whole picture. His last memory was of Ferretti telling him 'I knew you would figure it out, Jackson'. It made him smile, it was their private joke. It had been for some time now… Then he remembered Janet coming towards him with a concerned look. And then he was on the planet, on Tamanaca.
Daniel didn't know what to think. No, actually that was not true. He had it all sorted out. While writing his report things just fell into places, he could see the puzzle being form from all the pieces. He had the facts. However he was missing the rest. He hadn't been put through the test. He had no reason to be afraid of remembering. But he was afraid. His best friends were in danger. And he knew that Janet hadn't said it all… He could only wonder what had really happened back there.
In the evening Teal'c had taken his report to the General. They would debrief tomorrow after lunch. Daniel was planning on talking to Janet then. She had been avoiding him and he didn't like that, not at all. Actually, it seemed to him that they all needed to talk.
Well, Teal'c had taken all the reports in the end. The General wanted to talk to him anyway…
Sam didn't seem to be confused. She tried to gather all the facts, both scientific and personal, she tried to put down all she could remember, her thoughts and memories, worries and hopes. It could always give her completely new perspective. This way she could write her report and even write down all the questions she would try to find answers to later.
Janet had visited her several times. It was nice of her. But both could sense that something just wasn't right. Sam had an idea… Janet obviously knew something. Something she hadn't told them.
Sam was a soldier. She was a scientist. She tried to look at the whole thing like a soldier and like a scientist. Somehow she just couldn't switch off her other side though. She was also a woman and this time she had to be all. She didn't know how though, not yet.
She got captured on the planet and her CO ended up with the same fate. They had been flirting together, she knew. They shouldn't have but after all the years, after what they had been forced to confess in that godforsaken room, after the last missions, near-death experiences, after the emotional turmoil and torture, they just … did it. They flirted. They kept on dancing on the un-crossable line. They knew they shouldn't but maybe they finally stopped caring.
Sam knew that on Tamanaca, after waking up, after seeing her friends, after getting to know about the test, her emotions got her and broke her. She couldn't fight them. She tried and failed. So what? She was locked up now, they would debrief tomorrow and hopefully they would be allowed to leave the base. She was looking forward to going home.
Then it hit her, she remembered. Her car was broken. Great… so she would ask somebody to give her a ride. It would take time to fix the car, especially because she had no idea about what was wrong. Later she would dig into the car and find out later what was wrong exactly. Her lovely car had almost got her killed so yeah, she wanted to know the reason.
She missed others. Hopefully they were okay. She wasn't that much worried about Daniel but she was worried about Colonel O'Neill. So far she hadn't regained any memories, just thoughts and feelings, nothing clear. But what about him? She kept on asking herself. She was afraid that it would mean something terrible to get to know. Well, they would see after the debrief, right?
Deep down she knew they would need to talk. Soon. She just wasn't ready to face that, not yet.
Jack O'Neill was usually simple man. He didn't need much. But right now… well, he was not a happy camper. His team got hurt, he got hurt, somebody was playing with his mind and his heart, with the heart and soul of the woman he … cared about. Nope, that just was not good.
He tried to write down his report. He kept it simple and tried to include all the important facts. He skipped few things… nobody had to know about Carter's love for ladybugs or about his little moment of pure panic when he kissed her. Nobody had to know. He also decided not to mention the few things he managed to remember. He didn't even know how to think about them yet how to write them down!
No, he had to think about it first. And tried to accept it before doing something – anything about it. He could sense huge headache approaching him. Yeah, the night would be pretty…
He had refused to think about others. He couldn't! It would be wrong… he just shouldn't have been that affected. Well, here came the surprise – he had already been affected. He was so screwed... Thinking about Daniel and his pain, about Ferretti and his team, how they risked to get them out, about Fraiser and her amazing ability to see right through them and about all she had somehow forgotten to say… and of course, he just couldn't be thinking about Carter. Her troubles eyes would be hunting him for a long time, he was sure of that.
Yeap, headache with the size of Texas…
He couldn't wait for the debriefing to be over. He really wanted to go home, get a beer and pass out on his couch. He hated these post-screwed-up-missions thoughts.
Ferretti and all the people from the rescue teams had time to write their reports. Actually, there was not a lot to write. For them the mission was not that horrible. The headaches were uncomfortable and the level of stress was a bit higher than usually but other than that… There was not much to report. They managed to finish them during the 48 hours SG-1 had. Ferretti was proud of them. They were good people.
He couldn't stop thinking though. He knew little about what happened, what really happened but it was enough. SG-1 could always get into serious troubles. And they could always find their way home. But they had never looked that devastated before. Well, okay, they had but still there was something in their eyes this time that had never been there before. And he was afraid that it would mean real problems.
He called home. His sister was staying over at his place, looking after the kids. They talked and laughed and he had to promise them all trip for ice-cream and real burgers with fries. God, he missed them. He had enough time to think about what to do and how to act now. Yeah, he would talk to Fraiser and find out as much as possible but he was sure about his priority.
General Hammond was a tough man. He had seen a lot, witnessed a lot, lived through a lot… his life had been full of good and bad moments. And then this assignment came. And he was happy. He needed this. Being able to do something, to mean something, the possibility of not going to retirement just yet… after the first mission he started to think about quitting. And then after 10 more missions he knew he would never do it. These people trusted him and he trusted them. The process was slow and mutual. And soon this base had become something amazing.
And so now he found himself sitting in his office, reading the reports, trying to understand, trying not to go crazy and trying not to walk down there and talk to his people. They had become his family, his friends, he cared about them. Besides … there was more. There had always been more. And so he asked Walter to bring him more coffee. And the man brought him also pie and aspirin. Another good friend.
Tomorrow there would be the debriefing. Tomorrow he would have to face it all, with them. He would need to make decisions. He would have to be strong for them. And he would also need to be understanding. He knew that a lot was missing in the reports. It had always been missing. However during the last years he had learned how to read in between the lines. He could tell… And so he was worried, as usually, as always, that he would find something … crucial there.
He knew about the friendships, relationships, feelings, about the doubts and fears. He had 12 teams under his command, whole security, then there was his CMO and her team and more than 25 scientists… And although they were heroes in his eyes, they were also humans.
Sometimes retirement didn't seem to be that bad idea… sometimes he could easily imagine all the fun. And he would enjoy it… but then somebody else would be there sitting in this chair, and he just wasn't ready to give this all up, not yet. Maybe not ever. He had grown closer to these people, to these walls and uncomfortable chairs. He got so used to all talks and terms he could never understand that he would actually miss that.
No, he was not giving this up. All the good things and bad things were coming hand in hand and he would face them. He would face them and take care of his people. And maybe after reading these particular reports he would also take the bottle of Scotch from his drawer and have a drink… Only God knew how he managed not to become an alcoholic…
He was glad that Teal'c had brought the reports over. He wasn't sure he was ready to face his people, not just yet. Besides he had tell the big man about the 'call' from Bra'tac they'd received.
Bra'tac wanted to meet him at some neutral planet to talk. He was afraid to say more but he used the two words he had to so they all would know it was him and he had not been forced to contact them. Daniel had come up with this strategy few months ago. After each contact they would agree on one or two words that would have to be used in the next message. Easy and safe.
This would be a long night… just one of many … many others.
Ferretti's hand hurt pretty much, enough to make him go to the infirmary. He knew he hadn't broken anything… or least the doc said so. But still, after all the injuries he had already sustained, he could tell when there was something wrong, seriously wrong. And because he really really didn't want to lose his hand or something drastic, he went to the infirmary.
It wasn't that late, just after 8 PM but the halls had already been rather empty. All his people were probably in their assigned quarters, day shift was already gone, the base was slowly getting ready to fall asleep, he could already sense the change of rhythm.
Few beds were occupied down in the infirmary. Ferretti nodded at two nurses on the night shift. He went over to the doc's office. He thought he would find Janet's right hand there… but nope, he found the doc herself there. Sitting in her chair, head on her folded arms, sleeping in the middle of some paperwork. She looked exhausted and adorable.
Hurting hand forgotten, he was ready to pick her up and take her to the very comfortable couch Jack O'Neill had ordered for her to be placed there. God knew she needed it. It was even way better than the infirmary bed.
He didn't know what possessed him to do that, maybe he was just really grateful, maybe he started to like her really a lot and maybe it was just this deep friendship thing going on… but anyway before picking her up he just put a strand of her hair out of her face, behind her ear. He hadn't thought that this would wake her up.
Janet's eyes opened. It took her a second to focus them on his face. She smiled at him. And then the smile, the perfect heart-warming smile, was gone. She got on full medical doctor alert, sat up and automatically searched him for injuries.
"Hey hey… easy there, doc…"
"Lou?"
"You fell asleep…"
"Sorry…"
"Don't apologize for falling asleep. You should have been in your bed anyway you know?"
"I couldn't…"
He just looked at her with the 'I know what is going on in your head' look and she could only smile sadly. She was exhausted!
"So… what is the emergency?"
"I wouldn't call it an emergency…"
"Okay…"
"My hand, it really hurts. Something's wrong."
"Oh… Let me see."
And so he let her. She did her magic and found the problem. It was good to have all the equipment down there… especially x-rays and ultrasound. She gave him some pain meds and scheduled him for another test and possible minor surgery for the other day. He thanked her and then insisted on walking her down to her personal base quarters. She needed her sleep. He waited outside for twenty minutes and then opened the door. She was lying on her bed, still fully dressed, sleeping soundly.
Ferretti went to his own quarters and fell asleep almost instantly. It was still early but he was tired… besides with the pain meds in his system, he stood no chance.
The other day they all met in the briefing room, it was around 3 PM. Janet, Ferretti, SG-1 and General Hammond. The tension was palpable there. They looked okay, they were not harmed, well, except for Ferretti. He had his hand bandaged. Janet found some serious inflammation around his wrist and some things he wasn't able to remember. Surgery was not needed, which was good. It would take time but he should be as good as new though.
General Hammond knew that this particular debrief would be one of those he would never forget.
They started to talk. At first they seemed to be nervous and not entirely themselves but soon the soldiers in them kicked in, the scientists and they couldn't have been more professional. Along with pictures and photos, with notes and all the possible material they had managed to gather before going back, they made it through the debriefing.
Hammond noticed that they had some troubles with looking at each other but other than that… he would say they were okay. He knew they were not okay, couldn't have been… but this scenario was definitely better than some other he had on his mind.
"So the pictures you found were a warning, Doctor Jackson?"
"Yes, I believe so. I would say that somebody who had been put through the test decided to leave the planet, as we did. After coming back he went to the caves, we can only assume the reasons. He left the notes there, tried to correct the original writings."
"General, let's erase this address from our computer and I would let our allies know the risks as well."
"I agree, Jack. Others?"
All the other people just nodded. Oh yeah, they couldn't wait to erase that planet, to hit the delete and confirm it. Sam at first was against it. She wanted to study the technology, to get to know the mechanism, the fluids, the scientist in her was screaming that this was a bad idea… but the woman in her knew that she would never ever be able to go back there. So she just nodded, sad smile on her face.
"I read your reports and I think everything's clear now. There is just one thing people… your memories. Any progress?"
"Sir, if I may…"
"Sure, Janet."
"The lady warned us that their memories would be coming back slowly. I haven't found any changes in their brains. There is nothing to suggest any damage or risk."
"That's good to know. So, Jack, Sam, any news?"
"I'm sorry, Sir, but nothing. I remember the planet, the pain and then I was up on Tamanaca."
"Same here, Sir."
"Doctor, any estimation about when they will remember?"
"I cannot tell, General. It's like with people who have amnesia. Some remember in hours, some need days, some weeks and some even more. Some may never remember."
"Sir, what's going to happen?"
"Based upon the reports and your medical results I want you all people to take few days off to rest. And I mean it. Colonel Ferretti, please, inform your people that they can report back to duty in 72 hours. The same goes for your team, Doctor Fraiser."
"Yes, Sir."
"As for you, Colonel Ferretti, you are not fit for duty so…"
"That's okay Sir, I'll do anything the doc here says... be good, eat, sleep and sleep some more..."
"Good."
"What about them, Sir?"
"I don't know… Janet?"
"My advice, Sir, is to let them go home, take some rest. They should avoid all possible stress. If their memories are not coming back then, I know few specialists that might help."
"Anybody with clearance?"
"I will check that, Sir."
"Good, you know where to find me then. So consider it as an order, people. Go home, take some rest and the doc will call you about your next medical check-up. Let's hope you will remember something by then."
"Sir, what if we don't…?"
"I understand your concern, Jack but you know how it is. It was a very traumatic situation and as a result you are suffering from a memory loss…"
"That means no work, meeting the shrink and going through all the possible field evaluations again, huh?"
"I'm afraid so."
Jack nodded. There was nothing he could do. One just had to love the army and all the protocols.
"Sir, what about Teal'c?"
"Teal'c, it's your choice. If you want to take the time off, you can. If you want to join some other team for the time being, you can. I'm open to your suggestions. Think about it and let me know."
"I will, General Hammond."
Teal'c nodded his agreement. He had a pretty good idea about what to do but he didn't want to do anything without talking to his friends first.
They were dismissed then. They haven't talked. They haven't done a thing. They just parted.
Ferretti reported to the infirmary to get his hand checked. He was allowed to go home then. He had some explaining to do. And he really really missed his kids.
Jack went to his quarters, changed into some more comfortable clothes and left the base without talking to the rest of his team. To him it was clear… the debriefing went well but it was a hell to go through. And they all needed their time, all alone.
He went home, watered all his plants, found a note from Cassie on his fridge telling him she had taken out all the things threatening to rot there. She was a sweet kid. She shopped for him as well. Some fruit, vegetable, bread, juice, milk and also two bottles of beer, all with another note saying 'I shopped for you, gotta eat healthy! Love, Cass. PS: don't bother with looking for another beer, there is none in this house." And he had to chuckle then. Oh yes, she was a sweet girl.
Well tonight one beer would be enough anyway. He was tired, physically, psychically, he wanted to finish his beer, watch a game and go to sleep. At first he thought he would just pass out on his couch but now his bed looked much much better.
Few hours later Jack was annoyed, beyond exhausted, with a headache. It took him about fifteen minutes of sitting on his couch to start thinking and figuring things out. He was more than ready to go to bed and sleep through another three days when the impossible happened. His doorbell rang.
Jack opened the door to see three people standing there. And maybe he shouldn't have but he was surprised. Daniel was standing there, hands in his pockets, sheepish look on his face. Janet was standing next to him, looking way too concerned. And there behind them was Teal'c with the most possible stoic expression.
Without saying a thing he let them in. Daniel walked to the living room and sat down onto Jack's couch. Teal'c took one of the kitchen chairs and sat down onto it. The only person who remained standing was Janet. And when Jack was about to ask her why, she just bit her lower lip. And he just had to smile. Wasn't she cute?
"Hey doc… you okay?"
"You're asking me?"
"Come on… you really think I would break down and crawl into my bed crying in what … four or five hours?"
"I was worried you'd starve…"
"And yet you haven't brought pizza or Chinese?"
And that made Janet giggle. She really was worried about him, obviously. She sat down then. And then it happened. The icy silence came and decided to stay there with them. And they were not used to it. They could usually talk, be together, spend time together, they could survive annoying each other, all the jokes and remarks… but not this horrible silence. Sometimes silence was good… but that had to be the comfortable one. Not this.
Jack was about to scream… but he got disturbed by another knock on the door. He had an idea about who could have possible been out there outside his door. He was just hoping to be wrong this time. He wasn't sure if he could face her.
Janet noticed his reluctance to get up. So she went there to open the door herself. And she saw Sam, standing there, looking like a lost small girl, not really knowing where she was and what was she doing there.
"Janet…"
"Hey…"
"Ehm…."
"Guess we all had the same idea."
Sam stepped into the house and noticed others, sitting there, barely looking at each other, she could feel the tension and all the charge in the air.
"How did you get here? There's just yours car there…"
Daniel smiled at her then, finally. It was a small smile and it hadn't reached his eyes completely though.
"Teal'c stopped by my lab on the base. We decided to pick you guys up and talk. A bit unusual but well… Anyway, on our way to your lab, we met Janet."
"Yeah, I went there to talk to you but…"
"I was already gone, yeah."
"And so we asked about Jack. Found out he had already left. So we just drove over here… tried to call you but it looks like your cell is not working or something."
"I don't even know where it is…"
"So Carter, why did you came here?"
She looked at her CO. His tone was bitter. He was obviously annoyed by this situation. She walked into the living room and looked directly at him.
"Because I wanted to talk to you, Sir."
"So talk."
As soon as those words left his mouth, he could only regret them. His tone was not friendly, he knew it. But the look of pain and betrayal on Sam's face made him realize it.
They started a staring conquest. They were quite good at those. They could never tell who would look away first. They knew they had to talk. They knew that they couldn't pretend that they were okay. They were not okay.
Jack, however, really wanted to be alone tonight. And he was hoping that others had the same feeling about it. He needed to sort everything out in his head… he thought others did too. Obviously, he was mistaken. It looked like that finally, after this particular messed up mission, they just weren't ready to risk their friendship. No waiting, no avoiding, nothing… just one evening, few minutes or hours of talking and then… Then what? He had no idea.
He noticed the emotions in Carter's eyes. And he couldn't do anything to stop his own from appearing in his. Something caused by this mission was changing him, his attitude, the way he acted. That was just another reason why he wanted to be alone…
"Okay guys… let's talk… we're all here to talk…"
"No Daniel, you came to talk. I came home to be alone for one evening…"
"Jack…"
"Daniel…"
Janet knew where this was heading. They would just bicker, then argue, then yell and then Jack would make them all go away. And it would be the logical thing to do right then. After all the stress they were not supposed to be together… but well, they were here. So … where was the point of trying to pretend? This time she wouldn't let them throw everything away and be tough soldiers. No. this time they would be her friends, people, humans.
"Look, it's obvious that we won't be able to just forget about this."
"I don't know doc, I have already forgotten."
"Sir, please."
"What?"
"You think I'm that stupid? Look at you! Your posture, your eyes, the way you are trying to protect yourself from us, how you wouldn't look at us?"
"Doc…."
"I know you, Sir. And yes, usually I just stay quiet, keep my mouth shut and let you, all of you, to do things your way. But this time I cannot do that. I am affected by everything as much as you are. And I don't like it."
"Doc!"
"I know you remembered something!"
She yelled back at him, angry as he was. The next moment came with complete silence.
Teal'c was looking at his friends, obviously beyond worried. He just put his hand onto Janet's shoulder to calm her down. And surprisingly, it helped a bit. She sat down next to Daniel, trying to calm her nerves.
Jack just sighed. He was too tired for this.
"Jack? You really remembered something?"
"Yes, Daniel, I did… I do."
"Then tell us."
"Daniel… it's…"
"Come on, Jack. After everything that happened… just spill it okay? We are as tired as you are."
"So you can go home and get some sleep…"
"No, Sir. We are going to sort this out, now, tonight. Together. I'm not leaving till we talk."
Janet said firmly. She had no idea where her courage had come from though. This was NOT her usual behavior.
Carter finally sat down. However it was not in a chair or armchair… She was sitting on Jack's coffee table, facing him, having the rest of the team behind her back. She was exhausted as well. But more than that she just didn't know what to do. She felt confused.
Sam wanted to go home, she wanted to go to sleep and forget about this. And she did it, she went home, she changed and brushed her teeth, ready to go to bed. Then it hit her. She remembered something. She remembered standing in the bathroom, in front of a mirror, it was Jack's bathroom, she was wearing his shirt, she could remember how relaxed she had felt. Then he came, put his arms around her and kissed her neck.
Sam had to sit down then, it took her a lot of effort to breathe normally. If that was a memory… she couldn't believe it. Then in few minutes other things came to her. So she called a cab and now here she was, in his living room, trying not to scream, not to faint, not to take his car and drive far far away. Janet was right, they had to sort it out, tonight.
"Sir? Please…"
"Carter…"
But she said no more. She waited and waited, she kept on looking at him. She wasn't sure whether she was hoping for him to stay silent or yell at them or kick them out… she had no idea. She just desperately needed him to make the first step, take the lead. She would follow.
"It's not much. Just bits and pieces, feelings."
He said that and finally looked up. His eyes locked with hers, rest of the world kept out. The intensity of the moment was almost too much to bear.
All the others understood then. Sam had remembered something as well. She could understand. She just didn't know how to grasp it, what to do, how to react. It was a completely new territory for them. They had never been good around talking and feelings and being just Sam and Jack and not Air Force officers. This time everything had to be put aside. They had to be … them.
"I remember faces. SG-1, Fraiser, Cass, Hammond, Ferretti. I know… well more like I think that somebody had hurt Fraiser pretty much, Teal'c died and something had to be wrong about Cass. I think I was looking for her, trying to find her somewhere, she was in danger."
The last part was almost a whisper. Jack had real troubles with keeping Sam's gaze. He just wanted to get away from this. This was whole wrong! They were not supposed to be there, to talk about this! It was all fucking wrong!
"Sam… what about you?"
Daniel asked softly. Janet noticed how her back tensed, she straightened up and held her head high. She was gathering courage.
"I remember you being almost blind, Daniel. I remember some arguments and real fights… and …"
"Sam? And what?"
Her CO asked her suddenly. She let him see everything in his eyes.
"I remember you, Jack. I remember one absolutely adorable lovely morning."
All of them, including Teal'c, suddenly looked like being hit by a lightning. Did she just admit that …? Wow. Okay that was huge!
The only person who didn't seem to be surprised was Janet. Daniel noticed and asked her about it. She remained silent. Sam turned to face her. Teal'c was piercing her with his stern look. She knew something. But it was Jack who spoke up first.
"Now it's your turn, Fraiser. Spill it."
"Sir…"
"You were supposed to tell us back there. For some reason you didn't. So do it now."
"I just didn't want to put you in danger."
"Fraiser…"
"Sir if I say this…"
"You are the one that wanted to talk, doc…"
"He's right Janet. Just tell us."
"Sam… it's…"
She took a deep breath then and tried to describe what had happened.
"Sam, when you woke up in the cave, after the tubes had disappeared … I…"
Janet was trying to call her name, to make her respond but it was of no use. She was close to tears, desperate and angry. Ferretti tried to throw a small stone at Sam but she didn't notice it. She seemed to be in her own world.
Before they had time to think about the reason why would she need a knife, they had heard another painful scream. Jack's.
He was screaming all the time while the tubes were leaving his body. Then, drained, bleeding, weak and crying, he ended up on the ground close to Sam.
Ferretti tried to call him instead of Carter but again, it was pointless. Jack didn't respond.
Jack didn't have so many troubles with getting to his knees. He was trying to focus but with no success. Janet saw the change in his posture in the moment he had noticed Sam.
"Sam!"
He called for her. She ignored him. She grasped the knife firmly and aimed it at herself. Nobody in the cave could believe it. Just moments ago she was pinned to the wall and now she was trying to take her own life? What the hell happened? What was going on?
Janet was crying openly then. She couldn't believe it. Ferretti was still trying to move, he kept on trying to take a step away, to crawl away, he was trying to alert Jack but it was all for nothing.
"He's moving!"
Janet told Ferretti suddenly. They both stopped in their actions then, mesmerized by their two friends. They saw Jack crawl forward. Well, if it could be called crawling.
Anyway, he tried to reach for Sam's hand to stop her from killing herself. She noticed him, cried in pain and anger and stabbed him instead. He had the knife in his shoulder, the pain was incredible. In combination with all the other injuries he had to be suffering a lot.
O'Neill was lying on the ground, Sam was practically sitting on him, they were struggling to grasp the knife that was still pushed deep into Jack's shoulder. With every move they winced, screamed or grunted in pain.
"How could you?"
Janet couldn't believe it. It was Sam. Sam was talking! Well, she was more like yelling but still…
"You bastard! How? How?"
"SAM!"
Jack was trying to get her attention. He managed to grab her face into his hands. He forced her to look down into his eyes. Her hand was holding the knife, it was a dangerous situation. Both were sweating, bleeding and having troubles with regular breathing.
"Sam I would never do it! I would never betray you! I would never use you!"
Sam wanted to say something but instead of that she just grunted and pulled out the knife. Jack screamed.
"I don't know what they told you but it was NOT true! Sam! Look at me! CARTER!"
She looked into his eyes then. She could understand an order while hearing one. She was crying openly, not trying to hide it. Maybe she even couldn't.
"They told me you hated me… And I wouldn't blame you but … Sam…"
He was much calmer then, begging her, his hands till holding her face. The knife in her hand was dangerously close to hurting him again though.
"I would rather die myself than see you hurt, you know that."
"Jack…"
"Trust me…."
"You trust me…?"
"I do, of course I do..."
Sam was obviously in pain, both physically and psychically. She was looking at Jack's face, into his eyes, she was breathing heavily, her tears mixing with his on his own face.
"Jack…"
"I love you."
She nodded then, almost instinctively leaned closer and pressed her palms onto the wound. Jack winced again. Sam saw the blood seeping through her fingers. She started to apologize to him, obviously shaken to her core, sad and confused. She seemed to be horrified by her own previous actions.
"I didn't want to believe it... Jack... I'm so sorry... so sorry..."
"Shh..."
She smiled at him sadly, feeling guilty and confused about everything.
"Jack..."
"Come on, help me…"
She helped Jack to sit up and lean against the wall. Janet yelled at them, tried to warn them, she was worried that the wall would suck them in again. Luckily nothing happened. Well, not exactly nothing.
Jack pulled Sam's face closer and kissed her. It was quick and raw, fueled by anger, desperation and pain. She grabbed his jacket and held on for dear life. She kissed him back then with the same force. It seemed like they just needed to feel the other one being alive and breathing. After few moments they shared much softer kiss, full of longing, it was deep and pure. Sam rested her forehead against his then. One of his hands was caressing her face, never breaking the contact. Under any other circumstances it would be really cute. They even kept on using their first names!
They were looking so tired, so exhausted, drained. Sam was still basically sitting on him though. It looked like she had lost all the remaining energy then. She leaned forward and practically melted into him. One of her hands was pushing against the wound. He covered her hand with his. She buried her face into his neck then. They both closed their eyes.
Janet finished her little trip back in time with a sad smile and lots of anticipation in her eyes. The cat was out of the bag now. They knew. They all knew. Now it was about them.
Daniel was silent, shocked but smiling. Teal'c looked about the same. Well, he didn't look shocked, he was just sort of smiling. Like he knew something others had no idea about and was really pleased about it.
Jack's eyes were wide and the only thing leaving his mouth was 'oh crap'.
Sam was blushing, she looked like a lobster. Her lip was actually trembling a bit. She managed to say just 'holy Hannah' and that was about it.
Janet knew it was a bad idea… bad bad idea… she wanted to get up and leave but Teal'c stopped her. He put a reassuring hand onto her shoulder again, held her and gave her an encouraging smile. He was unusually quiet this evening.
Jack got up and walked away. He was pacing his living room, he went to the kitchen… on his second pass through the living room he managed to say "So we were a couple, for what, weeks, months, years… and we don't remember a goddamn thing!" He gave a lot away by that sentence. And others noticed.
So he wasn't pissed about the couple thing but about not remembering it and that it hadn't been real. Under any other circumstances this would be really cute.
Janet reached for Daniel's hand and held it tightly. They both sensed that this moment would be crucial. It was now or never. They would either talk and try to get through this or Sam would leave and everything would be lost. They knew that they wouldn't be able to talk to each other, spend time together or work together after this, not anymore.
Jack got back and sat down to his favorite armchair. He looked even more exhausted than before. He was ready to pass out, officially.
Nobody had thought that Sam would do that. She stood up and took a step closer to him. In a few seconds she was standing right between his knees, looking down at his troubled handsome face. He kept his eyes on the floor though. He felt her presence, he felt her scent, he felt the heat radiating from her. She saw there, within his reach, close, so close.
And then she touched him. With her palm on his face she just made him look up. And still no words were said. Those two were suddenly having a moment. A moment. They needed no words to talk.
"I don't want to remember, Sam. I remember the pain and betrayal… you wanted to die because of something I had done to you… I don't think I can handle that…"
"Shh…"
Her fingers found their way into his hair. He didn't seem to be that stressed anymore. Her touch helped him to relieve the tension and nervousness. He was just looking even more tired than before.
"It was like a simulation. It was like a dream, based on probabilities and potentialities. It was not real. It doesn't mean anything."
"From what I remember it surely feels real."
"Jack…"
"That woman… she said that the thing had taken information from our minds and hearts, right? So it was based on us, real feelings, real worries… Sam I…"
"Shhhh…"
It was not more than a whisper but this time it was enough. He was not speaking anymore, just looking up at her face, thinking about something. She kept on caressing his skin, his face, she kept on playing with his hair, gently.
Jack then put his hands on her hips and brought her a bit more closer to him. He buried his face into her stomach and sighed deeply. She embraced him without a word.
Others were looking at them, not really believing. Like this it actually looked like those two had made the right step. They were there, together, holding each other, offering comfort and being comforted in return. The scene was touching, full of love and pain and fear, it was also heart-breaking.
They had no idea about how much time had passed. It could have been five minutes or one hour, maybe more. Small eternity perhaps? Sam's knees gave up on her, her whole body as exhausted as Jack's was. Jack, however, instead of letting her walk away or sit somewhere else, he brought her to his lap. They got really comfortable deep in the armchair, still holding each other. Their breathing was slower than before, almost back to normal.
They looked at others. The room was filled with silence again but this time it was that comfortable kind of one. The good one. The enjoyable one. Not that they were enjoying the situation but it was definitely before than few hours ago.
"We will get through this…" Sam said quietly.
"I'm not sure about that…"
Jack's answer didn't please her at all. She had her own doubts and his were not helping her.
"Maybe I could help…"
They all looked at Janet. She was smiling at them and this time her smile was sincere. Did she really see some hope? Really?
"I have a very good friend. She's a psychologist. She specializes at traumatic events and dealing with them. I checked her out. She's available. General Hammond has her file on his desk. I asked for her."
"Look, doc, you know how I am with shrinks…"
"Sir, just give her a chance. She's good, she's really really good. There are others as well but I don't know those people personally. However, I do know her. I trust her."
"Janet…"
Jack was about to protest again. Daniel wanted to say something, as did Teal'c. Both were opening their mouths, ready to tell Jack to suck it up and go to see the shrink. Sadly, they didn't get their chance.
Sam put her palm on his face and made him look at her. And there it was again, the silent conversation. It was actually pretty annoying sometimes! How could they do this to them?
"Please…"
All Sam needed was her presence there close to him, gentle touch and one word to make him nod in agreement. What surprised them all, including her, was that she got the nerve to kiss Jack on his forehead. He looked back at others then.
"So doc, you take care of it?"
"I will."
"So what happens next? I mean… what do we do now?"
Daniel had a point there. They had to decide. Janet took a deep breath. Now there was coming the second most difficult part of the evening.
"You are off the duty, Sir. No way you can go back, not now. The same goes for Sam. Your memories are coming back but that doesn't mean anything right now. I don't want to make any decisions till after you talk to Mary. I want her opinion on this first. The best case scenario is that you get some medical leave for now. Then we will let you work on the base but I will personally make sure to cut down your hours. And if everything goes well, then you should be back in active duty, off-world missions and all."
"I hate to say this, I really really do but I guess you're right and it actually makes sense."
"Really, Jack? No fighting, no arguing?"
"No Daniel, no fighting, no arguing. I am exhausted and some rest sounds pretty good right now."
"Okay… hey, what about me? Can I go back to work?"
"In your case I want just a regular medical check-up. I would like to schedule you for talk with Mary as well, it was traumatic event even for you, after all. And if you are cleared I see no reason why shouldn't you be able to go back to work."
"Okay… sounds good. Sounds good… And Teal'c?"
"I don't know… Teal'c?"
"Do not worry about me, Doctor Fraiser. I am allowed to leave the base, I was not affected by the planet."
"I know… but do you have any plans?"
"I do indeed. Bra'tac contacted us. He requires my presence. I would like to go and meet him."
"Sure thing, T. I don't see a problem with that… just talk to Hammond."
"I will certainly do so."
He nodded at them with a small smile on his face. This was a plan. Daniel sighed tiredly and rubbed his eyes. This was a very long night. Janet put her head onto his shoulder and closed her eyes for a moment. Obviously, they were all pretty tired. Daniel was surprised that Janet had actually done that... but it was a pleasant surprise. Maybe she had been avoiding him only because of all the worries and strange thoughts... well, it didn't matter anymore. They were all there, friends, team, together.
Nobody said a word. There was no need to talk. They all had their minds full of thoughts, ideas and fears, they were exhausted and worried, confused and unsure. But somehow this little overly emotional evening had helped them.
Sam buried her face into Jack's neck and closed her eyes. He hugged her close and closed his eyes as well. Soon they were all asleep, sitting there, risking some real pain in the morning after waking up. The only one awake was Teal'c. He was watching his friends, trying to adjust to the situation.
He got up, walked over to one of Jack's closets and brought blankets. He covered them all, switched off the lights and went outside to sit there under the stars, to relax, to meditate. He needed to find his own peace. His mind was as troubled as theirs.
The stars were shining, the moon was bright, casting light at the garden, making it glow. It was actually pretty peaceful. Hopefully those four sleeping heroes would get long hours of undisturbed sleep. They deserved it.
A/N: Sorry for the delay, life is waaaay too busy. I will try to post the next one sooner, I promise! :o) I decided to put the 'memory' part there in italics... it was easier than trying to figure out how would Janet tell them... hope it wasn't confusing or something!
